Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Things They Can’t Say: Tidbits from the Queen of Chaos

As soon as I read her tagline,  I knew right away that I’d have things in common with this weeks’ featured blogger. I got to know AnnMarie better through a How to Rock Your Blog class and am so happy to introduce you to her blog Tidbits from the Queen of Chaos. 

On my blog, my tag line is, “It’s not always pretty but it is always honest” and though I pretty much don’t hold back, there are things I can’t say. I thought about how I hope that my kids someday look back and read the blog and laugh or think of me fondly. One thing I don’t think I want them to know, though is how much I miss the old me.

 

Before getting married, having kids, infertility, Cystic Fibrosis and losing my son, I was a different person.

 

I miss the days when I didn’t have to grocery shop at 11:00 pm or stay up past midnight just to get some time to myself.

 

I miss the days that I had a closet full of cute clothes that fit me and had someplace to go where people actually noticed.

 

I miss feeling well-rested and having energy to do more than lift a cup of tea.

 

I miss good hair days when I had time to put some effort into fixing it.

 

I miss when I thought bad things only happened to “other people”.

 

I miss a time when I didn’t feel invisible.

 

I miss the days when I didn’t feel like I was sinking in quicksand with kids’ issues, friend issues, health issues and a marriage where we don’t know whether we are coming or going or when we had longer than 30 seconds to discuss more than who is picking up which kid and where and the more I struggle, the more I get pulled under.

 

I miss waking up in a good mood instead of waking up to someone yelling, “Mom, where is my _____?”

 

I miss feeling smart. With two fourth graders doing math a way I don’t understand and an 8th grader asking for help in classes that I swear I didn’t do until high school, I suddenly feel like the only person I am smarter than is the 2 year old.

 

I miss listening to songs that I can lose myself in daydreams with on the radio instead of “Bringing Home a Baby Bumblebee.”

 

I miss having control of 27 second graders and telling them to do something and having them actually do it. I am always amazed by how little control I have with four children and how many times I need to say something before it gets done and usually at a tone that only dogs can hear.

 

I miss when my days weren’t riddled with guilt about every decision I have made so far in my life. I live in a constant state of “one choice and everything would be different” and the guilt at having married another carrier never goes away. Motherhood is hard anyway but watching your children fight a battle because of who you fell in love with makes it harder.

 

I miss the days when I didn’t look at little girls and wonder why they are so mean. I wish all moms would teach their daughters to be nice so that there would be less mean girls in the world.

 

I love my family so much my heart sometimes feels like it is going to burst. Being a wife and mom is a dream come true and I wouldn’t trade it for all the things I miss but sometimes…just sometimes, I miss the old me.

I think we can all relate. We love our lives now, but there’s something we miss from our old selves. What is it for you? Leave AnnMarie some comment love here and then go follow her blog. You can also find her on twitter and facebook. 

Comments

  1. I totally agree. I miss being able to curl up on Sundary afternoon with a good book and reading it from cover to cover without interruption. I also miss going into a store and buying clothes for myself without feelling guilty.

    • Oooh, I miss that too! I have the clothes guilt, too! Thank God Target has clothes so I can slip in a new shirt along with diapers and food for lunches.

  3. I can really relate to this.  My husband just asked me if I’ve ever not complained about something hurting, being tired, or me not feeling good.  I’m pretty sure I never complained about that stuff on a daily basis before I had kids.  Being a parent is tough.

    • It IS tough! There are a great number of things I complain about now that I didn’t before kids and you named three good ones!

  4. AnnMarie, so beautifully written. Sometimes, I miss being selfish. I miss the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want.

    Fortunately, I know having children is a blessing, my blessing and I’m so grateful. As I know you are too. 

    • Thanks, Alison! I am grateful and I agree. I miss being a little selfish. I don’t even remember the last time I did something just for me without having to think about everyone else’s needs first. I might miss the old me but I wouldn’t want to go back.

  6. Perfectly siad. I love my family, my husband and daughter, my friends and the life I have… but htere are days when I look back and wonder how I would be different if I had made other choices. there are days I don’t want ot be the mommy, the wife, the friend.

    • That’s so true and it stinks that the only time we get to admit it freely is to other mom on a blog called, “Things I Can’t Say.”Thanks for commenting and telling me I’m not alone because that would really stink. 🙂

  7. WELL SAID! We recently went on vacation without our son and I realized what I miss most- the lack of responsibility I used to have. I am now responsible for EVERYthing and EVERYone and EVERY choice I make affects others in my life. The only guilt I ever had was related to someone who I might never see again, not someone who is ever-present in my life. Thanks for the post!

  8. I so agree.  It’s amazing how I have thought some of the same things. I actually struggle with this a lot because I’m an older mom, have young children, and I sometimes think…”I’ll be so old when I get some of these things back in my life”.  It’s a demon I struggle with many times. 

  9. I have a fourth grader too! What the heck did the school system do to math?! It seems so much harder now.
    I also miss so many things from the earlier years…namely…SLEEP!

  12. Great choice, Shell! I’ve been loving Ann Marie’s blog too. I can totally relate to every.single.thing. she wrote. I miss cute clothes. YES! Me too!! It’s a weird mix of emotions being a mom. I love them dearly, obviously, but man it would be nice to have a day in the life of freedom I once had. 

    • You are so sweet, Adrienne! Thank you for those kind words and right back at ya! Maybe we should plan a “Mommy Blogger’s Weekend of Freedom.” Somewhere tropical where there are frozen drinks, time to finish books and uninterrupted conversations and SLEEP all while wearing adorable clothes that everyone notices. 🙂

  13. I am right there with you girl! I try my hardest to get some me time but I have to stay up late just to get it. Unfortunately, even when I do get me time I am still thinking about what needs to be done for the family. But, on the other hand, as much as I miss the old me the new me is pretty sweet too. I think that you inspired a blog post!

    • Aw, I love to hear that I inspired a blog post! I can’t wait to read it! It’s hard balancing the old with the new sometimes. 🙂

  14. Oh I miss the old me too. Sometimes I wonder where the old me went. I miss time to myself. Reading the Sunday paper and savoring a cup of coffee. I miss savoring anything. And I really miss just being able to go out to dinner without having to find a sitter.

    • The last think I savored was a cup of tea and then the baby knocked the cup out of my hand and it fried my computer. 🙁 Glad I am not alone!

    • Me, too! I miss sleeping long enough to dream. It used to be like going to sleep to a little movie in my head. Now even if I do dream, I don’t remember it because I wake up to chaos so it is soon forgotten.

  16. I am a HUGE FAN of AnnMarie and her blog, so I was thrilled when I clicked over here from SITS and saw that she was featured. What an excellent piece. SO real and honest, and I totally related to so many of the things you wrote. Made me teary-eyed. My four year-old told me this morning when I guess I was speaking to her kindly (like duh, I should be doing all the time), “Oh, Mommy, you are being nice to us again?”. Ouch.

    • Such sweet words from someone that I am a HUGE fan of! Thank you so much for those words! I sometimes get from my older kids, “What is going on? Why are you in a good mood?” Does it really not happen that often that I have them questioning it when it does. Yikes! I’m glad I am not alone and that you could relate. 🙂

  18. What if your 2 year old is already smarter than you? Cause I’m pretty sure he is…SIGH!
    Toally agree wi th the clothes one! Sometimes I try to dress all cute when I take my boys out, but I dont think the antique librarian in the kids section appreciates my efforts… =)

    • That’s hysterical! I guess I should be happy that the cashier at Target, who knows my name, sometimes says, “Oh, you have make-up on today.”

  19. I love your blog name.  Your post was so brutally honest…I have many “what if” moments myself…and the struggles with being a mom and trying to feel like an individual person (at least once in a while) was so well put!  I could definitely relate.

    • Thanks so much for your kind words. I always wanted to be the queen of something and it dawned on me that the only thing I am really queen of is chaos. It makes me feel better knowing I’m not alone.

  20. This is such a touching post. And even though I don’t have kids, I can relate to what you are saying. I am also surprised by the unkindness of people…and not to mention I wish I weighed less. I have always experienced tough times, so I can relate there too! Wonderful post!

    • Nicole! It’s great seeing you over here! As we get older, kids or no kids, I think we all miss a time when our lives were simpler (or we weighed less). Thanks for the kind words!

  21. There are so many things that I miss, and so many other things that I never got to experience because of when I had my first son. I struggle so often with the battle of “Who am I and where have I gone” and it’s hard. But yes, children and this life that I live now is such a gift and I am so grateful for it.

    • It is a mixed bag, isn’t it? Happy with what we have, wistful for what we miss. I wonder if dads feel this way?

  22. I soooo identified with this post today. I have been feeling and thinking so many of these things this whole past week. It’s true, it’s not that you don’t want your kids to go away, but it would be nice, just for a day, to be ‘me’ again.

    • That’s it exactly. I don’t want to go back. I just want one day here and there to remember what it was like. It’s nice to be able to talk about it without judgements. We aren’t any less a mom feeling like we miss our “old self.”

  23. I kept meaning to tell you, Shell that I loved the introduction! The blog class was the best money I have spent in a long time! So grateful that I took it. Thank you!

  24. I am not a mum yet but this post was touching. Despite sometimes missing the old you, I’m sure you look at what you have right now and smile. It is indeed priceless.

  25. I don’t think there is a mom on the planet that can’t relate to this in some way. I get to be the “old” me two weeks a year when my children visit their father and while it’s fun to be carefree for a short time, I miss my babies like crazy when they are gone!

    And if it makes you feel any better, I have 27 fourth graders that I tell to do things every day… they don’t listen like they used to! It’s rare that all 27 do what I ask the first time I ask!

    • I agree. It seems that the very minute we give birth to those babes, so came the birth of the “guilt” from being away from them. That made me laugh about the 27 fourth graders since I have two, I can imagine. Kids not listening like they used to is why I am afraid to go back to teaching. 🙂

  26. Yes, yes, yes. I miss and want all those things too. So much. I don’t think it bad to want them. We are human. We just want to be seen, and needed, and wanted. We want it all. And there’s nothing wrong with that.