Teresa is a wife, mom to two boys, and Exceptional Children’s teacher.She didn’t realize that she would use the training she received as a teacher of special needs children for her own children. With one child diagnosed with Autism & the other with a Communication delay, it’s never a dull life here!
In my blog, I write about the struggles and triumphs we go through with my oldest son, aged 5, who has Autism. Sometimes I touch on my worries about my younger child, who is only 17 months old. Rarely do I talk about my job and how that impacts everything.
As an Exceptional Children’s teacher, my job is to help the children who have a harder time than their peers for whatever reason. They may have a Learning Disability, ADHD, Autism, Asperger’s, an Intellectual Disability, or any number of things. I always explain to them from the very start that my heart is in my profession. I’m very up front with them about my son, about how protective I am of him, and his struggles. I do this not because I want their sympathy, but because I want them to understand who I am. I want them to know that I’m in their corner, that I will stand behind them when they’re right, give them tough love when they’re wrong, and protect them against those who treat them as lesser persons. I am their advocate. That’s my job. And I always struggle not to get emotional when I say this to them. But I feel it so deeply that it brings tears to my eyes to think about the very possibility that I will need to defend them against those who refuse to understand them.
I think the thing that bugs me the most as both a teacher and the mother of a special needs child are the parents who bully their own kids. The parents who are emotional and/or physically abusive. The parents who come to IEP meetings and tell me they know their son doesn’t REALLY have a low IQ. He’s just lazy. He can do better if he’d just try. All of this after me witnessing a whole year of their child trying and struggling. Or how about the parents who constantly tell their kids that they will never amount to anything? As if that will make them work harder.
As a teacher, I see and hear things about my students’ home lives that you only read about in the paper. Unfortunately, I feel this happens most often with our Special Needs children, and it breaks my heart. I had a student whose father is an alcoholic and physically abusive when he drinks, but who feels bad for getting his dad in trouble with Social Services and wants to go home to help him because he’s sick. I have a student whose parents openly hate each other and cannot get it together because they’re too busy arguing over whose fault it is that their child isn’t being successful. I have a child who doesn’t feel loved at home, but gets love from us at school. And, probably worst of all, I have a student who was repeatedly raped by her mother’s boyfriend, and somehow still comes to school, does her work, and has the sweetest personality.
Because my students often hear words of discouragement from their parents, relatives, and peers, last year I came up with a list of phrases they were no longer allowed to say. Basically, they’re not allowed to be negative while in my classroom. The rule is that they get one warning, and then they get sent out. When asked if I’d really send them out of they called themselves stupid, I asked why they’d want to do that. Don’t they have enough negativity around them without putting themselves down? Of course, I have never sent a child out for saying those things. I’ve never had to. They understand that I want them to be positive for their own sake. And I practice what I preach by always remaining positive with them.
My heart is in this job, and how couldn’t it be? When you sit on both sides of the table, you understand both positions. I want my children to be treated a certain way. I try to make sure they feel loved at home because so many of my students go without that love. And I try to make sure I have enough love to spread to those who need a little more. I make sure my children know they are loved as they are, and when I say, “my children,” I am never just talking about the ones I gave birth to.
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Oh how I get this. Straddling the teacher-mom roll, it’s taxing on your heart, isn’t it?
Lovely, insightful post, ladies.
Thanks, Galit. It really does take a toll. But the rewards can be so great!
Such a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes! I can only hope that my children have amazing teachers like you in their lives!
Thanks, Barbara. I do the best I can for my kids. It’s good to feel appreciated.
My autistic son is 18 now an finished with the public school system, but we saw all kinds in his classes too. It’s funny, he wasn’t bullied with the “normal” kids, only his friends who were also on the spectrum gave him a bad time. I wonder what those same kids were dealing with at home.
Sandy
I guarantee you that those kids were dealing with some tough things at home. I’ve found that the kids who are the biggest bullies are the ones with the very difficult home lives.
The world needs more caring, insightful teachers like you. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you! 🙂
Oh, wow. This was incredibly beautiful. And so incredibly heartbreaking that so many students are without that loving home to find comfort in at the end of the day. What a blessing it is to them all to have you as a teacher and role model in their lives.
That must be such an incredible feeling, to leave your classroom each day and know that you are making a world of difference to the children in your class 🙂
Thank you so much! I sometimes leave each day wondering how much of an impact I’ve made and if it’s enough. I go home and think about them. There is always at least one student a year that I come home and tell my husband I wish I could adopt.
Your students are truly blessed. A good teacher can change a child’s life.
I hope that I’m able to make a positive impact.
this is so great, so beautiful to share your heart like this. We need teachers like you. My sister teaches handicapped preshool kids, and tutors kids w/ reading problems. She has a heart for them like you…I think it’s a calling. I’m grateful for your work!
Thanks so much! It does take a great deal of patience and understanding.
Teresa there needs to be more people and more teachers like you in the world! Yes, we should not be allowed to say those things even to ourselves as what good does it do. Thank you for all you do and for how much you do care
Thank you, Emmy. I’m guilty of the negative self-talk myself. I know how it feels. I don’t want my students talking that way about themselves or others.
I am saddened to hear that some of your students face such hardships at home. No child deserves that! Your kids are so lucky to have you for their teacher. I can tell how much you truly care for them. We need so many more teachers like you. Thank you!
Thanks so much for your kind words. It makes me sad to hear their stories, too. Hard not to come home and cry some days.
While I am saddened by what your students face outside of the classroom, I am so glad to hear that they have an oasis in your classroom. You are that teacher that will “make a difference” to them. Because all it takes is a little seed of confidence from someone else to believe in yourself.
Thanks so much. Hopefully I’m able to reach them.
What an enlightening post. My heart breaks for these children, and at the same time, it has brought attention to my own self to make sure that I don’t say the wrong thing to my children. Thank you!
I think we all say the wrong thing every now and then. It’s those parents who do it consistently that cause self-esteem issues in their children.
I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this and read it. I love this. I taught preschool and often saw the way parents treated their children and how these children took it out on others in my room. It was not easy getting them to understand that there are other ways… But we all worked together and did it. I miss those kids to this day!
If there were more teachers that teach with their heart and no for their paycheck schools would be a better place especially for those childrenw ith special needs. It’s sad that children must suffer the mistakes and atrosities of their parents. I am happy you are there for those children.
This post makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because it’s wonderful to hear how you treat your children with such love and respect. I love the banned phrases poster. Sad because it hurts to hear how these children are treated outside the classroom. I am thinking of them, and thank you for sharing. ~Xiomara