Jenn is a 20-something self-admitted mean wife whose sarcasm cup overfloweth with inappropriate wheelchair jokes. Okay, I was trying to summarize this week’s featured blogger from her about me page, but I can’t stop giggling. I love her humor and her heart. You’ll see for yourself. Welcome Jenn from Crippled Girl.
When Shell first asked me about guest posting, I was a little worried that I wouldn’t have anything that fit the theme. In almost all cases, if I feel like it’s got some entertainment or emotional value, it goes on my blog, no questions asked.
And then a few weeks ago, some absolutely ridiculous family drama threw a major monkey wrench into my normal, boring, everyday life. To make a long story short, a certain person was complaining about me, to my mother. Which, as I’ve come to find out, is a pretty efficient way of learning that you’re apparently a bossy, self-absorbed, always miserable, know-it-all.
Thanks for the memo.
In the long run, nothing this person said has much bearing on my life, even if it was hard to swallow, especially considering it was coming from “family”. But there was one comment that really took me by surprise. To paraphrase, the person said she would like to be friends with me again, but she’s just sick of hearing about my woes.
In truth, this year hasn’t been exactly picture perfect. Adding accessibility projects, genetic testing debacles, and being diagnosed with infertility in the form of pcos has put stress levels at an all-time high.
I wouldn’t have gotten through any of it, if it wasn’t for my friends – the ones who sat on the phone with me and waited, until I could calm down and stop sobbing long enough to form decipherable words again; the ones who put up with me ranting and raving through the same story for the seventh time that week, and tried to make me laugh when we all ran out of comforting things to say; the ones who support me and love me unconditionally, even when my choices are the polar opposites of what they would have done, if the situation was theirs to deal with.
So when I think of the comments made, about being friends without the woes, I sort of feel sad for her. I wonder if she’s got a group of amazing women she can turn to in a moment’s notice; who drop everything and do as much as they can. The friends who don’t make you feel guilty when life gets chaotic and you can’t find the time to breathe, let alone plan a girls’ night out. The friends who hold your hand when you’re grieving, and don’t put an expiration date on how long they’re sticking around.
To me, these are the sort of things that make friendships real. I’ve got some pretty incredible people in my life, who love me for better or worse: flaws, woes, bossy moments and all.
While there’s so many things I’d love to say in response to the hurtful comments that have been thrown around, it really boils down to this one, simple fact: those looking for a part-time friendship need not apply. I know too many great people to waste my time on that.
Have you had to deal with fair-weather friends? Leave Jenn some comment love here and then go follow Crippled Girl. You can also find her on facebook and twitter.
I love this! I love full time friends too.
I’m pretty much hoping your mom slapped her. Hard.
And, yes, here’s hoping I never have a single friend who isn’t willing to share all of her woes with me at any time and feel like she is heard, loved and appreciated just for who she is.
Hear, hear! I dumped a close friend a few months ago when she betrayed my trust one time too many. Like you said, life is too short. Good on you!
I don’t have a lot of friends but the ones I do are the best there are. I am so glad that you have full time friends! I know this has been a rough stretch for you, but I think you know that this is the start of wonderful things for you!
You have been through so much. I’m glad you have a group of good friends to help you through it. A few good, full time friends are so much better than a lot of part time friends.
Oh, Jenn! It’s been a hard time for you and I’m totally happy you have a good group of friends which can make a world of difference. I know I’d much rather have one amazing friend, then a bunch of “half-friends,” as we call them at my house. xo
One-dimensional friendships are boring! If you only ever talk about good happy stuff, how can you really know a person? Everyone has bad stuff one time or another.
Love this. I think sometimes we want people in our lives because they’re family or they’ve been friends for a long time. But that doesn’t mean they DESERVE to be in our lives.
Thanks for sharing.
Mich
YES!!! I’m 45 years old, and it took a life-altering medical crisis that led to a life-altering financial crisis to make clear to me who my REAL friends and family are. They stood by me, let me cry and rant, and took my mind off my troubles. The best part is, it’s made me a better friend and family member. When someone I care about is hurting, or stressed, or just having a bad day I don’t say, “I’ll just give her some space and check in with her in a few days.” Nope. I call, text, tweet, email, show up on their doorstep, insist they meet me for shrimp tacos, shopping, or a walk. I’m THERE for them, because now I know how important that is. And I don’t ever say, “We should get together sometime” when I don’t mean it. Life is too short to waste time on superficial or dysfunctional relationships. Spend your time with those you love and who love you back.
YES! Fair weather friends suck.
I try to always listen to my friends…sometimes they go on and on about the same crap, but I love them so I deal. And they do the same for me with my problems.
Jenn is one of my newest bloggy biffs! Jenn, you don’t need those people and you know it! I’m pretty sure part time friendship is why most of my friends live in my computer haha
What an asshole. Seriously. What. An. Asshole. My friends HAVE to love me no matter what, because otherwise, I can be quite unbearable. Sheesh.
she sounds like a fair weather friend…
which is really sad for her… I hope she never needs a shoulder to cry on…life isn’t all glitter and unicorn farts…
Hi Jenn, it’s nice to meet you here. I am from Pennsylvania too and I struggled with infertility for 4 years before an IVF got me pregnant with my twn sons. I lost 2 real friends during my struggle , my normally sunny disposition was not dimmed and I was frankly a PITA to be around..but I found out who my friends were and like you I stopped caring about the people who didn’t want to be in my life anymore or thought I was being “too Eyoreish” for them. You said it eloquently…that the people who want PT friendship need not apply. Because the friends that “stayed”, that saw me through the bad stuff and the good stuff…they are my family now. I really loved this post. If you ever want to talk about IF or just vent etc..or need something on the peripheral to listen come find me. 🙂
I bet she doesn’t and won’t have the support you have if anything horrible happens. You get what you give to others, so if you are not willing to be there for someone in their time of need, chances are, you will be alone when it’s your turn. I have been through a similar situation with a “friend” and realized that if she can’t be there for me when I need her, why should I let her celebrate with me when things go right. You are a wonderful person, and that’s all that matters!
Great feature Shell, I’ve visited Jenn’s blog in the past and have really enjoyed it.
I don’t understand how anyone could ever put that kind of stipulation on a friendship. The sad thing is, she probably doesn’t have those kind of people in her life. In many cases you get what you give, and I think friendship is definitley one of them! Too bad for her. It’s her loss!
I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. It’s sad when people we thought were our friends turn their backs when we need them most. You don’t need that and I’m glad you are surrounded by some strong friendships and women who love you just as you are. Best of luck to you and so happy to see you here!
Well said! I’m glad you found the lesson in the hurt. More importantly, I’m glad you have more people who love and appreciate you for who you are, warts and all!
As horrible as it was I am glad in a way it happened and you found out what was said to your mom. It is not all rainbows in life and the ones that can walk through the storm and jump with you in muddy puddles are true keepers.
Lovely to meet you Jen. Heading over to your blog now.
And thank you Shell for introducing us to Jen.
Loved this post, especially the end, “part-time friends need not apply”. Beautifully put.
Yes! Good for you!
This is a perfect post to read right now! You’re absolutely right, you don’t need fair weather friends.
Pretty sure you don’t need a friend like that! Look at all the fantastic people here who think you are amazing!
Sandy
Even though you’re right, her comment still bites. Geesh! People! I’m glad that she is able to float through life unscathed by troubles and has an extraordinary group of friends who never have anything bad happen to them.
She sucks. You don’t. Game over 🙂
Love ya, Jenn!