With every heartbreaking story that hits the news where we collectively shake our heads and say that we need to teach our sons that “no means no,” I agree. It should be taught. Ingrained. And it can start early.
As a mom to three boys, I do not have to wait until my boys hit an age where they’re dating to talk to them about respecting others’ wishes when it comes to what happens to their bodies.
From the time they were very small, I let them know that they had say and control over what happens to their own bodies. We’ve never been ones to push forced hugs from relatives on them if they didn’t feel comfortable. I don’t think it’s cute when they’re kissed by classmates when my boys have clearly said no. If play gets too rough and they don’t want to participate any more (or in the first place), then their wishes should be respected.
I teach them that they do have say over what happens to their bodies.
And that others have say over what happens to theirs.
At this age, this can be taught during play.
Because we’ve been spending a lot of time at the pool lately, here’s how that works out while they’re swimming:
It’s pretty common that a group of kids will start splashing each other.
They’re laughing, having fun.
It’s loud and maybe even a little rough, but it’s all in good fun.
And then someone will decide they’ve had enough.
So, whether it’s one of my boys or if it’s someone they’re playing with, if
Stop.
No.
I don’t want to do this any more.
Or any variation that clearly means that this is no longer something that person wants to do, then it should stop.
Right then.
If one of my boys is the one splashing and they hear that, they need to stop, immediately.
If they’re the ones who have decided they’ve had enough, then their wishes should be respected, too.
Now, look, I get that I’ve just described a pretty innocent situation. Splashing each other at the pool is pretty much an accepted thing and it’s not a big deal.
But it’s the lesson behind it that I want ingrained in my boys.
That they aren’t allowed to do anything to someone else that the other person doesn’t want. Yes, even if that other person was just having fun a few minutes ago but has now changed their mind. My boys have to respect that.
Because when they’re older and the stakes are much higher than a little water in the face and should they ever hear
Stop.
No.
I don’t want to do this any more.
I want them to stop. Right then. No questions asked, no arguments.
Just stop.