I’m a mom to all boys.
So, I know that sometimes I view things through “blue-colored” glasses.
Of course I want young girls to feel empowered and to have plenty of opportunities and be treated fairly. It’s not like I wasn’t a young girl once. And I used to teach and worked to make sure my female students had those opportunities. I’m a loving auntie to five nieces and I want them to feel like they can accomplish whatever they want to accomplish in life.
Girl power, y’all.
But sometimes I read something or see something and think huh, isn’t that interesting… why is there just a girl focus and not just a plain ol’ kid focus?
For example, the core values of the Girls on the Run program aren’t exclusive to girls. This running program encourages positive emotional, social, mental and physical development. The girls make new friends, build their confidence and celebrate what makes them unique.
And the beauty of it is that running doesn’t require any special skills or equipment. Anyone can do it, even those girls who maybe feel too uncoordinated to attempt a team sport.
But there are boys out there who feel the same way about team sports and who could benefit from learning those same lessons.
There is a similar program for boys that my oldest participates in, called STRIDE. But the disparity in the number of GOTR programs compared to STRIDE is ridiculous. Take for example GOTR getting a shout out from sponsor Athleta on their website and in their catalog. But just try to find even the main website for STRIDE. Or when I see so many adorable GOTR instagram pics on race day and hear “huh?” from those same people when I mention STRIDE.
This isn’t the only example, just one on the forefront of my mind since it’s time for the sign-ups at our school. And I applaud both programs, especially the success of GOTR. I don’t want to take anything away from them… but when there’s a girls only program, I question why there isn’t a boys’ counterpart. Especially since when there’s a boys only program, that seems to be called into question very quickly: because girls can do anything boys can do… but boys have their place and should stay there seems to be the attitude I encounter as a mom of boys.
Whenever I see “we need to teach our girls…” or “our girls need to learn…” it tends to be something that ALL kids should be learning. And sometimes even things that if we taught our boys right, the girls wouldn’t have as much to be worried about.
And I know that I notice these things more as a mom to all boys. I’ve noticed it in how we talk about weight and body image and don’t even get me started talking about boys will be boys.
I see things through blue-colored glasses. But even if I take them off, I still see times when girl power overpowers kid power.
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I had not thought about it that way. I’ve heard of GOTR and love the idea but, to your point, had never heard of STRIDE. But I see your point, there is so much more about empowering girls. As my little guy gets older it will be interesting to compare the things and programs set up for my girl vs. the ones set up for him.
Most people haven’t heard of it. I know I see things differently b/c I’m looking from the perspective of a boy mom, but I do think there are some glaring differences.
Love. I’ve heard my oldest (11) say things off the cuff that sadly have me thinking he’s certain boys have a place, and it’s not always a good one.
I’m afraid it’s the general direction of American culture these days. I’m all for celebrating the female, but not at the expense of forgetting males are pretty awesome as well.
I’ve heard things like that from my oldest, too. I wish that we could just celebrate all our kids could do and take the focus away from being gender specific.
I see what you’re saying. Especially as a mom to boys.
But I do genuinely think girls are often put down – I can’t tell you how many teachers I hear tell the girls they’re pretty and tell the boys they’re smart. While I’m sure – positive – you are not one of those teachers, I hear things like that frequently. I think programs that are geared toward teaching girls they’re more than that are sometimes needed to overcome inequities.
That’s awful! I truly haven’t heard that around here. It’s all about building up girls. And I really like that… except I hate when it’s at the expense of boys.
Shell! I have been trying – and failing – to put this into words for so long. I sometimes feel like there’s so much emphasis on empowering girls and young women that boys are pushed to the back burner. I have felt like I couldn’t write about this without sounding bitter or without getting an overwhelming response of, “Well there’s still a great inequality between men and women.” I still don’t know how to say all I want to say about it, but you did a fantastic job with this post.
I knew you’d relate!
I’m sort of expecting the inequity to be pointed out, though hopefully politely. There’s so much talk of girl power and that’s great. But I hate when it’s let’s give girls more and say they’re better, rather than just making it equal.
I have never thought of it this way before. You’ve got me thinking about that “girls will be girls” post I told you I’d write, too. 🙂
You need to write it! 🙂
Or if you don’t have a spot for it on your blog, I’d be happy to have it as a guest post here! 😉
Let’s do it!
Totally get what you are saying, and agree. I also like what KLZ said, too. Maybe my kids are little still so I haven’t seen these differences in their lives, but I’m sure those differences are coming.
KLZ definitely has a point. And I’m not trying to take away from girls, just sharing what I’ve noticed!
As a mom to all boys, too, I see your point and get what you are saying. I believe in female equality and girl power but I also believe in people equality and power to all. It’s a tough balance to maintain, for sure.
It is a really hard balance. How to empower girls without putting down the boys. But I think we can do better than what I’ve seen lately.
I’ve heard of GOTR but not STRIDE. I’ll have to check it out!
It’s a really great program for boys. My son was chomping at the bit to get out the door to school this morning for sign ups since they only take so many on the team.
As a boy-momma, I most definitely have often thought of this myself. My son is almost 5, and he loves to play dress up/theater and carries a tote bag around that he calls his “purse.” I have had actually had people ask me if I think he’s gay. If I asked a mother of a girl if she thought her daughter was gay because she liked to do “boy” things, I’d be pounced all over, I’m sure. It’s just so frustrating to me that we can’t all seem to just embrace letting kids be who they are, no matter what that means, and encourage them to pursue whatever happiness looks like for them. I love the way you stated it – let’s focus on kid-power. Teaching kids to love and accept themselves as they are, without stifling or building expectations about what that looks like because of their gender.
It’s a cultural thing. For decades society has said that men are favored over women. So now there are only girl power messages. I got into a debate about this once and I was told my son didn’t need boy power messages, the world automatically gave him power. I was at a loss for words. Well polite words anyway.
As a mom of both sexes I think most things need to be taught to both genders. My son needs to learn to find his voice and feel empowered just like my girls.
I always love your “Boy” posts. I agree, I love that for my youngest she has so many different places she can go to learn whatever it is her heart desires… For my Boys, not so much. One loves sports, 2 of them don’t, One of them is a writer, one wants to be a Dancer, it is hard to find programs like that for them.
You know I think at a time there was a need and a push for girls programs and that girls can achieve, girls can do anything, etc. But I think in a lot of ways it has gone too far. It has almost gone from a giving an equal chance to they deserve more of a chance type mentality. This isn’t just with kids and sports either but femininity in general. Rather than building up women to think that they can achieve anything, be anything while still having their feminine traits it has gone to women “becoming” men, women putting down men, men putting down men in the name of giving women their chance. I wish it was such that all had equal chances and all built each other up in the process rather than tearing the other down; including the building up of the role of motherhood if that is what a woman chooses.
The fact that body image discussions mostly target girls has always bothered me. There are so many adolescent boys who suffer eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder, yet we never talk about them, only the girls.
I’ve never heard of either program but there is definitely more of a gender divide these days than there was when I was growing up. Now it’s this is for girls and that’s for boys, there aren’t too many programs or even toys that are just for kids.
I agree with a lot of other commenters. There was so little for girls and so much for boys, especially in sports, for so long that there had to be a massive amount of advocacy. The boys didn’t need the advocacy as programs were already in place. But now that the advocacy has been so effective, the balance has shifted.
I do wish the body image campaign would be more inclusive of boys and men, but again, there has been more pressure on women, historically, about looks than boys and men.
And there is still so much more power in the hands of men and still so much dominance. It is still easier for women to be turned into objects, and sex used to dominant. Look at what happened to Anita Sarkeesian when she vlogged about the role of women in video games. She had to go into hiding because of death threats.
Sexism is still very deeply implanted into our culture that fighting it put certain things into an imbalance in the opposite direction.
Oof, this is a hard one. I see what you’re saying, and I also see why there is a need for empowering programs just for girls. All in all, the gender disparate in general in so many things, make me a little sad. You make really good points though.
YES YES YES.
Whenever I read an article or hear about a program about empowering girls I wonder why it isn’t just about empowering PEOPLE or KIDS. Why does it need to be gender specific? I only have one child–a boy–and I want him to be just as empowered as anyone.