Let’s get this out of the way right away. I am not pregnant.
I had a dream recently where I was pregnant, but I kept telling people that it wasn’t mine.
I was just carrying it for someone else, but no one would listen to me and everyone kept patting my belly, asking if I was trying for a girl.
Though that’s nothing compared to a while back when I had this dream (okay, I called it a nightmare when I woke up) where it was a pretty normal day and I was going about doing my usual, only I was carrying a baby everywhere I went. I kept trying to give the baby to whoever he or she belonged to, but everyone thought I was joking and treated me like yeah, you have a baby, what are you even saying?
That dream woke me up in the middle of the night and made it impossible for me to go back to sleep for quite a while.
It’s not that I think being pregnant and having a baby is a nightmare.
It’s a blessing.
A miraculous occurrence.
Look at this little baby sweetness- of course I wanted to gobble him up and cuddle him forever.
I was so excited for each of my pregnancies. And I love my three boys more than I even know how to say and couldn’t imagine life without them.
But right now, my oldest is finishing up his last year of elementary school, my middle son will soon be double digits, while the baby of the family will turn 8 later this spring(the magic age in NC where you’re supposedly allowed to stay home without a parent). We are so far past the baby stage.
I will coo over your pregnancy and your baby and want to hold your baby. I’ll breathe in that baby smell and wonder how it’s possible that time passed by so quickly that my baby days are so long behind me. And I might even get a slight twinge and think oh, I could do this again.
But I’m fine handing you back your baby and heading back into big kid land. I really am done having babies.
In case you were wondering how you know you’re done: when a dream of having one wakes you up and you refer to as a nightmare, that’s how you know you’re really and truly okay with being done having babies.