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January 29, 2013 by: Shell

Pour Your Heart Out: What Happened to that Girl?

les-miserables-musical-poster-01When I saw that Les Miserables was coming out as a movie, I was so excited to see it.  I had read the book years ago and did a term paper on Jean Valjean as part of my senior lit minor in college. And years before that, I saw it on Broadway when I was a freshmen in high school.

I hadn’t really thought about that trip in a long time.

The traveling chorus at my high school was taking a trip to NYC to see a few shows over the course of a few days.  I was not a part of the chorus because ohmygod I cannot sing.  But the chorus director needed to fill a few more seats on the bus and so he opened it up to those of us who were in the gifted program(I guess he figured nerds don’t cause trouble or something).

When I heard about it, I immediately knew I wanted to go. New York City, where I’d never been. Broadway shows. A trip away. Sign me up.

Yes, sign me up without me having a clue who else was going.  I didn’t care- I wanted to go anyway.

I had no clue who else was going until I walked onto the bus for the trip.

Even then, I had no real clue who any of those people were.

But I didn’t care.

I had some books and didn’t mind quietly watching the scenery flash by on our drive.

I was put into a room with two girls whom I didn’t know.

I didn’t mind.

I didn’t make friends on the trip.

But I got to experience something pretty fabulous.

I can still remember the feeling of awe as I watched Les Miserables and cried my way through it, not caring about the looks I was given by those who were around me. I can remember elbowing the girl beside me who fell asleep during the show and telling her I couldn’t believe she would miss this. Even though I didn’t even know her name.

I remember walking around New York City and taking in the sights- including getting to climb to the top of the Statue of Liberty. I think I can still feel that dizzy sensation from climbing the spiral staircases to the top.  Taking it all in and being glad that I had a new experience.

Even though I was on my own. Well, on my own within a crowd of people who all had someone with them.

And I think I’ve lost some of that along the way.

That carefree attitude of finding something I want to do and not caring if I was doing it all on my own, even if everyone else would be in their own groups.

I wonder what happened to that girl.

Now, I usually try to think about who else will be somewhere I’m headed. I like knowing that there will be someone I know.  Even though I do perfectly fine on my own and in fact actually need alone time no matter where I am, I still like the reassurance that I know someone who will be there.

I wonder if the girl I used to be would look at me now with disappointment, for not jumping into new adventures. I think she’d be proud that I immediately said sign me up to a yoga retreat across the country where I didn’t know anyone last summer when the opportunity came up. And it was one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life.

So maybe I need to learn to say sign me up to more adventures so I can stop wondering what happened to that girl and just be her again.

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Comments

  1. Laura says

    January 29, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    I hear ya.  I definitely am less apt to adventures now.  Is it because we are parents now and know?  Or we are older and wiser?  (haha)  Who knows?  I am definitely trying to have more “adventures” in my life.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:39 pm

      I do think considering our kids in all our decisions does change things. 

  2. Alison says

    January 29, 2013 at 10:08 pm

    It’s like we picked up caution as we grew up. Throwing it in the wind sounds irresponsible, so we hold back.

    I think it’s a matter of balancing out all-out- adventuring with a little forethought. At least, that’s what I tell myself 🙂

    • JD Bailey @ Honest Mom says

      January 30, 2013 at 11:27 am

      Yes – I so agree with this – “we picked up caution as we grew up.” I, too, need to be a little less cautious sometimes, and reconnect with the part of me that used to be more adventurous.

      One recent time I was pretty adventurous was when I went to BlogHer last year. I took a bus down with a ton of bloggers I didn’t know and met some new people. I went into the conference just knowing a couple of people. I threw caution to the wind, was outgoing, and had a great time!

    • Chris Carter says

      January 30, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      I’m with you Allison… caution comes with wisdom. Oh the things I did when I was young…my bravery was out of ignorance rather than courage. BUT with wisdom now…we take each step with caution because we know more, feel more, and value more. I too used to be so carefree… but security is my new middle name. Stability is my first name. And quite frankly… I need to add carefree to my name much more often…it does a spirit good. 🙂

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:40 pm

      totally agree- we think more about things and our decisions affect not just us but our kids, so there’s more caution needed. But I’m learning that doesn’t mean saying no to everything. 

  3. Strugglingforeverafter says

    January 29, 2013 at 10:13 pm

    So true… i remember doing all sorts of brave things when i was younger.

    am going to a women’s support group this week… Wish me luck! 
    Hopefully I won’t be a total wallflower like I am at these school “mixers”… 🙂

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:40 pm

      Good luck!!!

  4. JDaniel4's Mom says

    January 29, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    I think sometimes we get caught up in providing adventures for our children and forget to plan them for ourselves.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:41 pm

      That’s true. But it’s good for them to see us having adventures, too.

  5. ilene says

    January 29, 2013 at 11:03 pm

    I need to learn to say “sign me up” more too.  This post was a perfect reminder of that! 

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:42 pm

      Let’s do it. 🙂 

  6. Mary @ A Teachable Mom says

    January 29, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    I want my “sign me up” energy back also. I’m struck by what a poised, confident college student you must have been to go on that trip by yourself without a second thought and come away with such wonderful memories even though you didn’t make any friends on the trip. You had an impressive sense of self at a young age. Thank you for sharing this. Here’s to planning more of our own play dates!

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:43 pm

      That was high school. 14. Now I think OMG, I would NOT let my boys go on a trip like that in high school without me! Total change in perspective. 

  7. Heather says

    January 29, 2013 at 11:25 pm

    Actually I feel like I am the opposite now. Especially in terms of social situations. Back when I was younger I cared so much more about looking like an outsider, about not having a person. Now not so much. I would much rather the adventure alone than not do it all. Plus I am extremely conscious about being a role model for my children. I think that we put children in so many situations where we just expect them to join in and they don’t know anyone or know what it is about. We urge them to just give it a try. I feel like I got to walk the walk if I am going to expect that of my children (and I do expect that of my children 🙂 ). I say go for it! You can find that girl again!

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:45 pm

      I love your attitude! 

      The funny thing is that I like doing things alone and can get overwhelmed in crowds but there’s still a comfort factor involved in having someone else there with me. 

  8. momof12 says

    January 30, 2013 at 2:52 am

    I think you are pretty awesome just the way you are!
    Sandy

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:45 pm

      Thank you. xo 

  9. Raw Thoughts And Feelings says

    January 30, 2013 at 5:33 am

    It sounds fabulous when we were young and carefree. I hope you will find that girl once again soon 🙂

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:46 pm

      So much less to worry about back then! 

  10. Single Mom in the South says

    January 30, 2013 at 6:02 am

    I saw Phantom on Broadway in high school but never saw Les Mis. That aside, kudos to “that girl.” I’ve never been that way… always needed at least one person… even if that person is someone I’ve never seen in person and am meeting for the first time in the Target parking lot minutes before our first concert experience! 🙂 It’s just one more reason I have yet to take the conference plunge…although not the biggest reason… there is the whole “I might run into someone who actually knows me” thing!

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:47 pm

      We need to do another concert this summer. Really hoping to get the megaticket again. 🙂 

      I hope you do get to a conference! BBC Charlotte isn’t far! 

      • Single Mom in the South says

        January 31, 2013 at 6:15 am

        Yes! We do… and meet for a day at the beach too!

        Kenny is coming in May… I MUST go!!!!

  11. Kimberly says

    January 30, 2013 at 6:30 am

    I wish I was more like that. Instead I find myself asking and making sure there will be people there that I know and am comfortable with. I wish I could let go of that.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:47 pm

      There’s such a comfort in having those people there. It’s hard to let go of. 

  12. NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner says

    January 30, 2013 at 6:40 am

    I think that as we get older it can be hard to hop on adventures for ourselves. There are just so many logistics involved, especially when there are kids. I’d love more adventures. But I’m home full time with Malone right now which means $ is tight and I’d have to find childcare too. Sigh… I miss those good ol kid free days….

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:48 pm

      It is hard when you have to factor in childcare. It’s not as easy to just take off. 

  13. Julia says

    January 30, 2013 at 8:21 am

    I’ve never been one to do anything on my own and it’s one of the things about myself that I’m not proud of. I think it took some amazing guts to go on a school trip by yourself.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:48 pm

      I have been on a few trips by myself but never again with that carefree attitude. 

  14. Barbara says

    January 30, 2013 at 8:29 am

    Reading this post just made me realize that the same happened to me. I think that maybe it happened around the same time I had my boys, but who knows. Either way, I think you are right – I need to start saying “sign me up” a lot more often.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:49 pm

      Being a mom does change everything, even this. 

  15. Mary says

    January 30, 2013 at 8:33 am

    Sign me up too, while you’re at it! I could use an adventure right about now.

    And come to NYC again sometime soon so I can take the train down and meet you. 🙂

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:49 pm

      I haven’t been since that trip-  I was 14. Yikes, it’s been a long time. 

      What I would love is to do the yoga festival again, but with friends! Yoga and wine. It was fabulous. 

  16. Kim@Co-Pilot Mom says

    January 30, 2013 at 9:03 am

    Your words have made me think; I don’t think I have ever been a ‘sign me up!’ sort of person. I am cautious sometimes. I think that there would be adventures to be had if I tried one day. Maybe I will? 

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:53 pm

      Everyone needs some sort of adventure. 😉 

  17. Cyndy says

    January 30, 2013 at 9:04 am

    I don’t think I was EVER that girl.  Wow, I’m in awe of you!  And it does sound like it would be awesome to get that spirit back.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:54 pm

      I think it would be exciting to get some of it back. 

  18. Kir says

    January 30, 2013 at 9:11 am

    I have spent my life being a “people pleaser”, doing what everyone wanted to keep peace, to keep everyone smiling. But I do things on my own…and I enjoy it. I would go anywhere I had the money and time to go all by myself if I could right now. I never want to lose that wanderlust, even if other things in my life stifle it just a little.

    Like everyone else said, the caution we picked up as adults is hard to just throw away, we need to LIVE WITH PEOPLE …and among them, so it’s hard to be both isn’t it?

    I just loved this, plus you’re still that girl. Deep down, where it counts, you are. xoxo

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:55 pm

      I guess it does have a lot to do with the practicality of being an adult. Knowing we have our jobs and families to still take care of… and money. Hard to just throw things in a bag and say I’m off! 

      And thank you. I hope I am. 

  19. Angie says

    January 30, 2013 at 9:38 am

    I am always in awe of you in your adventures. I don’t think there is anyway I could have gone across the country alone!!

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:55 pm

      Books help. A lot. 😉 

  20. angela says

    January 30, 2013 at 9:42 am

    I went to NYC by myself in high school, too. I think I need to recapture some of that adventurousness as well. (And yes, the yoga thing was a great step! Your posts from there sounded so happy and peaceful.)

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:56 pm

      They were. I could have written so much more about that trip, but figured I’d bore everyone after a certain number. I’d love to go do that again. 

  21. Becky Kopitzke says

    January 30, 2013 at 10:07 am

    I used to go to movies by myself in my early 20s. Maybe I should do that again. I have been wanting to see Les Mis, actually…

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:56 pm

      I did go see it by myself. There was no way my husband would have liked that movie. 

  22. Julie says

    January 30, 2013 at 10:26 am

    What an awesome experience to go to Broadway – lucky duck!  When I travel alone I’m always wondering if I’ll know others and surprise, a totally random friend was on the plane ride I last took! 🙂

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:57 pm

      Oh, how fun! Plane rides I’m fine with- a book helps! 

  23. Jenny says

    January 30, 2013 at 10:45 am

    I can totally relate! I think yourself then would have been proud of you for doing a retreat on the west coast! I often say, just do it. Take that chance. It is amazing how your mind can talk you out of things. I think when we become moms, we worry about what if something happened to us and our boys needed us.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:58 pm

      Oh, the things that go through my mind anytime I’m on a plane without my boys. It’s awful. And then I try to talk myself out of it by realizing that anything could happen to me any time. And that just freaks me out more. 

  24. adrienne says

    January 30, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    I’ve been feeling a little of this myself lately. When we’re young and have no one depending on us, we are so free. But, now we have the worries of the world on our shoulders. As mothers, wives, and adults it takes some of that carefree innocence away from us. I think we need to find a happy medium somehow. Thanks for the reminder to  live a little! 

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:58 pm

      Darn those adult responsibilities. 

  25. AnnMarie says

    January 30, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    I just had the opportunity to travel to NYC alone and I completely wimped out and had Leo come with me. I was always afraid of my own shadow and it is a personal goal of mine to be the girl you were in high school. Going on adventures makes me feel alive and I want that feeling. I just need to stop being so scared. 🙂

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 6:59 pm

      Well, but I was with a group in high school. Even though I didn’t know anyone, we were still shuttled around- so it wasn’t like I was finding my way on my own. I don’t think I could handle a city like NY on my own either! 

  26. Xiomara| Equis Place says

    January 30, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    It’s interesting because for me it’s been the opposite… I’ve always been a find-out-whos-going first kind of person, and I still am. But there I’ve been trying to free myself of that lately by going to movies or coffeeshops alone. Your trip sounds like an amazing experience.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 7:00 pm

      I can do movies or coffee shops on my own, for sure. Never really thought to put those in there- so maybe I’m not as bad off as I thought! 

  27. Diana says

    January 30, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    I so understand this. I hate doing things by myself now even though its such a good feeling to try something new. I guess I just need to push myself once in awhile.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 7:01 pm

      Usually what pushes me is the thought that I need a break- and if the only way I can get it is by myself, then so be it. But still, I need to do it more. 

  28. Emmy says

    January 30, 2013 at 3:16 pm

    So awesome you got to see it on Broadway.    I think I have gone the opposite way.  In high school I would not have gone if I hadn’t known anyone that was going, in fact I had a chance to go to Costa Rica but didn’t know anyone going so ended up not going.  Whereas now, while I love having someone there I know, I know I will be okay if I don’t.   I think it is because we move all the time so I have had to adapt.
      But yes– it is never easy to just jump right in. 

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 7:01 pm

      I understand the moves, too. And I suppose when I think about it , I do more alone than I thought I did. Just not so much “big” I guess. But everything should count. 🙂 

  29. Debra says

    January 30, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    So true, to be young and willing to take a chance/risk. Now we’re older and we’re *wiser* – so we hesitate. It’s one of the qualities I love about having kids – especially when they are young, they jump into anything and everything with no qualms or fear – they are willing to try it. Maybe we should take a lesson from them and do that ourselves again!

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      Kids and there fearlessness. I admire it- and am scared to death by it at the same time. 

  30. Amber says

    January 30, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    I’ve actually started doing more things on my own. Since my husband deploys or is gone a lot, I find that I can go to the movies myself. No biggie. 

    And I so want to go back to NYC. I got to see Wicked when I went and loved it.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 7:03 pm

      I do go to the movies and that sort of thing alone. Sometimes it’s my only option b/c Hubs is out of town or there is just no way he wants to see something I do. 

      I’d love to go back to NYC some day. I haven’t been since this trip. When I was 14. Over 20 years ago. 

  31. MiMi says

    January 30, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    I always needed to have someone with me. My bff or someone else, even an acquaintance. I just wanted someone. I was NOT a loner. Now I definitely am. Weird huh?
    Also. I first heard about Les Mis when I was in college. I didn’t, and still just barely, know what it’s about. I’m pathetic, aren’t I?

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 7:05 pm

      The funny thing is that I tend to be very introverted. But I think for me, it has a lot to do with knowing I have a friend who understands that and doesn’t think I’m a weirdo when I need to be quiet for a little while. 

      Nah, not pathetic at all. It’s actually a rather depressing story, but still excellent. I think it’s free on kindle/goodreads downloads- but it is LONG. 

  32. Larks (@LarksNotesThis) says

    January 30, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    Experiences like that are so magical. You’re just so in love with whatever it is you’re doing that the rest of the world kind of fades in comparison. I think it’s so important to venture out and do things like that!

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 7:05 pm

      I just want to do it more! 

  33. Leigh Powell Hines @Hinessightblog says

    January 30, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    I understand. I’ve noticed that the older I’ve gotten, the less of that girl I see, and I”m not sure why. 

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 7:06 pm

      I do think we get more cautious as we get older. We have more to lose. Or we realize what we have to lose. 

  34. Andrea says

    January 30, 2013 at 6:28 pm

    This kind of almost made me cry. I know. That sign me up feeling. It’s so not a part of everyday. I wish I did it. More. I tried to once. I decided to go visit a friend in Ireland and was going no matter what. A friend decided to join me, which was cool, but either way I was headed there. Now it’s different. Too many thoughts. Maybe I’ll do it one day. I’m glad you did your yoga thing. Sounds awesome.

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 7:06 pm

      So much to worry about. It’s harder to just go for it as we get older. 

  35. Kristen says

    January 30, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    I admire that trait. I’ve never been very adventurous. Just the thought of going on a trip where I know no one is enough to cause me to panic!

    • Shell says

      January 30, 2013 at 7:07 pm

      I’ve definitely done it more recently, but there’s still that thought of wishing that I could have someone there with me. 

  36. Michelle says

    January 31, 2013 at 9:33 am

    That was  really brave!

  37. Stephanie @ Babe's Rockin' Mami says

    February 2, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    You should try to rediscover that side occasionally!  I like going and doing things with someone now but I do miss going somewhere alone or having an experience to myself.  Once I became a Mom and then a wife, it’s always about ‘us’ which is great but doing things alone is nice too.

Trackbacks

  1. A Pink Loving Boy | says:
    January 30, 2013 at 6:29 am

    […] linking up today with Shell at Things I Can’t Say for her weekly Pour Your Heart Out […]

  2. Tuesday’s travails and triumphs « Struggling For (Happily) Ever After says:
    January 30, 2013 at 7:33 am

    […] up at Shell’s pour your heart out […]

  3. When did weekends stop being fun? | Honest Mom says:
    January 30, 2013 at 11:28 am

    […] Linking up with Shell at Things I Can’t Say! […]

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

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