I couldn’t remember at first what it was that made me say it.
What I’d done or hadn’t done that made me call myself an inept mom.
And it really wasn’t anything big.
Nothing that hurt anyone (not even their feelings).
Nothing even worth a quick little story told to a friend over coffee. Just a stupid little moment when I could have done better.
There are So. Many. Moments. when I could have done better.
Sometimes I don’t know any better in the moment- I’m truly doing the best that I can but I’m hard on myself as I look back, I wish I knew then what I know now.
And then there are times when emotions or a quick reflex reaction instead of thinking things through, makes me handle a situation in a way I can even tell in the moment (or maybe moments after) that I should handle in a different way. With more patience. With a gentler tone or kinder words.
There are times when I fumble around in the darkness because I have no idea what the right thing is to do. If there are some magic words to say or some sort of easy solution or help that I simply don’t know, but that surely someone else, someone who has their shit together, knows. And why don’t I? Why can’t I do better, be better, know the right ways to help?
If I were a better mom, instead of the Queen of Parental Suckitude, I would know. And my kids would be better off. They’d have an easier path, they’d have more help, they would have more joy, more… more… just more.
Those moments when I feel like such a fake, a fraud, like I suck at this mom thing… it isn’t a non-stop feeling. I have those moments when I think yes, I’ve got this or at least that was pretty good (or at least okay).
But those feelings of ineptitude wash over me on a pretty regular basis. And if that happens to you, too, I just want you to know that you’re not alone.
That none of us is a perfect mom.
That we all make mistakes.
Or have moments we could have handled better.
That we can do better going forward.
That we’ll still have imperfect moments.
But we don’t have to let those define us.