I started pouring my heart out earlier tonight about my marriage. Saturday will mark our 11th wedding anniversary.
My fingers flew over the keyboard, talking about how we make each other laugh, support each other’s dreams, are a parenting team, never end a conversation without saying “I love you,” how I couldn’t imagine my life without him, and on and on.
All of those things are true.
And then I started smashing that backspace key because suddenly, I felt like one of those “smug marrieds” that Bridget Jones complained about. As if with a few stereotypical words of marriage advice, everyone should be able to make their marriage work. But I know that’s not the case.
Especially since it’s not like Hubs and I haven’t had our low points. And I do mean low.
Shortly after the honeymoon phase wore off, we started thinking like emotional little kids: I don’t know if I’m in love any more. You don’t make me happy. I want something else.
And, we almost threw our marriage away to try to chase something that we thought might make us happier.
Thankfully, we wised up before we did anything drastic.
We realized that love is a decision. It’s a choice you have to make over and over again, to continue loving your spouse. To work on your marriage.
That you might not always feel that madly-passionately-in-love feeling all the time.
But, that that’s okay.
As long as you continue to make the decision to be there for each other and to work on it.
That feeling can come back.
Love is a decision. It’s emotion, yes, but we’ve come to realize that’s not just heart, but head, too.
And both of us are fully committed to making this work, making our family work. Sometimes it has taken effort on our part and other times, it seems like the most natural thing in the world.
But knowing we both feel this way makes me not just celebrate our 11 years of marriage but celebrate that we’ll have many more years together.
Highlights from Last Week’s PYHO
- Shame and Guilt of Morbid Obesity from Going Crazy, Wanna Go? It breaks my heart to hear about the guilt and judgment Janet feels, when she’s trying to get healthier.
- Oh My God! Why Did I Just Write That? from Peeling an Orange with a Screwdriver. Sharing the tough stuff online can feel sort of awkward, but it also leads to making a lot of connections with others who can say “me, too, I’m not the only one!”
- On Being June Cleaver or Not from Stacey’s Mothering Moment: “Stop comparing your downfalls to someone else’s strengths.”
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