Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

  • Home
  • About
  • Best Of
  • Recipes
  • PR & Advertising
  • Contact

January 17, 2014 by: Shell

Life Begins on Your 40th Birthday: Things They Can’t Say

things they can't sayMj is a recovering bookseller. A wife. A SAHMama. A reader, a pretend runner, a wanna-be gourmet chef, famous writer, and stand up comedian. She’s Catwoman in disguise. Be sure to read her blog 154 Hidden Court.

Yesterday was my 40th birthday.

I really thought I’d have stuff figured out by now.

When I was a kid, 40 seemed so old.  Middle aged.  The age of spinster school teachers and doctors.

When I was a teenager, 40 seemed like the age where you forgot how to have fun.  Forty was filled with serious, driven adults who never laughed and who worked a lot.

When I was 20, 40 was my whole lifetime away.

When I was 30, 40 seemed like an age where I would have my life put together.  I felt like I was setting up the foundation and putting myself on the right track to have everything in place and just where I wanted it to be.

I really thought I’d have stuff figured out by 40.

But I don’t.  If anything, the opposite is true.

I think I’m finally learning just how much I DON’T know.  And I think I’m finally learning that it’s ok not to have it all figured out by now.

It’s a funny place to be, really.  If statistics hold and barring any accidents or disasters, I’m pretty much halfway through this journey of life.  Strangely enough, that seems exciting to me.  It’s like I spent the last 40 years figuring out who I am, and now I get to spend the next 40 years or so really BEING that person.

40

Although I know I don’t have life all figured out at this point, there are quite a lot of things that I have learned over the years that have shaped me and molded me into the person I am and the person I’m still becoming.

I’ve learned there are people in this world I would die for, and kill for, without a moment’s hesitation.  But I’ve also learned that there are people in this world who despite my best efforts aren’t meant to be a part of my life, and that’s ok.

I’ve learned that a rainy afternoon of snuggles, giggles, stories and movies at home with my boys tops exciting vacations or action-packed adventures any day.

I’ve learned that there are things that I can’t control, no matter how badly I want to, and I’ve learned to (sometimes) let them go.

I’ve learned to ask for help.  It’s hard for me, but no one cares if I’m a martyr except me and in general, the people who love you will help you if you let them.

I’ve learned that it’s never too late to try something new.  I just signed up for a photography class.  I’m going WAY outside of my comfort zone this year to join a writer’s group.  I’ve begun to bump up my running with the vague goal of a marathon in the future.  These are things that I’ve always been interested in doing, and if not now, then it will be never.  Now’s my time.

I’ve learned that it doesn’t really matter what other people think of me.  I’m much more concerned about how I feel about myself at the end of the day.  If I can look back and see that I made good choices that allow me to sleep at night and I did no harm to others, then that was a pretty good day.

I’ve learned that it’s ok to ask for what I want.

Most importantly though, I’ve learned that I’m not done.  I’m not finished evolving into the person I’m meant to be.  I’ve learned that I don’t have it all figured out and that it’s a pretty exciting journey I’m on, if I just let it be.

 

Read more about life at 40: The Contradictions of Being 40

Transitioning from Teacher to Mom: Pour Your Heart Out
Buffalo Chicken Pasta: Easy Dinner Ideas

Comments

  1. Amber says

    January 17, 2014 at 8:32 am

    Happy 40th birthday!

    I find as I get older, I’m more opinionated. I’m not ashamed to voice what I want or think. When I was in my 20s, I rarely did that. 

    And I love trying something new!

    • MJ says

      January 17, 2014 at 9:14 am

      Me too! I have no trouble speaking my mind about things that matter to me now, although it does seem like fewer things really matter as much, if that makes any sense. 

  2. Kerry Ann @Vinobaby's Voice says

    January 17, 2014 at 8:52 am

    Happy Belated Birthday! You are only a few months ahead of me {gulp} and you are totally right: 40 is nothing like it used to be. Middle aged? Nah. As you so aptly wrote, we’re still evolving and learning. Enjoy the journey!

    • MJ says

      January 17, 2014 at 9:15 am

      Thanks so much! It sounds like we are both in a good place.  Happy very early birthday to you, too! 

  3. Stacey says

    January 17, 2014 at 10:36 am

    Love this post MJ! Happy birthday 🙂

    • MJ says

      January 17, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      Thanks so much!

  4. Robin (Masshole Mommy) says

    January 17, 2014 at 10:40 am

    Happy belated birthday.  I am right behind you and it seemed like this age really did creep up must faster than it was supposed to.

    • MJ says

      January 17, 2014 at 12:15 pm

      Yeah, the age is definitely creeping on me, too! Thanks for the birthday wishes!

  5. jamie says

    January 17, 2014 at 11:07 am

    The older I get the more I become a homebody, it’s crazy how fast I’ve approached my thirties.

    • MJ says

      January 17, 2014 at 12:16 pm

      I’ve always been a homebody, but the pull to never leave my house is stronger thank ever 🙂 

  6. brittney says

    January 17, 2014 at 2:15 pm

    Happy 40th 🙂

    Awesome post, and I hope that soon I can make those same realizations and stop worrying so much. Im 27 feeling 87!

    • MJ says

      January 17, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      I think that 25-30 age was my absolute hardest time.  It took me a LONG time to realize it’s a marathon, not a sprint. 

  7. Jennifer Hall says

    January 17, 2014 at 2:56 pm

    I will turn 40 in April and I totally feel you in this post. Especially: “I’ve learned that there are things that I can’t control, no matter how badly I want to, and I’ve learned to (sometimes) let them go.”

    That’s a big one for me. Doing it!

    Happy Birthday!

    • MJ says

      January 17, 2014 at 3:08 pm

      Thanks so much for the kind words.  Letting go of things has never been my strong point, but I’m getting better all the time. 

  8. MJ says

    January 17, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Thanks so much for the kind words.  Letting go of things has never been my strong point, but I’m getting better all the time. 

  9. Ellen Christian says

    January 17, 2014 at 3:15 pm

    Happy Birthday! I’m 47 and some days have a long long way to go.

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 7:51 am

      Thanks! I know exactly what you mean, but we’re getting closer every day, aren’t we? 

  10. Lynn says

    January 17, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    Last month I turned 54. I can honestly say I finally figured out that I will never get it figured out!

    In the meantime I’m having a BLAST! Skydiving is just one of the things I did last year. Who knows what fun awaits me this year!

    Happy birthday and don’t forget to enjoy every second.

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 7:53 am

      Oh wow! Skydiving?!?!?  That may be more fun than I’m willing to have 😉 But, seriously, wow!  Good for you!

  11. brett says

    January 17, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    very wise, my 40 year old friend.  and i can say that for exactly 4 more months. then i’ll be 40 too.  40 always seemed OLD.  i feel like i’m just getting the hang of things!

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 7:54 am

      Exactly! I used to think 40 was kind of the end.  Now I know it’s really just the beginning. 

  12. Jessica says

    January 17, 2014 at 6:16 pm

    Happy Belated Birthday. This is how I feel about turning 30. I was so scared to leave my twenties behind but I am so excited to see what is in store for me. You are 100% right, it is NEVER too late to try something new and each day we are learning about who we are regardless of age.

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 7:55 am

      You are so right!  I love that I’m finally giving myself permission to try new things.  Thanks for the birthday wishes. 

  13. Brandy at MVL says

    January 17, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    Oh man, I thought I had life starting at 30. I can’t wait until 40 then. Happy Belated birthday! Great post.

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 7:56 am

      It’s seriously getting better all the time! And thanks! 

  14. Janel says

    January 17, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    I just turned 30 a few months ago. I could relate to this so much, 30 didn’t look like what I expected. I agree, 40 is a great age to start some new adventure – like school!

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 7:58 am

      There are so many adventures out there to be had if I’m just willing to go get them.  I think I’m just now figuring that out. 

  15. Melissa says

    January 17, 2014 at 9:31 pm

    Happy 40th! I love this post. I actually am looking forward to getting older. My husband doesn’t understand me. 

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 8:00 am

      I know what you mean.  There’s something really freeing that comes with age. Thanks for the good wishes! 

  16. Debi@TheSpringMount6Pack says

    January 17, 2014 at 9:32 pm

    I turn 37 in a few days and reading this makes me want to jump in and start my “40” now.

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 8:01 am

      Oh, it’s really just a state of mind, I think.  37 can be the new 40 😉 Happy early birthday! 

  17. Janeane Davis says

    January 18, 2014 at 12:15 am

    I remember turning 40. I decided that 40 meant I was a grown up and did not have to put up with things I didn’t want to anymore.

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 8:02 am

      That sounds absolutely perfect.  We are grown ups and we make our own decisions.  How freeing is that? 

  18. Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell says

    January 18, 2014 at 1:16 am

    That quote sure hit home with me. Indeed it is true!  I try not to think about 40 being halfway through life though. Yikes!

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 8:04 am

      I really love that quote, too.  If I could cross stitch, I’d cross stitch it onto a pillow for myself.  Hmmm…  maybe I should add that to the list of things I want to learn how to do. Thanks for your comment!

  19. Katrina says

    January 18, 2014 at 3:06 am

    Meh, my forties…have not been kind.  They started out with a miscarriage at 40, two at 41 and two more at 43.  Yep, old eggs.  I hate that. My hair… it started thinning.  I had a hard time losing weight for the first time in my life.  I was 43 and hating my 40’s.  But then…I got pregnant again, and this time we hit a healthy egg! Yay!  My son was born a month before my 44th birthday, which was 7 months ago.  I’m loving my 40’s now.  I have been running for exercise and just entered my first 5k and 10k runs (March and end of May for the 10k)  and I’m up to running 2 miles each day. I have mucho energy lately and life. is. great.  So my 40’s started out a bit blahhhh but I think I’m going to rock the rest of it 🙂

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 8:09 am

      I hate that you had such a rough start to your decade, but congratulations on your baby boy!  And yay for running!  I really feel some days like it’s the thing that keeps me sane.  I ran my first mile at 37 and now it’s just part of who I am.  Thanks so much for sharing your story with me.  I love meeting strong women who are all at such different (yet similar) places on their journeys.  

  20. MJ says

    January 18, 2014 at 8:09 am

    I hate that you had such a rough start to your decade, but congratulations on your baby boy!  And yay for running!  I really feel some days like it’s the thing that keeps me sane.  I ran my first mile at 37 and now it’s just part of who I am.  Thanks so much for sharing your story with me.  I love meeting strong women who are all at such different (yet similar) places on their journeys.  

  21. Amy Desrosiers says

    January 18, 2014 at 5:17 pm

    Happy 40th!! I am on my last year of my twenties, and want to get a ton accomplished before I turn the big 3-0. As the time passes i fins myself being less ashamed of taking pictures, and being me. I too feel much braver, and carefree to some extent! 

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 7:22 pm

      It really is freeing to get some age and wisdom behind us, isn’t it? I hope your year is all you want it to be! 

  22. Candy @ Candypolooza says

    January 18, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    Hope you had an amazing 40th!! This is going to be a wonderful time of your life.. so I’m told 🙂  I’ll meet you there in a few years 🙂 

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 7:24 pm

      Thank you so much!  I think I’m ready for what it has in store. See you on the other side 😉  

  23. Elizabeth Norton says

    January 18, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    How Fantastic. I am 32 and still have no clue what is going on. happy birthday!!!

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 7:25 pm

      I don’t remember thinking I had much of a clue about anything in my early 30s.  Just keep telling yourself the best is yet to come 🙂  Thanks for the birthday wishes! 

  24. Amy @ Marvelous Mommy says

    January 18, 2014 at 7:16 pm

    Well I’m only in my 20’s but my husband and I were just having this conversation. When you’re younger you think you have it all figured out BUT you really have no idea what you’re talking about! Haha! Oh and Happy 40th Birthday! 

    • MJ says

      January 18, 2014 at 7:27 pm

      It’s so true!  At that age I really thought I had a handle on things.  Uh, nope.  Thanks for the birthday wishes! 

  25. katherine bartlett says

    January 18, 2014 at 8:38 pm

    Happy belated birthday! I turn 26 this year and I’m still learning

    • MJ says

      January 19, 2014 at 10:36 am

      Thank you so much! 

  26. Piera says

    January 19, 2014 at 1:14 pm

    First of all, Happy Birthday! I think 40 is the new 30! I agree – as I’ve gotten older (i’m 35), I have realized that 1.) I don’t know it all 2.) I’m not even remotely done. 

    Life is a journey and every decade keeps getting better!

    • MJ says

      January 19, 2014 at 2:33 pm

      Thank you so much, and you are absolutely right!  It’s getting better all the time. 

  27. Shana Norris says

    January 19, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    This is just PERFECT, MJ.  I’ll be right there with you come March.  I love that you’re trying new things, settling into who you are, learning to embrace, and to let go too.  

    • MJ says

      January 20, 2014 at 7:09 am

      Thank you so much!  I have absolutely loved reading all these comments and learning that I’m in such great company! 

  28. chrishelle says

    January 20, 2014 at 6:36 pm

    Happy Birthday and welcome to the club. It is a great time to feel comfortable in your skin. You are 100% right it is not so much what other people think of you, but what you think of yourself. It is amazing it takes us 40 years to figure that out.

    • MJ says

      January 21, 2014 at 10:44 am

      I totally agree! It took a long time to get here.  Now it’s time to enjoy it. Thanks so much! 

  29. Liza @ Views From the 'Ville says

    January 20, 2014 at 11:43 pm

    Happy Birthday!  I always thought 40 was sooooo far away, and then I realized the other day that I’m going to be 36 this year, so really not so far!  I definitely don’t know everything yet, I guess I’d better get busy learning.

    • MJ says

      January 21, 2014 at 10:45 am

      I felt exactly the same way at 35 – like it was forever away, but it went so quickly.  I think we all figure things out in our own time – we will both get there! 

  30. Maureen@Scoops of Joy says

    January 21, 2014 at 2:29 am

    Happy Belated Birthday, Shell! Hope you had a lovely day 🙂

  31. TwinsSquared says

    January 21, 2014 at 9:45 am

    Enjoyed this post! I’m turning 40 in May as well and after having two sets of twins beginning at age 30, I can say that my 30s were SO HARD and I’m looking forward to my 40s! I think I will definitely be in better shape as I’m slowly trying to get my strength back and repair the damage two sets of twins (not just having them but more so RAISING them) has done to me. My kids are now 9 and 6 and life is good. Also slowly rediscovering who I am and what my hobbies are. In fact, you just inspired me. I’ve been wanting to take a photography class too but there’s so much I want to get caught up on that I’m still not getting caught up on it’s inspired me to get my butt in gear and finish those things and maybe next year learn some new things. Happy Birthday to you!

    • MJ says

      January 21, 2014 at 10:48 am

      Wow!  Your 30s were pretty busy!  Raising kids is really grueling work, isn’t it?  It sounds like you’re turning a corner though and that’s fabulous.  I say go for it!  I keep repeating to myself “If not now, when?”  Happy (very) early birthday to you! 

  32. Dianna @ The Kennedy Adventures says

    January 25, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    Girl! 

    I love this. 

    I am blessed to know you! 🙂 

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

Be a Part of the Sisters’ Hood

alt text SoFab Badge
Everywhere
  • Contact
  • PR & Advertising

© 2021 · Designed by: Carolyn Yalin