Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Your Blogging Voice: Pour Your Heart Out

That blog is too sarcastic.

That blog cusses too much.

And that one is all sunshine all the time and seems fake.

That blog talks about subjects I don’t think should see the light of day.

And that blog isn’t original enough.

I think that blog should change this.

I don’t agree with that blog. Ever.

Ohmygosh, can you believe what that blog is talking about?

We’re in a very crowded blogosphere. And we can be critical of one another. I’ve heard all of the statements above and more as complaints about different blogs.

There are blogs on all subjects and different take on these subjects: it would be very boring if we all agreed on everything and said it in the same way, like one big giant stepford blog that was written by one person who controlled the group brain.

blogging

The fact is that not every blog is for every person.

You can still respect the blogger but totally disagree with them on different subjects. I actually enjoy reading blogs from people who have different viewpoints than me- and having them read here. Sometimes I click away before commenting because I’m not sure how to comment respectfully. And other times, I’ve had great discussions about our differing views. I think we can learn from each other.

And if I don’t like what someone is writing about or how they are choosing to talk about a topic, there’s that big X in the corner and I can go away. I don’t feel the need to tell the blogger I don’t like them or blast across social media slamming that blog simply for doing things differently than how I do them.

We all have our own blogging voices.

We have to decide what stories we’ll tell and how we’ll tell them.

Which areas of our lives we want to share with our readers and which we save for face-to-face conversation with a close a friend.

As bloggers, we should be honest. If something is a work of fiction, that’s totally fine- as long as you aren’t trying to pass it off as fact to your readers.

We shouldn’t steal material from others. Sure, you might blog about the same topic as another blogger- it would be really hard to come up with only totally unique topics. But how you write about it should be in your own words, not someone else’s.

And while some might disagree with me on this one, I don’t think we should have fights in blog posts. If you have a problem with someone, go talk to them. Or email if you they only live in your computer and not your real life.  Sure, writing a post where you slam another blogger will get you lots of traffic, but then that’s what you are: the blogger who tears down other bloggers.

But other than honesty, writing your own material, and not fighting, I think your blogging voice is up to you.

Know that you can’t please everyone and that all you can do is be who you are.

And the same applies to reading blogs: not everyone is going to please you, so choose your reading material based on what feels right to you.

pour your heart outClick if you want to find out more about Pour Your Heart Out. Remember, it’s about what you want to pour out: it’s personal, so there isn’t an assigned topic. It’s also about being supportive of others who are sharing: so visit other linkers and be kind with your comments. Please add the button from the sidebar or add a text link to your post if you are joining in.



Comments

  1. You’re absolutely right, Shell.

    I did make a reference to blogs that I did not agree with, in my Mother’s day post. It was to put my post into context, not for traffic (if it was, it didn’t work), and maybe I came across as judge-y. However, I did not name names, though I’m sure people who read those other blogs probably know who I’m talking about. It was not written to judge those other blogs, it wasn’t meant as a fighting post. I don’t read them, I came across them in my Facebook feed, and clicked on them (mistake). 

    There is definitely space for everyone, and that’s the beauty of the blogging world. 

    For the record, I think you have a great blogging voice. Always honest, never judge-y. 

    • There’s a difference between mentioning other blogs to put something into context and fighting. 😉

  2. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! This is an area I struggle in because I’m scared no one wants to read my nonsense. Then, I get over it and say to myself “My nonsense meant something to me. That’s why I shared it. If no one wants to read it then oh well.” And I love your blogging voice!

    • That’s what we each have to offer- our own unique voice! 

      and thank you. 🙂 

    • Crystal! I love that you call it a “blogging” voice.. I’m new to blogging. Is that a copyrighted term? LOL. And I too find that the criticism is crazy in blogsphere, but not different than in real life.  Women in particular are so catty, critical and judgmental.   Plus, people have a choice, just don’t go to the site anymore. Loved the article Shell!

  3. Couldn’t have said it better myself.  I don’t understand the passion with which some people choose to hate blogs and bloggers and to “hate read”.  Clicking away and doing your own thing is so much easie and healthier

    • I don’t get it, either. So many other blogs out there, I don’t know why people feel the need to read the ones they hate. Who has that sort of time? 

  4. I LOVE THIS! So well said and timely for how I’m feeling lately. I don’t understand bloggers or people who spend time arguing via social media – the back and forth just seems childish. If I don’t like something, I click away. If I don’t agree with or like something, I don’t return and if someone offends me, I unfollow. 

    • I don’t get it, either. Though they do get lots of people watching the fights. But it seems so childish to do it publicly like that. 

  6. I love how you tell it straight, Shell. We do all have our own voices, and I’m grateful the blogosphere allows me to share mine. Blessings to you and your family today!

  7. You can’t please everybody. Some people write as a form of release. Others to entertain. Others to journal their lives. Whatever the reason it is generally a personal reason that brought them to the blogosphere and we are not here to judge. If we don’t like what we read – then just close the browser and look for something else to read. I couldn’t agree with you more Shell!!

    • That’s what it is- we all have different reasons for blogging so we handle things differently. 

  8. It’s hard to put yourself out there while blogging. When you share something real, and people really dislike it- it’s hard. But, at least whatever you said was read and elicited a strong response. That’s a win in my book! Can’t please everyone right!

    • It is hard. And there have been some posts I’ve been hesitant to push that publish button on. But once I accepted that it was perfectly okay for not everyone to agree with me, I got braver. 

  9. Amen, Amen, Amen!!! I love this post so much. I am always amazed when fights happen. I think it is best to respectfully, quietly unfollow blogs that you no longer feel are for you. It’s such a personal thing on both sides. It hurts to be unfollowed but I know I am not for everyone and everyone is not for me. We are all grown-ups and should realize that we aren’t going to please everyone. I think all we can do is stay true to who we are. Some will like us and some won’t. It’s crowded here in the blogosphere but there is room for us all. 🙂

    • Yes, exactly! 🙂 

      I don’t mind seeing people argue different sides of an issue, but I hate when it gets personal and people are just attacking each other on that level instead of dealing with the subject matter. 

  10. I think one of the reasons that I haven’t written more lately was that someone emailed me and told me that I write too mushy and that I must be faking all of the good in my life. I replied respectfully that I choose to not focus on the bad and air my family’s dirty laundry and then I got a horrible response to that. It has sat with me more than I should have allowed it too. Now, when I do have a few minutes to sit down to write, I second guess myself the whole time and before I know it…time is up and the post isn’t written. 
    Great advice. We can all find our own audience and our own favorite reads with their being so many options out there.

    • I’m so sorry that you had someone say that to you. I love your blog- I always think that you choose to look on the positive side but I’ve never been under the impression that life is perfect in your house. Don’t let one person who was probably in a terrible(and jealous) mood stop you from sharing your stories. 

    • Kristen, don’t let someone who is unhappy in her life tell you how to be in yours. My blog is mushy and happy a lot too, and I choose to be that way. If someone doesn’t like it, they can read something else.
      I love your sweet writing voice!

  11. Excellent post! It is such a shame you even have to write it. Respect is dissolving and judgment is always rising. Breaks my heart…

  13. Does the drama really still occur?  I’m such a wannabe blogger now that I don’t even know who the popular bloggers are anymore or that drama is still out there.

    • There’s not a ton of it out there- not the full-out calling people out type, but I have noticed quite a bit of judging lately. 

  14. Love this, Shell. You are so right – there is room for everyone. And thank goodness there are so many voices – the blogosphere would be very boring indeed if there was only one type of blog. There is something for everyone – and if one blog doesn’t appeal to you, there are probably 3 more, somewhere, that do! 🙂 

  15. I never understand when people do that…like you said there is always an X and you can just click away.  People get braver behind the computer!

    • They really do. They say things they’d never consider saying to someone’s face. 

  16. That’s the beauty of blogging and the Internet…there is something for everyone out there, but not everything is for everyone. If you don’t like a blog, like their writing, design, etc..you have a choice, the choice to either read and interact or not. Why get into fights or be nasty…there are much more important things to be worried about!

  17. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a blog post that actually contained a “fight” insofar as the blogger called out by name and linked to another blogger. Probably because I read and follow bloggers who I feel are mature enough not to stoop to that level. I do, however, think it’s fine to reference a particular post or genre in an effort to make a point or put something into context, even if it’s not in the best light. I’m actually writing a post right now that does this. Some people will know the post I’m referencing, others won’t. Either way, I’m fine with it because it doesn’t name names or provide links, nor does it even really judge – all of which tends to devolve into slap fights. But I guess that depends on your perspective. Blogging is very subjective like that, which is both a blessing and a curse. 

    • I agree, I think it’s totally okay to reference another post. Even link to it and share your thoughts. I’ve seen a few where people just flat out are calling names and that sort of thing- they aren’t sharing a differing view on a topic, they are using it as a personal attack. Those, I usually see b/c someone shares on fb/twitter saying OMG, you have to read this. 😉 

      • My stats actually led me to someone one day who had linked to one of my posts – my Curious George satire for Character Assassination Carousel – with what appeared to be a nasty comment about how she loved Curious George and would never forgive me for ruining him for her and how she felt sorry for any children living in my house.

        The latter part of the comment pissed me off and I flat-out called her out on it in the comments (because I couldn’t find an e-mail). I was respectful about it, but I wanted to let her know that I’d seen what she wrote and that while she was entitled to her opinion, I thought she crossed the line by bringing my child into it. I must have caught her off guard (Big Brother is always watching!) because she immediately apologized to me publicly in the comments, backtracked and said she was just being facetious, and then privately apologized again via e-mail. Then she subscribed to my blog and now she’s a regular reader who occasionally leaves [nice] comments! So, I think that’s a testament to how hashing things out respectfully (if not totally privately) can yield positive results. 

        • I love that you were able to work it out in an adult-manner. As long as things are kept respectful, it can be helpful to have that conversation back and forth, sharing our differing opinions. 

  18. So much truth here Shell and sometimes it also takes awhile for a person to find their true voice. Sometimes I read a blog and maybe I don’t care for it but I’ll got back a few months later and it’s changed or perfected – however you want to look at it. I like to give second and third chances 🙂 Great post today – have a wonderful week! 

    • That’s very true. It might be that someone writes something one day that you don’t like and another day that you do. 

  19. Well said! If you don’ t like a blog , don’t read it. But you need to remember that there is a human (gasp!) writng that thing. Maybe they just had a bad day. My mom used to tell me that you have to go out on three dates with someone before you can make a decision, while I don’t think that’s particularly true, I do think you should read three blog posts before you make up your mind about a blog. 🙂

    • Oh, I totally agree. Everyone has their off days- and to judge based on one post really isn’t fair. 

  20. I’ve only been blogging for a little less than 2 years, but it seems like the fighting is really bad now. Do you think it’s because the market is flooding with bloggers and some bigger companies are noticing…or is it just in the nature of {dare I say} women in general that we all start fighting eventually? I’m sad about it either way because it such a rewarding career and/or hobby and there’s room for all of us!

  21. I just found your blog via this post, but I have to tell you that I think you did a fabulous job!  I agree that if someone doesn’t like a blog, they need to just move on. There is no need to write a post publicly bashing that blogger or writing a rude, snarky comment. There is someone with feelings sitting behind that computer. Great post! 

    • Exactly. Even the snarkiest blogger has feelings! It’s okay to disagree with each other, but no need to bash. 

  22. EXACTLY!!!!! 100% Correct.

    I tell people all the time, “I learn more from the people I disagree with than from the ones who think just like me.”

    • For sure. As long as they are staying rational in their explanation. I learn nothing from those who are throwing out insults because I disagree with them. 

  23. I couldn’t possibly love you more for this post! I was recently on the other side of this. Another blogger didn’t like me (which is completely fine) and choose to air their thoughts on the internet. I can’t tell you how much that hurt. Not the fact that they didn’t like, but the fact that they were putting it all out there on the internet. To say that it sucked is an understatement. It made me physically ill. I wish people handled things more maturely and just quietly hit that X and left the page.

    • I can’t imagine someone doing that to you! I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. xo 

  24. This is fabulous! The things I have seen and heard and had directed at me since starting blogging have been RIDICULOUS to say the least! If you don’t want to read words like fart, vagina, or know that sometimes my kids make me insane, then MOVE YO-BUTT OFF MY BLOG. The whole point is being yourself – not being what someone else wants you to be! LOVE THIS POST!!

  25. Also, it is really weird how clique-ish it can be, and if there is a group of THOSE bloggers who decide they don’t like you, they can make it miserable. It’s really childish and rude behaviour!

    • I do hate the cliques. I wish people would realize they didn’t have to go along with what others are telling them and that they can decide for themselves. 

  26. The blogosphere is a very interesting place. I’ve had to unfriend and unlike people who use their blogs as a thinly veiled weapon, writing posts as passive/aggressive jabs at others. I’ve had my ideas copied repeatedly. But we have to remember that no matter how we feel, what we put out there is out there. Our kids’ teachers, our neighbors, anyone can find it. So I agree. Do your own thing and anyone who doesn’t, just turn your back and walk away.

    • Yes- and it’s easier to walk away online! 

      I’m sorry you’ve had your ideas stolen. I’ve seen both sides of this- people who copy word for word and then those who get all up in arms b/c someone blogged about the same thing they did but from a different angle(like they are the only ones who could write a post on something like potty training). 

      • I totally get people writing about the same subject, that’s almost inevitable. I’m talking about a regular feature on my FB page that becomes a regular feature on someone else’s, and many other things that are clear examples of people not thinking for themselves. It’s frustrating but there are all kinds in the blogosphere just like there are all kinds IRL.

  27. Love love love this!!  They actually spoke on this very topic at the Elevate blogging conference I went to this last weekend.  I really don’t get what good it does to attack others and belittle others.  I know when some people have left rude or mean comments on my blog I have been very tempted to “fight back” and let the world know what they said, but what good will that do?  It won’t change the person and really in the end it won’t make me feel better either.  
       Very well said

    • I really don’t get why people do it, either. Disagree, sure, but not get rude about it. It solves nothing. 

    • Thanks, Ang. 

      P.S. I miss you so much. I’m sorry I suck and haven’t called. 

  31. I never understood the point of rude comments on a blog… there’s a difference between sharing a unique opinion and bashing another person for theirs. I think it’s easy to hide behind anonymity online. All in all, I think respect whether in person or in the cyber world is paramount… and that includes not plagiarizing other people’s work!

    • I totally understand those who disagree, just not when they take it to a level of insulting and being rude. 

  32. Gosh, I’m really happy to say I haven’t come across a lot of blogger fighting or rudeness. Honestly, anyone who can’t just click away and ignore something they don’t like, should maybe think about what THEY’RE doing as a blogger, rather than worry about the other person/people.

  33. I agree with everything you say here.  We don’t have to agree and sometimes, it cna’t hurt to be open to a new perspective..or not.  But at the very least, let’s not  fight on our blogs!  Thanks for the great reminders – and I can’t wait to meet you in Charlotte!  

    • I didn’t realize you were going to be at BBC! Yay! Can’t wait to meet you! 🙂 

  34. Totally agree with this post. I don’t understand commenting just to be mean or writing whole posts bashing another blogger. I would be so hurt if someone did that to me so I wouldn’t do that to someone else. In general people need to put themselves in others’ shoes and think how they would feel. Empathy is sorely lacking in much of society these days.

  35. You are so right about every point. Bravo! Excellent post! I love the diversity, if I don’t like it or get bored, I go away. LOL. If I love you or am interested, I comment. See…I love you!

  36. I couldn’t agree with you more! I never understood why people would comment on other blogs just to say something negative. Everyone has their own voice and every blog is different, that’s the beauty of the blogosphere. Great post Shell.

    • I don’t get it, either. It’s not like by being rude they are going to change someone’s mind. Disagreeing respectfully, sure, but not the fights. 

  38. The mommy wars ala blog. I’m not a fan of this kind of drama either. Thankfully I haven’t seen too much of it. I enjoy reading other view points too and agree what a dull world it would be if we were all the same!

  39. Love this post and completely agree!! We each have our own unique and individual voice and it’s impossible to try to please everyone. I never really understood all the negative comments and negative posts directed at a specific blogger. It seems quite immature to me on so many levels. One of the things that I’ve appreciated most about blogging is that it’s opened me up to so many different experiences and perspectives from other bloggers. PS I love your voice!

  40. Amen on the public fighting. I can’t believe bloggers sink this though and air it out in public. I cringe. This was a great post in which I had to learn that not all blogs are the same. This would be a pretty boring place if they all were! 🙂

    • I cringe, too. Yet, those posts tend to get traffic- it’s like a train wreck. 

  41. Spot on as usual!

    I think sometimes people are more bold than they would be in person… being on the computer and slinging mud without having to look someone in the eye makes it easier to do, but there’s a person on the other side of the screen.

    Fortunately, as far as I know, I’ve never called someone out nor had anyone be ugly to me, but I stay behind the scenes, so that may protect me.

    • The computer does make people much braver. They’ll say things they’d never dream of saying to someone’s face. Sometimes that’s a good thing but other times, not so much! 

  42. Great post! I recently had some issues with a reader that would not stop leaving negative comments and insults on my posts. I asked them nicely to please refrain from negativity and that if my blog was not for their interest to please feel free to find another one that did. I ended up writting a post about it and that seems to have done the trick. But I agree, we must be respectful of others especially if we except others to respect our space. 

    • I just don’t understand that- if someone so clearly doesn’t like what a blogger has to say, I don’t get why they keep coming around. 

  43. Shell, this is, as always, perfect. So many of us need this reminder, so THANK YOU. I don’t read blogs I don’t like, and I don’t read GOMI for that reason, either. There’s too much negativity.

    • Oh, I know. GOMI is way too negative. They nitpick. And negativity only breeds more negativity. 

  44. this is a really great post, and perfect timing for me as I just started a blog and am trying to find my voice, get my style, find my people without getting overwhelmed or intimidated by other bloggers

    • don’t let others intimidate you- just be yourself. Otherwise, you won’t be able to stick with blogging. 

  45. I just don’t get the need to be nasty. I read stuff that I don’t agree with or don’t even like but I close the screen and move on. There is plenty of room for opinions. I think some people just enjoy being able to bully others over the internet.

    • Different opinions can be welcome, I just don’t see the need to be nasty about it! 

  46. Shell, I have to play a bit of Devil’s Advocate here. I’m unclear as to what your definition of “fighting” actually is. You cite examples where you have “had great discussions about our differing views;” yet isn’t that a (I’m assuming) civilized form of fighting? Sure we have different styles of disagreeing, and some bloggers and/or commenters actually enjoy that kind of banter–indeed, that’s their “voice.” 

    I think it can be very tricky to assert some general rule about what is acceptable across all blogs or how people should comment on blogs. Some of the examples you cite (sarcasm/cussing) can be valid criticisms if such things interfere with the point the author is trying to make.  And the rest (subject matter/changes/originality) may not be how some people want others to communicate or talk about their blog, but that’s a harsh reality of the “blogosphere.”

    Blogging is an inherently social activity–it’s social media after all. If one is unwilling or hesitant for one’s writings to be under public scrutiny (and all the (non)constructive criticisms that come with a public space), then one might want to reconsider posting in such a public forum.

    I’m not saying that vapid criticisms aren’t annoying or frustrating, but there are ways of dealing with them depending on your personality type. I, for one, like to deconstruct their arguments and show how they’re utterly fallacious. Some may enjoy the banter and think they’ve “won” an argument through attrition of words. Others may simply block the commenter from future interaction on their blog. All of these are perfectly valid ways of dealing with the trolls.

    What I think is unrealistic is to expect ubiquitous decorum on a media platform that has billions of potential interactive readers. The gift of the internet is interactivity and information; it’s curse is having to deal with bozos who feel safe clacking away in their virtual anonymity.

    • I just mean when someone writes a post flat out saying hey, I think blogger so-and-so is an idiot. And then they name call and that sort of thing all through their posts. Not simply posting a differing viewpoint on a topic(which is totally normal to do) but really personally going after someone. 

      I do realize that it will never happen that the trolls will totally go away- the internet is way too big for that. 😉 

  47. I’ve thought a lot about this. It’s one of the things that makes blogging so hard for me because it automatically puts me back into my 13 year old self who was just dying to be noticed by the popular girls and never quite fitting in. It brings back all of those feelings of inadequacy because you find yourself constantly comparing and judging. ‘I’ve been reading her posts and commenting for years, but she never read/comments on me’ and all of those kinds of thoughts that make YOU feel not good enough. Because our blogs are (usually) extensions of ourselves. And to a certain extent I agree with Mel. That’s the nature of the game when you put your words out there in the public arena. It’s perhaps idealistic of me to want it to be different. But I think it could be. I think we could be supportive of one another and not mean. We could help each other instead of fighting. We’re a community of mothers, isn’t that after all what we’re teaching our children: share, include everyone, be nice, don’t talk about people, etc. 

    • I wish it could all be support. Or at least not tearing each other down if we really can’t support someone’s choices. And honestly, there have been posts that I’ve read where I really and truly disagree with the author and not in a polite way, but in a “wow, I really think that’s awful” kind of way… but I realize that by telling them that or writing a blog post calling them a terrible person- it’s not going to accomplish anything. 

  48. I agree with you 100%, but I can’t help but wonder whether it is one of those things that is easier in theory than in practice. I have been blogging for a year and find that some blogging circles are very hard to penetrate. Despite the fact that I’ve been told me writing is great and my topics are insightful, my blog isn’t growing the way I’d like. I can’t help but think that sometimes the blogosphere likes to recycle the same ideas rather than think outside the box a bit. Because my blog doesn’t fit neatly into a specific category (I write about practical spirituality, finding peace and happiness – it doesn’t focus on parenting but that does make an appearance from time to time). Maybe I’m just frustrated at the unique problems that I’m facing, but it sometimes seems to me that “finding your own voice” isn’t always rewarded or as respected as it should be.  

    That said, I think that it is essential to finding satisfaction in blogging.

    • Oh for sure- blogging is about so much more than blogging. Someone can have a totally unique and amazing blogging voice, but it doesn’t necessarily translate into more readers. And someone can have a blog that appears to be nothing special but has tons of readers- finding a voice is important but isn’t the only thing that goes into growing a blog. 

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