Danielle is the crazy momma of 4 behind Busy Mom’s Helper, where she shares all her adventures. Married to her best friend & fellow nerd. Totally addicted to Dr. Pepper and chocolate. Staying home with the kiddos keeps her busy, but she loves squeezing in time to create through the ups & downs of life . Now, if she could just figure out how to eat a candy bar without having to share, life would be even more fabulous! Be sure to join the fun at BusyMomsHelper.com
As I’ve gotten older and matured in my life, I’m better able to recognize my (many) flaws, and can strive to improve. I don’t think I’m alone in this, or at least hope I’m not. I’m not going to list ALL my flaws, but one of my biggest that I’ve realized is one that, I believe, most of us women struggle with. Perhaps it’s just human-nature, perhaps it’s just our natural tendencies…..maybe even a way of coping. Whatever the reason, Women Need To Stop Judging!
Like I said, I’m right there with y’all in this, big time. I hate that I do it, and it’s almost unconscious. I don’t realize I’m even judging someone else until it’s like ‘wow, Danielle, knock it off RIGHT NOW!’ The more I’ve tried to pay attention to this issue, the more I’ve noticed.
• At the pool, I judge the moms who put a floaty on their 3-year-old then turn their back so they can chat with other moms.
• At the pool, I get funny looks from others judging me because it may have been a couple days since I shaved my legs.
• At the grocery store, I get plenty of disapproving looks as I push/drag my kids through the aisles, sometimes kicking and screaming. There may be spills that occur that also incur judgment from the employees who have to assist.
• I find myself judging others in the neighborhood who let their young kids run around screaming into the late hours of the night.
• I’m terrible for judging parents who spoil their children to the point of snotty-ness and entitlement.
• I’ve been judged for being a bit stricter with my kids and our rules, sometimes grounding my oldest for lying or breaking rules too many times.
• I’ve been known to unconsciously judge family and friends who are struggling for money, complain all the time about it, yet spend it like crazy on pointless and definitely-not-a-need items or meals.
• Some have judged me for how frugal we are with money, saying no too many outing opportunities and date nights for the sake of getting out of debt and saving.
Through my time trying to overcome this nasty flaw of mine, and speaking to other women, I’ve noticed that we often judge others in aspects that we secretly feel we struggle with. For example, moms always worry about their parenting, so we tend to judge those who do it differently than us. I’m trying hard to be financially smart and sacrifice a lot so we can improve our situation, so I judge others who spend it on whatever they want.
We, as women, need to try our best to love and accept each other despite the things we do differently. Yes, maybe the parents not watching their toddler child in the pool aren’t in the right, but overall we need to just do our best. Whether it’s jealousy that causes us to be so judgmental, a sense of competition, or simply some flaw us women were given to have something to overcome within ourselves, it’s a huge issue.
I’m so far from perfect it’s laughable (again, the shaving the legs only every few days, or sometimes not brushing my teeth because I’m too dang tired and busy), but I think as long as I’m doing my best to overcome my flaws, it’s an improvement. No, I’ll probably never be fully judgment-free, but I’m okay with that. I’m willing to slowly but surely work on this my whole life. If I judge one less person then BOO-YAH, ladies, that’s a good day! One day at a time, right? So who’s with me?!
It is hard not to judge people sometimes i think that is just a default in everyone’s personalities,I try my best not to judge people although it can be hard.
I’m a judger of other AND myself. Why can’t I just relax?! If you ask me about it, I’ll tell you we don’t need to stress, but the unspoken social norms really get to me, and it sucks.
I admit, I also judge if I see tiny kids in the neighborhood with no supervision. I don’t get that.
I’m sure I’ve been judged since I haven’t shaved my legs before. Sometimes I just forget. Oops.
Often times we will be in a public setting and I will be getting on to my girls and my husband will be like ‘People are looking at you’… Yep… I always have people judging me.. Don’t usually care.
The judging is really such a tricky thing. It’s almost a natural reaction – to judge both myself and others. And to worry about being judged. A few years into this, though, I’m getting better at just being confident in my own decisions.
Look, judging others can also help us to better ourselves. If I see something I don;t approve of in another parent, it is a reminder to me not to get lax and do the same thing.
How’s that for a positive spin!
PS I love to judge! And then share my judgements! But I don’t because that is not nice. ha!
Mitch
I’m judged often for being strict. But there is a reason for all of it. My mother raised an independent women that is perfectly capable to taking care of things on her own, acts like and adult, and picks up after herself. I like things neat and clean for a reason. I like bedtimes for a reason. I like alone time for a reason. I don’t think there is anything wrong with any of us.
Ya, I wish I could say I NEVER judge anyone, but then I would be totally lying. I am trying to not do it sooo much, but sometimes you just can’t help but do it.
I think it is common for people to judge others. It is somewhat human nature to compare ourselves to other people. It is important to put the negative thoughts away though and focus on the good differences between yourself and others.
I think we have all had a taste of this flaw. Judging others seems to be a way of life for some tho.
It is hard to judge people sometimes, because frankly, some people just don’t seem to have the kids best interest at heart.
When I’m judgmental, I find that it’s more toxic to me than anything else. I’d love to see women link arms with other women, coming together instead of coming *at* each other!
I think being judgemental at times is just natural. When we find ourselves calling ourselves OUT on it — that’s always a good thing. Those who are continually judgemental and don’t even acknowledge that they are are the ones with the real issue. I know I’m judged by others, and I know I judge others at times. It’s just something we have to continually work on, especially as women, moms and friend.
it’s so true that we all need to work on judging less. Me included for sure. I’m going to work on that this week.
A couple of days since you shaved your legs? Ha! I’m going on DAY #7 and wore shorts to the gym! I hate shaving!
i’m not a judgy person. i know many people who are.
Right one day at a time! 🙂 I suppose a small amount of judgment can be good, keeps us on our toes. Just a small amount though. 😉
I have been trying to judge other people less. I hope they do the same thing for me.
I think being judgmental is natural, we just have to check ourselves sometimes and think about why we make the judgments we do. Those judgments my be correct sometimes but they may also block us from some interesting opportunities.
I agree with so many above about it being natural to judge or compare. It may never be intentionally mean or hurtful but there are definitely things I am glad I do differently than some. They may feel that way towards me and that is okay too.
My Mom used to always say, “Judge not lest ye be judged.” I try not to be judgmental, but sometimes other people drive me with batty with their decisions and I can’t help but wonder, “WHAT were they thinking.”
It is a real problem amongst moms for some reason. Why do they judge each other so much? Instead of trying to build each other up
I’m always saying we shouldn’t be judging g but I do it myself. I hate it. We all need to be more accepting and supportive.
I definitely believe that judging is in our genes, so to speak, and it’s natural for us to do so. I have been doing better about trying not to judge so quickly anymore. We are all going through our own struggles.
There has always been a lot of judging from moms. It really needs to stop and we all need to be more supportive of each others decisions.
It is good that you recognize this in yourself and want to improve. I have so much to do with my husband and kids I just don’t have time to judge others.
We all probably judge people without even thinking about it. I feel the judgement coming from my hubbie’s family about extended nursing. Just the other night on the phone he told his mom the 2 year old couldn’t talk because she was nursing and I hear across the room “She is still doing that!” The phone wasn’t even on speaker. It hurts to feel someone thinks badly about you but we have to do what we think is right whetherothers agree or not.
I don’t have any time to judge other people unless it’s judging the crappy way they’ve treated me – there’s always time for that. LOL I am too busy living life to worry about what other people are doing.
I don’t judge people. But people watching is the best for sure!!
I judged that parents that put their children on those “leashes”. Then I had twins and two “leashes” were just delivered yesterday for our amusement park roadtrip next week. 😀
I always try to reserve judgement for the really bad situations I see 🙂 You never know what is going on with other people- best to see if you can help instead of judge!
It’s so hard not to judge when you see someone doing things you would never do! I try to not go there in my mind, but at the very least, I keep those judgments to myself.
I’ve been working on this as well. We don’t know the situation…I’m trying harder to be more understanding
I also agree that people should be less judgmental. Life would be easier.
Its hard not to compare your choices to other people’s choices. I think everyone is guilty of this. I often just shut my eyes (figuratively) to other parents and do my own thing. It makes it easier to focus on me and my son, rather than compare myself to others. I also find myself more prone to judge others who are struggling/excelling in the areas that I struggle with–I think that’s just the way we try to make sense of things. If they’re struggling, too, then we are they doing wrong to be in the same situation? (though, we’re different people). There’s a difference between being catty and being observant, though. People who don’t watch their children really worry me :/
Love it! Totally with you (Boo-Yah!). You are right, it is a lifelong journey. BUT might as well work on it.
Yeah – I think we are all judgers – But knowing when we’re judging is a good step into understanding why we shouldn’t be.. And recognizing your own flaws is great. (P.S. I’m lucky to shave once a week! I could care less what the other mamas think of me at the pool.)
I think that we as women (and moms in many instances) need to really be careful about judging those around us. I can tell you how hurtful and rude it is when someone says something that is completely out of line (even if they think they are being helpful). Do unto others as you want them to do to you.
I don’t feel like a judgemental person, because most of my thoughts stem from a place of safety and concern. If I see a mom with small children not holding their hands in a busy parking lot I am livid and thinking how careless. There is no way to justify her behavior. The same goes for parents with their kids out late at night screaming through the neighborhood. I don’t think we’re judging, but observing with sense.
I see so many woman judging others it makes me ill, well not really but back in the day before Facebook and living online it was bad. When I was just bringing up my kids and my friends were all in college, oh I was judged.
I know I’m guilty of this as well, but try really hard not to be since I’ve been judged an awful lot in my life, especially when I was a single mom.
My toddler is totally at the age where everyone in public is giving us the judgey looks because of his behavior! There’s not much I can do about it though.
It’s hard not to judge other people and to not feel judged by others. I think just acknowledging this is a huge step for all of us!
I think it’s in our nature to judge but I’ve been trying to take a step back and say “Ashley, you don’t know their story.”