Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Why I’m Glad I Redshirted My Kindergartener

Last week, I took my youngest for his kindergarten physical. Filling out all that paperwork in preparation for registering him for kindergarten makes it seem real that my baby will really be in full-day school next fall.

But there wasn’t that oh-my-gosh-how-is-it-already-time-to-send-him-to-kindergarten feeling because technically, he should have gone to kindergarten last fall. We made the decision to redshirt him instead. You can read more about our reasons to kindergarten redshirt and how we came to that decision. And I’m glad that we chose to redshirt.

Honestly, the only time I ever had a moment’s doubt that we did the right thing was a few times when we had to fork over the preschool tuition, since kindergarten would be free.

 

redshirting kindergartenMy little Cub is a smart cookie. And I think he could have done just fine if he were in kindergarten this year. It’s funny to me that people assume that he must have some sort of delay or learning issue and that’s why we decided to redshirt. But if that were the case, we probably would have sent him on time so that he could get interventions sooner. But as it is, we didn’t have any concerns and he’s really learned so much this year in Kinder Prep. There are some of the end-of-year kindergarten goals he’s already surpassed.

I’m perfectly fine with the idea of him starting kindergarten ahead of where he needs to be, instead of worrying about if he’ll be able to catch up. So much of what our kids do at school is differentiated by ability, so I’m not concerned that he’ll be bored. But I do think he’ll have so much more confidence as he starts school because of how much he’s able to do, instead of being stressed out because he can’t do what the other kids do.

Our kindergarten is full-day and there have been so many changes in what the kids are expected to do by the end of the year. For example, when my oldest(who is now a third grader) was in kindergarten, the goal was to be reading on a Level B by the end of the year. Last year, that was changed to having to read on a Level D by the end of the year(a far cry from when I was in kindergarten and all we were expected to do was to recognize our letters).

My Cub would have been one of the youngest had we sent him last year. Add to that that he’s a boy and well, he would have been one of the more immature kids in the room, making it harder to be able to meet all those goals. I have no doubt he’ll be ready in the fall. That he’ll even be a leader in his classroom.

He won’t stick out as being the oldest kid, size-wise. He’s about average in his current class(technically the year behind him) and he plays soccer and basketball with kids his age(who are in kindergarten this year). When he’s playing sports, he’s no longer the smallest kid out there like he was last year, but he’s not anywhere near the biggest. And when he’s at school, he doesn’t stick out as being much bigger than the average kid(he’s still not the tallest). We weren’t thinking size or trying to gain him some sort of advantage in high school sports years down the road, but we did consider that we might have made a different decision had we thought he’d stick out like a sore thumb as the giant boy who can’t possibly be in the right year. But as it is, he looks like he fits with the grade we have him with.

When our child starts full day kindergarten this fall, I know he’s going to be amazing. He’s confident and has learned a lot. I don’t have any concerns that he’ll have a rough go of it. And I’m thrilled that he’ll have a first year of school experience that is easy for him. I’m glad that we gave him the gift of time this past year.

 

Comments

  2. My parents debated about starting my brother, sent him and wished they hadn’t. I think in most cases it is better to wait. My oldest son has a late Sept birthday and the cut off was Sept 1st. He also ended up repeating Kindergarten. So he is older than his classmates but right where he needs to be.

    • My sister wanted to try to send her daughter early(she missed the cut off by two weeks). She didn’t and is glad b/c even now, she’s struggling.

  3. My daughter is starting Kindergarten in the Fall too! I am SOOOO nervous. I don’t know why. She goes to VPK now and absolutely loves it. I think you made the right decision by making him wait a year. There is no harm in it and as his mommy you do know best. This year he will probably flourish and adapt very well.

    • I feel so much better having waited. I love this feeling of knowing he’s going to do great. Still- it’s full day and a change from this year.

  4. I totally get it. I was always the youngest in my class and honestly, I think I would have been a more consistent student if I had been one of the oldest. Good for you for making the right decision for your child. :)-Ashley

    • I was one of the youngest in mine, too. I like it better with my boys being on the older side. My oldest went on time, but he also turned 6 not all that long after the school year started.

  5. My youngest, who just turned five the end of January, is heading to kindergarten this fall. He is so ready. He has flourished in Preschool–he can print his name , recognizes all letters, can count, etc. He’s far more prepared than his big brother was. These decisions are hard to make, but in the end you have to do what you feel is right. May your little guy have the best year ever next year.

    • Sounds like my oldest! He turned 5 the December before he started and we didn’t consider for a moment not sending him on time.

  6. We contemplated holding our son back. But things seem to be going well. I am happy to you made a decision that was best for your son and that he is flourishing.

    • Usually, I just say that we chose to wait a year to send him. But in other discussions online, I see redshirted used more often, so I used it. 😉

  9. Hmmmm I never heard of this being referred to as redshirting.   I like it better than people saying we held him back.      Sometimes, it is hard to make that decision, but it sounds like you made the right one.

    • I usually just say “we waited to send him to kindergarten” but when I’ve seen it talked about lately, I’ve seen the redshirting term, so I thought I’d give my take on it!

  10. I honestly believe kids should wait until theyre 6.. I think just turned 5 or barely 5 is too young, theyre not ready disability or no disability but thats just my opinion.

    • It is young. Especially for boys, I think. And with school being full day and how much more kindergarteners are expected to do these days, I think it makes sense. When I talked to our principal about it last year, she said that she has a lot of parents come to her at the end of kindergarten and ask for their kids to repeat the year b/c they aren’t really ready to move on. But she said that unless they are actually well below where they should be, she can’t hold them back, so it’s better to do it the year prior to kindergarten.

  11. My mom taught first grade and she always said no kid was ever hurt by waiting a year while going too soon can have bad long term effects.
    Our big debate was to send our kids at the same time. My son will be five in November, and my daughter will be five in June. They could go the same year. We want to hold our daughter until she is six for a variety of reasons. 

    • That’s what I was told- that it’s not going to hurt and it could help, so why not wait?

  12. As a teacher I think it’s always better to hold them out then put them in. It does give them a boost to know more and be ahead instead of behind. But whatever decision anyone makes it’s their decision and the family makes it. to the best of their ability. We all just want what’s best for our kids. 

    • Definitely a personal decision. I probably could have pushed and had my oldest start before he was five and he would have done great. It just depends on each kid.

  13. My younger son is scheduled to start in the fall, and I have reservations.  He has a late-ish birthday and will be one of the youngest (and likely the smallest) in his class.  I go back and forth in my mind ALL THE TIME wondering if it’s the right thing to send him.  I had reservations when my older son started, too, but for very different reasons, and now I’m so glad I sent him “on time.”  He had a rough start but then settled right into it and quickly surpassed all my expectations.  I’m hopeful this will happen with my younger son too.  It’s just so hard to know what the right decision is with stuff like this.  

    • He’ll do great! Really, I think if I had send my youngest this past year, he would have been fine. But I’m still glad we gave him this extra year.

  14. My daughter is going to fall into this category. She could technically start kindergarten at 4 and then she’ll turn 5 a couple of weeks later. I have no idea what to do yet. I’m hoping her preschool could help me decide whether to hold her back our not.

    • Oh, that’s early! Our cut off date is before school starts, so everyone has to be 5 before school starts.

  15. My youngest will go to kinder in fall. I wept. But more because my baby is going to school full day. She’s very ready. Not all kids are and it’s great you guys made the decision and feel good about it. Most have been the right one!

    • We definitely feel good about it. It helped that we found a great Kinder Prep class for him, instead of just regular preschool, so it’s been a more academic/challenging program.

  16. I sometimes wish I had held my middle daughter back a year. Both her brother and sister had almost an extra year at home because of their birthdays. But she’s usually one of the youngest kids in class and while she’s doing okay she has had her struggles. 

    • It’s so hard to know. I was always one of the youngest in my class and it was just fine. But I’m still glad that we decided differently for my kids.

  17. How exciting! I have two friends currently trying to decide this very thing. My five-year old starts this fall as well, but he’s a January baby, so his birthday falls smack in the middle. We are definitely sending him, and I’m super excited. I look forward to reading about your little one’s first day.

    • My oldest has a December birthday so we didn’t consider this for him, either. Good luck to your little one this fall, too!

  18. What an interesting read. I don’t have kids yet but I know a few people that were held back and it was the best decision for them.

  19. I’m glad you are confident in your decision. Do you think it will be strange, when kids start to realize how old they and their peers are, that he is older than them. I remember in high school people turning 17 instead of turning 16 (like everyone else, and we always wondered why they got held back, or “what was wrong”.  My niece should have been held back (her birthday was on the cut off)

    • We did consider it, but actually, because of how his birthday falls, he’ll still be the same age as a lot of the kids in his class anyway. He’ll start out as 6 in kindergarten, but some of his classmates will turn 6 very soon after school starts. (Or advance that and say he’ll start out 16…) It would have been different if his birthday was at the beginning of the year.

    • And once they start, they have to keep going(at least, that’s how it is here). So I’d rather wait!

  21. When the time comes, if she isn’t ready and I have a choice, I’ll give Gia the same choice. I am amazed and really a little disgusted at how much they expect in Kindergarten. I love that last line…the gift of time. Wouldn’t it be great if we all got that? 🙂

    • The gift of time is what my oldest’s kindergarten teacher told me when we were discussing possibly waiting for my middle son. And she said that it was the only time in their lives when we could give them the gift of time. That once they are in school, we can’t. And that she’d never heard of it hurting any child to wait but that it can help.

    • My husband was a September baby, right before the cut off date so he was the youngest and it ended up being a mistake for him to go on time. I’m sure that influenced our decision.

    • I usually just say that we decided to wait to send him, but I’ve seen this term tossed around when people are debating it.

  24. My daughter will be 5 like two weeks before kindergarten starts. She will be very small and young, ut I really would love for her to start school and mingle with other kids.

    • It helps that ours is in a Kinder Prep class 5 days a week for half days- it’s an academic program and he gets to be with other kids.

  25. I can’t wait to hear how he does! I sometimes wish we would have done this with my son but he does have a delay. He is doing well though. 

    • In that case, it’s best to get him in there and have them start working on interventions early, for sure.

  26. Parents always know best. You know your child better than anyone! I’m sure he will do awesome when he begins!

  27. As the mom of a September baby who misses registration by 19 days, we have talked a lot about this. Do we try to get him in somewhere else so he doesn’t start late or do we let him wait an extra year and be one of the oldest in his class? I am leaning toward the latter, and will work with him at home so that he’s well prepared for Kindergarten once he starts.

    • My niece’s birthday is just after the cut off and my sister considered starting her at a private school that would take her. But she decided to send her to preschool instead and she’s glad that she did.

  28. None of my kids made the 5 year mark in time for kindergarten. Im glad because I think 6 is a better year to start anyway.

    • I know they have to have the cut off at some point, but it’s so hard to have one close to that date!

  30. I think all momma’s know in their hearts when they’re ready and how they’ll do based on their personalities. It sounds like he’ll do great!

  32. Both of my kids have summer birthdays, and now that they are older (one in college and one a Junior in high school), I think we would have made different decisions regarding kindergarten. My oldest had no problem all the way through school while my youngest has struggled. I think my youngest could have benefitted from waiting another year. It’s definitely a personal decision depending on your child.

    • For sure it’s a personal decision. I think my oldest could have been sent early instead of starting on time and he would have been great. We waited for our other two because they had late birthdays.

  33. I definitely think it gives them a huge advantage when they’re a bit older upon starting. I actually listened to a whole audio book about that once when I was driving across country.

    • Everything I’ve read about it says that there’s very little chance of it hurting them but much more of a chance that it will help them.

  34. I’ve never heard of the term redshirt. We don’t have an option to decide if we want to send our kids to kindergarten or not where I live. If their birthday is August 6 or earlier, they HAVE to go unless you homeschool them.

    • Do you know what I have always found completely bizarre about North Carolina? School is not mandatory until the age of 8. So up until that point, it’s up to the parents. It’s crazy to me to think some wouldn’t send their kids to school until then! We started all of ours in preschool at age 3.

  35. In my opinion, it is very important that kids should learn as soon as they are able. Learning is not just limited in school, but it can take place in almost any place. I think if your child shows signs of readiness, then whatever age he might be, he can start going to school. But still, I have classmates who started school at a younger age than the average and it seems they get special treatment because of their age.

    • I do think it’s important to start early. My son started preschool at age 3 and did that for 2 years. This year, he’s in a more rigorously academic “Kinder Prep” class for 5 days a week. So, he’s still learning and getting to socialize. Just in a different setting than kindergarten. 😉

  36. I completely understand why you ‘redshirted’ your son. I almost did the same, and sometimes wonder if I shouldn’t have. Though he’s doing great, the frustration of ALL DAY Kindergarten can really get to a kid! Especially boys I think. I am so glad he is doing great, and I bet he’ll do awesome this coming fall! 

    • It is a huge change to go all day! Used to be they at least had naptime in kindergarten but they took that away, too. Too much to learn for that.

  37. It was interesting to read your ideas and reasons for “red shirting” your son. It is always nice to see how other people do things and to hear their explanations.

    • It’s definitely a personal choice. And not one we made for all of our boys. It depends on each individual situation.

  38. I think you made a really good choice. It’s a great point that if he was the youngest he’d likely be one of the less mature, which can really work against him even though he’s doing nothing wrong. Good call, mom!

  39. My boys are ALL fall babies. It’s hard their last year at home when they’re so ready for school and that environment. we have full day Kindergarten here though too, and so I’m glad they’re the oldest in their class. 

    • It helped us that we found a Kinder Prep program for him to go to 5 days a week this year. It’s more academic than the preschool program he attended last year. So it has given him lots to do this year!

  41. I can understand why parents choose to hold their kids back. However, most of my friends that did this with their kids got bored with classwork because it was too easy for them. At that point they had to decide should they be moved up or stay where they are.

    • I think a lot has to do with the school, too. In ours, everything is differentiated anyway, so the kids do the vast majority of work on their own level, whether that’s ahead or behind. So it’s harder to get bored with the work.

  42. ….I didn’t know reading levels were assigned on a letter basis, where have I been? When my siblings and I were in kindergarten to pass you had to be able to read and spell your name, address (people on Main St. were lucky lol), and read several Dr. Seuss level books. What kind of books are level b and what kind are level d?

    • It might vary depending on what state you are in. Around here, books are leveled according to letters, with a goal of being at a certain level at various points during the year. A and B books are short sentences(maybe 3 or 4 words) with only one sentence on a page. By the time you get to D, the sentences are longer and there are more per page, plus the words are more challenging.

  43. You made a wise decision for your child and all the points you made were solid in support of giving him the extra year to be ready for K-school.. Mother knows best.

  44. It’s great that you know your child and are attuned to his needs. I think all children should start school when they are ready, and not just because of their age or birth-month. Parents do know what is best! 

  47. Yep, very much a lot of the same reasoning that I red-shirted both my oldest two, especially after we found out the hard way with my oldest.   Alex would have only made the deadline by 4 days and they changed the deadline just stye following year, so she wouldn’t have even made it.   I have not regretted it one bit, and my kids are destined to be the tallest either way. 🙂

  48. I’ve never heard of the term redshirting.

    The twins will be five in June, so I could send them next year- but if anything I’ll send them to preschool. They are SO not ready.

  49. I can’t imagine holding my child back. I think every parent knows what’s right for their kid though. I’m glad you’re happy with your decision though. It’s the choice you made, so stick to it and be proud of be your little one’s biggest supporter.