I sit slightly away from the others, reading my book.
I’m perfectly happy there.
I love to read.
And I enjoy the time when there isn’t a list of things I have to do in that moment and the kids are otherwise occupied with their practice, so there’s no one asking anything of me right then.
I love to get engrossed in the story and relish the quiet.
Or at least, the relative quiet, since the other moms nearby are talking.
Maybe even loud enough that it’s hard for me to tune them out and just enjoy my story. So, I’ll let my eyes slide into a soft focus and instead of really reading, I simply drift off into thought.
I don’t mind being there, I don’t have that need to be included in the conversation around me.
Because sometimes, I do step out of my bubble and join in.
And while occasionally, I might actually find another mom that I have a lot in common with, who says something that makes me want to yell “YES! ME, TOO!” that’s not the way it usually happens.
Instead, I say something that no one agrees with and now I’m the odd one out, even though my delivery was gentle.
Or I end up saying more than I wanted to, because I’m terrible at small talk and then there’s that awkward silence as everyone watches my face turn the color of a tomato.
Or the conversation revolves around something I actually agree with them on and that I’m upset about but after hearing what they have to say about it, I’m not just upset, I’m now all worked up, allowing their emotions to magnify mine in a way that wouldn’t happen had I just been alone with my thoughts.
And other times, I have no idea how to leave the conversation when I’m not actually leaving but just returning to my quiet spot a few feet away, at least not without seeming rude.
Which is why I usually just stay in that quiet spot to begin with.
My quiet spot where I sometimes do wonder if I’m missing out by not joining in, but where mostly, I much prefer to be.
JOIN IN POUR YOUR HEART OUT
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