Nicole, author of Sisters from Another Mister is a transplanted Brit cross South African, technically a lily white African American with an accent.
Retired marketing expert with the gift of the gab, capable of huge $ fundraising & penchant for decorating homes across the globe.
Offers unlimited advice in infertility, adoption, travel, parenting, and wine.
World traveling, liberal homeschooling Mama of two blog fodder providing cherubs by day.
Writer at heart. Tweeter by compulsion. Blogger by night.
There are days when I fail.
Complete and utter failure.
There I said it.
Altho sometimes its easier to pretend it is all ok 100% of the time.
It makes others feel better when you do that you know.
I can make believe it isn’t so bad and that I hold it all together.
No one needs to know about the tears shed while huddled on my closet floor.
Days where I really cannot do it all.
Not just the days of being a Mom.
But the days where I am trying to be Mom and Dad.
The parent, the disciplinarian, both the friend and the adversary.
The one who needs to bring the good stuff to the table,
but is bogged down by being the bad cop.
When there is only one to say get on top of your work.
The one who says clean your room.
Feed the dog. Pick up your stuff.
If you don’t get that done you cannot play.
I want to be the good cop, the fun parent.
The one who makes dinner reservations, never does homework, or laundry …
The sometimes parent – some even call them ‘Disney Dads.’
When the end of the day does not bring clarity.
But more of a hopelessness of the job that I am doing.
Or honestly, not seemingly, but really alone.
So very alone.
Today I lost it. For a few minutes.
Just yelled, and threw things from a drawer.
My oldest wanted it to be specific …
Days of redecorating for her.
And my patience was worn thin.
I am not proud.
I sat on the floor outside of her door and cried.
But the hugs and the smiles, the night time kisses.
The I love you’s – oh how they melt my heart.
The shared laughter, the making of memories.
The shedding of old traditions and the planning of new.
Two little girls, who so quickly have become two young women.
By my side – watching them and drinking in these moments.
Each one missed by another. But not by me.
I know that I am so very blessed by these two gifts.
I would not go back change my life in any way for fear that they would not be in it.
But honestly … there are days … days like today when I am weary.
So very tired.
So very sad … some days I type as tears fall.
They say you should write when you feel raw emotion.
It doesn’t get more raw than when you wonder what the hell you are doing.
Or wonder if you can do it at all.
They also say … publish when you know exactly what you are doing.
When you know what you are doing.
I hope that day comes soon.