What happens when our children get older and their stories become more theirs than ours and we can’t blog as freely about them as we used to? Well, it’s nice to still have a place to spill those stories. So, at the request of this week’s guest, this post will remain anonymous. I hope that when my children are grown, I can handle it with the grace that she does.
The right preschool. Tiny jeans that he can button himself. Socks that aren’t too scratchy.
The right lunch. The right friends. The perfect math teacher. The patient baseball coach.
The right test scores. The AP courses. The perfect essay. College acceptance letters across the board.
I thought this was what he needed.
I was wrong.
When my son left for college in the fall, it seemed that my mom badge had been earned. It wasn’t easy, but to have raised a child and nurtured him all the way through high school graduation and into the freshman dorms feels like quite the accomplishment.
That’s what we do, right?
We try to give them every little bit of wisdom, advice, hard-knock lessons and praise they may need to carry themselves through this next chapter of their young adult lives.
College.
And he was SO ready, so amazingly prepared and excited for his future. Truly settled.
Mature, even.
He was a good kid, unusually vocal about not drinking, not smoking, not having any interest in any of these teenage rites-of-passage that can drive mothers crazy in the wee hours of the night as they listen for sirens and emergency phone calls.
I thought I was finished.
But then, classes started to get hard… way harder than even the AP high school courses he was so eager to take. Twelve weeks of courses moves by at warp speed when you are falling behind and you don’t grab a safety net. A tutor. A lifeline.
Something.
Probation, another chance, a fresh start.
Humbled, but eager to start again he headed back and seemed to be back on track. But it was hard, he was distracted and lost his discipline. The long, slow spiral was too deep this time. He had to come home.
Home. Time to regroup, find a new path, be a bit humble and grow up a bit more.
But why was MY ego bruised? We had raised him to be self-sufficient, be responsible and take responsibility for his actions.
We offered him a safe place to regroup. Since that very first day he has done nothing but impress us with his integrity, honesty, hard work and determination to change his course. He will make it, this is just a bump in the road.
He is resilient.
And apparently, that was what he needed all along.
Nancy Willaford says
November 8, 2013 at 9:30 amI completely understand your post.
Thank you for gathering up those words and emotions, then bundling them up so beautifully.
Jennifer Hall says
November 8, 2013 at 12:39 pmI hope I will always be able to offer my kids a safe place to land, and regroup if necessary.
Herchel S says
November 8, 2013 at 6:52 pmThis post resonated with me…not as a mother but as the child that was welcomed back home to regroup.
momof12 says
November 9, 2013 at 2:24 amMy oldest son headed off to college when he was only 17. He lacked the maturity to handle being away from home and the discipline to handle the schoolwork. After coming back home, he decided to take a couple of years off and just grow up a little. It took a while, but now he is in his last semester for his BS in Business.. They make it. It’s just not always on the path we plan for them.
Sandy
Rorybore says
November 9, 2013 at 9:28 amI remember all too well breezing through high school myself……and then 3 weeks into my university program being Just Stunned at how hard and how much work there was!! I really had to buckle down, learn some new study habits and get better at managing my time. So I can completely understand how this all happened for your son, and hopefully I will still remember it should my own kids experience it too. A safe place to fall is definitely one of the best things we can. Especially when it’s hard to just stand back and let them just Learn About Life.
Charlotte says
November 11, 2013 at 2:20 pmThe reassurance that you provide that safe haven for him is exactly what he needs. That initial year in college is such a formative time, but it’s also when we must work through the muck ourselves. He’ll get there–he has an awesome momma and a great network of friends I’m sure.
I imagine it must be incredibly difficult to take a back seat though and let them sort through those tough life decisions on their own though. Hang in there!
sara@domesticallychallenged says
November 11, 2013 at 2:51 pmAwesome post. She hit the nail on the head, and wrote in a lovely way on a tough subject.
Robbie says
November 12, 2013 at 10:41 amMy parents were my safety net more times than I can count.
jillian says
November 12, 2013 at 11:51 amHow beautiful. He will make it because you give him the ability to make it. We can’t plot their paths, pick their firends, make their choices or live their lives for them. All we can do is love them and offer them support when needed. Life is about the side roads we take. He took a side road, but he’ll get where he’s going.
Natalie says
November 20, 2013 at 2:35 pmI am not at your stage as my daughters are only 5 and 17 months but I have always said that no matter what I will always be there to welcome my daughters back and be that safety net needed, no matter what their age may be. So long as we are there for our children in their hour of need then we are truly being the best parents we can be. We always try to give our children what we think they need, so long as we love them and cherish them thats all that matters xx