What we see of someone’s day, whether it’s from running into them at school drop-off or by seeing what they post on social media, often doesn’t tell the whole story.
Let’s take one day last week as an example. Just going by who would have seen me or what you could tell from twitter and facebook, Wednesday into Thursday looked like this:
- Had a working breakfast with a friend.
- Back home to finish up some work.
- Picked the kids up from school and helped them with homework.
- Took the kids to soccer practice.
- Joined in on a twitter party panel.
- Back home to get the kids to bed.
- In the morning, got the kids off to school.
- Huffington Post Live interview.
- Worked until it was time to pick up the kids.
Busy, but not so much out of the ordinary. I was just fine, right? Nothing major could have been going on, right?
If you take a second look, you’ll see:
Had a working breakfast with a friend.
Confessed I was really worried about my husband lately. He hadn’t been feeling all that great and he was pushing himself too hard.
Back home to finish up some work.
Call from my husband, saying the doctor would just refer him to the hospital anyway, so he’s going to go to the emergency room to get checked. His blood pressure is scary high and he’s having chest pains.
Realize that there really isn’t much time before I’d have to get the kids from school, so I can’t go to the hospital to wait with him since I can’t just leave the kids at school.
Picked the kids up from school and helped them with homework.
Texting with my husband to see how things are going, trying not to let the kids see my worry until we know if there really is something to worry about. They assume he’s at work.
Find out that my husband will be admitted to the hospital and staying overnight.
Took the kids to soccer practice.
Because sometimes you keep going with the normal schedule, even when you are freaking out. And since my husband was still in the emergency room and there wasn’t anywhere for the kids to go, we still went to practice.
Sat in the van and texted and called my husband, getting updates. He was feeling better, just doing a whole lot of waiting around. He’s calm, I’m not. If you saw me, you’d think I was, but I wasn’t, as evidenced by the promise I made a friend make that she would come pull me up out of the ball I’d curl up into in my closet should anything actually happen to my husband.
Told my husband’s best friend what was going on. Assume I looked much calmer than I felt, since I wasn’t in tears(that was later).
Headed to the hospital.
Joined in on a twitter party panel.
From a chair in my husband’s hospital room. Realized I probably should have asked someone to fill in for me, but it was the furthest thing from my mind earlier and I hadn’t thought about it until too late.
Joked around with my husband and felt some relief- maybe he was just stressing himself out and needed some rest.
Back home to get the kids to bed.
Reassured them that Daddy is okay, even though I had no idea what was really going on.
After they went to bed, cried as thoughts of the worst possible scenarios warred with themselves in my head, making it impossible for me to sleep.
In the morning, got the kids off to school.
And then went directly to the hospital. Heard what the doctor had to say about my husband. Knowing changes are in order so he doesn’t wind up having a stroke. Not an expression, an actual stroke.
Meds prescribed, husband to be discharged shortly.
Huffington Post Live Interview.
It was a relief to focus on something else, to push down the worry I was feeling.
Worked until it was time to pick up the kids.
Checking on my husband periodically, even though all he was doing was sleeping.
So, you see… the picture you’d see based on bumping into me or what I put out there in a silly tweet, hardly told the whole story.
This happens more than we think. When there’s so much more going on than what we can see.
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Oh Shell. I’m glad to hear that your husband is OK and I hope that he’s doing better. I can’t begin to imagine the worry. You’re absolutely right – we don’t know the whole story. We don’t know what other people are going through.
Thanks, Christine. I try to remember this with others- that I never really know the whole story, so kindness is always the way to go.
This is something I have thought about a lot. We see snippets of people’s days and we form an opinion based on the little slice of their life we see. Sometimes we judge, not knowing what’s beneath the surface. I hope your husband continues to get stronger (and take it easy). Virtual hugs to you.
It’s so easy to go by those snippets and think someone is living a charmed life. Or at least an easy one. And really, we have no idea.
I’m glad to hear that he is ok, and I hope that he stays healthy. As moms it seems like we are always the ones who have to keep a smile on our face and keep moving even when it seems impossible to do so.
Because someone has to keep everything going, even when it feels like everything is falling apart. It’s not being insensitive, but it can appear that way.
First, I hope your husband is doing better.
Second, I have been accused several times online of having “the perfect life”. What those people don’t realize is that I don’t necessarily share everything about my life online. According to some, I have the “perfect marriage”. That is far from the truth. We argue, and over stupid things sometimes. But, our arguments don’t need to be public knowledge. Sometimes people don’t realize that simple things may be complex; we just choose to have the simple version posted online.
He is doing better, thank you.
I don’t like to put any of our silly fights out there on facebook either. And we have them. But they are silly little things and personal, so not for others to see. But because of that, I’ve heard the same thing as you.
That is so terrifying! So glad he is ok.
Sandy
Thanks, Sandy!
Dang. Are you ok?
Yeah. Mostly. When I don’t let myself go down the rabbit hole of what could possibly happen.
It is very true there is what everyone sees on social media or their own perception and then there is reality. Reality is messy. I’m glad your husband is OK and does what he needs to do to stay healthy.
Reality is so messy. And thank you, I’m hoping my husband does what he needs to to get better.
Ahhh that is SO scary!!! I hope your husband is doing better~ sending prayers to him + your family! And I definitely relate to this post~ things are so often different than they seem online. Hugs!
Thanks for the prayers, Amy! And yes, things can be so much different IRL than they appear online.
OMG! Oh my god. I’m so sorry and I am hoping your husband is feeling much better…yes?
Shell, I always knew you were a superwoman but this, wow, look at you. I would have been curled up in a ball on the floor, just knowing you got through that day is making me want to hug you and treat you to breakfast, lunch and dinner…
Sending lots of healthy vibes to you and your husband.
And drinks. We need drinks. 😉
I made myself just keep going because we didn’t know. And I try not to freak out until we actually know if there’s something to freak out about(and then all bets are off and I’m a mess).
You’re absolutely right, we only show a small portion of what really goes on in our lives and our minds. Sorry that you are going through this and I hope your husband will be ok!
Thanks, Maria! And yes, what we show online is only a small part of the big picture.
You’re right, this happens all the time. We should always remember that we don’t know what other people are struggling with. I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. How terrifying! Glad he’s ok and changes are being made. Hope he’s feeling better now.
He is feeling better now, thanks! I try to remember this when dealing with others: that what we see online is not the whole story.
Oh my goodness… Shell, I’m so very sorry to hear this 🙁 First things first: how is he feeling, and is he okay? I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers–I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through…. What a wonderful pillar of strength you are for your family. It’s amazing how we trudge through routine things when something like this is lurking underneath. Please remember to take time for yourself, too.
XOXO
He’s feeling better and will hopefully be okay. He has some changes to make. Thank you for your prayers. xo
shell. I am so sorry to hear about your hubby’s health issues. I can’t imagine how scared you were not able to be there the whole time. My hubby was in ER over weekend too and I was blessed that I was able to be there with him – so I knew what was going on at every moment. Our imaginations and fears can get the worst of us in these scary times.
I hope your hubby makes the changes necessary and his health takes a turn for the better.
God bless!!
Thanks, Ang! These husbands of ours… trying to worry us to death.
Oh my gosh, Shell! I can’t imagine how scary and stressful that must have been. Sending all my love to you and the family!
Thanks so much, Jenn!
“Because sometimes you keep going with the normal schedule, even when you are freaking out.” This for me, every time my husband is in the hospital. I work really hard at trying not to disrupt my kids’ lives. They need as much stability as I can give them.
That was how I looked at it. The kids needed as much normalcy as I could manage for them. At least until we knew what was really going on. If I had freaked out, I would have upset them.
Exactly. Now, I don’t believe in sugar-coating things for them, but I am gentle with the info I give them and don’t want to upset them any more than necessary.
Agreed. I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. But I also didn’t share all the wild speculations that were going through my head, either. 😉
What a terrifying ordeal! I hope all is – or will be – okay. This is such a profound reminder that we never know what someone’s life is like unless we walk in her shoes.
Thanks, Cheryl. He is doing better.
Oh gosh, I’m so sorry, that sounds like an incredibly tough day. I hope he’s doing much better now.
And? You’re a trooper, and amazing. I don’t know many people who can carry on as you did, making the best of a situation, and not have a meltdown.
Oh, I had the meltdown. I just waited until the kids were asleep. 😉
Oh no, Shell! So glad to hear that he is going to be ok, but I can’t even imagine how scary that day must have been. And you couldn’t be more right. Sometimes we have no idea what is REALLY going on in someone’s life from the outside looking in. xo
I’ve never been one to share the bad right in the moment, because the questions and even supportive comments right when it’s going on do nothing but freak me out more. And I know there are lots of people like that, so I try not to judge based on someone’s fb wall!
Oh my gosh girl I am so so sorry! I hope he is okay and that the meds he is getting help him out. You are right, it is so rare that we ever really know all that is going on in someone’s life. I will keep your husband in my prayers.
Thank you for this, Shell. How often we judge others because of what we see, not what we know. And then we wonder why they don’t understand what *we* go through. What a good reminder that it goes both ways, and we all need to be more compassionate and helpful.