I’m guessing that when the teacher loaded your child into your car at the end of the day and had that clipboard with her with the incident report attached, that it was a different scenario than when she told me my son was bitten by yours.
I bet you felt horror that your child would do such a thing. It’s not like you taught him to bite. Maybe he’d never bitten anyone before and you have no idea where he learned it from or why he did it.
Or maybe this isn’t new to you but you had hoped that the last time would truly be the last time and you’d never have to deal with this again. Maybe you feel like you’ve tried everything you can and you don’t know how to make it stop.
You probably feel awful that another child was hurt.
And embarrassed that someone else had to be told that your kid did something wrong, that you’ll be judged.
And you worry that it will happen again.
Well, let me tell you what happened when the teacher came with her clipboard and incident report to my car.
I looked at the bite and saw the skin wasn’t broken. And listened to the teacher say that it was cleaned. And heard my child giggle and say he was fine.
So I signed the incident report, shrugged, and said “It happens sometimes.”
I don’t think your kid is awful. I don’t think your parenting skills are lacking. I don’t want his head or your head on a platter.
You see, I’ve been where you are.
One of my kids was a biter. And even though we talked to him about biting, explaining that it hurts and that he isn’t allowed to bite and we tried different punishments for it, he bit someone on more than one occasion.
It was an awful feeling to know that another child was hurt because of mine.
And I felt frustrated and embarrassed and helpless. And I constantly worried that he’d do it again, despite us talking to him and singing “Don’t, don’t, don’t bite your friends” so many times I started wondering where exactly Yo Gabba Gabba gets their drugs and if they’d share with an exasperated mama.
I worried every single time he’d be around other kids. Even though it was a rare thing for him to do and months could go by without him biting, knowing it was a possibility that it could happen had me on edge constantly.
And I worried that another mom would want my head or my son’s head on a platter. That someone would think “oh, just tell him not to bite” works and I must be too stupid to figure that out.
So, you see, I’ve been on both sides. My kids have been bitten(yes, all of them at some point) and one of mine bit someone(more than one someone, unfortunately).
And while I hated seeing my boys hurt, once they were cleaned up and calmed down, they were just fine. I didn’t have anything else to worry about.
But when it was my child who was the biter, it wasn’t over as quickly.
It’s harder to be where you are.
So, no drama from me in the pick up line. I signed that form and went about my day.
Signing that form wasn’t as easy for you and I’m guessing you didn’t just go about your day as usual.
But keep going, mama.
This stage will pass.
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