Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

To Ma’am or Not to Ma’am

My recent trip up North, where I was given some dirty looks for using the term “ma’am” brought this post from last year to mind. “Ma’am” is not an insult, y’all.  While this post originally talked about what you teach your kids to say, I’d love to hear what you think about being called ma’am, too.

I’ll never forget the first time I was called ma’am.

It was my first day of teaching and I had given a direction to my class of 6th graders, who then chorused “Yes, ma’am.”

I froze.

Did they just say “Yes, ma’am??????”

Don’t they realize that I just turned 22 the previous WEEK?

age jokes

 

No one called me ma’am when I was student teaching. But I did that up North: where the class will chorus “Yes, Miss —–” instead of ma’am.

But this was the South.

And in the South, kids are taught to say ma’am to their elders.

And even though at 22, I didn’t like describing  myself as an elder, it was the norm.

And so I got used to it. And I sir and ma’am people all the time.

My boys know to say “Yes, ma’am” and “No sir” and the like to their teachers, other adults, and even Hubs and I. Though our two youngest sometimes say “Yes, ma’am” to their Daddy… not quite getting the whole gender thing, since they are used to dealing with their teachers(and me) who are all female.

I have to admit: while I cringed at that first time I was called ma’am, I do expect it these days and expect my boys to address adults that way, as well.

 Do you teach your kids to say “ma’am” and “sir?” If not, what terms do they use?

 

Comments

  1. I admit I haven’t been in the south long enough to feel comfortable with it.  It feels very weird and awkward to me.  Maybe eventually I won’t feel that way anymore but I just haven’t been able to get use to it yet.

    • It did for me at first, as well. But since I’ve been around it for over 10 years, it feels normal. 

      • It was jarring to me in the beginning too- even being from the Midwest.  All of my southern friends’ kids call me “Miss Jennifer”- no matter how close we are.  I always want to tell them they can just call me “Jennifer” but I don’t wanna break the habits their parents are trying to build.  

        • I wondered how I picked up calling “ladies: of any age Miss and their first name and also using the M’am. It so second nature now. Yes I am much older than you. Young lady I hope y’all can think of it respectfully. I find Southern nicieties to be wonderful even tho I was a Yanke until 1985 and now that I had to move back to Indiana seems like thatrich heritage of manners is lacking and I really miss it. It has charm. and yes Sir bothers me as I am retired enlisted. (smiling).

  2. I’m a southerner…grew up saying ma’am and sir and still do. We also tend to call anyone older/in authority Miss or Mr _______ rather than by their first name. Try student teaching at your old HS and having your teachers call them by their first names! I also discovered, when I grew up, that half the people I called aunt and uncle were not at all related 🙂

  3. My kids don’t say Ma’am or Sir, but they do say please, thank-you and you’re welcome and tack on Miss S, or whoever is directing them.

  5. We don’t do that so much in Michigan, but I think it’s sweet and respectful. They’re pretty good about please and thank you though 🙂 (Also, I just noticed your TWIN badge! That’s exciting–congratulations!)

    • Definitely a regional thing- love seeing all these comments of what is common in different areas!

      And thank you- I’m thrilled that I was chosen! 

  6. My kids don’t say Ma’am or Sir, but they do use Miss or Mr.  And I have to be honest, I cringe when I’m called Ma’am. It makes me feel old (but I’m not in the south either.)

    • It’s definitely a regional thing. I hated being called ma’am before. 22 was still SO YOUNG to be a ma’am. LOL

  7. My oldest is learning to say yes sir and yes ma’am in martial arts. I think it’s a good thing for her to learn although I don’t think I want to be called ma’am. 

    • I hated it at first. I also hated that my students said Ms. (last name) instead of Miss (last name) when I first started teaching. That made me feel old, too, for some reason.

  10. The ma’am thing is definitely southern.  When I moved to Colorado from Texas, all the adults would tell me to knock it off with the sirs and ma’ams.  Now that I am a teacher, I have found that I can tolerate ma’am, but you know what truly drives me nuts? Only being called “Miss” without my surname attached to it.

  11. My children are much better with the sirs than the ma’ams. But we do try to teach them to be respectful which I think can be challenging in this day and age.
    My very first paid teaching job was in Leland, NC, I had just moved there from Boston, MA. The children and I literally could not understand each other many days. They were talking this southern language with a strong “country” southern accent that I didn’t understand and i was a fast talking northerner. It was…interesting.

    • Oh, I understand that! I moved from PA to NC to teach and everyone’s accents seemed SO strong. I was teaching Language Arts and made the mistake of trying to teach a lesson on double negatives. That was a total disaster. “My mama don’t think there’s nothing wrong with no double negatives, ma’am.”

  12. We don’t say ‘ma’am or sir’ much in the North…but my kids say please or thank you and have good manners. I don’t insist on Mr or Mrs – but rather whatever that adult would like to be called.

    • It’s a Southern thang. 😉 

      For other adults, mine usually use Miss/Mr. (first name).

  13. We don’t say ma’am or sir much, my husband has tried to enforce it a bit from his years in the Air Force in Arkansas but no one around here uses it so it doesn’t last long. I do insist on Ms or Mrs or Mr though.

    • It’s hard to enforce when others don’t say it around where you are.  We dropped it mostly when we were back in PA.

  14. The first time i heard it I was crushed. After living in the South for a while I got used to it and have even taught my oldest to use it too.  It is a nice sign of respect. 

  15. I remember the first time a sales clerk called me ma’am – I had been chatting with the guy and thought we looked around the same age (with me *slightly* older). When he called me ma’am I nearly died – did I really look that old??? I need to say here in Canada we are not so formal – as a high school teacher students call me “Miss” and my colleagues “Sir’, regardless of age. But we don’t call other authority figures “Miss” or “Sir” (well, maybe a Judge, but that’s about it). So in my mind ‘ma’am’ = old lady, something which I naively believed I did not resemble… oh well, heavy moisturizer and a new dye job for me.

    • That’s how I saw ma’am as well, but it’s common here, even at a young age. That made me feel better, once I figured that out. 

  16. Having grown up in Texas I sir and ma’am everyone to within an inch of their lives and am trying to teach my kids to do so as well, although living in Italy and switching constantly from one language to the other it’s a challenge! I do insist that they use the yes ma’am no ma’am (and sir) with their dad and I, so they get used to it, especially if I’m scolding them or giving directions. Although I realize that they’re going to get weird looks from people when we visit friends up north!

  17. Having grown up in the north I never said ma’am or sir. But since we have moved to the South, I realize how unmannerly children up north are and I don’t want my children to be like that. So yes, we are working on the ma’am and sir phraseology. 🙂

    • There’s definitely a big difference between North and South, isn’t there? It’s not always a bad thing, just different.

  18. I hate being called Ma’am.  Probably because I’m a northener.  I do teach my kids to say Miss/Mrs. or Mr.  Some of my kids’ friends call me by my first name, which confuses my kids on what terminology to use.  I’m not a fan of that.

    • For adults that aren’t my kids’ teachers, they use Miss/Mr. (First Name). I like it- shows some respect, but still a little familiarity.

  19. I was reading the newspaper (in Texas!) once several years ago when I stumbled across a letter to the editor. A (white) woman was telling about how she had been addressed as ma’am by a (black) woman and thought it was sad that in the new milenium, a black woman still had to address a white woman as ma’am. All I could think was there was no way the woman writing the letter had been raised in the south! I grew up being taught to use “ma’am” and “sir” no matter who I was talking to. I still use the terms to this day and, now, so do my own children.

  20. No, that wasn’t the norm up there. They just used the teacher’s name. I know it’s the thing down here but I’ll never get used to it, and since I’m moving back to the Midwest, I won’t have to!

    • It was a little weird to get used to- though I’ve been here a lot longer than you. When are you moving? 

  21. Ha! When I was 11, my mom took up with a married man who was from the south. His parents were mad at their son and his wife and mad at my mom. Mother and Bob worked for Bob’s father’s company. The first time mom introduced me to him, she said, “Maggie, this is Carl.” I said,”Hi, Carl!” His eyes grew large and he nearly shouted, “You’ll call me, Mr. Kendrick!”

    This is how I was introduced to this aspect of addressing adults. I learned my “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir.” Mr. and Mrs. Kendrick provided me with care and training that my mother never did. I also came to faith as a result of their influence.

    This is the first time I have really thought about it from an adult perspective. New insights. Glad we went there.

    • Yikes- if you were introduced to him as Carl, makes total sense you’d have said that! 

      Sounds like you have a blog post in this story! 

  22. We ma’am. At least we try. I have no idea how well it works when Kiddo is at school, but he knows how much I love it when I ask him to do something and he replies, “Yes, ma’am.” But then again, we are casual enough that I don’t think he calls anyone but his teachers by Mr. or Mrs.

    • We do Mr./Miss (first name) for adults who aren’t their teachers. But again, that’s a regional thing.

  23. I’ve been called it before and yeah, it feels weird. I mean I’m only 24 right now. 
    I probably won’t really teach my daughter to use them since around here it’s very rare to hear those terms at all. 

    • It does seem odd when you’re so young, doesn’t it? Though since it’s common here, I got used to it!

  24. The first time I was ever told ma’am, I was probably a teenager. I took it as a sign of respect, not age related, as it was meant. I’ve read blogs where people were really annoyed that a clerk (or someone in a similar type position) had referred to them as ma’am. Their reaction irked me. I think it is wonderful in this day and age that people still give each other respect. (And yes we can provide respect someone without completely knowing everything about them.) My children are learning to say yes ma’am and no sir. If they know someone better, then they can say yes, Miss or Mrs or Mr whoever. But even if they don’t know the name of someone they can still treat them with some respect.

    PS I was born in raised in Florida – some people consider it the south and some not so much.

    • Florida is kind of its own little thing, isn’t it? LOL

      It took me a little while to get used to it at first- especially being so young when I started teaching, but I definitely learned to see it as a term of respect and not anything to do with age. 

  25. Well Shell, I’m a Northerner, so there’s no “Ma’am ” or “Sir” here, instead I do refer to all adults formally. Either with Mr. First Name or Miss First name if we’re close, (i.e. neighbors, friends) and if they’re less known, I prefer Mrs/Mr. Last Name. 
    I have a mom friend who HATES that my kids call her Miss Michelle. I want them to show her some level of respect, since she is their friend’s mother, but she thinks it just makes her sound OLD! 
    To each their own, right? 

    • We do Mr./Miss First Name as well. It’s more familiar than Mr./Mrs. Last name, but still respectful. 

  26. I find it funny how offensive some people find ma’am and and sir- yes, there is something older sounding about it, but it also sounds very polite and respectful. If i am in the store and needing to get someone’s attention what am I supposed to call- hey you? So , yes I Ma’am it.

    • I just go up to the person and say excuse me or I make contact. I don’t assume or force names on people they didn’t ask to be called. When I looked younger people had no problem just talking to me and asking my name. Now that I have physically aged, you don’t know what to call me? It’s an age thing. To make a woman feel constantly separated by looks, its mean. That my name and who I am is no longer relevant. I’m just my looks.

  27. I loathe being called ma’am
    maybe that’s why I haven’t really taught my kids to say it…though they are polite, just not in a sir and ma’am kind of way…

    • It’s a regional thing, for sure. 

      I’ve gotten used to it over the past almost 13 years, so I’m no longer offended. 😉 

  28. I hate ma’am.  Seriously hate it.

    My kids call all teachers and the like, Mr. or Mrs.  For parents of friends they will say Miss Kim, or Mr. Jim, etc.

  29. Here in India, children are expected to address their elders as aunty and uncle, and at school they say miss or ma’am but put the person’s name first. My husband is manager of a preschool and my son attended last year. He often came home and told me, “I have to call my teacher Priya Miss but daddy can call her Priya.” This applies even if the teacher is married. When I go places I am often called ma’am. That took getting used to, as did having our neighbors teens call me aunty. Makes me feel old when I’m only 34. 🙂
    Also, I would be expected to address anyone my parents age or older as aunty or uncle.

    • It’s so interesting to hear what the terms of respect are in different areas/countries!

  30. We do teach our kids to say “Yes M’am” and “Yes Sir”.  I think it’s the most polite thing to do. BUT, I personally cringe a little when a teenager or young adult calls me “M’am” – ack! 😉 

    • A regional thing, for sure- the comments on this are very interesting- seeing the differences!

  32. Oh yes we do. They are also not allowed to call adults by their first name. It is Ms. or Mr. always. I worked with someone from the Midwest and he was really surprised by it, but he thought it was great so he taught his kids to do the same thing.

    • No first names for adults here, either. They can use them, but only if they put a Mr./Miss/Coach in front of them.

  33. Here, I think it’s only used in stores. At least that is the only time I have ever been called “Ma’am.” I did a double take when someone said, “Excuse me, you forgot your bag, Ma’am.” I looked around thinking he couldn’t possibly have thought I was a ma’am. Although, I do thing I’ve heard my oldest refer to a coach as either coach or sir, now that I think about it.

  35. i haven’t taught him “ma’am” or “sir.” We do “please” and “thank you” and he’ll say Mrs/Ms and Mr. when addressing elders. People will probably think he’s disrespectful for not saying ma’am. but that wouldn’t be true.

  36. Now that I live in the South, I’m trying to think about whether I’ve been addressed as ma’am. It seems like most of the children I meet call me “Miss Leigh.” But they will respond to question with yes or no, ma’am. I guess I’ve been more impressed by their manners than anything else!

  37. I don’t care about being called ma’am, but it doesn’t really happen in New England too much. I lived in TX for 3 years and sort of picked it up so I’ll say “yes ma’am” or “yes sir” at times. I do not want my son calling adults by their first names. So he’ll be doing Mrs/Ms./Mr last name for everyone that isn’t family. Some close friends of ours he calls aunt or uncle. We really can’t stand the Miss/Ms/Mr. First Name thing.

    • See, I like the Miss/Mr First Name thing- for people that are closer friends of the family but I don’t want them calling them by their first name alone.

  38. LOL every time I hear ma’am when I go through a drive thru or at a restaurant I wonder if it’s b/c I look old, b/c I have a child, or if the are just being nice…I think here in the south it’s just trying to be nice.

  39. I am from the south…well actually I’m from south Florida, which is just about as far north of The South as you can get…not geographically, but um, culturally or something. Anyway. I was not raised to say ma’am and sir. My mother HATES to be called ma’am. If someone calls her ma’am she actually asks them not too. So any time I go north (to go south) and the ma’ams and sirs start flying I’m all like, ‘What should I do?!” Should I ma’am and sir them? What if they’re like my mom and hate it?” One time I took a risk and said ma’am and IT DID NOT GO WELL. The woman looked like she wanted to drill through my left eye. Maybe this is why I try to avoid all conversation with everyone.

  40. As a Canadian girl, I’ve always loved the South’s love affair with calling elders ma’am and sir. When I would go to Texas for work, I LOVED the chivalry and being called ma’am. It’s great – men will never get into an elevator before you, but then they will never get out of an elevator before you either, so it’s all confusing. I find it very sweet AND entertaining.
    My kids don’t call elders ma’am or sir, but they do call them “Mrs. X’ or “Mr. X”. Unless we know the people well, then they can call them by their first name.

  41. I have that ma’am and sir thing so ingrained in me from growing up in the south that I still do it even though I’m almost 30. My daughter does it – a little. I didn’t focus on her saying it to me enough when she was smaller, and since she is at home with me all day (homeschool) she isn’t picking it up around her. But her dad (who is REALLY southern) jumps on it and corrects her when she doesn’t do it. 

    • It’s a newer thing to my boys- we didn’t force it while we were living back up in PA b/c it wasn’t common.

      • Random story time – when my cousins moved from the south to Pennsylvania so their dad could teach Spanish at that college, one of them had some disagreement with his teacher over something and when he said, “yes ma’am” to her as part of that conversation, she thought he was being smart mouthed, when really he was just being southern. 

  42. I get so torn on this one too. I have my kids say sir and ma’am, but then when I hear other people call me ma’am, I feel so old!!!

    • I’m just going to keep repeating in my head “I am NOT old, I am NOT old.” LOL

  43. I was born & raised in the South, and while my parents expected us to use ma’am and sir to other adults, we didn’t have to use it with our parents.  So I did the same with my kids.  They’re very good about ma’am and sir with other adults (even my 19 yo son still says it).  It just seems too formal at home – but that’s just me! 

    • Mine don’t say it with everything at home- more like if they are being given a direct order or a reprimand(wow, doesn’t that sound serious- but you know what I mean) and then they do say “Yes, Ma’am/Sir.” 

  45. We mostly focus on getting our kids to say please and thank you, or no thank you. I’ve never been into making kids call adults by anything other than their names. At 38 years old, I’m pretty used to being called ma’am by polite baggers at the grocery store or servers at restaurants, and actually feel like they should, as it’s a sign of respect. I also don’t mind when my kids’ teachers refer to me as Mrs. Hall. I am Mrs. Hall! I’ve never understood why some people don’t like being called Mr. or Mrs.

    • I don’t get the Mr. or Mrs. thing either. Though if I’m in the school all the time, I think the teachers can just call me by my first name. 😉 

  46. Good thing I’m subscribed, then. Don’t want to miss a thing. And now I have that Aerosmith song in my head.

  47. We live in WV, though we hail from MI. My MI friends and I had this discussion before I had my LO and we settled that Mr. and Mrs. plus first name was ok in general. I say sir and ma’am occasionally as an adult(like “Excuse me, Sir…or Ma’am. ) and said it as a child when it seemed appropriate but it was not an expectation in the area where I was raised. Here, I’ve almost had people get offended because I’ve had my daughter use proper titles; I’ve had it mentioned that that seems overly formal, which seems like such a departure from how we grew up! I always called adults Mr. or Mrs. Last Name unless they were very close friends of the family; then we just used first names. I encourage my daughter to use the most formal title possible until the adult indicates otherwise, which they almost always do! Fun topic; had this come up a bit and it’s so interesting to hear all the various responses.

  48. We teach our girls to say yes ma’am and no sir! I am a Southern Belle ……it’s just the way I was raised!

  49. We teach our girls to say yes ma’am and no sir! I am a Southern Belle ……it’s just the way I was raised!

  50. must be a southern thing some of zachs coworkers who are only a few years younger than me say yes ma’am when talking to me & we definitely teach Bailey to do the same

  51. As a born and raised South Carolinian…it’s what I’m used to, and grew up with.  I say ‘m’am and sir to everyone, and I’m teaching Bree to do that same.  I still reply with a ‘m’am and sir when I answer my Parents.

    • Funny thing is that I don’t say it with my parents. I think b/c up North, it was almost said more with sarcasm than respect. LOL

  52. I grew up in the North so we use Miss, Mrs. or Mr. I think that as long as they show respect when speaking to an adult, it is okay to use those just mentioned or Ma’am/Sir. I can’t stand when kids walk up to me and just say, “Hey!” before they tell me or ask me for something.

  53. As a parent of 3 boys I can honestly say my proudest moments are the notes from teachers remarking on their manners. Even using Ma’am and Sir. Apparently it is not as common as it was when I was growing up.

  54. As a Tennessee gal, I was raised to say yes ma’am, no ma’am and the same for sir. I still use it to this day. My kids call any adult either Miss or Mister. I just think its polite, but I can see how its a regional difference. When my sister moved to NYC she said she got crazy looks from people for calling them Ma’am.

  55. Long time no see, girl! Hope all is well with you. I like the idea of calling elders sir and ma’am. It beats some of the other names i’ve heard my teacher friends called. Xoxo

  56. I live in the northeast where niceties are hard to find. So I would probably find it awkward to hear it. HOWEVER, I think I would really enjoy living in the south and using it and hearing it all the time.

  57. I never get upset about the word “ma’am,” but whenever I’m called, “kid” I get frustrated 😉 LOL

    guess that says a little bit about me 😉 

    • Ha. I remember that. I was being called “ma’am” by my students but half the teachers thought I WAS one of the students!

  60. Tough one. I think a lot has to do with location right? My son calls everyone Ms and Mr. suchandsuch. ma’am makes me want to drink. But I think if we were in the south I would not blink one bit right?

  61. My parents raised us to use such terms as well (although they differ in my home language). In fact, in my home language you would never say, “Ma’am, what do you mean?” as the YOU would be considered disrespectful. If translated, it would turn into, “Ma’am, what does Ma’am mean?” A little pedantic but anyways.

    There are some elders I don’t ma’am, because they have told me from the beginning not to. When I was four, I called my mom’s two sisters “auntie” and they asked me if I saw greys on their heads. I didn’t. They insisted I call them by their names. Same with a 94-year-old lady I used to follow around like a puppy, calling her by her first name. My parents reprimanded me, and she told them, “Leave her – she says my name with just as much respect as if she were calling me ma’am.” 

    It comes down to respect I suppose. But one day I too will teach my kids to ma’am and sir.

  62. We have a double whammy on the “sir” and “ma’am” thing. Hubs and I are both from the deep south, and he’s a prior enlisted army officer. EVERYONE is a sir or ma’am! No matter what! It’s weird for the enlisted that work with Hubs to call me ma’am, when they’re old enough to be my parents, but I’ve adjusted. Love reading the comments! 

  63. Still not 100% comfortable w/it here. I don’t teach it to her. I do sometimes SAY it to her. Which is weird, no? I say NO MA’AM! 😛 Oops. I’m all messed up!

  64. Interesting topic. My husband wants our children to say sir and ma’am because he was raised that way. Unfortunately, I didn’t use it very much so I have a more difficult time remembering to have them say it. A friend of mine has her children say “Yes, please” or “No, thank you”, and believes it is more polite than “Yes Ma’am” Teaching children manners is not easy.

  65. I’m  a Yankee and I do bristle a little at ma’am, even though I know it’s not intended that way. Language, like religion, is cultural, anthropological. It’s hard not to hear the connotations that you grew up taking for granted. 🙂

    • I get it. It was SO odd when I first heard it since I grew up in the North, but now, it feels natural. Even though when we visit back up North and my boys say it, adults are taken aback, even my mom, who very well has earned the ma’am, even by Northern standards. 😉

  66. I am a New England girl born and bred but with lots of southern family. I am teaching my kids to say “Miss or Mr. _____ (First name)” whenever they meet new people, and even my BFFs. I love the politeness of it, it seems respectful to me but in a more modern, casual way than when I was growing up and it was “Mrs. (last name)” all the time. Oh and I love the word “ma’am” – I think it is also polite and respectful, just like “sir.” I have been “ma’am”ed my whole life when I visit the south and I love it.

    • We did Mr./Mrs. Last Name growing up. My kids do Miss/Mr. First Name. It sounds right.

  67. This is funny you bring up this topic because i was just watching a tv show called Tia and Tamera and one of them got called ma’am and freaked out and felt really old ha ! she ended up making a cameo in a show and dancing and strutting her stuff in a sort of strip tease type dance just to prove she is still a hot mom! lol and not a ma’am 🙂

  68. I have a heart attack when I hear ma’am…I was not exposed to it – not even in school..The sir, yes but not ma’am. We would address our teachers by “mrs/miss. so and so” – my kids don’t do the ma’am or sir thing either – I do wish they did though, it sounds much more polite and respectable…I just don’t want to hear it from a 20 something making me feel like I’m his grandma…I know – totally flawed logic there but I’m totally flawed so that’s okay.

    • It’s such a habit in me now that I’ll say ma’am even when I’m the old lady addressing a 20 something!

  69. This is funny to me. It’s been an ongoing struggle most of my life. I was raised by midwestern/yankee parents and moved to South Carolina at 13. I’ll never forget one time in the 7th grade when a teacher asked me something and I replied “yes” which was polite, to me. She said “Yes what?” I replied “Yes, I have my homework” or whatever she was asking me about. She said “I’m looking for yes MA’AM. You’ll address me as such!”
    I felt like I had been slapped.
    It left a bad taste in my mouth, and I hated using ma’am.
    Then I went into the military and it was required to address all women as ma’am, as I was also addressed. Felt strange, but I eventually got used to it.
    Now I find myself back in South Carolina, raising 3 little ones to say “Yes ma’am, no ma’am” but not to everything – only when they are told to do something! 🙂

    • Oh yikes! That teacher should have just heard your Yankee 😉 accent and known that you weren’t trying to be rude!

      My boys definitely say it- like yours it’s not to every little thing, but when it’s appropriate, they do.

  70. I am from the south of the south – what?

    And in Mexico, Ma’am might translate into “Señora”. Even when we know it’s the highest level of respect women can get, these days we still associate it to age instead. Meaning, only our grandmother’s or mother’s that ‘don’t seem young’ sheesh, by the youth, get called that way.

    So Ma’am or not Ma’am… I’m staying away from it. I still can be respectful in other ways, but I will always try to pamper our egos first. Call me, mamacita?

  71. We don’t say sir and ma’am but we do have our kids call adults Ms. Ashley and Mr. Daniel and so forth. I hate being called ma’am and now that I’m living in the South again I hear it all the time. I guess I will have to get used to it!  

    • We do that first with the Ms/Miss/Mr First Name.

      You definitely can’t get from with ma’am down here!

  72. Without ever really thinking about it, I suppose we have taught our children ma’am and sir! It’s just the normal thing where I’m from, it’s what I grew up saying too.

    • My kids have picked it up more by example than by teaching, but yes, it’s what they are now used to, too!

  73. My kids say yes ma’am to me. And honestly it’s something they either learned at school or from educational tv. I haven’t ever really pushed them to “ma’am” me but I do have to say that when they started saying that to me it was nice. Not because I am old but because I’d like to think they have good manners! 🙂

  75. In general I haven’t taught it. I’m from Texas too. And I am used to it and like hearing kids say that to adults. But at the same time I guess it is more formal. I don’t really want them saying it to me because it makes me sound like I’m a drill sergeant or something. I WANT our relationship to be less formal, though still respectful. But with strangers, teachers, etc. I think it would actually be really nice for them to say it.

  76. I grew up in the Northeast and never said ma’am yet, when I worked at a juice bar in California during college and I worked the register, I automatically said ma’am as in, “What can I get for you ma’am?” I have no idea where it came from but it was automatic. With my kids, we insist on manners but don’t necessarily insist on sir or ma’am but whatever the adult prefers, which is often their first name.

    • Our kids say Miss or Mr First Name for adults (other than their teachers or people they are related to). Again, just what is common around here.

  77. I live in Wisconsin and I say ma’am all the time – usually as a “Thank you, ma’am” or “Thank you, sir” and generally use it for just about any age as a respect thing in the customer service world. *shrugs*

    Mason is three and daycare has him calling most adults “Miss First Name”

  79. Ma’am is just an old fashioned, ageist term. Women of all ages hate hearing it, and the supposed respect it coveys is often false. Up North, people use it on women they assume are older than they are or over 30. And there’s no use in any of you trying to argue me down on this point, I’ve seen it too many times. Younger, cuter, hipper women are almost always referred to as Miss. So clearly, for a large swath of the population up North, ma’am has to do with a woman’s perceived age and maturity. Unfortunately in this society getting older for women comes with connotations of losing attractiveness, desirability and social capital. That’s why being called ma’am feels like such a horrendous blow. You might as well be saying hey, old hag, you’ve reached your expiration date. I don’t use any honorifics. If I feel the need to, Ms. is just fine. It assumes nothing about the woman aside from the fact that she is female and it works for all ages. And despite protests to the contrary, Ms. is no more difficult to say than Miss or Ma’am. If all men are Sir why can’t all women be Ms.? That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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