Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Things They Can’t Say: The Sunday Spill

things they can't saySarah is a mother of four. A childbirth educator. A doula. A photographer. A freelance writer too. Leisurely Sunday drives are her thing. Music up. Heart open. Soul alive. She believes life is a trip and welcomes you to come ride shotgun for awhile. Find her blogging at The Sunday Spill.

I know.  For some people the idea of having a big family–FOUR CHILDREN, THE HORROR–is the stuff of nightmares. Add to that the four said children were all born within five years of each other (but just barely) and–woah, it must be pure hell. My life, that is.  I simply must be one hair pluck away from baldness, disease, and despair.

Because I mean, the noise level in our home? The messes? The laundry? The squabbling? Whining?  Disciplining?  The hoopla involved in JUST WALKING OUT THE DOOR to go [insert any destination, even if it’s our own backyard].

You’re imagining the amount of energy it must take to run this joint, steer my ship, hold down our fort. You are probably imagining the immensity of my situation. Perhaps you’re feeling trapped under the weight of so many responsibilities.

Well, please don’t. Don’t bother imagining any of that. And hey you. Come out from under there. Relax some. Remember to breathe.

Because I’ll tell you this.  It’s alright if you feel that way. Being the mama to a large brood isn’t for everyone.  I realize that. I would never go out and recruit for this position.  It does require a certain kind of person.

And I’m not talking a certain kind of CERTIFIED CRAZY person either.  Though my husband might tell you the jury is still out on me.

When people say I don’t know how you do it I know they sometimes mean I don’t know why you’ve chosen to do this and that’s okay.  I can see their side.

I do love being a mama to my four. The only thing I can say in real defense is that I always saw myself with a big family and being a mama to many.  It’s just something I wanted out of my life.  Some days I’m perfectly fine with the noise, the mess, the squabbles, the whining, the disciplining, and all the hoop hoop hoopity hoopla that comes with the territory. Some days I’m not.  Not at all.

And that’s how it goes.

I once saw a quote by Marcelene Cox and thought well that’s pretty damn perfect. That’s pretty much why I choose to look at life with my family of six as our heaven below, instead of our hell.

This is that quote:
Parents are often so busy with the physical rearing of their children that they miss the glory of parenthood, just as the grandeur of the trees is lost when raking leaves.

Rearing four little kids is draining.  Physically, emotionally, mentally draining. But, my God.  What if I only held onto that thought? I would miss out on so much.  I would miss out on the gifts of joy my children offer me every day.  (And they do give me reason to smile every day.)

The glory and the grandeur.  The beauty all around me.  So many lessons to learn from my Leo, my Gus, my Matilda, and my Oscar.

So many, many moments to enjoy.

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Comments

  1. I love that quote – I haven’t seen it before. I think that sometimes we can get so bogged down with the day-to-day that we cannot see the little joys that are all around us. Having a big family is not for everyone, but then again, even having one child is not for everyone. I think it is up to us to find the joys in whatever we choose for our lives.   

  2. Sarah, if anyone can manage a big brood, it’s you. I am expecting you to have another one or two, for real. And you will rock it. Love you and your babies. xo

  4. Love that quote! And, I wouldn’t trade my four for all the sanity in the world. 🙂

    • It’s okay Kristin. We’re all different. The more children I’ve added, the more I’ve HAD to relax. If I didn’t do that I’d never survive my day to day life. I’ve learned a great many lessons from them 🙂  

  6. Wow! As a single mom of four this is just the reminder that I needed. We must focus on the joys that they bring us daily, instead of what’s required to raise them. Doing that makes rearing children that more enjoyable. I’m glad that I got the opportunity to read this post. Such an eye-opener!

    • my hat is off to you. I know what it’s like rearing four littles with a partner. I bow down to single mamas 🙂 However you slice it , the workload is heavy. But there are little and big joyful moments sprinkled in 🙂 Happy Friday to you Mariann.

  7. Absolutely awesome. Sometimes when I get frazzled with the mess and the crazy, I remind myself to stop and look how awesome the people causes the mess and the crazy are, and how they make me happy and smile every day, no matter what.

    Cheers to you Mama!

  8. I have 2 ( 3 & 11 months) & my husband & I are already discussing when we want to have #3. And we fully intend on having more than that even. Some people think it’s awesome & some people’s eyes bug out when we say we aren’t done having kids.

    I’m the oldest of 5 & my mom says that she always got the “are they all yours” question a lot quickly followed up with “and all by the same husband?!” Haha she started telling people that we all had different dads! Lolol my dad asked her to stop, he said it was embarrassing. Ha!

    I think it’s awesome you have 4, my siblings are the best thing my parents ever did for me!!

  9. Okay, I loved this post.  And I can relate just a bit, because here I am expecting our 10th baby in May.  So I’m a mom of many, you could say.  I think our family is also considered a “mega family” which sounds sort of funny to me.  And I sure do get the looks and the comments from others regarding our family size.  I did a blog post called “We are not crazy” that pretty much sums up how I feel about being called “crazy” for having a large family.

    http://www.theyallcallmemom.com/p/we-are-not-crazy.html

    Being a mom is awesome.  Being a mom of 1 or 2 kids is awesome.  Being a mom of 4 or 6 or 10 kids is awesome. It’s ALL good, and I wish people would just remember that what might not be right for them CAN BE right for someone else.

    And thank you for that quote!  I haven’t heard that one yet, and it’s so good to get this reminder from time to time.  Any busy mama can get caught up in all the mess and the work that children create, and sometimes we forget to just chill and enjoy the moment — it’s good to be reminded to slow down and just…enjoy 🙂

    • OMG! I really really have a thing for moms of many. You know how to rock it! What’s funny is that people think it must be so super stressful to have a bunch of children. And it can be at times. But what they don’t understand is that as you add children, sometimes the tendency is to get more chill and more laid back with each one. You realize the little things don’t matter. It’s great. Need to go read your post now!

  11. Perfect Quote! I feel that way a lot. I have four as well–four in five years. The last three in like a year, which was a bit crazy. But a good crazy.

    And can i say that I LOVE your children’s names? They are perfection.

  13. I just love big families. People without them don’t really understand. Life can be crazy but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
    Sandy

  14. Great perspective!  As with anything in life if you look at the hard things about it- it will seem hard and not that enjoyable.  I grew up with 5 brothers and sisters, so a family of 8, there really is something awesome about being part of a big family.