Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Things They Can’t Say: The Kir Corner

Kir is one of the sweetest women out there in the blogosphere. She has become an amazing friend to me and is an example of what sort of fabulous relationships you can make through blogging. Meet Kir from The Kir Corner.

I am so giddy with excitement for my turn on the beach with Shell. I have adored her and her blog for a long time and being here is like having someone give me a *CUPCAKE* for no reason other than it’s Friday.

Shell, thank you so much for having me over today…I’m truly honored to be sharing a piece of this sandy paradise with you today.

So we come here to talk about the stuff we can’t say.

I have a pretty big mouth and have been known to say what’s on my mind ( a bit too often) but I don’t normally do it on my blog. I like that place to be safe, comforting and the opposite of controversial.

So anyway, recently I was reading another blog and that writer cited an article that asked the question about how you live your life. I believe the title was along the lines of “Do you sit in the first row or the third?”

Which got me thinking about what I can’t say.

Front row folks are people I envy. They jump in those seats and laugh heartily, love deeply and live out loud. Some days I even convince myself that I might be a first row person, but the truth, the stuff I can’t say is that I’m more of a 2nd row type of gal.

I mean I do feel deeply about many hot button topics, but I don’t get involved. I don’t write about them, facebook them, come up with a new website and change the world by trying to set my own life on fire. I don’t initiate new memes or linkys, I don’t go out of my way to call attention to myself.
I am a B Type personality in an A Type world.

Truth is, I do better in groups, I follow and compromise and sure I would love for you to sponsor my blog or me but I’m not going to ask. It just isn’t who I am.

I’m a terrible salesperson because I wouldn’t ask you to buy something from me even if my life depended on it.

In blogging sometimes you have to be an A Type. I mean geesh guys there is a conference named TYPE A. However, you are never going to see me there. I’d feel like such a hypocrite in that space.

Sure I have things that I am very picky about: say for instance the way my twins are dressed each day or the fact that I will redo our Christmas card until it looks “exactly right” but when it comes to things like building my readership, promoting my own writing or learning why SEOs are so important I glaze over, become disinterested and yearn for a comfy chair in the 2nd row.

In the 2nd row, I can applaud the various efforts of the front row people, I can cheerlead and bask in the warm light of people I am lucky enough to call my friends, basking in their “awesome”. I can see what is being done in the front row and bring it to the people in the 3rd row. Sometimes I think my special gift is simply being a very happy courier for other people’s accomplishments.

That doesn’t bother me, much.

Sure, being a 2nd row girl means that I have moments of jealously and wistfulness about the front row folks. It means that some days I consider pushing myself forward toward all the opportunities it might offer me, but in my heart I know it’s not for me. While I know I wasn’t born to sit in the 3rd row my thin skin and empathetic heart also means I can never move to that cushy captain’s chair in the 1st.

And while I don’t like to say it out loud, you Type A’s need us Type B’s. Who else is going to make sure your efforts and amazing qualities are shouted out to the rest of the auditorium? (Well as long as I get a nap in between sessions.)

The thing is that I do love, laugh and live out loud, I just don’t do it in the typical Type A kind of way.

In this world of overachievers and go-getters I’m just glad there is still a place for the mediocre and average Type B gals like me.

The Kir Corner

Please show Kir, who is far from “mediocre and average” despite her modest protestations, some comment love here. And then go follow her blog The Kir Corner. You can also find her on facebook and on twitter.

Comments

  1. There is NOTHING average about my friend, Kir. She is effervescent and talented and is able to clearly articulate that which baffles me.

    Love this post!

    • oh Ryan, c’mon. I don’t want to tear up. But thank you…so much for this gorgeous comment and for being such a good friend to me. xo

  2. Kir, you’re far from being just mediocre and average – you’re an extraordinary writer, a wonderful friend and a tireless supporter of people like me. You tell me I’m a writer, and you have no idea how much that lights me up. You may see yourself as type B, but you’re my A+ friend. xo

    • you are a “SILLY GOOSE” 🙂 This comment is just beyond anything I deserve. I have so much respect and awe for you…am so happy to be a TYPE B sitting behind you and clapping all the way.

      You’ll never know what this comment means to me, but thank you….for always supporting, for making me giggle, for hugging me in cyberspace and being the kind of friend I feel so LUCKY to have. xo

  3. Oh my dear sweet friend, there is *nothing* mediocre about you! NOTHING!

    You are Phenomenal, a Survivor, a Friend, a Writer- you are Breath Taking.

    {Now own it!!}

    xo

    • OH, c’mon. I refuse to cry today (although it’s too late!!) thank you for this gorgeous comment. Plus it’s really OK…I am obviously just fine with the Type B gal I am….it makes it so much more easy to cheer on my A+ friends like you……(I stole that from Alison)

      thank you, thank you…..with tears in my eyes, thank you. xoxo

  4. Shell, THANK YOU for having me here today!! Truly it’s the best way to spend a Friday, with one of my BEST new friends on her beach!!!

    I have so much love, respect and admiration for you. xo

  5. You are not mediocre or average. You are awesome. But I know exactly what you’re saying. I prefer the 2nd row because I’m close enough to let the type-A side of me try to show, but far enough back to let the predominant type-B side of me show.

    • I can’t even tell you what these comments mean to me. But I assure you that I am a TYPE B type of gal….and I revel in it. I’m far too lazy to be a TYPE A.

      thank you so much for these words to me…they were like a BIG HUG. 🙂 I think you’re pretty awesome too.

  6. I’ve never been to Kir’s corner, but I’ll be visiting. I really enjoyed your post and you don’t sound average to me. You have a nice way with words and the middle, close to the front, but also close to the back…

    • Hi Carolyn,…Thank you for this lovely comment and I’d love for you to visit. I enjoy guests!!!!!!

      So nice to meet you.

  7. Wow! Never thought of sitting in the front row that way. (LoL)

    Never really considered myself a type A or type B personality. I’m just me.

    Love your post and nice to meet you Kir.

    • HI Cindi, well that’s me…making you think about stuff you’d never think about before. LOL

      I am glad you’re just you….it’s truly what makes the world go round. Plus it’s so nice to meet you too. Thanks for commenting, that means a lot to me.

    • HI Jaime 🙂 Yes, we must be life long sisters…do you want to fight over a hairbrush or that cute boy in 2nd period??? 🙂

      so glad you came by to comment and say hi. 🙂

  9. I hate the implication that anything-but-row-one-is-bad. And I love the way you attack that attitude! That’s a downright first row appro….oh wait. I just contradicted myself. Bother. ;P Seriously, though, I get so annoyed with the idea that everybody’s approach has to be classified. I love your blog (I’m a relatively new reader, too), and I think you have touched on something that every blogger has to cope with at some point: how to increase traffic without feeling like a whore.

    • HI Jessie,
      I love that way you replied…you’re so right, along with me being LAZY (and I am) it’s about “whoring” too…what a great word for it. You really put it into perspective for me…thank you.

      and thank you for your lovely comment her too, it means a lot to me.

  11. I loved this post! I’m totally a Type B person who likes to think I can be a Type A one, but though I may take the lead or be front and center on some things (especially when it involves my family), I really want to sit back, watch and then follow. That isn’t so bad really, is it? I can watch others and see what they do and take the best parts of their achievements and try to follow that.

    anyway, great post and thanks for sharing it!

    • Hi Debra,
      I TOTALLY agree, which is why I wrote this…first to make myself feel better about my laziness and then to remind myself that looking the 1st row for a little guidance isn’t such a bad thing. As the first born, sometimes I have no choice, I need to be the FIRST ROW GIRL..but I feel much better in te 2nd…I’m so glad that you “Got this” and enjoyed it.

      so nice to meet you.

  12. A few thoughts. 1) You are a highly successful 2nd row, type B person. I think it doesn’t matter where you are in the pack if you are happy there. 2) You aren’t here “just because it’s friday.” You are here because you’re awesome. 3) What IS the opposite of controversial? “Nontroversial?” I heart you.

    • You are TOTALL SILLY (but honestly that’s why I ADORE YOU sweet girl!)
      I’m way too lazy to be a Type A. LOL…..
      you’re AWESOME (I watch from the 2nd row and try to be JUST LIKE YOU)

      I heart you more….thanks for making my whole day with this comment.

      hey 2012, you, me and NYC? I sure hope so. oxoxo

  14. How funny is it that we can be so self-conscious about ourselves, especially when other people conveniently provide labels to help us? I’m right there with you in the self-consciousness department. I happen to be a row a, b, AND c person… and the only thing consistent about me is that I’m *inconsistently* switching between all the roles. 😉 I think it’s wonderful that you’re aware enough about yourself to even be able to address this in an even partly serious way. I think self-awareness is the first step to self-acceptance, and you seem to be on the right road. I will think of you fondly when I find myself in the B row, in your pleasant company!

    • I will always sit next to YOU when you’re in row B. I promise.

      I think that some of this is turning 40…(I’ll be 42 soon) and honestly it’s just knowing who I am, what I am truly capable of and embracing that, instead of trying to be something else.

      I am so happy that I found you (through your writing), you are a great new friend of mine in he blogosphere. 🙂

  15. Shell, you know the most amazing people and I love getting to know them through your Friday posts.
    Kir, You sound like a pretty awesome Type B who could definitely beat out some of the Type As in the front row but are comfortable in your own skin and who you are. I think that is way more impressive than being in the front row! Heading over to your blog now to become a follower and have liked you on Facebook 🙂

    • seriously, am I going to be able to stop tearing up today? C’mon Type Bs are super sensitive…LOL

      thank you so much for the follow, for this GORGEOUS comment, for “Getting this”. I’m so happy to meet you too. I cant wait to visit your blog now. 🙂

  16. Kir, this is my favorite thing you have ever written. AND you took the words right out of my mouth. Couldn’t have said it better myself. We can sit in the 2nd row together and chat while people get annoyed with us.

    • To have you say that to me…”your favorite thing” just warms me up!!!!! thank you

      and if you’ll let ME sit next to YOU anywhere, I am there!!!! I am always chatting and getting “Bad looks” , it would be fun to have an “accomplice” 🙂

  17. My lovely, wonderful friend…you are so much more than you give yourself credit for. If you want to sit in the 2nd row, you go right ahead. But honey, you are a stellar writer and do beautiful things on your blog. Maybe you shouldn’t think of yourself as a type B? If I can use a theater reference, maybe you’re more of a director, quietly putting things together behind the scenes, and letting the stars shine on the stage. But without a director, there’s nothing.

    • Oh.

      how do I even answer this comment? Since you’re my kindred spirit and blogging sister I can tell you that I am opening crying. Oh Angie, I don’t see myself like that at all…I feel more like a grip… but you saying this, has touched my heart. I don’t feel like I deserve it….but having YOU as a friend makes my whole life shine. Without you lately, I’m NOTHIN. xooxo

      thank you so much for this. There are just no words.

    • thank goodness for amazing gals in the front row like YOU!!!!! I love just sitting and watching you work…and knowing I can learn so much from you.

      thank you for coming over and saying Hi…you’ve been so awesome to me…I can’t say THANK YOU enough.

  19. Kir, you and I can sit in row 2 together! I definitely relate with your perspective. You are truly blessed with the gift of beautiful writing and further blessed with a willingness to step out and share with those of us who are lucky enough to have found your blog. This post validates the majority of us blogger because I feel there are more Row 2/Type B bloggers than 1st Row/Type A. We will sit there in the middle cheering for those in front and behind us knowing they need it as much or more than we do. I hope to stick around blogging long enough to begin counting the bloggers I’ve found as friends, and you are definitely at the top of that list!

    • HI!!! what a truly wonderful comment. WOW. thank you for making me smile, for really “getting” what I was trying to say and for sitting in the 2nd row with me. I hope you stick around a while too, I’m just getting to know you but I LIKE YOU A LOT already. 🙂

      thank you so much for this.

    • Ahhhhh, thanks. Although I don’t see myself like this at all, but I am so glad that I get to meet someone who “understands” …it’s so nice to meet you too Mimi.

  21. I would flip this. I think that knowing which row makes you most comfortable, and therefore most you, makes you the best one in that row. You’re being true to the real you, and that’s the best/only way to get through this blogging thing with your sanity in tact.

    • Hi and thank you.

      I think that it comes from just being old enough (over 40 now) that allows me to just know what am capable and NOT CAPABLE of…of what I am not willing to sacrifice for the sake of my sanity.

      thank you for understanding that and for commenting…it means a lot to me.

  22. So happy there are other “second rowers” out there…while I’m type A when it comes to some certain things…I’m all type B when it comes to almost everything else. Is it a confidence thing (especially when it comes to ‘self promotion’?? Or just our personality?…I always wonder…but thanks for this lovely post. It seems you are thought of as pretty extraordinary though looking through all the great comments!!

    • HI January
      (what a great name!!! I love it!)

      I know exactly how you feel, how you switch between “who you are:” but most of the time, I am truly sitting in the 2nd row, enjoying the show and my popcorn. 🙂 it’s nice to know that some pretty amazing women are sitting there with me.

      Thank you for this wonderful comment and it’s nice to meet you, looking forward to getting to know you a littlebetter.

  23. Oh Kir…
    You are far from mediocre my friend.
    You started a blog that is very successful. How many people are willing to put themselves out there in this blogsphere and write your soul out?
    There may be a lot of us, but there is a whole lot of other people who don’t.
    Who cares if you don’t touch the hot button issues. I don’t. Although I do talk about my mother in law a lot but she doesn’t read my blog so she is fair game.
    I am very Type A…but the “other part” of Type A…perfectionist etc but I’m far from the loud mouth that gets stuff done. I’m a follower. i don’t make decisions.
    I’m ok with that. I’m ok with second row…as long as I have a good veiw.
    You my friend are amazing. Don’t ever sell yourself short.
    xoxo

    • what do I say to a GIRL who is so amazing and insprirational!!!!???

      I wish I could be a small fragment of what you are to the blog world (or maybe not….since that would take away the spotlight on you and I’d NEVER do that)

      thank you for this…this year I have been blessed getting to know you….your friendship makes me happy. xo

  24. I’ve always thought that I was a TYPE A person, because there’s no way I’m the 3rd row girl (no offense to those that are!) but as I sat here reading your beautiful writing I was saying, “Oh that’s me too!”

    Thanks for helping me realize how awesome we Type B girls are! I love that you embrace it. Heading over to check out more of your awesomeness 🙂

    Shell thanks for sharing your wonderful friend! Hope you ladies have a great weekend.

    • HI Jessica,
      so nice to meet you….truly and thanks for finding the 2nd row in common with me, for leaving such a heartfelt comment to a girl you’ve just met. That makes me so happy.

      Shell is truly amazing and her asking ME to be here today is a highlight of my YEAR. I am so glad to meet you and look forward to getting to know you better. 🙂

  25. Oh, Kir, I really think you underestimate yourself!! Your comments are always the sweetest and most thoughtful, and your empathy shows in your posts. The one that stands out to me is the one about your friends struggling with infertility. You are amazing, Kir!!
    Congrats on your time at Shell’s 🙂

    • Oh Jen….I’m just so glad that you see those parts of me and forgive me the less “nice ones”. My comments are nice because I read your beautiful words and want to give them the time and attention that they deserve…I would hate for those sharings to go unnoticed.

      You’re the one that is amazing….but thank you so much for this comment, it warmed me from head to toe. So lucky to have you as a friend. xo

  26. I don’t think you’re mediocre at all. I’m definitely not Type A in the fact that I don’t put myself out there either. I think I’m a 10th row type of person. Or all the way in the back type. I just don’t like drawing a lot of attention to myself. It’s funny that I even have a blog.

    • but I don’t See you like that…you are so OUT THERE with your blog and writng, your social presence..and that is what I mean….I don’t do that..even at the sake of my blog…:)

      but thank you for those awesome words….because you are someone I truly look up to.

  27. Just come and sit in the back row with me, my old age experience is that is where the cute boys hang out right?
    Love you always girl, you are the comment guru, its like a love language for you …
    (and by the way, that TypeA conference was the most untype A place I had been, laid back, fun and casual … my most fav conference to date!)

    • OH PLEEEAASEEEE, you are the least Type B, !0th Row person I know…your blog(s), your pimping and social presence is LEGENDARY…your blog hops, memes, etc are insprirational and known all over the blog world. YOU are anything BUT Type B. 🙂

      You know Shell told me that too…about Type A conferences..that it was the most fun she’s had at one. How ironic is that…guess Alanis was right??? 🙂

      xoxoxo

  28. What a humble, heart-warming post. Goes to show that you are nothing short of amazing. The feeling your post stirs brings out the sweetness in you that touches the hearts of others. You’ve certainly touched mine. Thank you for that and for just being you.

    • Oh my goodness, are you kidding me??? Again , I’m tearing up.

      *Sigh*

      I’m glad you enjoyed reading it…glad that it spoke to you in some small way and I am so happy to meet you…this made me SMILE today…and for that..I THANK YOU. 🙂

    • HI Barbara and thank you for that lovely comment. If you want to come to the corner you are welcome any time….so nice to meet you.

  32. I can tell from reading this post that you are FAR from mediocre. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. I suspect that if you were put in the front row, you’d do just as well as everyone else sitting next to you, but for the record, sitting behind that first row is sooooo much more comfy! 🙂

    PS. Shell, I tried twice to comment yesterday and I couldn’t get things to load. But today it seems to be working just fine.

  33. What a great honest reflective post. I think I jump back and forth. Sometimes I venture to the front row but I am happy being there in the second row too. I guess it depends what it is in life. And can you imagine if there was only type A’s in the world! Nothing would get done because everyone would want to lead.

    • HI Emmy..so nice to meet you.

      I completely agree, that if we all wanted to be Type A..well we’d drive each other crazy, I like to think Type Bs bring a little sanity and relaxation to the world. At least that’s what I tell myself.:)

      thank you for this comment, it gave me a nice perspective. 🙂

  34. I think you may have just saved me some months in therapy 🙂 Perhaps my issue is I try to be a Type A person when really I am a Type B who’s be in denial.

    Thanks for reminding me to the beauty and purpose in all types!

    Have a great weekend!

    • your comment made me giggle, smile and feel good about being a B. Melissa…whatever letter you are, you’re awesome!!! I’m glad this gave you smiles and perspective….and if you’re in the 2nd row, come find me….I have a big box of milk duds I’d like to share. 🙂
      So nice to meet you.

  35. Kir,

    I can relate to everything you said here. I could/would never sell anything, hate to make waves, and have strong feelings but usually can see both sides to almost any issue.

    When and if anyone perceives me to be in the front row, it’s because I’ve been dropped or thrust there (or maybe wandered into the wrong aisle because I suck at directions).

    I try to push my boundaries and challenge myself (mostly to set an example for my kids!) but I’m quite content to be the one making the comments, not writing the post. Tweeting the link, not starting the meme.

    You know what I mean, right?
    So save that seat next to you in the second or third row.

    I’ll bring popcorn.

    • HI Julie. 🙂

      I do think of you as First Row..girl. You have it all together and you get it done..but for me it’s nice to have someone like you to look up to, to emulate (when I want to) and to strive to be like.

      but that last paragraph, YES, maybe you and I are much more alike than I thought…beacause that IS ME. I DO Know what you mean, and it makes my heart happy to have you in my camp and corner a little more often, (ALthough I stand behind you being an awesome TYPE A)

      I’m going to email you this week too, have something to ask you.
      xo
      Kir

  36. As I was reading this, I was thinking about leaving a comment on why the first row people NEED the second row people, and then, there you went and pointed that out! Love the observation. Makes me think about where I feel like I sit most often.

    • see, great minds think alike!!!! SP glad that you found some community with me in the 2nd row, I would be honored to have you there with me anytime…and happy to clap for you if you move up….:)

      Nice to meet you!!!

  37. My word! I could have written this! Just last night, I was sharing my son’s accomplishments with someone and was making light of it, because I didn’t want to be seen as bragging and the person said, to me, “Leigh, this is a VERY.BIG.DEAL! You should be proud, you’ve almost single handedly raised him and it’s okay to say it!”

    • Hi Leigh…and thank you not only for the comment but for the RELATING, it makes all of us as women and moms feel better when we find that we are not alone in our thinking.

      I am like you in that if the boys do something special I am reluctant to share it…I am reluctant to praise them or myself for the wonderful little people they are…and that’s not really right, we should celebrate them and our parenting skills too….no one is really going to do it for us and so we must.

      thank you for sharing that story with me and it’s so nice to meet you. You sound like a truly amazing mom and woman…..I’m so glad I’ve been introducaed to you.

  38. I so related to this entire post. Very well written, very well expressed and very well accepted. And, not only that, a lot of truth in it as well – types A’s need types B’s and vice-versa.

    So following you in twitter and google.
    -Afrodita

    • Thank you so much for this comment and the understanding behind it. I’m glad to meet you and have a new friend in cyberspace, I’ve been to your blog and am following YOU now too. Plus I enjoy your writing and perspective.

  39. I thought this was such an interesting way of thinking about things. With blogging I would say I am mostly a B though I think most everyone goes through different blogging phases. Based on this post, I’m guessing you are more of an A than you realize, you just have a unique way of showing it. 🙂

    • I don’t know if apologetic is how I wanted to come across, I like who I am….for the most part. Our world is so ego centric lately that it’s hard to just be yourself, when yourself is rather lazy…I don’t say that in jest. The thing is that I’d much rather watch an episode of Law & Order than go and write on my blog or spend an hour on Twitter…while I love the community I’ve built with some amazing women, I also want to have some time of my own…..it’s a tough balance and that’s what I was trying to get at here.

      thank you for the perspective, it gave me more to think about and as always I’m happy to see you in my space.

      • I don’t think you come across as apologetic. Articulation is not my strength! I just meant that your positive and unique outlook makes you stand out in a different way…a great way.

  40. I don’t think you need to sound so apologetic to be a 2nd rower. Really, while there are things to admire about the front row, the reality is that balance and perspective make the 2nd rowers much more well rounded people, in general. Don’t you think?

  41. Im definitely a Type A person. But I agree, Type B help make the world a more balanced place. Nothing wrong with being either one.

    I dont know how Ive never been to your blog before–but I am definitely going there now to check it out! xo

    • and honestly I’m so grateful for Type A’s like you, since it makes me reach for those stars (sometimes, when I’m not procrastinating, or just being lazy 😉

      thanks for this comment and it’s really nice to meet you Jessica.

  42. I am sitting here in the second row right next to you Kir! As much as I want to be in the first row, it isn’t me. We will rock that second row and even sometimes we will lean over into that front row to feel what it is like. Love you my blond twin!!

    • I actually think of you as more 1st row love, you are a go getter, you DO!!! but if you want to sit with me in the 2nd row sometimes, you know I’d love that…meeting you and getting to know you this year has been a real gift to me. (My blonde twin…:) xo

  43. I must be Type B too, Kir. I’ve never wanted to be the head honcho, leader or president of anything. I was dragged kicking and screaming into a co-leadership role in my daughter’s Girl Scout troop. Thankfully, I don’t have to do that anymore! I love encouraging my friend’s accomplishments and being a support person (I have an aptitude for administrative tasks). Creating, managing and promoting my blog is probably the most Type A thing I’ve ever done. But that’s just me, my thing, you know?

    I think you’re awesome, by the way!

  44. Definitely not mediocre. And so far above average. I would rate you SPECTACULAR. One needn’t be a Type A to garner meaningful attention 🙂

  45. Can I share a very different perspective with you? If I’m understanding your post, I too know some front row people. What I see is often someone who will offend others and not care. What I see is someone who others talk abut behind her back. What I see is someone others are a bit afraid of, as they’ve seen their friends hurt by this person. I know sometimes it seems speaking out loudly might be the right thing to do, but I’ve just seen it hurt too many people, too many times. Second and third row are those who think before speaking, consider how their words might affect someone else etc. I’d much rather be a 2nd or 3rd row person 🙂

  46. It amazes me that someone whom I so admire can feel mediocre about anything. In my eyes, you seem to do it ALL and you accomplish it beautifully.

    I do think you should start a meme or linky – something about cupcakes 🙂

  47. This is why I love you, Kir! We are so much alike. I’d love to sit in the 2nd row with you. I’m not ready to be a first row person.

    But you? Are so far from mediocre and average!!