Jen’s a former NYC workaholic who quit the rat race to be more present for her family. Today she’s a PT marketing freelancer and FT mom, vegetarian and wine drinker. She blogs at take2mommy.com to document her second “take” at motherhood, now that she has slowed down enough to take it all in.
A Double Confession
As far as motherhood is concerned, I’ve got two secrets I’ve never shared with anyone, not even the husband, although he may have his suspicions.
I’ve decided it’s time to do what every mom blogger worth her salt has done after a glass or four of pinot, and spill it here on the interwebs.
Confession #1: I didn’t want to have children.
Throughout my twenties and thirties I was content with the way my single-lady life was unfolding. A challenging career consumed my weekdays and my adventurous spirit took over on weekends. I lived for mountain bike riding down leafy New England trails and for scuba diving in the tropics. In my mid thirties I also lived for my dog, a rescue pup who worshipped me back, and I dated the huz and owned my own condo. Life was good.
But the huz wanted kids, so nine months after we married, my son Boo entered the world. I tried hard to be a great new mom. However, six weeks after Boo was born, I did it. I put my infant child in daycare and went back to work full-time. Why? The answer is revealed in confession #2:
I didn’t love being a mom.
Do you hate me yet? Are you worried sick over my children, contemplating a phone call to Child Protective Services? Please don’t. I’m a good mom and I love my kids. I swear it.
However, as any mother can tell you, taking care of a newborn is tough freakin’ job. Besides being tough, I also found it terrifying. Plus, I wasn’t great at it. I was great at my corporate marketing job, but when it came to parenting, I just wasn’t… a natural.
When baby Dipsy came along 20 months after my firstborn, I tended to his every need for the first six weeks of his life. I then placed him in the arms of his brother’s capable daycare provider and went back to work again.
Work was where I felt capable and confident. It was a place where I was appreciated and respected. How often did I feel capable and appreciated at home with the babies? Not so much.
I did, however, give it all up. After a few years of juggling family and career, I clocked out for the last time. Heading to the office in the morning while my children were still sleeping, and coming home at night as they were going to bed? Not the way to live.
So here I am, a mother who is present. I may not be a natural. And I’ll never be supermom. But it turns out my kids don’t need me to be super, natural or perfect. They just need me.
Did you always want to have children? Did you always love being a mom? Your turn to spill it.
Leave Jen some comment love here and then be sure to go visit Take2Mommy!