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May 3, 2013 by: Shell

Things They Can’t Say: Sibling Fighting

things they can't sayAbout Denise: I am silly and sarcastic. I’m a wife, mom, and step-mom. I walk around with my heart on my sleeve. My blog is a sometimes funny and always honest take on life, family & self discovery. Find her blogging at According to Denise. 
According-To-Denise

My brother is three years younger than I am and when we were little we used to play together all the time. GI Joe, Star Wars, building blocks, cars. I could even convince him every so often to play school.

Everyday though, we fought. About anything and everything.

Knock down, drag out, kicking, screaming kind of fighting. He may have been younger but it wasn’t long before he was stronger.

We knew exactly how to push each other’s buttons. No one could make me more angry and frustrated than my brother.

Eventually we grew out of the bickering and fighting phase of our childhood.

You know how parents tell their kids to behave otherwise they will end up having kids just like them? Well, it isn’t an idle threat. It does indeed happen.

For I gave birth to my brother and myself.

When my son and daughter play together, they can be having the best time. Until they disagree. On anything and everything.

Then the fighting starts and I feel like I am in some weird flashback to my own childhood.

Let me tell you, it is not at all fun to be the parent in the scenario. Trying to explain to your kids that they need to work out a compromise and that they will have so much more fun if they work together and don’t fight. I can’t tell you the number of times I have almost written out an apology letter to my parents begging their forgiveness for not listening when they told me those same things.

Honestly, I can’t figure out how I possibly thought fighting with my brother was fun as a child. We either got hurt or got in trouble or both. None of those things are fun.

Last week my son and daughter were outside collecting rocks for hours. Not a single fight. They come in and announce their shocking discovery.

They discovered that they can have much more fun when they don’t fight.

I guess it’s something they have to figure out for themselves. Just like I did.

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Comments

  1. Denise says

    May 3, 2013 at 7:24 am

    Thanks so much for having me Shell! You are the best!

  2. Single Mom in the South says

    May 3, 2013 at 7:36 am

    Oh the joys… my sister is 2.5 years younger than me, but I was always (and still am) so much bigger that we just flat out were not allowed to fight physically. I would have broken her in half. We certainly could create a verbal warfare however. My own two, at only 18 months apart, are far more physical and I’m all “What in the world” but they are also best friends! Pluses and minuses… *sigh*

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 8:34 am

      Mine are definitely best friends despite the fighting though they wouldn’t admit it 🙂

  3. Alison says

    May 3, 2013 at 8:12 am

    I used to fight with my little sister all the time when we were kids – like hair pulling, biting, kicking type of fighting 🙂

    We are the best of friends now!

    I sure hope my boys will be the same – the fighting will be inevitable, but I hope they will also be best friends.

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 8:34 am

      I hope they stay close as they grow up. 

  4. Krystal says

    May 3, 2013 at 9:15 am

    My sister and I were horrible! My little brother annoyed the last bits of patience out of me. I admit once I tied his door knob to the bathroom door knob so he couldn’t come out of his room. Needless to say I was grounded for 3 weeks for that one!  Now my children are 10 times as bad…I should have known.

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 9:55 am

      I feel your pain. And I’m oddly relieved that I’m not the only one 🙂

  5. JDaniel4's Mom says

    May 3, 2013 at 10:04 am

    I am so glad they made that wonderful discovery.

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 10:36 am

      I hope they remember it

  6. Keely says

    May 3, 2013 at 10:10 am

    Ohhhh, Denise- I’m finding that already with my daughters. And they’re 1.5 and 3.5. I need to get a shirt that says “Switzerland.”

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 10:37 am

      I’d buy that shirt. Or a referee shirt 🙂

  7. Recreateanddecorate says

    May 3, 2013 at 11:35 am

    I wish I could say the older they get, the easier it gets, but unfortunately my girls fight more at 10 and 13 than ever! However I did over hear them talking last week and my oldest said to my youngest, who will starting middle school next year, ” don’t worry, I won’t let anyone hurt you,”. Talking about starting middle school.  My heart melted! 

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 1:04 pm

      That is so sweet!  I remember getting into a huge argument with someone who insulted my brother. I guess siblings can mess with each other but nobody else can. 

  8. Kim@Co-Pilot Mom says

    May 3, 2013 at 11:57 am

    It’s the same thing at my house. One minute they are getting along famously and the next, not so much. I hope my boys will make the same discovery as your children one day. 🙂

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 1:05 pm

      I just hope mine will remember. I try to remind them of their discovery 🙂

  9. Kristen says

    May 3, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    My brother’s are older than I am by 9 & 7 years so we didn’t fight a whole lot. They were both a little too over protective though (and sometimes still are). 
    I’m glad your kids found that balance on their own though. And hopefully it sticks on most days. 😉

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 1:07 pm

      I hope it sticks too. But I won’t be holding my breath 🙂

  10. Diane says

    May 3, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    Well, now you two get along really well, so…it’s worth it right? 😉

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 1:08 pm

      You get to see the nice part of our relationship. Well except for the teasing. Not from me of course 🙂

  11. Marta says

    May 3, 2013 at 1:17 pm

    I’m an only child so I never experienced the joys of a sibling (or the fights). Though in elementary school a friend and I did once tie up her younger brother and put make up on him. I wonder if he remembers that incident as fondly as I do. 

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 6:44 pm

      He probably doesn’t but I laughed 🙂

  12. Twingle Mommy says

    May 3, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    So that’s why my kids fight? Crap another thing to blame on me. My husband never fought with his sisters, I dare to dream of that life. I however, fought horribly with my brother and sister growing up and I still fight with my sister, but my brother and I are best friends. Maybe there is hope for my kids one day.

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 6:45 pm

      My husband never fought with his siblings either and I find that so bizarre.  There is definitely hope. We have to hold on to that 🙂

  13. Natalie says

    May 3, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    Great post Denise!  Isn’t it funny how life is like that? So glad they found out it is more fun to play together than fight.  Fingers crossed that it lasts!

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 6:46 pm

      I have all my fingers and toes crossed but I’m not holding my breath 🙂

  14. ilene says

    May 3, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    Oh, how I pray my kids make the same discovery – and make it soon!  So glad to see you here!  xo

    • Denise says

      May 3, 2013 at 6:47 pm

      They will. We have to hold onto that hope 🙂

  15. momof12 says

    May 4, 2013 at 1:57 am

    Before we were married I made sure my sweetie knew that I didn’t want kids who fought. I’d had enough of that as a child. So now when my kids fight, I assign them chores that they can do together and if they still insist on fighting, they get much harder chores that they can each do by themselves. It works almost every time! People are always telling me how sweet and loving my kids are with each other. Yeah, it’s because they hate to work! I guess I’d better fine a way to solve that one…
    Sandy

  16. Adrienne says

    May 4, 2013 at 7:43 am

    My boys argue a lot lately. It drives me crazy! But, the fights my siblings and I had growing up were real knock down drag out fights. I don’t have to deal with that. Thank God! I much rather prefer my kids when they are getting along. 😉

  17. Christine @ Love, Life, Surf says

    May 5, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    Oh my goodness I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Less in the sense of the siblings arguing but I have in fact given birth to two different versions of myself. I used to hear all these stories about how I was terrible as a kid and threw temper tantrums all the time. Well, now my youngest does the same and it’s so hard to parent yourself!! And my oldest displays other characteristics of mine. It’s so crazy to watch it being reflected back at you.

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    October 9, 2013 at 9:35 pm

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Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

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