Christina’s a 40-ish proud Mama to a 3.5-year-old girly girl who loves the color pink (which Christina can’t stand). Life’s far from perfect, but living life for today right alongside her gorgeous girl makes it pretty close to perfect to Christina. Find her blogging at Finally Mom.
Well, it’s been over three and a half years since I had Lovie and today I find myself yearning for another little one to hold, to feed, to nurture, to snuggle, to love, to grow, to Mama. And with that yearning come tears. Not the ugly-cry type of tears, but a couple tears for sure.
We’re one and done.
We made that decision long ago.
Of course if something happens, it happens and we’ll deal with it, but we’re one and done.
I was not fond of pregnancy. It wasn’t very enjoyable—except for the kicks and the end result.
I hated the worry (this wasn’t my first pregnancy, just my first viable one); I hated the exhaustion, the carpal tunnel in both hands, the sciatic nerve, the gestational diabetes (which the doctor informed me would more than not occur even earlier in another pregnancy).
I was not fond of pregnancy.
Plus I’m old(er) and fat. And tired. I’m so tired as it is. I just can’t fathom enduring another pregnancy. I just can’t.
Lovie would make an amazing big sister; of this I’m absolutely sure. She would be loving and doting and oh so caring. I’m sure there would be some fighting here and there, but I really feel that she would be amazing with a little sibling. I see her with other babies when I drop her off at school. I’ve seen her play with a 17-month-old who wanted to touch her face and hair. Lovie allowed it. She smiled at the wee one and allowed her face and hair to be touched. She thought it and the baby was cute. She loves so much.
I used to think I couldn’t handle it—Lovie and a new baby. But I’m pretty confident that I could. I’m confident Lovie would be a great helper. I’m confident I would have the love to give to both Lovie and a new child.
But we’re one and done.
We just are.
I’ve never felt sad about this decision: Lovie is an incredible child who I cherish immensely.
But today I have tears in my eyes that she will be the *only* one I get to Mama.
Today I *am* sad about this decision.
I just kind of hope that by owning these feelings, I can move past them and dote on that Lovie of mine all the more.