Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

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April 26, 2013 by: Shell

Things They Can’t Say: Missing Laughable Moments

things they can't sayAbout Coreen, author of The Adventures of Captain Fussypants and Little Miss: I’m a 40-something wife (to a firefighter), mother (to a boy and girl), daughter, sister, friend, career gal, LA Kings fan, red wine drinker, sometime blogger, super hero (mostly in my own mind). I also really need a nap.

Quietly melting down. Have you had days like that? Weeks? Is it just part of motherhood? I don’t need an intervention and nobody is in any danger because the truth is, I have so many balls in the air that I don’t have time to actually melt down. But I’m close.

I’m not a big complainer, really. Sure, I vent, sometimes often. But I dislike bitching about my issues when I have several friends dealing with infertility issues, a friend mourning the death of her husband, and another finalizing her divorce. Being exhausted and emotional (and from my webMD self-diagnosis, probably premenopausal) ranks kinda low in the realm of things to complain about but I’m so tired that I can’t see straight.

While I’ve mastered the art of functioning on minimal sleep, I’m not my true self when this tired, and I don’t like not being 100%.

Like most moms, I do 1000 things at once, and many days I do it on my own because of my husband’s job. Between my kids, work, two school drop offs and pick-ups (it’s a crap-load of driving), multiple sports, household chores (more laundry than seems possible) and fitting in workouts (which I need to step up), I’m stretched thin.

Add to that my lack of sleep (why do I get no sleep? A few reasons, but mostly sleep issues with my daughter that has me up 2-3 times a night) and I can be a bit of a nightmare.

I feel like I’m constantly running and playing catch-up. But something happened this week that made me realize I have to make a change.

My 2.5 year old daughter, my sweet girl, my little shadow who just wants to be near me, said “I’m starting to get mad” when I wasn’t listening to her.

And damn if she didn’t say it to me exactly how I’ve said it to her and her brother. She followed it up with “Mommy, are you happy?” And I almost cried.

Wanting my attention, and concerned if I am happy. Mornings are not my favorite time of the day because getting the kids out of the house is no picnic. They argue, they procrastinate and I usually (always) end up yelling. So I’ve been trying something new.

Instead of going from 0 to screaming in seconds, I’m saying it once, repeating it once then I warn them that I’m starting to get mad.

The good news is that my daughter is listening. But I don’t want to be that mom. I don’t want to get angry because I’m so tired my patience is non-existent when

I find my sweet girl in in the kitchen wearing just underwear and one shoe on the wrong foot, when she was dressed and ready to go just minutes before.

Those should be laughable moments. When my hubby is home, he is helpful. My parents are also helpful but with consistent interrupted sleep, I can’t catch up on my zzzzs (or laundry, it seems). There is always something to do. And always something keeping me awake. There was a time where I used to be very good at finding the balance but that was when I was getting my full eight hours. I keep telling myself this is a phase, that soon enough my kids will be teenagers who want to sleep all day and I’ll have so much time on my hands I won’t know what to do with myself. But until then, I’m tired. Really tired.

Lacking patience. And missing laughable moments.

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Comments

  1. JDaniel4's Mom says

    April 26, 2013 at 8:20 am

    What an amazing little girl! I love her questions and I love your post.

    • Coreen says

      April 26, 2013 at 1:57 pm

      Thank you. She’s sweet and funny and I need to laugh at her antics more.

  2. Kim@Co-Pilot Mom says

    April 26, 2013 at 8:40 am

    I left eight hours behind a while ago, as well. And stress seems so much more difficult when we don’t have enough rest. I think the best we can do is take care of ourselves the best we can, take a deep breath and remember to laugh once in a while. It is good for all of us. 🙂

    • Coreen says

      April 26, 2013 at 1:58 pm

      It’s so sad that we can’t carve out 8 hours. Happy to know I’m not alone. I’m working on laughing more. And breathing. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

  3. just JENNIFER says

    April 26, 2013 at 11:57 am

    Oh gosh, we need sleep. We NEED it! It shouldn’t be considered a luxury. I hope you can get some more sleep very soon!

    • Coreen says

      April 26, 2013 at 1:59 pm

      Right? Sleep should be a given not an impossible dream. It’s so sad that my loftiest goal at the moment is sleeping past 7am on a Sunday.

      • just JENNIFER says

        April 26, 2013 at 2:01 pm

        But….I know it’s a goal shared by many moms!

  4. Venassa says

    April 26, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    I hear you! Balancing it all is iffy on a good day. It all goes down the drain though if I’m seriously lacking in sleep. Hope it gets better for you soon!

    • Coreen says

      April 26, 2013 at 2:01 pm

      Thank you. Things go awry quickly when I’m a walking zombie. Maybe I’ll get a nap on Mother’s day.

  5. Kristen says

    April 26, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    I always say that if all of the balls that I had juggling up in the air all came down at once that the entire world would feel it like a 9.0 earthquake. 
    It is so hard to relax sometimes but I think recognizing that we need it is a good way to start making the time. I hope you get back to enjoying those laughable moments! 

    • Coreen says

      April 26, 2013 at 5:13 pm

      That is part of it, that I don’t make time for myself. But my daughter is a terrible sleeper, she wakes up so many times during the night for various reasons (to go potty – we are potty training, night terrors, or just because she wants to know I’m there) so I’m not getting any good sleep, which makes me feel half-assed during the day.

  6. Darshana says

    April 26, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Great post Coreen! I needed it. I am all to often shouting at my kids to hurry up. I do like your approach of saying it once and then letting them know that you are getting mad. I will have to try that approach. Thanks!

    • Coreen says

      April 26, 2013 at 5:16 pm

      Thanks Darshana. I do the count to 3 as well, that works better with my older kid though. The little one just things it’s funny. But she doesn’t like it when I get mad, or even the idea of me getting mad.

      And I know you understand the stress of the job on top of parenting (since we work together). It’s not easy being tired here in the office, I feel like I have to be at 150% all the time.

  7. Leslie Relkin says

    April 26, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    Lack of sleep makes us all a little nutty whether you are going through something or just being an everyday super mom. Can’t tell you how many times I put the milk in the cupboard or started my pot of coffee… Without the coffee… Or yelled at my kid when she really had not done anything wrong. Forgive yourself for being human and then figure out where you can start letting a few things go to save your sanity. I used to worry about my daughters clothes matching… Now.. If she has on clean underwear I don’t care what she wears.. I stopped caring about the laundry volcano… At least it is clean….and finally be ok with saying no every once in a while to the million requests people have of you… Stay cool awesome mom!

    • Coreen says

      April 26, 2013 at 5:20 pm

      I hear ya and I need to figure that out but I am a Virgo and have this inherent need to do everything. Right now. I don’t know how to say no.
      And the girl child is a pain about her underwear. I can’t tell you how many arguments we’ve had over what pair she is going to wear. Maybe that’s why laundry and I have a tenuous relationship…because at any given moment I want to make sure the Minnie Mouse and Cinderella princess panties are clean in case Little Miss has a massive melt down because she doesn’t want to wear Brave, the only clean undies in her drawer.

  8. Rusti says

    April 26, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    totally this. I recently started trying to follow (read: attempting to even pretend to take up) The Orange Rhino challenge… I’ve painted my nails and Goose’s nails a matching orange which are our “special nails” that are supposed to be our reminders – for me to yell less, and for her to listen better. so far, it hasn’t helped us much, but we are trying… for us, it’s a group effort. We haven’t yet gone a full day without yelling/crying – BUT she is listening a little better, and I’m yelling less… mornings are still the most difficult, and bedtime is no picnic either, but we’re slowly doing a little better… I think. check back with me in another month or two, we’ll see if we’ve made it a day without yelling by then 😉

    thanks for sharing. glad we’re not alone in this.

    • Coreen says

      April 26, 2013 at 5:22 pm

      Thank you for sharing! The Orange Rhino challenge sounds interesting nad I’m glad it’s working for you. I try to establish “no yelling” days but I admit, I suck at it. Especially when overtired. Mornings have surpassed bedtime as my least favorite time of the day.

  9. Marta says

    April 26, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    I’m sorry you’re so tired. I know for myself when I feel that way when I’m too tired or too hungry or have reached so point of too something I feel like a child. Helpless because my basic needs aren’t being met and pissed off about it. I get it why babies cry because they’re hungry or can’t fall asleep if it was more social acceptable I may cry and stop my feet too. Instead I just get impatient and snippety. And no body likes that. 

    Wishing the very best for you (and lots and lots and lots of sleep).

    • Coreen says

      April 26, 2013 at 5:27 pm

      Marta “I know for myself when I feel that way when I’m too tired or too hungry or have reached so point of too something I feel like a child, Helpless because my basic needs aren’t being met ” – EXACTLY. I know I can be better if I could get several restful nights in a row. I need to remind myself that if I’m tired from being woken up 3 times a night by my daughter, that she is probably tired too, from waking up. We’ve tried several different things to get her to sleep through the night, but nothing sticks.

  10. AnnMarie says

    April 26, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    That is EXACTLY what my 3yo asks me when I get mad about something. “Mommy, are you happy?” She just wants to be near me, too and she is the reason I am tired all the time because she gave up the binky when she was 2 and I’ve been her safety net ever since. I.AM.TIRED! So I can totally relate (since I have three others that have me running every which way). I need to stop missing laughable moments, too.

  11. momof12 says

    April 27, 2013 at 2:07 am

    I am with you on so many levels!! Laundry NEVER goes away at my house and chasing the kids all over can be a nightmare. Thank goodness my daughter got her license this week to ease that a bit. I have to admit to being a little ornery, often…
    Sandy

  12. Single Mom in the South says

    April 27, 2013 at 6:59 am

    Yes, I have these moments, days, weeks… I’m just not usually so quiet about it!

  13. Krystal says

    April 27, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    I think, just get it off your chest. You’re not alone in this so we feel your pain. Once I started talking and complaining aloud, I actually started to feel better. Sounds weird but just voicing it is a relief. It all works out in the end.

  14. Tonya says

    April 30, 2013 at 4:53 pm

    I honestly don’t know how you do it, Coreen. I have always marveled at your ability to take such great care of yourself, work a full time job, be an awesome mother and find time for date night, friends, reading and TV. You’re a machine.

    I don’t nearly have half as much going on as you and I’m exhausted all the time too, if it’s any consolation.

    And it’s probably not. 🙂

  15. Korie says

    May 7, 2013 at 10:27 pm

    I’ve got nothing but love for you, old friend…

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

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