Martinis and Minivans is a blog for anyone who has ever needed a martini after driving a minivan around all day. Or for anyone who has just ever needed a martini. It’s the insanity of a New Yorker now living the Midwest life as a somewhat sarcastic writer, mother and wife.
A Letter to My Breasts
I was recently trying on the ever-popular Maxi dress at a department store last week. While in the dressing room, I realized that the same problem kept occurring with each dress I put on. My breasts popped out of them. I realize that there are women that might be looking for that type of dress and embrace the size C/D cups I have been given in life, but I am not one of them. Too many conversations with men not looking into my eyes have made me long for constant cover-ups. However, I don’t want to have to wear a cami with every dress I purchase. With that in mind, I have written a request letter to my breasts.
Dear Breasts,
I know that you are probably feeling a bit depressed these days. We have been together for decades and early on, you felt happy and perky every day. You would stay upright when gravity was pushing you down. And you would easily let me wear spaghetti straps without them digging into my shoulders. However, I feel as if I betrayed you when my children were born. I asked you to fill with milk and then to harden and that must have made you sad because you started to droop and hang down lower each day. Now, you seem to be in the anger stage in our relationship. You won’t let me wear button down shirts now because there is too much of a gap between buttons. And those spaghetti straps that I used to love now cause horrible indentations in my skin that actually give me shoulder fat marks. But it isn’t all bad. You do provide am ample shelf for me to put my drink on while sitting on the couch, and my children seem to enjoy the two built in pillows available to them at any moment. However, I am begging you – please cheer up. Think about our good old days together and how happy you were to fit into a bra without grandma-wide straps. I know you can be those breasts again. I believe in you.
Sincerely,
Your hopeful body
Be sure to leave some comment love below and then go visit Martinis and Minivans!
JanetGoingCrazy says
February 1, 2013 at 9:25 amI don’t know if I ever had “perky” breasts, but these knee warmers that I have now are just not my style!
Powdered Toast Man says
February 1, 2013 at 10:28 amI also love that breasts function as pillows too. I hope that your breasts write you back and you two (or three) can reconcile your differences and have a great relationship.
Southern Angel says
February 1, 2013 at 10:36 amImagine having DDD from the age of 14 and never getting to breastfeed because that is something my boobs refuse to do.. sighs.. even after swelling to a JJ in pregnancy. I feel ya momma I totally feel ya
Martinis and Minivans says
February 1, 2013 at 4:00 pmThanks so much for the feature today! I’m still waiting to hear back from my breasts. I think they are seriously bitter. I’m considering buying them flowers and laying chocolates on them… Thanks again!
Sarcasm Goddess says
February 1, 2013 at 4:03 pmLOL! Never stop believing!
Chris Carter says
February 2, 2013 at 2:33 pmHA! Very cute!! I believe EVERY woman who has had kids can write the very same letter to their breasts no matter what size they are!!! 🙂
Heather says
February 3, 2013 at 11:35 pmOne of the plus sides of being very small breasted is that the droop is not nearly so noticeable. That and running are probably the only two advantages 🙂
Reagan says
February 4, 2013 at 1:02 amAh boobs–so much attitude, so few supports.