We have much in common—the same sort of outlook on the world, our parallel lives, although she is sadly, much younger than me, and her three bambinos are boys while my little quesadillas are girls. (I’m super fluent in many languages, man.)
We have a few other commonalties, one of them being our undying love for Fabio Viviani, from Top Chef. She tweeted me from a field trip the day he followed her on Twitter and we both squealed through our Twitter DM’s like teenage girls at a Justin Bieber concert.
Fabio does not, for the record, follow me no matter how hard I try to lure him in.
Sigh.
It pretty much goes without saying that I adore this blonde soul sister of mine and so when she asked me to guest blog on her inaugural post series, I was as thrilled as if Fabio had sent me a DM on Twitter, proclaiming his undying love for me.
Thank you Shell, for having me. I’ll try not to be a boor.
I have been married a long time. A very long time. As in, I got married when Madonna was asking her Papa not to preach, The Karate Kid was only on Part II, a little something called Email was invented, along with another inconsequential invention called a laptop computer and most of all, my boobs were still so vivacious, they didn’t hang low and wobble to and
fro . . . yet.
And it hasn’t been just a marriage. It’s been a good marriage, actually, a great marriage. I’ll be honest, not every year was bliss. Everyone has their rough patches. When you’re first starting out and you don’t have the symmetry of a life together quite worked out yet, it can oftentimes be a tough battle. Especially when the children are small and their need is endless and he goes off to golf and you’re wondering when your break is coming as you scrub encrusted rice cereal off the floor and wipe away angry tears. Yes, we’ve had those days. Many of them.
But I think I can safely say most of our hard days are behind us. We now see the wisdom in keeping each other enveloped in happiness. We understand how pointless it is to waste time, wallowing in anger or bitterness.
Our three girls are halfway to grown, from teenagers up to college age and they are all quite busy with the headiness of youth and carving out their own lives. We now have come almost full circle, back to each other. I call these days of he and I together, our salad days—the easiest and happiest of times.
Not too long ago, someone asked me my secret to a happy marriage. I had to stop and really mull that one over, because a good marriage of longevity becomes like mastering a second language. You don’t even have to think about the words any longer to get it right. That’s right, senorita, I can order my queso without batting an eye.
But after much contemplation, it suddenly came to me. It’s all about one little detail in the man you pick.
A man who will buy your personal hygiene products without even flinching is the best kind of man—a good husband kind of man.
And my husband has always been the tampon buyer in our House of Estrogen.
I’d like to share with you all a few snippets of my husband’s foray into feminine hygiene purchasing, to show you exactly what I mean:
After we had our first baby, I sent him to the store to buy pads.
Now, he knew my tampon preference, but he had on idea about pads.
He told me he wasn’t sure which pad to buy, (this was before the days of cell phones) and so he had asked a salesgirl. As she was giving her two cents about the best pads, (she liked the extra long ones), another salesgirl came up and persuaded him wings were the way to go and as the two of them debated pad preferences, another woman entered the pad fray and told him the minipad was her sanitary napkin of choice.
He came home with a shopping bag filled with three boxes of pads in an effort to avoid a maxi pad smackdown, while trying to do his best for a post pregnancy wife.
Another time, we were on vacation in a small town nestled in the mountains of Tennessee, when I suddenly was in dire need of tampons.
My hubs popped into the local grocery store and grabbed my brand of tampons. When he got to the register, the cashier asked him, “Is that it?”
And being the funny guy he is, “Yep and I’m not even buying anything else as a cover for my tampon purchase.”
The cashier gave him a nod of approval and said, “That is just a downright righteous thing you done there. I need to applaud you for that.”
And applaud she did, stopped in her cashier ringing tracks and began clapping.
The cashier, next to her, asked, “Why you clappin’?”
And the cashier giving my husband a standing ovation said, “This here fella is buying his wife’s tampons and he ain’t even buying anything else to cover it up with.”
The other cashier said, “Well now, if that ain’t somethin’.” And she began to applaud my tampon-buying husband, too.
To this day, my husband is quite proud of that story.
But then there came the day when I had my uterus taken out—a slap-clapping, jig- dancing-in-the-street, moment in my life.
If he thought his tampon buying days were over, he was about to be sadly mistaken.
Three girls.
Three hormonal nightmares. Three girls on the same cycle.
It is why we drink wine.
Those girls count on their dad, just as I did, for all their tampon buying needs.
He called from Costco the other day, because that’s how we buy them now, by the pallet. I grabbed the phone the same time my middle girl did. Here’s the conversation:
Husband: (thinking he was addressing me) Hey, I don’t understand. Why do I have to buy the pink box for one girl and the blue box for another? Can’t they just use the same kind?
Middle Daughter: No, Daaaad. I need the pink box because my flow is heavy. We don’t all have the same kind of flow, you know.
Husband: Uh, I could have gone my whole lifetime without knowing that.
So there you have it.
A man who will buy your tampons is not afraid of what life with a woman entails. A man who will not hesitate to stand in in the feminine hygiene aisle contemplating pads, understands that happiness is borne out of the smallest, but most meaningful things.
The other day I moaned and groaned because I’d forgotten my flavored coffee creamer at the grocery store and I would have to use, heaven forbid, plain old sugar for my coffee in the morning.
The next morning was a Saturday and my girls all had friends who’d spent the night. My husband got up early to do his Saturday morning man things. I’m not sure what those man things actually are, but I know it always entails a trip to Home Depot. I think a trip to the Depot for him is like me in a shoe store, a fantastico experience. (I amaze myself with my fierce bilingual skills.)
He came home from his man jaunt with my flavored coffee creamer and two dozen doughnuts for the girls.
Before we’d even woken up.
I will advise my girls to always look for a man who will gladly buy their tampons.
Those men are the keepers.
Because tampon buying leads to hot doughnuts on a Saturday morning and the offer to get up with the baby in the dead of the night and flowers for no reason and a man who does the cooking without a complaint because he knows you hate to cook and the shoulder massage that doesn’t turn into a frontal massage within seconds.
Wait a minute, who am I kidding? My husband has never been able to last more than 5.8 seconds before the ole’ reach around. I know, because I’ve timed it.
But you get the point.
The secret for a good, strong marriage is in all the little things and a man who understands the wisdom behind the little things The little things add up to an “And they lived happily ever after” kind of life.
And it all begins with tampon buying.
If you missed the announcement about the switch from BFF to Things They Can’t Say, you can find that HERE. Also, if you have been a BFF but would prefer the new “featured” button, just shoot me an email
I love love this. It is all about finding the man who gives you what you need. Whether that is buying tampons or something else. Too often people are with people who give them what they think they need or what they wished they needed and that never works.
Joanne is a new blog for me. I am eager to go read her wisdom on raising teenage girls – I need it!
This is great…love, love, love it. And so true, it is the little things that matter.
My girl, thank you so much for having me. I was so thrilled and once again, it gave me great joy to cop to the things I probably shouldn't say but do… all the time…usually, in the most inappropriate of situations.
But thank you, thank you, thank you. XXXOOO
Oh I love this. My husband is slowly evolving into a tampon buyer, but very reluctantly. Love seeing the man he is becoming after having girls.
This is amazing– and so true. It sounds like you have an amazing guy like that (he should be proud of the clapping story- that's a rather good one!) My husband is a tampon/pad buyer himself- when he gets home tonight, I'm going to tell him that's indicative that our marriage will last. 🙂
Morning gorgeous Shell …
There is something amazing about marrying a man who likes to cook, who will do the girly shopping, rub your 13 yr old's back because she has cramps and be in tune with the vibe in the house.
When we had our first, I was involved in a playgroup of women all married to very manly men … more like boymen – I positively basked in their super jealous glow.
I trust my girls have learned from this as I am sure yours have too Joanne 😉
ack, an 'e' … i added and 'e' … forgive me Joann!
I love the new feature! My husband would be lost in the sanitary products aisle.
Only been married 16 years, but I would say it it's a good marriage. I never knew exactly why, I mean things aren't perfect. Now I know, it's because he was always willing to buy my tampons 😉
Amen! Your husbands standing ovation has just reached Ohio!
A perfect lady to start your new series Shell! Joann is awesome.
Joann, I think I'm set for life, although I've only been married just under 4 years. After the birth of our son, my husband did not hesitate to go out and purchase these items for me: 3 types of maxi pads (just in case), nipple cream (for cracked/ sore nipples from breastfeeding), and chocolate.
This may quite possibly be the best advice I have ever heard on choosing a good man. Definitely the funniest! That scene in the grocery store sounded like a scene from a classic comedy!
"I could go a whole lifetime without knowing that" – best line – I could picture every and any father/husband saying that. HAHAHA.
Love it.
I love this! Those little things really do make for a good man. However, I think my man would be completely lost in the tampon aisle. I'm not even sure he knows where it is!
I always new I had a good man, but now I now for sure. Can't wait to tell him about this post!
Oh this was funny! Especially the call from Costco! And having three teenagers on the same cycle. I'm not sure there's enough wine in the world!
I already know Joann and Love her so much.. but my hubby too has no qualms about buying my feminine needs. Buying condoms however opens up a whole new can of worms for him….
"The little things add up to an “And they lived happily ever after” kind of life."
After being married for 21 years I can state without a doubt that this is 100% true.
What a wonderful post! Your husband is a saint, Joan!
Such a feel good post. We are in the grips of needy little kids and me being a widow to football as my husband is a HS coach. I so get that part. Congrats on being where you are. I hope to get back there some day. It's just me in a house full of boys so I think I'll be the sole tampon buyer for years to come. Wait, maybe I'll just have him read this post.
I love the part about the cashiers and the standing ovation. That's a good man you have there. I have also sent my husband out for tampons and other feminine hygiene products. I usually send an empty box with him or write the name down in detail so there are no mistakes 🙂
Muy bien, Joann! My husband will also brave the tampon aisle like it's nothing. Which has never ceased to amaze me because even *I* harbor remnants of that teenage-girl "OMG-don't-look-at-me-I'm-buying-tampons" embarrassment.
Too funny! My hubs went out to buy me a nursing bra after our daughter was born. I know he was cringing the entire time, but he did it!
OMG. What a fabulous guest today – one of my favorite ladies on the planet. This is a terrific post.
I will say that my husband is one of the best guys I know. He changed more than his share of diapers. Voluntarily got up for late night feedings. Doesn't flinch when I talk about cramps or heavy flow.
But he won't touch tampons. It creeps him out. I forgive him this one flaw. 🙂
Dang is that not the truth?
Laughed until I cried. This is so my husband. Now I know why I'm so lucky. I too have been blessed with 3 boys (well, 2 and one on the way), but I know I am going to let their daddy teach them to be tampon buying men. Awesome! ~Jessica
That is a great man! I have to say that my husband is very good about it too. Hey, women bleed, everyone knows that. He gets it. I loved this post!
"by the pallet"
OJ I love you!
My hubby is the tampon buyer and I am the only girl but I am too embarrassed to buy them. Because I never have had to.
I also love the story of the dogs not getting locked up. We have many similar stories around here.
oh my gosh! why do I not know of her? where has she been hiding?
Great post – and I'm so happy to report I have a man like that. Fingers crossed we last long too ;-D
I might have to start doing more.
YES! Absolutely yes. My husband doesn't understand why "some men" have issues with picking up tampons, etc. I asked oh-so-timidly the first time because it was an emergency, and apologized profusely. He looked at me like I had two heads. "They're just tampons, Jen".
I knew I had a keeper, right there. And all those other little things my dear Joann mentions hold true for us as well. It's only been a few days shy of three years and I hope we manage to keep a good thing going for decades to come.
Oh, and as a rebuttal to Singedwingangel up there – according to my husband, buying condoms means you're getting some, so there's no reason to be embarrassed. You should be happy and high-fiving instead. 🙂 lol
Oh this is so wise! My husband doesn't buy the pads, but he does the stinkiest job in the house – dumping the cloth diapers in the washer. Lovely post!
I am standing up and applauding the man right now! I think mine might have done it once. After a baby was born. But he does go out late at night to fill my chocolate needs when I'm in a crisis. So, he's a keeper.
Bahah! Great story. It is the little things that make all of the difference. Definitely shows sensitivity and wanting to make you happy and comfortable.
We have to remember our part too, for us it is bringing my husband snacks/clearing his dishes. Very mom-ish, but I hear him on the phone saying things like, "Did YOUR wife just bring you a grilled cheese and a diet coke?".
Men feel like they need food as much as we need tampons.
LOVE this post! I'm cracking up & nodding my head & praising Jesus that I've got a hubby like this, too. 🙂
Wonderful post! I may print this out for my single friends to add to their "what to look for in a man" list.
Back in the days before cell phones, Rod had to make his own decisions at the drugstore, or borrow the phone in the pharmacy to ask me if the item he had in his hand was correct. Now, when I send him to the store, there are always at least three calls before he gets home. He tries, God bless him, but more often than not, he comes home with the wrong thing, because he never reads the labels!! When Mum was alive and visiting us for a few months, she had a bowel issue that required a suppository. Rod went to the store, came home and gave her the box. About an hour later, she came to me and said it was not working. "Give me that box," I said. Sure enough, Rod had once again failed to read the box, which plainly said "Hemmorhoid Suppositories." I went to the drugstore myself.
With a recent rush of divorces and separations of our friends, my husband and I had a "what makes our marriage work" discussion…tampon buying didn't even enter my mind, but this is brillant.
My husband has bought tampons and engaged in all sorts of asisstance with all things female related. It is a quality of patience and respect that definitely might translate in to a wonderful spouse. It does for me!
Thanks for sharing!
I am pretty confident that my hubby would do this if asked…in an absolute emergency. But I probably wouldn't ask him because often he will leave the house and say "do you want anything?", and I'll say, "yes, I'd love some Skittles…weird craving." "ok, skittles", and off he'll go.
he'll return, sometime later, with a new furnance filter, some duct tape, a quart of milk, some new socks……no skittles. every.time.
I just can't risk that let down.
I am wondering if your man will also hold your purse? Because, right there….that's a keeper to me. Mine…will only go near it to get my cell phone. because I forget to charge it. see….he does know how to take care of me afterall.
This was hysterical, I was cracking up the entire. My husband too is the buyer of feminine products in our household, lucky for him I'm the only female.
I don't even have the words the express how much i adore this post. And that's really saying somethin' because I *always*- well, you know.
Love this post, love the new feature!
XO
Oh phew! I thought I was doing good until you said that the back massage didn't lead to the front- as yea, really what guy can resist that?
Love this post. And the applauding cashiers is hilarious!!
If these are the keys I'm in for a good long marriage!
As I tweeted – I'll never understand the taboo about men buying tampons – it's like wearing a great big sign saying "I have sex with a woman, regularly."
I will say, once, that I went to pick up a bunch of stuff prior to a road trip — including tampons. And I got berated for trying to sneak the tampons in by the sales lady. But, I explained the whole thing – why would I ever try to hide the fact that I buy tampons?
However, asking people for a pad preference, though, I don't know if I'd have the balls to do that – I'd be asking "what if she's a tampon only user, or a diva cup user? I really don't want to get into a philosophical discussion about feminine hygiene products in the middle of the grocery store . . . unless I'm really bored 🙂
Love this!
And it's so true. We have been married 15 years and lived together 4 years before that and he has always,always picked up the pads when I needed them.
what a great new series! I love it! She sounds like a fantastic blogger!
I enjoyed reading this; I laughed so much. While I usually buy my own stuff, my hubby has done it for me when I couldn't, i.e. after my deliveries.
Your hilarious, yet so truthful! On everything. My husband has gotten me hygiene items in a crunch, but I'm guessing he buys some cover up. 🙂
Love your new series addition Shell!
Truer words never spoken! And then he also buys tampons for your daughters? I think I might give him a standing ovation myself.
Yep, those men are keepers. And you have to test them before you marry them.
I sent mine, after 2 weeks dating, to buy me a bikini I described and I told him which shop he has to go to. He did it without a problem. Time passed and we got married and he went shopping with me for maternity clothes in Europe. And he stayed in the maternity area with me till the end (ok, he was just a little bit uncomfortable). After we had our boy, I sent him for maxi pads, no problem for my man. He's a keeper. 🙂
Well said! I'm so glad I found a tampon buyer!!!
Mine doesn't even attempt the massage anymore though…it's like buying something to cover for your tampon purchase! We all know why he's there…
My stepdad had the same household stats. And he could waltz into the grocery store and pick out the pads and tampons we all liked without hesitation. I considered it a redeeming factor many a time. Hubby is the same. I love that man.
oh the tampon theory…perhaps Dr.Phil needs to use that angle on his show?
My husband,after 8 years of marriage, will not buy my tampons. Even after I had major back surgery, I had to put on my back brace and shuffle into the drug store and buy my own…sigh.
But he did buy me a lovely necklace with diamonds…so i guess that makes up for it 🙂
OH my goodness…I think this may be my favorite feature yet!! I love this post…and it is the simple things.
What a great dad and a great husband 🙂
Love the new feature but sad I didn't seem to find the right man. 🙁
I giggled out loud on the call from Costco. Love it. Just visited your site and am a new follower!
My husband won't buy those. Maybe he would…if I let him. hahaha. But when she mentioned the massage I thought I was going to be a hater. LOL until she assured she was kidding. LOL. Great post.
It's so very nice to meet you Joann. I love this post. My husband and I must be off to a good start because he will buy my girly things anytime I ask him to. He also brings me coffee, and flowers from time to time…but not together.
I have three boys and no girls so I am the queen of the house. Therefore, I rule! Well, at least that's what I tell myself anyway 🙂
I love this!!!! After nearly 8 years of marriage my hubs finally caved in an picked up tampons for me once. Of course, that was after I had surgery and was in a horrible amount of pain. I'm gonna count that, he was sweet enough to actually do it.
omg that is awesome I love it. My man buys mine to because I dont like to buy them hehe! soo right the little things add up to the happily ever after 😀
LOL!!! So funny! I am holding my husband up to those standards from now on! (he DID buy my after labor pads.. but I'm not sure if he's ever bought them any other time?)
For that brief second, I thought you really had a man that could massage without the reach around. But then I was so relieved to hear you were joking. He deserves the applause, and I'm also relieved to know he draws the line at not needing to know about their "flow". LOL
Haha, the Reach Around, yes even my Hubbi isn't an exception to that, altho he is a bit of a horndog, so who was I kidding?!?!
Loving this new feature Shell, and Joann, you're def one to watch! =)
Oh, I just love her… and the relationship she has with her hubby. And the Costco phone call totally had me LOL. Off to follow her now. Thanks for a great feature, Shell!
Love, love, love this. Boyfriend doesn't even get embarrassed by it and we're not even married. 🙂 I'm glad we both picked winners!!
I LOVED this! Great job!
Great post! Mine buys tampons too…
You slay me, Ms. Mannix. But my favorite line? The tampons by the pallet. I nearly needed to buy Depends by the pallet after that.
I love the blog name! 🙂
Great post! Headed to check out the blog.
Truer words were never spoken. My husband will not only go out and buy tampons – he will carry my giant purse for me as well if I get tired. Apparently we have taught our boys well. I noticed my youngest son will do the same thing for his wifey. Warmed my heart, it did.
I LOVE JOANN, because of posts like this.
Like sitting across from a very, very dear friend.
Coincidentally, I'm just reading this now but Tweeted Friday night about a good man buying tampons LOL!
JoAnn you're pretty much the greatest, and I think this is fantastico advice. Because yes, that is what matters when it all comes down to it!
Going to have to follow Shell now, she's half celebrity with Fabio following her!
I'm late to the party here but had to throw my two cents in…
After my son was born, my husband went to the store and bought the following in ONE TRIP:
Tuck's hemorrhoid pads
Stool softener
Preparation H
Nipple cream
SUPER-sized maxi pads
Nursing pads
Vicodin.
15 years later we're still married.
Duh.
XOXO
First of all, I am so pumped when two of my favorite bloggers are in one place (especially when I have been sorely neglecting my favorite bloggers and I can show them both love in one fell swoop).
Second of all, I knew I had a keeper when my husband went out in a blizzard to swap the Pride and Prejudice 3 hour A&E version (suckfest) for the 6 hour BBC version with Colin Firth and then watched all 6 hours with me.
I LOVE this! I am also married to an unashamed feminine-hygiene-products-buying gem of a man and what you say is true – it IS the little things in a marriage that matter the most! So glad to have found yet another great blog here!
Also? I, too, am afraid of stabbings, people who stab, and bitches. What a coincidence!
🙂
Yep. This is the freakin holy grail of marriage right here. Sure you need someone who loves you and cares for you and yada yada yada…but a man who isn't ashamed to buy tampons? That's a real man. Loved this!
That is hilarious. I can just imagine the shopping trip with the ladies telling him wings or no wings. Made me lol. Off to say hi.
Ok, I'm late to this party, but so glad I finally showed up because I'm cracking up here trying not to wake up my own tampon-buying husband. Another great tip-off to the right man? Whether he'll offer to hold your purse while you try things on and then not even try to hide it so no one sees he's holding it. Off to check out your blog!
This was right on! When we first got together I needed pads one day to go on a trip. I usually used sponges. I was completely shocked when he so easily got pads for me and took a personal interest in what kind would be best for me! That was almost 7 years ago! That's like a lifetime, since I'm 27 now!
I love this and yep that guy is a keeper…yea for awesome men! My hubby has never shied away from purchasing anything for me…pads, tampons, vaginal cream…even a bra once! Love him for it even more! What a great post and congratualtions on that super duper marriage of yours!
Oh, Joann. You're one of the best. Another sage choice by Shell. And hang on to that fella of yours. What a gem.