Hi, I’m Melissa! I’m a newly single mom to an amazing handful of a 2 and a half year old little boy. When I’m not being the Tickle Monster, or a higher ed. administrator, you can find me at my blog marching to a different beat, or on Twitter – @MelissaG813
I am getting a divorce.
And it is not awesome.
I know what you are thinking. “Um, of course it is not awesome. Your marriage is ending. It is sad. For you. For your child. It’s a horrible situation.”
But that’s not why I think it is not awesome.
Of course it is all of those things. It is sad. And I am worried about how it will impact my son. But overall, I know in my heart of hearts that it is the right thing to do. That we will all be happier, and we will be a better family no matter how “broken” we may appear. Better parents to our son. Better friends to each other. Just, better.
So, no, the marriage ending is not why it is not awesome.
The fact that I want to start dating and feel like I will be judged for it is why it is not awesome.
I am not looking to jump into a full fledged relationship. I am not looking to run to the alter again. Absolutely, 100% not at all.
Yet, I would like to go out with a member of the opposite sex at times. Enjoy a nice dinner, some drinks, play some mini golf, walk a beach, go to a movie.
You know…dates. Have a little fun.
But, I don’t tell most people this. Because even before I get the chance to tell people, they feel the need to offer their opinion of what I should do with my love life now as a single woman, a single mom.
I am told not to rush into anything, that I need to focus on myself and my son.
And if I do tell people? I am asked if I am the type of person who needs to be with a man to be happy. If I’m unable to be alone. Accused of not making my son a priority.
Why is it that it is seemingly acceptable for a man to “get back out there” right after breaking up with someone, but when a woman does it, when a woman feels she is ready to do it, she is accused of awful things? Why is it that I’m judged because I’d like the company of a man at times?
Why is it that it seems as though “focusing on yourself and your son” means being alone? To me, focusing on myself means making myself happy. Whether it be sitting down to write, journaling, going to bed at 8pm, working out at the gym, playing trains and cars and in the sandbox with my son, or…going on a date. If it makes me happy, what’s wrong with that?
It makes me angry. It makes me feel like I need to lie when I do go on a date, or not even on a date, but just when I hang out with a man as friends! It makes me feel like people think I’m a horrible mother, a horrible person, pathetic. And then I get more angry, because I know I’m not any of those things.
I’m the perfect mother for my son. I try to be a good person every day. I’m strong and confident in myself as a person and as a woman.
And all I want to do…is go on a date. Is that so bad?