Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Things They Can’t Say: All Work and No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something

This week’s guest feature is one strong mama. Please welcome Kimberly from All Work and No Play Makes Mommy Go Something Something.

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Kimberly. I have a 3 year old, a husband, a nice house in a quiet neighborhood, perfect hair, and a mad crush on Chuck Norris…

And this year has been the worst year of my life.

To sum up 2011, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after 3 years of suffering with postpartum depression, a reoccurrence of debilitating back pain that makes it hard for me to fart some days, I waged war against my employer and took them to court for the third and final time, I’ve had 2 bouts of tonsillitis in 3 months, and now there’s a tumor IN my gallbladder that has devoured 13 pounds of me in 4 weeks.

Oh and my dog is a b-hole because he got his fat head stuck in the Christmas manger.

Don’t worry, baby Jesus was saved.

I’m a piece of work aren’t I?

But this post is not for sympathy.

It’s about pregnant women.

Did I throw you off?

Probably not as much as Kim Kardashian’s divorce eh?

There seems to be a huge (that word and pregnant in the same sentence makes me giggle) number of women becoming pregnant in the blog sphere and in my “real” life. Hearing about pregnancies makes me all warm and fuzzy inside until I think about my situation and then it pisses me off.

Jealous much?

You bet your uterus I am.

When I look at my family of three, I feel complete. If you ask me what makes me happy I will unequivocally tell you that it resides in my son’s smile and his giggles that start right from the tips of his chubby toes.

My happy is hearing my husband tell me that I’m beautiful despite having worn the same PJ’s for 3 days in a row.

Happiness is at the end of the day when we are all snuggled in bed reading a book together. In that moment, I can look far beyond what went wrong in the day because all I need is what is there beside me.

My happy is them.

We aren’t perfect, but there is love around every corner of our home.

And that is all I need in this life…

But in the same breadth, I would like to have just one more child.

I know that the people in my life and those that read my blog will think that I’m off my rocker since my health has been ailing for quite a while, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t want.

Or dream.

Or hope for.

Deep down in an ugly little corner of my soul, I know that there is a huge possibility that it won’t happen for us and it breaks me sometimes.

So when I hear of a pregnancy announcement I do get jealous.

But I get especially angry when pregnant women complain of all the barfing and swelling and weight gain and karate kicks and insomnia and heartburn and not being able to drink and that you ran out of nachos and so on and so on.

Guess what?

You’re pregnant.

All that stuff comes with the territory. You are growing a human that in 40 weeks you’re going to be able to love and squish on.

So before you start writing a plethora of Facebook statuses and Tweets, entire blog posts or calling your non-pregnant friends devoting a whole conversation on how fat you’re getting, I want you to stop, rub your belly and remind yourself of how blessed you are because there is a woman out there right now who wants to be in your shoes.

But really though, I’d love to tell you to shut up.

And when I start to get jealous of your cute round bellies and baby kicks and newborn smells, and angry because you complain about going 40 weeks without drinking a single sip of wine, that I’ll stop and remind myself of how blessed I am with what I have.

Because there is a woman out there right now who wants to be in my shoes…

…minus a gallbladder tumor, bipolar disorder, chronic back pain and a dog who is an ass face.

 

Please show Kimberly some comment love here and then go follow her blog All Work and No Play Make Mommy Go Something Something. You can also find her on twitter @momgosomething. 

Comments

  2. I think this is a fantastic post and extremely well written. I hear you! I like how you bring it back in the end to being grateful for your life because there is someone out there who would love to be in your shoes…isn’t that lesson for us all?

  4. Kimberly hon – I know what you’re saying! It irks me when pregnant women bitch about this, that or other. I admit, I bitched about getting a cold 3 times in 3 months, yes, but I was dying. (heh) I just wish they were more sensitive to the fact that there are many who read their words and wished they could puke a year just to have a baby.

    So bravo to you for saying it out loud.

    Love you, as always. xo

    • Thanks for understanding Alison. We are all allowed to complain but sometimes I think that some pregnant women forget that there are other women out there who can’t. Like I read a blog post the other day about a Mom who is having a girl and her “dilema” was whether or not to go all out on frilly girl clothes. The ENTIRE post was about complaining of outfits for baby girls. Sigh

  7. Kimberly- WHAT A YEAR for you! How are you even standing let alone writing?
    Your honesty and humor in this less then ideal situation is admirable and frankly laughable too. I’m finding as I get older, there’s nothing wrong with a little jealousy every now & then.

    • Yes it has been a rough year. Like whoa. I deal by using humour. If I didn’t laugh about it…well I’d be running off naked in the woods with the bears…or something like that.

  9. You know I love you, Kimberly! And even without any of the medical issues that you are kicking to the curb Chuck Norris-style, I still can’t stand the complaining from some pregnant women. Sure, a comment here and there is fine. But some women carry on and on as if they are the first and only person to ever go through a pregnancy.

    • Amen to that. I read a post the other day about how the HUGE MASSIVE dilema on picking out girl clothes…sigh. I won’t lie, the blogs that complain a lot about pregnancy, I’ve stopped reading.

  10. Oh my word, lady! That is a heck of a lot to battle in one year, especially your dog. 😉 I’m jumping over to follow you – what an awesome writer you are! BIG HUGS!

  11. I love your honesty! I really hate it when I hear pregnant women complain because some would give anything for those swollen ankles!

  12. What a year you’ve had! And your dog… just wow!

    My husband and I have decided no more kids, but some days I think otherwise. I understand that ache.

    • My dog is a love…when he’s not busy tearing up my linoleum floor in the kitchen and trying to eat baby Jesus.
      That ache is a terrible one isn’t it?

  13. I hear you. Loud and clear. 2011 has been a rough and brutal year. DD2 was born in may and since then 2 grandparents have died, 3 yr old went under general for dental work, new roof, new main waterline, new hot water heater, new car.

    I struggle with that ache deep in my heart. Despite the ppd and the crazy, I covet babies. Despite the 6 month old in my arms, my heart aches for the one I lost, and for the one(s) that could complete our family. Dh is completely content with 2, so every milestone is crushingly bittersweet.

    • Oh you have had a terrible year too. I’m so sorry. 2012 is going to be better. I can feel it.
      I know what you mean about milestones. I cling to them like it’s nobody’s business.

  14. Kimberly- I know how you feel. I have one child and while I am at peace with our decision, there are times when I rage against the fact that we are only three. It took me years to get top this place where I am happy being a small family. I hope that you either find happiness with your family of three or make the decison to try to go for baby #2.

    • It is so super hard.
      I loved being pregnant and I love my son to the moon and beyond.
      But I still want one more.
      But I’m ok if I can’t.
      But I still want one more.
      Such a difficult thing when there is so much going on.

  15. Dear Kimberly Loo Hoo…
    I love you madly. And other than my stupid bout with antenatal depression, I do try not to complain. Because of my past with trying to keep babies in the belly, I never take any of it for granted…and I know all too well of wanting and not getting.

    Your family makes me happy.

    So do your words. Because you do NOT hold back.

    Never change, friend. Never ever change!

    • See that is different.
      I opened up to a friend about my thoughts…the nasty ones…and her response “Well you want to hear something crazy, I’m pregnant. And I hate it because I can’t drink for 9 months”
      Seriously.
      Then there was a blog post I came across where the “big dilema” was picking out girl clothes…WTF
      We all have the right to complain but some people take it to a whole other level.
      Love your face.

  17. Awwww, Kim. You know I love you, my soul sister. As you already know I’ve been suffering with mental illness for a loongggggg ass time. My family all worried about me when I got pregnant the second time. And now, any time I mention a third they look at me like I have two heads. Like I’m not a candidate for a third baby or something. It’s not fair. I would love to have a third baby but I feel like everyone thinks it will be too stressful for me. I know they are just worried about me but what about what I want, ya know?

    So although I’m not quite in the same shoes as you with wanting a second and your other health issues, I do kind of, sort of, in a round about way, know how you’re feeling. I swear we’re soul sisters.

    • Oh yes, I didn’t even touch on what people think when I tell them I’d like another. i’m so glad that you went with your heart and had a second one. Our illness shouldn’t prevent us from wanting what we want in life.
      Love you girl

  18. I think I love Kimberly. You are so honest and I love it. Looks like I need to add another blog to my reader! Oh and my dog is an ass too. I adore him but I am pretty sure he is trying to kill me. I am working on a post about it soon.

    • Ha! My dog has ripped up half of our kitchen flooring. He’s like Marley from Marley and Me…I do love him but sometimes…sometimes I’d like to drop him off in a feild somewhere…wait did I just say that?

  19. But your dog is really cute…
    Seriously. I love your honesty. I’m still holding out for a waaaaay better 2012 for you!!!

  20. Kimberly you are a trooper and I completely understand why you get that feeling of “want” when you hear women announce their pregnancies. I feel that too and I too have three kids.

    It does sound like you are incredibly blessed with a lovely family and I hope your health takes a turn for the better so you can fully enjoy them and relish in their beauty 😉

    Happy holidays!

    • i am incredibly blessed with a wonderful family. I am ok if I only have one child because he rocks my face off.
      But I’d like the chance to squish one more baby. My heart has room for one more 😉
      Happy Holidays to you too!

  21. you know I love you long time and wish I could get my head stuck in a manger with you. Our heads would be there, together, talking all about the baby jesus and if he looks better in plastic or wood form. I’ll bring my 3 day old pj’s. It’s a date.

    • I’ll supply the pepto.
      I’ll even wear the scarf to jazz up the PJ’s…or to hide the hot chocolate stain on the collar. Meh.
      Love you long time.

  23. I empathize 100% with your post. You feel amazingly lucky to have the family you have, but like you, I long for one more child.

    • I am so glad that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Sometimes I feel guilty because I really do have a wonderful family, but there is always room for one more.

  24. Hi Kimberly,

    I originally wanted 3 kids, but because of my illness after my first, I decided against it. I felt sad because I at least wanted to have a choice of whether or not to have a second, and I felt as if the choice was taken from me.

    It also took me a long time to conceive my son, and I was about to go for fertility treatments when I conceived – then had a miscarriage – then conceived again, and my son was born, a year to the day of the miscarriage – so I know what it feels like to be envious of pregnant women –

    I’m glad that you have your times of closeness in the evening with your husband and Chunky to console you –

    I have to know – did your dog run around the house with the manger stuck on his head? I’m just getting an image here –

    xoxox

    • I love you Janet.
      I feel like my choice is definitely hindered because of PPD. I wish that it didn’t have such an impact on my choices…or the opinions of family members.
      I am very blessed with my family. And I think..know…that I’ll be complete even if we don’t have another.
      I’m so sorry that you had such a hard time.
      PS. Yes, the dog ran around the living room. He didn’t get very far because the manger was plugged in (there is a light that goes inside)

  27. This is very necessary reminder for all pregnant moms. I think it’s easy to get so caught in our “struggles,” or our swollen feet, weight gain, etc. that we forget about those struggles of others or that talking about our “struggles” is always perceived by hearers as true struggles. I have an 8 week old and a 21 month old. I’m thankful for them both. In the midst of my bad days, I must remember this. Always.

    • i think everyone has the right to complain, but sometimes pregnant women complain a wee bit too much. I went through a really rough patch with depression and revealed some very dark thoughts to my best friend. Her response “Well you think that’s bad. I’m depressed because this baby is making me lose my hair and puke all the time”…like WTH?!

  28. Kim,

    Wowsa (yeah. I know. I hate myself a little for typing that too but) you have had a total WTF of a year.

    I’m impressed as hell at your ability to be (at the same time) hilarious, thoughtful and honest here. My kids were already in middle school by the time I started my blog so everyone was spared the details of my pregnancies.

    But your post is a good reminder to all of us to remember that there may be someone out there longing for what we think is the “worst stuff ever!” – so great advice.

    p.s. I have TWO dogs that are ass-faces, but I love them ridiculous amounts. Probably because we don’t have a manger give enough to fit their heads…

    • Wowsas…hilarious word.
      Yes, sometimes we look at all the faults we have going on in life, but we have to remember that even despite those, we are truly blessed. We just have to really really look for it sometimes.
      PS. I do love my dog.
      PPS. Just not this morning when he took out the tree trying to get at a squirrel that was on the OTHER side of the window.

  29. just when I am sure I can’t love you anymore than I do….HOLY MOLY WOMAN, what a gorgeous post..HONEST and RAW and TRUE.

    I didn’t know about the gallbladder and I must say that I’m a little freaked out by that..so I am sending hugs and good vibes.

    as a woman who did throw up for 35 weeks..but didn’t complain about it much at all…because it took me 4 years to get PREGNANT and in vitro and I was having twins and I didn’t want THEM to die…so I get it. I still get jealous about women that can just “LAY DOWN AND GET KNOCKED UP” it’s not my best moments…but I wish I had that option…so you saying it out loud is music to me.

    as always you ROCK!!!!

    (HI Shell, happy Friday my friend. xo)

    • Yea, the gallbladder tumor is not an awesome part of me.
      i’m glad that you understand.
      I had a difficult pregnancy due to ongoing back issues and was on bed rest for most of it, but I was so happy that I even had the chance to be pregnant. I’m sure I did my fair share of complaining…we all have the right to…it’s just that some women get out of hand with it.

      xoxo

  31. You definitely win. Your year was much suckier than mine. Hope 2012 is better (that sounds very weak and ineffective).

    I agree woman who are pregnant should not complain incessantly about all their aches and pains and yadda yadda yadda the same way that my boss should not complain about the fact that she had to search high and low to find a new CD to update the GPS maps in her husband’s Bentley. And how pleased she was because she finally found something he didn’t have.

    Seriously people…

  32. It’s Kimberly! I love Kimberly! Hi Kimberly!!!!

    You know, sometimes it’s hard for people to see the big picture – yes, there are aches and pains and nausea, but YAY, a baby! But yet, the aches and pains and nausea are still real. So…I don’t really know where I’m going with this. What? I’ve had like six cups of coffee. I’m just happy I’m not spinning off the earth, you know?

    • You crack me up.
      Yes, I totally get that being pregnant is tough at times. Some women tougher than others. And we all have the right to complain about things. It’s just the incessant woe is me I just ran out of ice cream and I’m ready to claw an eye out…kind of thing. That gets my nerves burning.
      6 cups of coffee?
      Is the earth shaking or is it just you?

      • Yeah, you know, I totally get that. I know what you mean. I know someone who got pregnant – like, in a miraculous way, it was totally unanticipated, blah blah blah – then complained she was getting fat. OH, REALLY. That’s what you’re worried about? While pregnant with your miracle child? Plus, she’d only gained about ten pounds. BITCH, PLEASE.

  33. First – I know you specifically said you aren’t hunting sympathy, but you sure as hell deserve some. You’ve had a hell of a year, and my heart goes out to you. Second, though? Oh yeah. It’s the hilarity in “Don’t worry, baby Jesus was saved”. Hugs from a stranger, and hang onto that sense of humor as long as you can.

    • Thanks so much Jessie.
      I use humor a lot to cope with all that is going on.
      If not, I’d be stripped naked running around with the bears somewhere up in northern canada. Hello frost bite.

  34. Oh, wow I loved this post. SO very much. I understand this, too. I always feel a bit envious when I see a pregnant woman and hear about what it must be like to experience it all for the first time. I know I’ll get there eventually but it still smarts.

    Off I go to stop by and check out this marvelous blogger. XOXO and happy weekend, all!

    • When my best friend announced her second pregnancy (I won’t lie) I was madly jealous of her. Like whoa.
      You’ll get there. I know you will.
      xoxo and have a great weekend too!!

  35. Holy shit, am I sorry for the year you’ve had! I totally hear you on the pregnant griping, though. We’ve started trying for #2 and it’s not going quite as easily as the first time around, and I swear to all things holy every single one of our friends is either pregnant or just had a baby. And I couldn’t be happier for them, but I want another turn, too. Selfish? Absolutely. But it’s the truth.

    I really hope 2012 is a better year for you, and I’ll send some wishes your way that maybe you’ll be able to get your next turn too.

    • Thank you so much Jocelyn. I am so glad that you understand. It’s like every where I turn, there is another woman pregnant. I’m beginning to think that the water is infused with sperm…and of course I’m not drinking it.
      I really hope that #2 comes for you in the New Year. Wouldn’t that be fabulous!! Thank you for being so honest in your comment!!

  36. Oh my. . . I truly wish you the best and hope your health will improve. I totally get what you are saying. I am very lucky to have 3 beautiful kids . . . I had carcinoma in sito on my cervix after my last one was born and I count my lucky stars that all is well. Hang in there, keep your chin up and as I always say. . .Keep smiling.

    • Wow! That is absolutely amazing. I am so so so glad that you are well now. That must have been terrifying.
      We are still trying to figure out what the heck is in my gallbladder. They say it’s a fibroid but in the same breadth they say the “c” word. Thing is, I live in Canada and the medical system is super slow. My appointment with a surgeon is in JUNE!!
      My last ER trip the doctors assured me that the tumor did not have the density of a “c” tumor…but it’s still on my mind.

  37. Oh Kimberly. I’m so sorry. I am sending you vibes for the most peaceful 2012 humanly possible.

    And – I’m almost hesitant to say this because I know, in truth, you are the most empathic person in the world and have always been willing to love on and comfort moms in pain, even when your pain is so much more enormous – but remember that we don’t know what’s really going on in people’s heads when they blog. Maybe sometimes the posts about girl clothes and nachos are really just attempts to make jokes to mask the fear or the antenatal depression or *something.*

    But maybe sometimes they’re just jerk faces.

  39. Your honesty is awesome! I can relate (a little) because my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and it took FOREVER for me to finally be pregnant again, and I was so happy to be puking all day I never once complained.
    I’m truly sorry though. I hope your health improves enough for you to have another baby. Nice to “meet” you and read your refreshingly honest words. 🙂

  41. you have been getting the shit end of the stick this year, but your positiveness and willingness to see the horizon is what I love so much about you. I love that you start off so funny and serious, then get serious, then end it all funny and light again. I hope you know what an inspiration you are.

  42. aw kim… i just love you. i sincerely hope i wasn’t too annoying as a pregnant lady. i understand the yearning for just one more child & i hope and pray that gift is yours in the perfect time.
    (hugs)

  43. I love you Kimberly….uh…Ninja Momma. Sorry I cant remember your last name. Do I even know it? See?! I promised to be on here and give ya love! Even though monkey (cheech) is screaming at my feet…stinkin kid.

  44. I enjoyed this post. I get your point, I really do… but I also think there is something to be said for “your problem doesn’t cure my problem.” The idea that of course, many women would give anything to be in a pregnant woman’s shoes… but that doesn’t mean pregnancy isn’t hard. Carrying 30 pounds around the center part of your body for weeks/months on end is hard, back-breaking work. It’s work that we ASK for, it’s work that we EMBRACE, but sometimes you’re tired and swollen and peeing every 30 seconds and you’re just having a hard day, you know? I tried very hard not to complain during my pregnancy exactly for the reason you state. I know I’m lucky that I was able to naturally conceive my son in just a few months and I pray I am as lucky if/when we try for #2. But in all fairness, I didn’t have to complain much because I had a pretty easy pregnancy and many women aren’t as lucky and have many more issues and in those cases, I can understand the occasional grumpiness (within reason!).

    I’m so sorry you’ve had such a rough year! I truly hope 2012 treats you better. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  45. Sigh…I can relate. I remember being in those same shoes over 4 years ago…feeling grateful that I even had 2 babies when I never even thought I would be able to have kids. Friend after friend were announcing their pregnancies and I couldn’t help but feel insanely jealous. And then…bam….God laughed. You know how the rest goes.

    I love how you’re able to see through the darkness all the positives and all the love you have in your life. Yeah 2011 sucked big time. But hopefully 2012 will be the best year yet.

  46. I know exactly how you feel. For entirely different reasons, it will be very difficult for my husband and I to have a little one of our own. I have two daughters that my husband adopted but we’d love to have our own someday. I feel like the clock is ticking and there are babies everywhere!

  48. Oh Kimberly!
    Seriously I love your honesty and like you…

    I get your feelings;
    because like what happened in my situation, what we
    can’t have or what we’ve lost can be a very painful
    experience when everyone else is having babies or in my
    instance may not have two kids in the cemetery.

    You just keep on keeping on my friend.

  49. I’m so sorry about the year you’ve had. Hope 2012 is better x1000. I love your writing and sense of humor. I also love that no matter how much crap you’ve been dealt… your still thankful for what you have. Hats off to you.
    I have baby fever like MAD right now so I’m totally with you on this.
    Keep your head up girl.

    I’m heading over to check out more of your beautiful writing.
    Hope you and Shell have a great weekend!

    Shell thanks for sharing another of your amazing friends.

  51. Awesome post, Kimberly. I’m definitely guilty of complaining, but I always try to be mindful that being pregnant was a blessing.

    Thank you for writing this. It needs to be said.

  52. I couldn’t leave a note on your site darn it.

    for me? I only have the one and just having her I think made us closer. I was always focused on her. We’re besties (of course now that she isn’t a horrid teen anymore. )

  54. I totally feel your pain. My daughter turns 2 on Monday and she is a true blessing. Took me 5 years to have her, had to go through IVF, had a stroke, ectopic, repair a hole in my heart and when I finally got pregnant I was sick for 5 months and then hubby chooses his family over me. It’s like I had my baby for them-Ahole. I’ve always dreamed of having a big family and it totally pisses me off when I hear that these bitches just look at their man and are knocked up and I would have to do IVF again. The last two years have been tough but I’m thankful I have my daughter and my dogs-LOL!

    Your blog always makes me laugh!

  55. This post right here is awesome and I think you just gained a new follower. Very nice to meet you! Sounds like you’re just as much of a mess as my husband. 🙂

    I have 2 kids and I’m done, but if I could, it was a good idea and all that jazz, I’d love ot have another baby. I am so with you on the complaints of pregnancy getting so old!

  57. Oh my gosh I could go on forever about how much I love this woman. Her fighter spirit that I”ve been witness to. How she jumps into any fire, feet first, if someone is going down.

    She is a miracle, a refined phoenix.

    If I could give her anything, it would be for her to see herself as I see her.

    Because I am in awe, and sometimes weep openly, for the way she fights for her life. EVERY EFFIN’ DAY.

  59. I completely understand. Maybe not completely, but I have fought the infertility battle for many years. I won, in the end, because I have my two miracles…but part of me really wanted a third. And my last pregnancy/late miscarriage almost killed me. Literally. And while I am more than happy to be here and raising my kids, the complaints and whining and annoying status updates drive me insane.

  60. Oh! I feel the same way. I do. I only had one. Can’t have anymore pregnancies. Love children. Pregnant women are beautiful. I cherished my pregnancy. I had no idea it’d be my only one.

    You are superwoman! I hope you get that tumor banished! Hugs from me! Love your funny twists on the dark stuff. You are inspiring.

  61. Here’s to hoping 2012 is kinder to you!

    I was nodding all the way through–except for the dog part–we don’t do dogs because house-breaking my husband was enough work 🙂

    As someone who went through quite a medical production to finally get pregnant and was then blessed with two babies, I can so relate. I have random people tell me all the time, “Oh, a boy AND a girl. Perfect. You’re done!” Um, thanks for making that important reproductive decision for me. Or, when friends talk about “planning when they are going to have their next one” when I am inwardly fuming that some people can have the luxury of just deciding “when” not “if.” Can’t I want just one more? Can’t I wish it would just happen minus shots, blood draws, and daily ultrasounds? Can’t I be jealous and also realize….

    like you, I am blessed? And thankful.

    Thanks for getting it 🙂

  62. You just have to love a girl who can face life crapping on her repeatedly with humor!

    I can relate to the pregnant part… I am finally, Finally, FINALLY after 5 years of being single, okay with the fact that I didn’t get that third baby… oh it could still happen, but I’m finally okay with it NOT happening!

  63. Wow life sure is trying to get you down, isn’t it? Sorry you’re stuck going through so much. I love your post though.. very well written. I hope your dream or another child comes true for you some day!

  64. You rock, sister.

    I know what you mean. PPD stole my planned-for family so now we’re trying way later than we would have liked. But at least we’re trying. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t.

    Still hoping all that crap goes away for you (or gets manageable or whatever) so you can have everything you want and deserve.

  65. A-men sistah!

    I get very jealous when I hear pregnancy announcements. 2 miscarriages later, it’s like seriously? Be glad you’re pregnant. The end. And I also, always have to remind myself to count my blessings, though they may be hard to see through my depressed eyes.

  66. I love this post thank you so much. Two miscarriages later I feel like everyone that is getting pregnant is doing just to gang up on me which I know is wrong but I feel betrayed and alone. All I can think of at the end of this year is gee we were supposed to have a baby in October.

    BTW at first I thought it said your three year old husband and I thought to myself hmm why that is different!

  67. I appreciated your post! I went through an early miscarriage about five years ago and I remember wanting to be ill and pregnant again! Though when I was ill and pregnant again I’m sure I still complained. I wasn’t blogging at the time, but I needed to talk about how I felt, even though I knew I was very fortunate. Your post was a great reminder for me–hoping to have more gratitude this year!

    And I so hope 2012 is a MUCH better year for you.

  69. You’ve had one hell of a year Kim. Seriously, I’m sure the year you’ve had is something straight outta Dante’s Inferno, only you haven’t done anything to deserve such contrapasso. But it warms my heart to know that you want another kiddo. It makes me smile because it shows how in spite of the hell you’ve been through and the pain you’re in, you can still love and dream, and hope for more out of life. And that? 1) makes me sob like the infant I hope you one day have , 2) inspires me 3) shows what an authentic, wholehearted woman you are. Chunky has a phenomenal woman for a mommie because she shares her weaknesses and gripes with the world, while hoping and believing in the best life has to offer. I know you feel weak, but woman you are so strong! I (secretly) too want another baby despite all my health concerns, so I totally get your point…and I just love how you brought it full circle by acknowledging the need to be grateful for what you have. Brilliantly written-love your face woman.

  70. Good god I love you.
    I’m so glad you got that off your chest and said what many of us are feeling.
    Yes pregnancy is hard, uncomfortable, and long.
    But it’s a gift.
    Be grateful.