Today’s featured blogger is one who adores blogging and the friendships that come with it: and you can read her enthusiasm in all she does. Please welcome Kristen from A Little Something for Me.
I’ve broken almost every bloggy “rule” over on my blog. I didn’t nickname my children. I talk about their medical needs. I’m too open. I share too much. I’ve made a lot of “oops’s” on my blog. But, I rarely ever blog about my marriage. Hubs isn’t really into blogging and he is (believe it or not) a very private person. I don’t want to cross boundaries. Plus – I know that words on the internet are forever… so I just steer clear of that topic on my blog.
But this is things I can’t say – right? So – my official disclaimer is I’m going “All – In.” On Things I Can’t Say. I’m sorry if anyone’s feelings are hurt – this is why I don’t say them over on my blog.
I hate that my parents are divorced. There. I said it. (Mom, stop feeling guilty already!) It is not that I hate our collective life since. My dad has remarried and she is a great person in our family. I wouldn’t trade her. It is what the divorce has done to me… in my personal life circumstances.
You see… most people fight, get over it, and move on. You know what I do? I linger on it. I fret over it. I let it worry on my heart. Because I know that one day my parents loved each other. One day they chose to marry each other. One day they chose to have kids. And … all I remember is my parents fighting. So, how did they go from point A to point Z? What were all the letters that happened in between?
Was it simple arguments over shoes left laying in the living room? Was it arguments over who cooks or cleans or does the dishes? Was it feeling unappreciated? Because, honestly – haven’t we all felt this way at one point or the other?
Which brings me back to the worry of it all. I trust in my vows. I took them for life. I know my husband did also.
BUT… we are under enormous stress. Ask a parent of multiples. Especially if they have a singleton, they will tell you that having multiples puts a strain on a marriage. I don’t know exactly why that is… but it is true. Maybe it is the stress of having to nurture two at the same developmental age at the same time. Maybe it is the stress of knowing that if you screw it up – you screw it up times 2. Honestly, we don’t really know the difference, because we did not have a “singleton” first. This is all we know.
Ask the parents of a child with special needs. If they are honest, they will probably tell you there is added stress there too. The stress of not knowing how things will be. (I know there are no guarantees… but most of us have a vision of how we think life will look in 10 years.) Hubs and I literally have no idea what life will look like. Maybe it is the stress of the extra chores we do to keep our children healthy. Maybe it is the stress of the extra doctor appointments and therapies and the spreading of everyone so thin. Maybe it is the combination of all of these things. Honestly, I don’t know…
I only know that it exists.
So here is the thing I can’t way. I worry about my marriage. I know that will scare my parents and in-laws and family and friends. But, I don’t mean it that way. We are fine. We love each other. We work together as a team. I am happily married.
But when you add the stress + the normal “are you wearing my socks?” argument (hubs asked me last night… I was. He was not thrilled. It was his last pair. Oops.) + the knowledge that my own parents once loved each other and then didn’t….
It scares me. A lot. There. The things I can’t say.
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