Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

The Horror of Having Boys: Pour Your Heart Out

boy mom

I stood in amazement, listening to two moms discuss the horror of having boys. One who had all girls(the one who had prayed not to have a boy). One who had one boy and two girls.

How much one did not want a boy at all and how she wouldn’t have been able to handle it if she had. And the other saying how one was more than enough for her because her girls are just so much easier than her son and how she was so glad her last one was a girl.

They couldn’t take the noise, the dirt, the messes, the constant activity, the yucky stuff that boys like. Boys tend to be bad and they wouldn’t know how to handle that.

It’s probably a good thing I’d had a drink at that point or my head may have exploded from the pure stupidity.

As it was, I shrugged my shoulders and said “I love my three boys. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.”

And then I walked away to find someone else, anyone else, to talk to.

But what I wanted to say, oh, there was so much I wanted to say.

You realize that not all boys are alike, right? Sure, some are noisy, but some aren’t. And really? Do you think girls are never loud? Do you HEAR that shrieking coming from the other room? Those are girls(they may have even been girls belonging to the moms who were complaining about the noise of boys). Plus, even though I’ve been known to complain about how loud my boys can be… mine have also been taught inside/outside voices and they know when to use which(and I have no problem reminding them if they forget and *shocker* they listen to their mom).

The dirt and the messes. Again: girls aren’t messy or dirty? Maybe it’s different kinds of messes, different toys they strew all over the floor(toys they can be taught to pick up- boy or girl). Yes, my boys have been known to find mud puddles and stomp through them. But one of my nieces does the same.

The constant activity. Oh yeah, my boys are active. They like to run, ride their bikes, play soccer and basketball, swim in the ocean, climb up sand hills and roll down them, jump on the trampoline, chase around their uncle’s playful puppy, make up games of tag. They move. But not all boys are like this. Some prefer to be still. Just like some girls would rather be running around instead of (let’s see, what’s an obnoxiously stereotypical girl activity….) sit quietly in the corner and play with her dolls. Just because a child is moving doesn’t mean they are being wild: if you’re in a wide open backyard with your friends, it’s not bad to run around.

The icky stuff. I’d answer this one, but I just jokingly asked one of my boys if he wants a pet snake and I need to go pull him out from under my bed where he went to hide at the suggestion…. okay, I’m back.  Again, a stupid stereotype. Not all boys like snakes and bugs and frogs. And some girls do.

As for boys tending to be bad and not knowing how to handle that… I have to call bullshit. You know what you do? You parent your child. You teach him(or her, yes, you have to teach girls, too) right from wrong. You give consequences when they’re bad, you praise when they do right. You model proper behavior. You teach them to be kind. You don’t throw your hands up in the air and whine “I can’t do anything about it!” You parent them. And you realize that, boy or girl, no child is perfect.

There are unique challenges to being a boy mom(and a girl mom, and a mom of both). And there are unique rewards to each, too. But you love your kids. No matter what.

Last Week’s #PYHO Highlights

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Comments

  1. Truth to that. I love my son, although he is learning not to push, there are some other horrible little boys out there, and I’ve tried my hardest not to parent them. Girls run the spectrum. 

    • I think it has a lot to do with what they are allowed to get away with. Boy or girl. 

  4. Um…I have two girls. Parenting them is supposed to be easier? Apparently our family never got the memo. And for the record, my younger one loves dinosaurs, bugs, worms, mud, and working the word “poop” into any and every possible conversation.

    • LOL My girls do that too. They learned to make fart noises with their armpits long before my boys did. I don’t think my girls read the memo either!

  5. I have one of each, and they are so unique. I have to imagine it would be the same if they were both boys or both girls… though with both of them winter birthdays, I could have saved some money on clothes 😉 

    • My boys are so different from each other. They even look a lot alike, but wow, are they different! 

  7. I have one of both. I love my daughter to the moon and back- but there is just something different about boys that introduces a new level of awesomeness to parenting! 

  8. Yes yes yes! Thank you for writing this! My boys can he loud, but many girls are, too. My boys don’t love sports; my oldest is happier learning on the computer. I love my boys more than anything and I can’t imagine not having boys! They rule my world! They are awesome and their love, it blows me away.

    • My boys do have some stereotypical boy traits, but they are so much more than that! Couldn’t imagine life any different than it is now! 

  9. AbsoLUTELY spot-on, Shell! One of my biggest pet peeves is when people act like somehow I’m unlucky because I didn’t get a “little princess.” Are you kidding? I LOVE being a mom to all boys. They’re amazing and fun, and I’m not missing one damn thing by not having a daughter.

    Hmmph. 🙂

    • I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve heard the little princess comment. Ugh. I don’t feel like I’m missing out, at all. My house is full. 

  10. Boys are awesome! I’m excited to be having another one. They work their way into your heart in a special way. And since I have both, I can honestly say it’s not that one is hard and the other is easy. It’s all about personality and letting them be people. 

    • My three have such different personalities. And at times it makes one easier than another… but that’s not a boy thing, since that’s all I have! 

  11. Oh man!! Don’t even get me started on the dumbest comments ever!! I have 4 girls and 3 boys, so I feel fairly competent when it comes to judging between them. And honestly, I love my boys to death. I would have been happy with 7 boys. BUT, I love my girls. I love their girliness and the makeup and the dressups. They are just different. Some of my girls love to play with cars and my youngest boy loves to dress up with his sisters, then promptly tackle one to the ground. Boys rock. But so do girls. They both smell. They are both loud. And they both will drive you crazy from time to time. End of discussion. 😉

  12. Ugh, I can’t believe people would actually say that. I LOVE being a boy mom and a part of me was disappointed that my twins weren’t boys! 

    • We get used to what we have! At this point, I’ve been an all-boy mom for so long, I couldn’t imagine it different. 

    • I love to tell people that. I’m enough diva/princess/girly for one house to handle. 

  15. I believe people would say that, but I also believe that they are dazed and confused.  I totally don’t get the girls are easier.  Maybe at certain ages, it might seem that way, but really?  I can’t imagine anyone believing that teenage girls are easier and they will grow to that age.  I always thought that boys were easier if it were possible for either to be easier, which it probably isn’t.  Each child presents its own unique challenges.

    • When someone has made a comment to me about having all boys and don’t I miss having a girl, I’ve come back with telling them that I’m perfectly happy that the only teenage girls I’ll have in my house are the ones that I can send back to their own mamas. 

  16. And is it any wonder that there is a crisis of masculinity in our culture? Boys being made to act like girls because mothers are uncomfortable or annoyed or imposed upon that masculinity is different and develops differently than femininity.

  17. I can’t really chime in that much, I just had one child, a daughter. But I think it is all based on how they are raised, really, how much “trouble” they will be.

  20. Love this! I have all 3 boys and love them to death and more! But I am that mom who says “I’m glad I don’t have girls”. After reading your post, I definitely need to be mindful. My reason why is because I honestly feel like I won’t know what to do with girls. However, I didn’t know what to do with boys either and I figured it out. So, I’m sure I would have figured out what to do with girls. I always say that God knew what he was doing when he gave me all boys. I honestly feel very lucky to have them in my life. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

    • When people make comments to me about missing out because I don’t have girls, I’ve said things like that, too. That I can’t imagine it, that I’m enough girl for this house, that I don’t want to deal with teenage girls, etc. Though I know that I would have adjusted had I had girls. But I’m happy with how things turned out! 

  22. This is so true! Especially the last paragraph. Honestly? I think it takes a special kind of parent for each of the genders, the mixed genders, every set of kids each parent has. Having two girls is not easy, and sometimes I get jealous of the parents with only boys, or one of each. Mostly because the boys seem easier since I wouldn’t have to deal with the estrogen crazy. But then I think, each gender has good things/bad things and each child has good/bad and I go about my happy way with my two healthy independent girls and try not to think about the impending teenage years.

    • I think it has a lot to do with the children themselves than the genders. I’ve had friends with older kids tell me boys are harder when they are younger and girls are harder when they are teens. I guess it all just depends! 

  23. As a mom of boys, I must say I am very happy. I wanted nothing to do with the drama that comes with tween and teen girls. Not that my boys won’t have drama, but it’s not the same kind of drama with boys. Being a boy mom is awesome!

  24. I don’t think I would have been able to contain myself as well as you did if I were part of that conversation with the “girl moms.” I am the mom of two girls and one boy in their twenties. Believe me, you will have the last laugh when they’re teenagers!

    • I didn’t have it in me to fight at that moment. And I realized that it wouldn’t do any good, anyway. 

  25. Ugh, I would have had a really hard time not saying something to them. I have two boys, a girl, and a stepdaughter and each one presents their own unique challenges.

    • I’m pretty sure with those moms, they just would have rolled their eyes at me and kept complaining. It wasn’t worth it to try.

  26. I have 2 boys and 1 girl…and I can tell you that my daughter is the one who brings worms home in her backpack and the one who wants to jump on the trampoline when it’s raining. She’s the one who makes poop jokes, and says “armpit” at dinner, just so her younger brother won’t eat. And they’re all equally disobedient and obnoxious. Definitely has nothing to do with gender; it’s personality. Even my boys are drastically different than each other. One is obsessed with the computer, the other with being outside. I can’t imagine not being grateful for all three of them, equally. I feel sorry for the one son of the woman who wishes he was a girl…

    • It was awkward when that child walked into the room for a minute. Or at least, I felt awkward and bad for him. 

  27. I have a son and a daughter and they are both so unique and neither one of them is a typical ‘boy’ or ‘girl’, as in my boy doesn’t like sports or things like that and my girl quickly grew out of her dresses and dolls phase *sobs* Each one is an amazing, wonderful and funny individual and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.. except maybe when they eat all of my lactose free ice cream when they run out of theirs 😛

  28. Amen! I would have lost it. I love being mom to my three boys. We adopted my two nieces almost four years ago and let me tell you the boys are so much easier for a variety of reasons. Wait til these ladies have teenage girls…OMG…can you say drama! Our oldest son is 14 as is his cousin. Parenting both at this age has been so eye opening. Part of it is their personality, but she is a million times messier, argumentative, dramatic, etc. We actually hired a cleaning lady simply to clean their bathroom which is ten times messier than the boys (who all share it ages 7, 12, and 14). We love our girls, but to put a premium on any gender makes you miss out on the wonderful qualities of the individual child who is much much more than their gender.

    • I’ve joked that I know what I was like as a teenage girl and I don’t think I’d want to put up with that! Kids really are so much more than their gender, though. 

  30. I love this post so much! My nieces are highly active intense children, and get the whole “They should have been boys” thing from complete strangers all the time. It’s crazy! Kids are kids. 

    • Which is totally crazy! Girls should be able to run around and be active without anyone commenting like that! 

  31. Wow. I hope that they understand the sting and wrong of their words as you told them that you love having boys. We all need perspective change (a lot of the time). You’re an awesome mom. ~Jenna // A Mama Collective

  32. I have three children, who I love with my whole heart, regardless of their gender!  They all have their rough-and-tumble moments and their quiet moments, and they are completely different from each other.  They play with all kinds of toys from cars, trains, and legos to dolls, fairies, and books, and everything in between.  Just love your kid.  It doesn’t matter what kind of kid you have, just love your kid.

  33. I totally cried when I found out I was pregnant with my seconds. My first was barely five months old. I REALLY cried, wept even, when I found out I was having a girl. She was truly a blessing but not because she is a girl–because she is who she is. Yes, my son can be a stereotypical boy and yes, my daughter cries and shrieks more than he does. They are both equally wonderful and equally difficult in different ways. My daughter’s emotional outbursts leave me drained. My son’s lack of attention does the same.

    Maybe those women were drunk and had somehow fallen into each other and bumped heads?

  34. I couldn’t imagine my life without my boys. Great post. I believe all kids are different, their sex doesn’t determine if they will be difficult or not to raise. Thanks for sharing this.

  35. I love my two boys.  I would have been happy with any happy healthy baby. But I like that I can dress my boys in whatever I buy without any meltdowns.  That is nice for sure!!

    • Me, too. For the most part. My youngest has suddenly decided to be a fashionista! 

  36. I never understand why people act this way. I would have loved having a boy. I have a daughter and she’s a messy player, throws herself into dirt, climbs all over my furniture, won’t let me even brush her hair…so not easy! Every kid has their own personality no matter what the gender.

  37. How fantastic is this post? I hate stereotypes and while, yes, I’m guilty of thinking along the lines of them sometime, they’re not something that people should base their thoughts and opinions around. Kids are different. Period. Regardless of whether they’re boy or girl, they have their own likes and dislikes. Like you said just as long as you parent them and love them regardless they’ll grow up to be fantastic people 🙂

    • Thanks, Kayla. Some of the stereotypes… well, they became stereotypes for a reason! But there’s so much beyond those, too. 

  38. I am sure those moms meant well…at least I hope so! I have a boy and a girl and I love that! My wonderful kids. I wouldn’t trade them for the world

  39. I don’t think people realize how hurtful things like that are. I had a friend with three boys also and she faced the same kind of statements you’re getting.  

    • I hear the craziest things. Though the “aren’t you going to try for a girl” comments have tapered off a bit as my kids have gotten older and we’re clearly out of the baby stages. 

  40. YES! I dreamed of having a little girl but I am so happy with my son! I have friends with daughters and as I’ve seen them through the teenage years, I’m a little more grateful I have a boy.  And Boys are just as much fun to dress up.

    • I always imagined I’d have a girl. Not really too much thought into it, just assumed I’d have at least one. But my family is complete and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.

  42. Hear hear! And I have a boy and 2 girls. He’s in middle. He’s a brother sandwich.

    All are loud. All like to be dirty. All are expected to listen and be respectful.

  44. Kids are just tough period. Doesn’t matter boys or girls. I have one of each and I wouldn’t trade one for another at all – they seem to balance each other out.

  46. Excellent post!  My first child was a boy and I fell so head over heels in love with him, I wanted a house full of boys.  Instead I got two girls, and I adore them all.  I feel SO blessed to have a son and daughters; my relationship with each of them is unique and special.  There are challenges with boys and girls – I mean, duh!  That’s a no-brainer!  But ya know what, if that’s how those moms feel, its probably good they did NOT have boys (except the one who has one boy- that poor kid!). 

    • I love my house full of boys. Though (unlike those moms) I know I would have been happy had we ended up with both boys and girls. 

  47. This post is awesome. There might be some differences between raising a boy and a girl child. However, I’m sure each of them presents unique challenges and joy as well. I also heard some moms who don’t like to have a boy child only to have one in the future. Most of them would say that boys are really different but boys will always be boys. They can bring joy in the same way that girls can.

    • I’m such a girly girl, at first I did think I wouldn’t know what to do with a boy. But oh, how I love it now! 

  48. oh they soooo should meet my 2 girls. they are noise with dirt on it. seriously. and I found a frog in their room once. the boy hides from them. actually, we all do…..because the talk, talk, all day long with the talking. LOL
    And I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything! This house bursts with Personality and Life!!
    and that’s the way it should be.

    • Bursting with personality and life. I’m going to have to remember that description! 

  49. It pisses me off when woman say this about either sex. We’ve always been so grateful and happy to just have happy healthy children. I have four girls, and would still love to have a son, if it’s meant to be. I think every child (boy OR girl) has their own personalities and one sex isn’t better than another.

  51. Well we have both boys and girls in our family and my experience has been that both sexes are equally loud and messy.  The whole “I don’t want boys/girls” thing is just absurd. 

    • It’s not like we can determine what we have! I don’t know many kids who aren’t loud and messy at some point! 

    • It’s adjusting expectations. I did always think I’d have a girl at some point. 

  53. This post needed to be written! I don’t have kids yet but I feel strongly like you – boys or girls you should find joy in having a healthy beautiful child!

  54. I couldn’t imagine life without my son. He is the calm in our house of crazy (mostly caused by my daughter). He is sweet and kind and funny. He has more love to give than anyone on the planet. It is a true shame that some people don’t realize how much depth boys can and do have. We short change our children (girls and boys) when such ignorant things are said. I’m so glad that you wrote this piece.

    • Some many stereotypes. And even if there is truth to some of them, it doesn’t help anyone when we don’t look beyond them. 

    • I thought that, too. Like I wouldn’t know what to do. But it hasn’t been that way at all! 

  56. I have one of each…and I can honestly say, my boy is 100 times easier than my girl! And that is how it always has been. My sister-in-law has three boys, and has told me that she’s not sure she would’ve been a good girl mom…but I think you take the child that you are blessed to have and do the best you can! Boy or girl.

    • I agree. I think it’s easy to look at what we have and think we wouldn’t have been able to handle it any other way. But really, we end up loving the kids we have. 

  57. Oh BOY … I agree with all that you said. I have two boys and one girl. The girl is my oldest, she was my easy child but I am not so sure it was because she is a “girl”. I think it’s more so because she had 4 years of my undivided attention before brother #1 arrived then in 2 years brother # 2 arrived, so the boys never got my undivided attention for long. What was and is frustrating for me is that my family has mostly girls, so they don’t want to take my sons ever because they “don’t’ know what to do with boys”. I have to laugh, and say “ummm just let them run around outside, let the play board games, really they aren’t that difficult nor different than raising any child of any gender”. Honestly, my sons have showed me love in ways I never experience(d) with my daughter. It’s just a joy to have any children!

    • Having that alone time makes a difference. I had mine all close in age and I’ve noticed some differences with my youngest, who is the only one who has really had a lot of time when he was the only one in the house all day. 

  58. This makes me sad. I originally wanted a boy, but when my daughter was born, I realized that she was what I really wanted – I wouldn’t trade her for a boy any day. Not all children are the same, and while stereotypes are generally there for a reason, it’s not always true across the board that girls are easier than boys OR the opposite. 

    • That’s what some people don’t get- we wouldn’t trade what we have for anything. I wouldn’t swap one of my boys for a girl. There was a time when I thought I wanted a girl in addition to my boys, but at this point, I’m done having babies, even if there was a way to guarantee what the next would be! 

  60. I never wished for one sex over another. I would love a boy OR a girl. I was blessed with a boy and for that I am happy.

  61. What?! I LOVE my boy! He loves his Momma, too. He’s so much nicer to me than my daughter. I’d be missing out if I didn’t have him. Yes, I love dressing up my daughter, but I love having him around. People are weird. 

  62. So the mom of three girls I can actually understand. She’s saying (although in a dippy inarticulate way) that she’s happy with her family and she doesn’t feel the need to go for a fourth child to try to have a boy. I have one daughter and I feel that is what I was meant to have. The mom with two girls and one boy though. What is she saying? I love these two girls, but this boy…. what the hell? is she trying to raise a serial killer? She might succeed with that.

    I truly believe that I would have loved my child either way and that if I had been blessed with a boy, I would have felt like I preferred him. Of course, I’ll never know because my messy, unable to sit still girl is all I could ever want in a kid.

  64. As the mom of only a girl, I have to say that I didn’t care which I had as long as my child was healthy. I would have loved a boy just as much. 🙂

  65. When people tell me they are glad they have only one sex of children, I am reminded of the idea of the grass always being greener on the other side.

  67. I have two boys and a baby girl.  I was so frustrated when she was first born, because the world at large seemed to breathe a huge sigh of relief for me.  Everywhere we went, people were (and still are) coming  up to me with the same comment “oh, you got your girl!”  I did, and am in love with her, but would have felt the same way with a third little man instead… we weren’t “trying” for a girl, as it seems like everyone assumes.  And I really hate that it is always right in front of my sweet boys, like they are chopped liver!

    • I remember when I was pregnant with my third and we found out he was a boy. People would ask and I’d tell them and they’d immediately say “are you going to try again for a girl?” I was walking around pregnant, with a 3 year old and a not quite 2 year old… believe me, I was NOT thinking about having another baby any time soon!

  68. Ladies, I have to confess that I was one of those moms who only wanted girls. My doctors told me that both of my children were going to be girls, judging from the ultrasounds, but alas….they were both boys! It took me a while to adjust my thinking to the new set of circumstances, and I made a lot of mistakes, but now I have them raised (they’re 19 and 20 now) and I am so glad God gave me my boys! It seems that He knew me better than I even knew myself! However, I will say…beware! The teenage years for my youngest were living hell!! But I wouldn’t trade it for the mutual love, understanding, and respect that we have today! Hang in there….you’ll be glad you did!

    • I think it’s completely natural to have to adjust your thinking. I never really thought about the genders of my kids, to be honest. I figured that I would probably have at least one of each, but it wasn’t until my last when I had to reconcile to the idea of never having a girl. 

  69. Amen!  And as a mama of both- sometimes I wonder how in the world do you parent a girl, I would rather have all boys 😉

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