Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

The Cheating-ist Days of the Year

While I was curled up on the sofa yesterday, eating bon-bons, I was watching The View.

Okay, okay, I really don’t know what a bon-bon even is.  And I never used to watch any talk shows, though now I occasionally turn them on when I am looking for fodder for my posts over on Babble.

I watched in fascination as the ladies talked about how yesterday was the second most popular day for women to decide to cheat on their spouses.

The other day? The day after Valentine’s Day.

Why? Well, the theory is that women have high expectations for these days.  It’s a chance for husbands to show their wives how much they are loved and appreciated.

So, if the husband lets the wife down, it can be the final straw and she’ll then make a decision that she’s going to have an affair.

Wow.

That’s an awful lot of pressure to put on a day.

I’ll admit I love presents gimmee gimmee gimmee appreciate a thoughtful gift.  And I want to be treated like a princess like when my husband puts a little bit of effort into our Mother’s Day plans.

And I’m not complaining: I had a nice Mother’s Day. I got to sleep in, we went out to brunch, and had a relaxing family day.  Hubs and the boys bought me some outfits from White House Black Market because I put a coupon for WHBM on top of his keys when I knew Hubs was headed out to shop.

But, if the day had been like any other Sunday and nothing special had been done, would it be enough to make me get up the next morning, determined that I was now going to cheat?

No way.

Then again, I think that statistic was talking about marriages that are already on the rocks. Where the wife is looking at Mother’s Day as some sort of test, wanting a grand gesture that will somehow save the marriage.

But, to me, it’s the little gestures every day that make our marriage work. The little things that don’t seem like a big deal at the time, but when you add them all up together, they show that I’m loved and appreciated.

Okay, okay: I’d TAKE a grand gesture. It would be nice, I’ll admit.

But, not getting one? Is not a dealbreaker.

My marriage is worth more than that.

Comments

  1. Amen sister. To cheat, or decide to, over lack of gift giving = selfish AND lame. Boo.

  2. How that is crazy. So crazy. Also – love that you get to write watching The View off as a work "expense" – I am so, so jealous! Love you. xo

  3. Now that is a crazy fact. I would have never realized that those days were the cheating days. Now those husbands have some expectations to live up to…ha ha they better go big or they will end up losing a wife!

  4. Poor excuse to use as a deal breaker. People put way too much value on commercial holidays.

  6. This reminds me of a Daily Mail article I read where a woman had written a book profiling stories of spouses in the past–the things they had to endure, their love lasting over 50 years…and she was pointing out how they didn't obsess over gifts or husbands taking out garbage. Like those women never said "I'm divorcing you" because they forgot a birthday or didn't pick up socks!

  7. So true, I can't imagine having a marriage that's survival depends on the gifts given for a commercialized holiday.

  8. If communication is already breaking down, having little or nothing happen on Mother's Day would be hard.

  9. Next month my husband and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary. In all that time I never once thought about cheating on him. It's a concept that I simply can't wrap my head around.

  10. I've never thought about "popular days to cheat". The idea of that just blows my mind.

  11. yeah i was a little bummed my hubby didnt put much effort in to Mothers Day but he does so much for me through out the year that sucking on that one day isnt a deal breaker!

  12. I agree that people who cheat already have marriages that are rocky.

    Last year I had anything but a good Mother's Day. It never once occurred to me to cheat. It never has!

  13. That is a crazy little statistic! If a woman is going to go out and cheat because of a crappy Mother's Day she was already looking for some sort of justification.

    Leaving the coupon on the keys = Genious idea! I need to try this for my birthday!

  14. Wow..

    This year the kids made me a card (with Dad's help, of course) that had all 3 of their little handprints inside. It was way better than anything they could have bought me. =)

  15. I think the view is probably right although that would not be the way! I agree with you, a bad day does not make me want to cheat. I also agree that the people who do go out and cheat right after mother's day have marraiges on the rocks.

  16. True confession: My groom does not do Mother's Day the way I'd like him to. He sort of wings it, with no evidence of any kind of forethought, and that irks me.

    That said…I'll be damned if I'm that girl that lets a lack of gifts or pomp and circumstance destroy what we've worked at for 13 years.

    But I am still a little jealous of your new WHBM.

  17. I could never cheat on my husband. I had a pretty bad Mothers Day, but still I could never cheat on him.

  18. I agree, I value my marriage more than that.

    However, who are the women who are admitting in these studies to the days they had the affairs? People are so confusing to me.

  19. I am dumbfounded by this. I have been disappointed on a couple of Mother's day but it is not worth cheating on my husband. That is just wrong.

  20. I'm usually watching the Wot Wots when The View is one, but LB happened to be napping and I caught that too! I couldn't believe it!! I did, however, tell my husband that he needs to step it up 🙂 (Of course, we both knew I was joking)

  21. That blows my mind- those marriages HAVE to be close to over to begin with- I mean cheating because a day doesn't go as planned? Ridiculous! Don't they know that gives them free reign to treat themselves to a few things? LOL

  22. That is a crazy statistic. If a woman is basing being faithful on whether or not she gets a great gift then she has way bigger problems.

  23. Well said. I am surprised to hear this information.

    Personally, I'm really still a greedy little girl on the inside who hopes for a "pony" EVERY holiday and birthday. That doesn't have anything to do with my husband.

    I don't think the cheater gets to blame Mother's Day. She was going out anyway. Mother's Day just made the gesture more hurtful. Especially to her kids.

  24. Wow! I can't believe women would cheat on their husbands just because they didn't get the Mother's Day of their dreams. If that's what it takes to make you cheat, then your marriage isn't going to last anyway. Scary!

  25. Crazy!!! I never would have guessed. Fellas, this means step your gift giving game up. 😉

    I kid…ladies, quit being floozies…you give us all a bad name.

  26. I totally agree with you. It's always the little things that mean the most. I'd take 100 little things over 1 grand gesture any day.

  27. My marriage is not the BIG stuff, it's the little stuff. It's the "giving the boys a bath and letting me watch my DVR Oprah", it's taking them for a walk and letting me write a post, it's knowing that if I'm not feeling well that I really just need to lay down and he'll entertain the boys.

    it's telling me I look nice today or leaving a song on the radio that he knows I like..but he hates.

    I don't need grand gestures, I just need him…every day to love me.

    but this is interesting to note. Hmmmmm.

  28. So the fact that I had to mow the lawn on Mother's day gives me an excuse to go get laid on the side?  Damn, I missed out! (if a person's gonna cheat, s/he's gonna cheat, know what i mean?) ((loser))

  29. That is crazy. I'll admit mothers day was a little dissapointing but cheating because of that??? That's insane. Those people were going to cheat anyway, they didn't need the excuse of a holiday.

  30. It's kind of sad to think a woman would leave just because she didn't get the mother's day she wanted. Makes me think there's some serious lack of communication in those marriages already. Unrelated, LOVE WHBM!

  31. You know what, if year after year my husband made no attempt to acknowledge me and treat me special at least on Mother's Day….I wouldn't be cheating on him, I'd be dumping him!

  33. That is a funny statistic. I am not sure I can follow that line of thinking.
    Lucky for me Mother's Day is toward the end of baseball season. The Coach knows I have soldiered patiently for a few months and I am at the end of my rope. He always gets an A for Mother's Day. (Except for the year he got me a Swiffer!)

  34. AMEN!!!
    I'm with you: My marriage is much more important than that!
    That sounds so selfish, huh? That women do that.

  35. Wow, that is really petty! I thought women were supposed to be the better half. Good to know WE are. 😉 Happy (late) Mother's Day.

  36. It is sad that so many people don't truly understand what marriage is. They think it is supposed to be like in the movies. They also look at any obstacle as an easy way out. Great post!

  37. Wow! Scary statistic!

    I'm with you–a less than stellar Mother's Day or Valentine's Day is no reason to cheat in a good marriage.

  38. I saw that yesterday! And it makes me so sad that so many women are disappointed.

  39. Wow! I've never heard about that statistic before. These holidays sometimes get too built up in people's minds and then when they don't get what they wanted they are disappointed. This is very sad.

  40. Those are some crazy statistics! But really? If women react in that way? They had to be thinking they wanted out before then. I don't think any mostly-happy wife would respond in that manner simply because her special day didn't live up to her expectation.

  41. Visiting from SITS, these are some crazy stats! Leave it to the VIEW ladies to bring us this info haha. I agree though, while thoughtfulness and presents are great, and definitely hurts your feelings a bit if you don't get either on a special day, it certainly shouldn't be a deal breaker!

  42. Apparently, they have no concept of unconditional love! And, then again, they must not have my awesome husband, who may not be so great at organizing a mother's day event like I organize birthday parties – but he definitely is SuperMan in all other areas!

  43. Oh-Em-to-the-double-Gee!! Hanging one's vows on a holiday expectation? Yikes! Even if my husband told me to vacuum the house on Mothers Day I still wouldn't cheat. Can't say I wouldn't run the vacuum over his feet, but… (and by the way, he is waaaaaay smarter than that!) Seriously, this statistic is really sad. It is a poor mindset that tells us we need things and other people's actions to make us happy. Happiness is a choice. Um, a conscious choice. 😉

  44. I read a study where it said that something like 80% of stay-at-home-moms were having affairs. But, by the time you really looked into it, it was an extensive survey sent out to a wide berth of women. It took hours to properly fill out . . . only the people who had something to bitch about chose to do it. If you were happy & stuff, why would you even think about sitting down for hours without incentive?

    I think the same goes here – if you're on the fence . . . I can totally see "well, I've remained faithful, and here's the day that he's supposed to do something" and then the disappointment when he doesn't would push one over that edge. But, I don't think a happy woman would take a single foiled holiday as "the reason" to start an affair.

    That said, I kind of like the idea of a seedy bar, much like a male brothel, where women could go & "find what they're looking for," as if the choice to have an affair were truly as simple as saying "I'd like to sleep with someone new."

  45. Remember that quote from When Harry Met Sally?

    Jess: "Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong."

    Harry: "Oh yeah? Well, that symptom is fucking my wife."

  46. If not getting presents is grounds for infidelity there is definitely something wrong with the marriage!

    To have research and statistics to prove it, I say there is something wrong with society!

    🙂

  47. Although I believe the stats are right, these women are just looking for an excuse that way if they get caught they have a reason to say why.
    So crazy, and immature…
    I always tell the hubs that if he's unhappy and wants to cheat, just tell me first to spare me the humiliation

  48. That's crazy. There is so much pressure on these days- but that doesn't give a woman an excuse to cheat simply because there was no grand gesture. A marriage is much more than grand gestures on a day.

  49. I completely agree! I just don't understand how women can do such a thing.

  50. Hey, what about other holidays? I mean, Halloween cheaters deserve their moment in the sun.

    Something to think about.

  51. I've never heard this about those 2 dates…very strange! I agree. A grand gesture is nice – but if it's missing – no reason that I would run out and cheat!

  52. What an interesting statistic. I mean really who puts that much into just one day. It's a whole… If you're unhappy, you're unhappy, valentine's day and mother's day certainly aren't going to turn it around. And let's not forget that is putting an awful lot of faith into the hand of boys…who can't plan, or shop, or do things they're not told… 🙂

    Lots of yummy love,
    Alex aka Ma What's For Dinner
    http://www.mawhats4dinner.com

  53. That is just a crazy excuse. Apparently if their relationship relies on what material things she gets then it isn't much of a marriage IMO.

    I got funny gifts this year for mothers day (a spatula from B and a salt shaker from Z – hubby lets them pick out gifts) But my main gift was dinner out with all 4 of us at Ichiban – it was fantastic!

  54. WOW! That's a LOT of pressure. And I agree, even if my Mother's Day or valentine's Day were just like a normal day it would never be enough to encourage me to go have an affair!

  55. Amen, Shell! How sad that anyone would make such a destructive choice based on unmet expectations!

  56. First off its crazy there are most cheating days….or whatever and I was going to say there was a problem way before these days came along. So I agree!

  57. Poor excuses for bad behavior.

    It's sad women on "The View" help others with their twisted thinking!

    Excuses aren't in gifts (or lack of) holidays, events or whatever … they're in the mirror!

  58. I think that statistic has to be based on marriages that are struggling.

    And to go against the grain here, if my marriage was suffering and Valentine's Day or Mother's Day were totally overlooked? It would be a huge deal to me. But then again, I'm not looking for extravagant gifts – just hearing the words "I love you, and appreciate you" are the only gifts I really want.

    I can't say that I would necessarily go out and cheat because of it . . . but it might be enough to make me question if I really want to be in the marriage anymore or not.

  59. Yes I really hope it is marriages that were alrready failing – still so sad though. I would definitely be disappointed if nothing happened but would still love my husband…but he wouldn't get lucky that night 😉

  60. Agreed.

    And I'm not quite sure what a bon bon is either, though it may be worth finding out one day.

  62. A trip to The Olive Garden is pretty much all I need. 😉

    So weird that someone would get that upset over the day as to think of cheating. I expect that crap from the Real Housewives crowd though. Those women are nuts!

  63. I agree with a lot of commentors that these women were already looking for an excuse to cheat. I know that although I appreciate a gift (preferably one that sparkles:) I am happy as long as my family shows their appreciation for me and what I do as a mom. If they do nothing then I would probably have a a big drag out fight with hubby but would not rush out the door to cheat.

  64. Wow. I had no idea this was the case. I completely agree with you. I'd never balance my marriage on the effort my husband put forth on a specific holiday. Crazy.

  65. In all seriousness, if my husband bought me a box of Lucky Charms for Mothers day, he's totally getting lucky. I'm easy to please

  66. Can you imagine cheating because your mother's day present sucked?? brutal. Your marriage would have to be REALLY bad for that to happen. How do they find these stats anyways?

  67. I think too often we expect fireworks and diamonds and we fail to recognize the small gestures. My mom used to tell me that my dad didn't bring her roses, but he always made sure her car was filled with gas. I have to keep reminding myself of the little everyday things my hubs does for me too. Thanks for articulating this.

  68. You are so very right. My husband isn't a big gestures guy. He replaced my iPod shuffle for Mother's Day, because he knows my runs are important, but I appreciate the little things even more. Cheating over a blown Valentine's Day? That's just an excuse.

  69. Wow, I'm kind of surprised those are the two days. Like you'd run out the next day? Ca-razy

  70. That blows my mind…day after the days you expect your husbands to be the men you didn't marry you cheat on them. Amazing. And who has time to have an affair on a Monday? Just sayin'.

  71. AMEN! I hate to see what our society has done to the instituion of marriage. Why don't people stick it out anymore??!! I get that there are some reasons. Safety, being a big one for many, and I'm not talking about that. But, I'm talking about all the "Well, I don't feel like being married anymore" kind of stories. Sickens me!

  72. That's the kind of test that's a set-up for failure on both ends! Glad you had a nice Mother's Day…I agree, it's the little things. 🙂

  73. I was a little lost…LOL…doesn't take much these days, I couldn't figure out the day, then I read Mother's Day & I was like "oh". Seriously?!?! That's insane!!! I agree, I think it's the little things that make it awesome. I wouldn't mind a grand gesture either though! 😉

  74. Wow. I had never heard that before. I agree with you though. My marriage means so much more than a test on a holiday. It's the little gestures and the every day actions that mean the most to me.

  75. Geez. Thats just sad.

    Although…. Maybe I should share this info with Hubs – it will ensure good presents right? LOL Kidding! (I know Im already spoiled.)

  76. I agree with you, grand gestures are great, but it's the little things and I don't think one day would make a difference… but then, I was on the other side, so it's one of those lines I don't cross… my perspective is skewed!

    Glad you had a good Mother's Day!

  78. Ugh I hate the thought of cheating, whether it be the a sig other cheating or a friend acting the way they do…its all wrong!!

  79. Wow…that's demented. We are a ridiculous society. Maybe if we didn't do all of these "studies," people wouldn't care as much…it's almost like all of this ridiculousness actually gives people ideas.

    How do you keep up with all of these comments???

  80. I heard that stat too. It's pretty bad that some women feel like they need to use 2 somewhat "hallmark" holidays to determine the worth of their marriage.

  81. I agree! Marriages already on the rocks can be broken over anything and I can see how these days would be that breaking point. Chris and I show each other appreciation in little ways nearly every day. I enjoy a bigger gesture every now and again and love when it happens though.

  82. I think any marriage is on the rocks if someone is cheating. It doesn't make it right. But it's not like someone is going happily along, gets carnations instead of roses for Valentine's Day, and then is like "I want new penis." I mean, come ON!

    And somehow I feel like it's stats like this that make people justify their cheating.

  83. Amen! Marriage has to be about more than just the grand gestures or it doesn't have a chance at making it.

    That is such a weird statistic. I never would have thought to even study that! lol.

  84. That is some crazy statistic!

    THANK YOU. I feel as though people don't really understand the amount of work that is required to be in a relationship and I also think that buying gifts as a way to make up for other areas is a serious flaw in our culture. I see this all the time. Couples that are on the rocks but the wife will proudly parade around a new watch her hubby purchased for her.

    I couldn't agree more. Sometimes the small gestures are the ones that show how committed a couple is to one another.

  85. Speaking of bonbon's that's what my kids are asking for right this very minute. It means candy. Any candy.

    I think Mother's Day will always hold an element of humor for me after I woke up one year to the smell of … what's that? Eggs? Oh noooooo! My husband (the non-cook) is making a special effort to make me breakfast in bed but I don't need eggs, I need pancakes. You guessed it. I was pregnant.

    SO I made a real effort, only to end up trying and untangling myself unsuccessfully from the sheets just in time to throw up all over my bookcase. I spent the morning taking every book out three shelves and cleaning them.