Joey is a freelance writer and small business consultant. She lives North of Pittsburgh with her husband, daughter, and their two small dogs. When not attempting to dominate the world of social media, Joey enjoys reading, cooking, gardening, volunteering at church, and spending time with her little family. She posts recipes and life observations regularly on her blog, Big Teeth & Clouds.
“These are the best years of your life,” my dad said frequently. He had a whole speech about it. The first one happened when I was about sixteen.
“You’ve said that before, Dad,” I told him with an eye roll I’d perfected around that time.
It seemed like Dad was always repeating himself.
“This is my favorite meal,” he said during every dinner consumed between 1986 and 1992.
“Hoo Hah,” he’d cry randomly for years after watching Scent of a Woman.
So the “best years of your life” speech was taken with a large grain of salt as the rambling of an old man (he wasn’t that old at the time) who would probably always earnestly declare my life was at its peak.
I didn’t realize he’d stopped saying it until a recent spring afternoon. I found myself, age 33, with a nine-year-old girl clambering onto my lap. We were visiting my Mom and Dad on a Saturday afternoon, talking about something that wasn’t very memorable until…
“These are the best years of your life, Jo,” he said.
“I smiled. Yeah, this is pretty good,” I said and hugged my daughter.
“Not you,” he said as he patted my mother’s hand. “Us. These are the best years of our lives.”
“What? What about me?” I sputtered.
“I meant me and your mother. We’re retired. We’re in relatively good health. Our kids are grown and we worry about you, we do, but not like we did when you were our responsibility.”
“We could pick up and leave for a month,” my mom added. “We don’t want to, but we could.”
“You,” my dad continued, “you are like at the bottom right now. You have a long way to go.”
“These aren’t the best years of my life?” I asked.
“No. They’re not.”
We continued our banter for some time, Dad reassuring me that I have something to look forward to (if I make it) and me lamenting my status in the valley of the shadow of parenting. For a moment it seemed my prime had snuck up suddenly and just then was gone, never to be heard from again. It was a rather distressing moment.
But occasionally Dad is mistaken. It’s not so easy to think that he’s wrong. Not as easy as it was when I was sixteen anyway. And I can’t think of him as an old man lest I should wake up one morning and find myself an old woman. But these years are good for me, better than my teens for sure. I’m fulfilled and confident and loved. I have everything I’ve always wanted. Dad, thirty years ahead of me in life, feels the same.
So I look at that as a win. Perhaps with any luck I’ll have a whole bunch of best years. Best decades even. And when I get to those years my dad likes, I’ll make the best of them too.
I love Joey’s writing style she really made the story come alive. Thanks for introducing us to her Shell.
Thanks Cassie! My dad is good for a lot of stories. Some of them I can even use!
Love this! And a good reminder for me to focus on what’s good about the present.
Too true, Preslaysa! My husband always says, “it’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you have.” I’m sure he got that from someone, but I’ll give him credit for some true wisdom!
I really enjoyed reading this! Thank you for sharing and i am off to check out Joey’s blog.
Thanks, Kay! I look forward to seeing you over at Big Teeth!
LOL- your dad sounds like a wise man! I have to agree with him, retirement will be the time of my life. Right now is just preparation!
Ha! Wise is one word to describe him! I hope you find some of the “best” times way before retirement!
What a great perspective, Joey!
It is interesting to think about how the same conversation has changed over the years. And I never thought he’d ever tell me these weren’t the best years of my life… that just never crossed my mind!
My husband and I talk about our retirement every single day. It’s our little escape from the chaos of a house full of kids.
It is nice to dream… and a pre-retirement childless vacation for practice wouldn’t hurt either!
The writing style of this post was so neat. The story really came to life. Retirement seems so far for me…since I’m only 27!
Thanks Tracey! You do have a way to go before retirement, but having a child has made me feel like I’m permanently in one of those “life comes at you fast” commercials. It seems like it’s all on warp speed these days!
What a great post to read. I like to think that everyday will be my best day ever. I want my days to keep getting better.
I hope they do that for you, Tiffany! We try to pick out a good part of each day and talk about that at my daughter’s bedtime. Even the worst days have something good about them.
I love that I find joy in watching my kids have the best time of their lives. I love how you dad would tell you that most of the stages of life were the best time.
But I want him to say it about RIGHT NOW! It’s really funny that I never thought he’d stop giving me that speech and now I miss it. I’m happy for him and all, but I do miss it!
What a great story! We do need to focus on the present, but I tell you – I cant wait for retirement years!
It does sound like having grandchildren is the best thing ever, so yeah, I look forward to that!
Still a great outlook on life. Wonderful post.
Thanks, Debbie! I wouldn’t want to hear him say anything different, or have me feel any different!
ROFL I expect I will say the same thing to my husband when my daughter goes off to college. Let the living begin!!
Yeah, I left out the parts about how they got whole house a/c and an inground swimming pool after I moved out. I really was cramping their style!
I loved this post! My husband is always talking about “our time” once the kiddos grow up and move out. I am still stuck in mommy mode for sure, kids grow up SO fast and I am enjoying my little ones while they’re still little and wanting to sit on mommys lap and get tucked in at night!
You have to enjoy every moment, but it is nice to feel like there will always be something to look forward to. I don’t like to think about my daughter moving out. I have a feeling that will be more bitter than sweet when it happens.
Joey is great! I love this story.
Thanks Brett! My dad is good for many stories!
What a great post! Though I did love high school, I think these are the best years too. As crazy and hectic as they are right now, being a mom to young children and watching them grow and learn is so very fulfilling.
I think it would be quite sad just to spend the whole time you’re actively parenting waiting for your kids to grow up. I know that’s not what my dad did – I was there! I’m pretty sure he’s mostly teasing me.
I don’t know if I can pick a best year of my life. I think I’m having the best years as time goes on – it keeps changing – because there are new adventures out there!
That’s just like my dad & his favorite meal… it’s whatever he happens to be eating at the time & I think it means you’re a generally happy person. Hope this year is your best ever!
Thanks for a great story. I hope the years of my life keep getting better and better!
That is the dream, Janell! I hope so too!
What a fantastic post – and such great advice from a dad. I definitely try to live as if this IS the best time of my life, and I’m pleasantly surprised when the next stage is even better. 🙂
That’s a great way to look at it, Jaime. Probably need that sort of balance at every stage.
You dad sounds like a wonderful man. But I think the adventures of raising your daughter will be some of the best memories of your life. Raising my son and all the adventures we had together mean so much to me now that he is a grown man.
I witnessed my dad seeming to really enjoy most all of my childhood, so I’m pretty sure he’s mostly teasing me. He has been known to do that!
What a cute story. Great writing and hello Joey!
Hello Krystal! Nice to meet you!
I look at different parts of my life as the best years ever but for different reasons. The best times now make you appreciate the better times later. I’ve loved raising my kids but I am looking forward to having time with my husband when they move away.
I think that’s the important take away… there is some “best” part of every stage. I must admit, I still don’t see it with high school. That was not my best!
What a great story! I like to think that every moment is one of the best I am going to have. Makes me appreciate the now more that waiting for better to come along later.
Appreciation is the key Theresa! I hope your moments do keep getting better and better!
Oh Joey how I adore your dad!! What an incredible man to have that kind of attitude in life! WOW. And I love that he embraces your mom and this season he is in, and so deeply values his time with his wife. That just touched me so deeply…
And of course your take on it all, my friend. I feel the SAME way- this moment in time, this season… how could it ever get any better than this? We are blessed women indeed!!
He’s a pretty great guy. I am blessed to have him! He teases me though and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hold him down and force him to tell me THESE are the best years of my life!
Aww, great story! I’m looking forward to the best years of my life!
This is the year, Paula! I hope this is your year.
I definitely agree that it’s the way you look at it. Right now I think these are the best years of my life. I’m sure it will change in 10 years.
That’s a great way to feel, Melissa! I hope the next decade is even better for you!
I love her attitude! What a wonderful post, I can’t wait to read more of her work!
Thanks Carly! Gratitude and an “old man” to butt heads with go a long way toward a fulfilling & happy life!
This is a beautiful story! I hope I can say the same when I retire!
Thanks Christie! I hope my husband & I can retire!
Love this post Joey! And it’s good to know that, yea though we walk through the valley, there is something to look forward to:) But I have to agree, these years are pretty awesome!
I really do remember my dad sincerely enjoying my childhood years. My teen years? That was probably the pit of despair, but it’s the responsibility of children to make their parents miserable for at least a little while, right?
Hoo Hah! These ARE the best years of our lives. It really is all about perspective and today I am choosing to believe this, here and now, is the best – not yesterday or tomorrow. Because really all we have is today and I want to make the best of it, even when others don’t think it’s the best stage. 🙂
You said it & every day needs a few Hoo Hah moments, even though I’m quite sure Al Pacino was saying Hoo Ahhh… never have been able to convince Dad of that!