From girls to boys and back again.
It started in junior high.
I did NOT fit in in junior high.
Mostly because the whole clique thing eluded me.
I wanted to be friends with whomever I wanted to be friends with and not just be in a clique. And maybe I didn’t like everyone in a clique.
In case you have forgotten the rules of junior high girls, that meant that someone was going to hate me.
I’m going to use real names here, because, well, these girls were bitches.
I was good friends with Dana R.(this needs to be clarified, since she wasn’t the only Dana), though I didn’t really like all the girls in her clique. I was friends with a girl named Amy, whom got absorbed into the clique one night when she was invited to a sleepover that I wasn’t.
I wasn’t invited because it was at either Karen or Aimee’s house- two girls in Dana’s clique, that I didn’t really like. Not that I hated them, but I wasn’t close friends with them. They knew this.
In junior high girl-land, it’s not okay to only be friends with some of the girls in the clique.
So, they decided to turn on me, thinking they would somehow have more “power” that way.
Even though Dana and I had been inseparable before that, countless sleepovers and being majorettes together.
That was it, they hated me and no one would tell me why.
Or, they would tell me stupid “reasons.”
One day, Karen and Aimee were shoving me down the hall at the opening bell, saying things like I was ugly and I had an ugly haircut. My hair and Dana’s used to be identical, until I got mine cut shorter. Apparently, that was an unforgivable crime.
How I wish I could have fought back. But, at the time, I was less than 5 feet tall and maybe 80 pounds. Karen and Aimee were FAT. I would not normally say that about someone, but, in this case, I see no reason to be nice about them. I can call them fat and hope that they have girls of their own now as payback.
That was when I started being friends with boys.
Boys were easier. They didn’t care about the petty stuff. Simple conversation- or not even much conversation, just hanging out.
I was a big flirt, but because I never actually “went after” any of the guys I was friends with, I got to continue to hang around them and be everybody’s little sister.
I’d usually have ONE female friend and then the guys. All through high school and college.
I had female acquaintances, especially in college where I was an elementary education major, so I had to talk to girls or I’d have no one to partner with for projects.
But, most of my friends were guys.
My roommate in college and I got along fine…until senior year, when we had another roommate in with us.
I don’t know what happened, but they turned on me.
They loved to “be helpful” and tell my boyfriend whenever he would call the room(this was the days before cell phones were so common) that I wasn’t there, I was out with College Buddy.
Boyfriend was so jealous of College Buddy, even though there wasn’t anything going on there. But, my roomies would tell boyfriend this, no matter where I was. In class, at work, at the library, in the shower. They would delight in telling him that I was with College Buddy.
I got a single for the last semester of school.
It was just so much easier to be friends with guys.
That all started to change after marriage and kids, though.
Wives start to look at you funny if you talk to their husbands. And even those husbands themselves don’t understand that it’s just friendship that you’re looking for.
Then, being a stay-at-home mom and wanting friendships: choices become limited to other moms.
College Buddy has been grandfathered in, though. We’ve been friends for so long that he counts as my gay-boyfriend-who-isn’t-gay.
And so, into the world of mom groups I entered.
Weary and scared.
Because, I know what it’s like to have girls turn on me.
I eventually found what I thought was my little group of friends and was okay with that. But, even in that group, there were fractures.
That really didn’t have anything to do with me, but hurt me anyway.
BFF and I reconnected. We’ve known each other since we were in preschool together(Hey A- I need to scan in that pic of us at the preschool Christmas program- how cute were we???) and stayed friends. Not always close, but we never had any big blowouts. Just drifted every now and then. But, about a year ago, we found each other again and became inseparable.
Of course, I moved a few months ago and lost that. Not our friendship, since we’re still close and always will be, but we don’t see each other a couple times a week like we got used to.
The desire to not be alone all the time has led me to join some mom’s groups down here. Not a whole lot of luck there, hence the motherbitch stories that I entertain you with.
I’d like to take some of my bloggyfriends and scoop you up and plunk you down into my neighborhood to save me from this agony.
Guys are able to have simple and easy friendships.
Women, not so much.
But, I guess at this stage in my life, I have no choice but to have female friendships if I want to have any friendships at all.
Maybe it’s just me? Am I the only one who struggles with friendships?
*I’m willing to bet that there is a very relieved Mommyologist that all I’m talking about is friendships, since we are sharing a room at SITS in Baltimore next month.