Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Someone Else Be the Adult, Please

A long checklist. So many questions.

I hated every box I had to check and every “If yes, please explain” that I had to fill out.

It felt like I was admitting defeat and signing someone’s life away.

The thick survey had been sitting on my bedside table for weeks now and I’d been ignoring it. But, since my kindergartener has his psychologist appointment tomorrow and the filled out paperwork has to go with us, I finally went through it all.

Even though I know that we are helping our son, especially after the absolutely horrendous week he had last week, who wants to have to check a box next to descriptors like “has wild mood swings?”

Not me. Someone else take care of this.

Someone else be the adult.

While we’re at it, could someone else please: 

Come wash the dishes since our dishwasher broke and handwashing dishes is my least favorite chore ever.

Match up all those orphan socks. I’d much rather have everyone wear their crocs or flip flops than deal with the socks.

Exercise for me so I can chow down on some cheese fries and still fit into my favorite jeans.

Pay the electric bill so I can buy that fabulous pair of shoes I’ve been eyeing instead.

Get my kids ready and to school on time so I can sleep in for once.

Figure out what we’re having for dinner tonight. And deliver it to my house.

Break up fight #5 between my boys today.

Because I don’t wanna.

How easy we had it when we were kids. Of course, we were clueless then.

So much of what we have to do is not a big deal in and of itself. But, when you add up all those little things and then throw in a huge problem or two, this whole adult thing is not so easy.

I’d like a day off from being an adult, please.

What responsibility would you gladly give up today? 

Comments

  1. Oh hugs my friend. Thinking about you.

    I really wish someone else would come scoop out the damn cat litter. 😉

  2. I've had to fill out a questionnaire like that before and it can be brutal. Just know that the more honest you can be with yourself, in the end, it can only help your son.

  3. I do hope the appointment goes well.

    Just today I was thinking I wish someone would wash up all those dishes and clean the house. Also, I would love to sleep in. Alas, no dice. Sigh.

  4. I hope the appointment goes well and gives some reassurance.

    I'd like someone else to make dinner. I'm sick of cooking this week.

  5. Oh, I hear you! I would love to have someone else be the one breaking up all the fights, someone else to fold the 10 baskets of laundry scattered all over the house, someone else to get up at 4 a.m. with the whinning choir of "I am HUNGRY!"

    Best of Luck with the appointments, it really would be awesome to be a kid again for even just a day!

  6. I feel like this all the time. I used to hate most responsibilities, now they just annoy the crap out of me. I think that's progress.

  7. Sending hugs. Of course you don't wanna. Being a grown up sucks. But you are amazing and you are doing what it takes to get help. Hopefully you doing this will be what makes everything start getting better right now.

    Unfortunately? I can't say the same about the dishes and socks.

  9. I have had to fill out that survey before and it is rough.

    We also have a partially broken dishwasher. It doesn't clean well, and the top rack not at all so I am also handwashing a lot of dishes. I am trying to be the grown up and insist that the purchase be put off until after Christmas. My husband wants to go out and buy one right now. It sucks being the grown up.

    I so would like someone to menu plan, grocery shop, and cook for my family.

    Good luck today.

  10. Could someone come do all the extra chores? Like, washing the walls and the cupboards, sort out the clothes, teach my son to read. Because just where in my too short day am I EVER going to fit all these things?!?

  11. I have had to fill out that same question form for Doug. Then we had to have the boys fill one out on the things they saw Doug doing, each of us filled one out and Doug filled one out. It helped pinpoint the diagnosis as opposed stabbing in the dark from random symptoms. I don't wanna be an adult either. I don't mind dishes I hate mating socks a lot more trust me.

  12. Oh to give up…dishes and cleaning bathrooms. I hate those so much.

    Hugs and prayers for ya. Hope the appointment goes well

  13. I'm sorry sweetie. I hope the appointment goes well.

    I'd like to give up my responsibility of attending my coworker's father's funeral today. I suck at funerals. I cry and I don't know what to say. I'm usually a mess.

  15. I would totally give up being the one in charge of everything. Can someone just tell me where to go and what to do for a day? I would be thrilled not to be the one who is running everyone's day for a few minutes.

    And as far as filling out those forms, I totally feel for you. It is so hard to admit how difficult things are. Sometimes I find myself trying to candy coat it for a doctor because I don't want to talk about my own child that way but I know it is not going to help either one of us. Sending hugs and thinking of you, hope you get the help you need at the appointment.

  16. Good luck with the appointment. I'm sure it's not fun, but you are being the best Mom you can by taking the action you can to eventually make things easier for him…and you.

    Maybe you should buy those shoes as a reward for yourself?

    I would give up taking kids places today, let somoene else drop them at school and gymnastics and friend's houses. Taxi service is getting old fast.

  17. <> Hope all goes well today!
    Today my soon to be ex-husband is supposed to sign and get notarized our divorce papers….
    REALLY?!
    Can I go back to being a kid when I believed in the knight on the white horse??? 🙁

  18. honestly I just want a day off…24 hours of someone other than me doing anything related to house, kids, finances…

  19. Oh, Shell. I'm thinking about you guys and hoping your appointment goes well.

    I would love it if someone else would just decide what was for dinner. They don't even have to cook it, just make the decision.

  20. I haven't had a dishwasher in 5 years. I miss it greatly.

    Those surveys – no fun. But it is to help him in the end.

    I'd like to give up being patient with a teething baby while running on only 4 hours of sleep. 5-7:30 pm is going to be rough. I wish I had back up but hubby will still be working.

  21. I hope the appointment goes well!

    I would love someone to take care of the "accidents" someone is still having when the forget to go to the potty.

  22. I would live to give up having to work. While I have the blessing of being able to work from home, and it is my own business, I would rather being doing all the fun blogging stuff. It is an easy distraction, but then I realize how much farther behind I am with my work. Next week…next week I will take of and hopefully be all caught up with my blogging too.

  24. You pretty much summed up how I'm feeling today, too!

    Let's see. Today I'd like to be able to ditch this morning's appt with the gyno…what was I thinking scheduling it for a Monday of all days??

  25. I think it would be nice to have a day to just be selfish and only worry about me. You know my wants, my needs, and so on. 🙂

  26. I second the cheese fries.
    I would like to forego the responsibility of responding politely to a few comments on my rather sarcastic blog this morning. I would really like to say "OMG you crazies! I was KIDDING!" but instead I will construct some pretty sentences that do nothing to satisfy my fury.
    I hope your day gets much, much better.

  27. I guess I'm weird. . . I like to do dishes.

    I would just like a day where I am not stressed or worried about *something*. . . Doubt that will ever happen though.

    Thinking of you and hope the appointment goes well!

  28. that paperwork truly does suck doesnt it. It hurts to have to honest about your kids problems but in the end its gonna help so much. Blessings today at the appointment.

    I'd give up cooking, cleaning and most every adult responsbility I could. At least for a while.

  30. I would love it if everyone would stop calling me every time they had a problem! I'm not Mrs. fix-it!

    I hope all goes well with your appointment.

  31. I hope the appointment goes well.

    Being an adult isn't always what it's cracked up to be. I wish someone would wash and put away the dishes and laundry. I also need someone to clean my house so I can find my son's lunch box.

  32. Oh those questionaire's are nightmares! I feel your pain.

    Hoping your appointment goes well. Thinking of you.

  34. And we kids we just wanted to grow up…what were we thinking? We had no idea how good we had it!

  35. It never stops. There's always something we have to do as adults. 🙁 I don't really mind handwashing dishes, but I despise unloading the dishwasher. I also hate paying bills, not because of worrying about where the money comes from, but because it's an annoying chore to me.

  36. I hope your appointment goes good. Before I was a parent I thought making the "right" choices for my little kiddos would be the easiest part of being a parent. I was so wrong!! It is the hardest 🙂
    Plus I hate paying bills!

  37. I hear ya and can relate. I found it really hard to fill those damn forms out. Hugs.. As for giving up being an adult for a day. I would love someone else dealing with that nasty meltdown that always ends with a few bruises on my body. But.. they would have to handle it just right cause otherwise my motherly instincts that we can not shut down will kick in and then, Watch out!!! LOL

  38. hugs, hugs, hugs…I was going to email you all weekend, does it count that I thought of you for about 75% of the time???

    I know exactly how you feel…I know that I don't want to be the adult or the mom or the BIG GIRL about 99% of the time. Lately,I'd like someone to come and feed my family, do the laundry, watch the shows I have DVRd for me so I can write OR Sleep!!! Sleep would be awesome.

    I am sending lots of hugs. Let me know how the appt goes and know that I'm sitting in your pocket if you need me.

    xo

  39. I would totally give up the responsibility of going to work. So blessed to have a job, but goodness I can't stand it at times.

    Did you ever wish you could hurry up and grow up as a kid? I wish the grown up me would have visited me back then and told myself to slow down. :o)

  40. Oh, you sweet woman…I'd love to be your adult for a day, but your kids would hate me…I'm much too mean.

    While those questionnaires make you question everything that's ever happened in his short life, with every answer, you're closer to an accommodation that will help him grow into a functioning adult. It sounds horrible, but it's like scaffolding…give it to him now and take it away as he becomes more independent and learns more coping skills.

    What responsibility would I give up today? I'd say going to the most difficult exercise class in the world, but I already did that. Could someone be my personal bouncer/counselor? I'm sick of breaking up nonsensical fights.

  41. I hate knowing that you're going thru such a rough time right now. Stay strong Shell, I know if anyone can handle it, it's you!

    Oh yea, would I like to take a break from being an adult and revel in being a kid again! To only say "I'm hungry, feed me" and someone will make you something to eat, and you don't have to pay for it. Or to just lounge about after an easy day at school and watch some cartoons. Ahh, the good old days!

  42. I would rather be an adult than be in jr high or high school again. It's all about different stress, and I would rather have the adult stress, rather than teenage stress.

  43. Man. I remember going through the ol' evaluation craziness. It was pre-k for us. IEPs. Extended family who were positive that more discipline was the answer. It was a really difficult time. A time of facing things, of changing expectations.

    But it gets BETTER! It really, really does! That's what I most want mamas who are going through this to know. Someday you will look back and this time and go, "Man, that sucked. I can't believe how much progress we've made!"

  44. Hallelujah, sister!!! I would love to give up the responsibility of paying my mortgage as well as the decision to refinance. Sometimes, I need to throw a tantrum and cry and scream and bang the floor and rant about how unfair it is being an adult and taking care of my responsibilities! I really would like to have some fun (travel, cook, eat, repeat). But, that doesn't happen because I prioritize working, paying bills, making sure my kids are taken care of. It's more boring than I thought when I was a kid, but these are the choices we make, right? I need a responsibility fairy in the worst way.

  45. I would like to shut my office door and CATCH UP on all the things I WANT to catch up on, instead of always giving my time to the things that NEED to get done. I also don't want to go to the grocery store after work today, but alas, I have to. With the kid in tow. Gar.

  47. Only one responsibility? Driving everyone everywhere. We only have one car right now. I hate it. My oldest thinks she understands it. She is 14. She doesn't of course, but at least she has a grasp on what is coming I guess.

    PS I got a jury summons for state court. It is for DECEMBER!!! Really???

  50. When the were working on a diagnosis for my Autistic son, the paperwork was awful! They wanted several surveys and they had very similar questions on all of them. And each and every one stabbed my heart and reminded me that I was a bad parent. I hope things work out for you…I truly feel your pain.
    Sandy

  51. Oh I hear ya! Sorry you had such a tough week 🙁 And the dishwasher to top everything off.
    I would give up making lunch, I hate making lunch, homework battles, and definitely breaking up fights.
    If only…sigh

  53. Oh, like you I would LOVE to sleep in every day and have someone else get my kids ready in the morning. I also would love someone else to organize my home, but wait, I don't actually do that.

    Hugs for you and sending continued prayers for you son.

  55. Aww, hugs to you. I know exactly what you mean.

    What responsibility do i wish I didn't have to deal with? Bills. Managing money. I hate, hate, HATE dealing with finances in any way. It's stressful and fills me with angst. It was certainly easier as a kid when i relied on my teeny piggy bank and begging my parents for $1 to buy some Runts and Razzles.

  56. So I am right there with you. AND I find this time of year even harder in the "I don't want to be the adult," because it's such a magical time of year for kids, but it's got so many huge responsibilities for the adults.

    And the survey? HUG. I've been there, Shell. Hard, hard, hard. Hang in there.

  57. Yes, being an adult sucks a lot of the time…especially when you have little kids.

    I would LOVE to give up changing diapers. Any takers?

  58. I'd love to give up making dinner and just have it plop on our table tonight.

    I hope things go well with the appt.

  59. Oh my, yes! Being an adult is so not what it's cracked up to be. And the little things adding up with big thing thrown in to? Totally get that! I've been known to feel like the sky is falling.

  60. I'm sorry! Big hugs!! Only one? Do dinner and dishes go together because I want to get out of doing both of them, everyday!

  62. It pales in comparison to your questionnaire (and hopefully the appointment goes/has already gone well!!), but yard work. I do NOT want to tackle the blanket of leaves covering our yard when I get home from work today.

  63. My sentiments exactly. From the washing dishes, cleaning house, being the referee and so on. I am tired of being the responsible one and would love it when my husband could pick up the slack or just put the kids to bed while I sit and watch tv.
    Let's run off to the casbah together!!

  64. I am sick and at work. I would love to be home, in my bed and just be able to be sick. Unfortunately being a mommy, you don't get sick days. Regardless of how I feel, I still have to take care of my 15 month old little "angel". I would love to just have a day off from being a mom, so I can be sick and snuggle in my bed….alone.

  66. As much as I love cooking, I'd give up making meals for a week or more!
    Sometimes I find it hard to come up with a variety of meals.

  67. I'll come wash your dishes for you! I actually enjoy hand washing dishes. I'm weird I know. Hope the appointment goes well! Have a great night.

  68. You said it all. I want a "Calgon, take me away moment". Being a kid was just so much more funner. Sigh

  70. How lovely would it be to simply just ignore it all one day, with the threat of no repercussions?
    I hope the appointment went well, Shell!
    As for dinner, there's always take out!

  71. 🙁 I hope this week is 100 times better than last!!!
    I would love a movie day.. snuggled up on the couch.. 🙂

  72. Which one? You're going to ask me to pick only one? Oh, mama. I don't even know where to start!!

    I remember being in my early teens and romanticizing about how great being an adult would be. The things I could do with all that freedom!! I didn't count of the fact that in exchange for freedom (from your parents) I would be getting an ass-ton of responsibility and a whole new set of things to reign in my wild ideas about freedom.

    No fair!

  73. Oh, hope your appointment goes well. I have a few high school students who are getting nervous about going out into adult life and even though I give them as much encouragement as I can, I still think to myself, "Yep, It's never going to be this easy again!". I'd loooooove to give away yard work, keeping track of bills – ugh!

  74. Totally understand where you're coming from on the questionnaire thing. I've filled out more than I can remember…

    I'd give up bills.

  75. I feel like this all the time. It's so funny to see that kids want to hurry up and be adults and then when we become adults all we want is to be kids again.

  76. I too hate dishes…
    I too hate to match socks…
    I would love for someone to attend my brother in laws birthday party for me and let me have an early night…sigh
    Praying for the appointment

  77. I hate dishes too, and I'm the only one who lives here.

    I'd take on a few of the other things for you but dishes – no way.

    I solved the sock issue years ago when my daughter was still in school. We had a sock bucket. It sat on top of the dryer and all the socks went into it. When you wanted a pair of socks, you matched a pair up and put them on. And trust me, they're not to little now to do it. In fact, I remember how proud my daughter was every time she did it for herself.

    Good luck with everything and remember to breathe!

  79. Well, as I type this, I am playing on the computer because my friend took the kids to football and I've had two hours to myself. I'm on duty tomorrow though. For me, it's work, if someone else would go to work for me, so I didn't have to, that would be GREAT!

  80. I'd have someone else take care of my sick family because I don't feel well (but mommas don't get sick days …)

  81. This post made me tired. Oh wait, I was already tired when I began reading 🙂

    Yes, take all my responsibility. I'm sorry for rushing through college because I thought adulthood would be full of fun. Sometimes it is. But right now it just feels like work.

  82. First. Hugs. Dealing with the daily "mom" crap plus a child with a medical issue (and a broken dish washer) can't be easy.

    I often wish to take a break from being the adult. You're not alone.

  83. What a great post. Loved the part about being a kid. Boy, we were clueless

    Loved all what you said.

    Thinking of you…I hope all goes well.

    I would like not to get groceries tomorrow, and just enjoy time alone instead, but we have no food if I don't go.

  84. I will come over one morning and get the kids ready! If I'm ever close by. :]

    No one should have to do that paperwork.

  85. the bedtime routine. I have a love/hate relationship with it. My eldest is 7, so it's been going on….well, forever it seems!

    I love the splashing fun they have in the tub, the snuggles to read with clean kids, the lullaby songs and kisses as I tuck them in, and finally a good night prayer.
    Then there's tonight…..
    …….if I have to mop up the bathroom floor, read Dora's Sharing Day, or sing Germs the Invisible Dog one more frickin time…get me a straightjacket!

    So I took an after dinner nap – hope you know all the words daddy, it's a tough crowd tonight!

  86. Good luck with the appointment, luckily, with your background, that should help you wade through the process.
    And? I could give up and use some sleep!

  87. I hear ya. I wish someone else would make dinner. And clean up. And wash out the stupid sippy cups. Because I don't wanna either.

  88. Hugs, Shell! I hope the appointment goes well for you.
    There are days I don't want to do any of that either. Especially the dinner thing. Everyone always asks, "What's for dinner?" like that's the highlight of the day…sometimes I'd just like to have cereal and toast for dinner.
    Hang in there!
    XO

  89. OMG, I just got done saying to Tim about an hour ago, "Isn't it crazy to think WE are the parents? We have a mortgage, kids to be responsible for…who the hell thought we could handle all this??"

    Seriously, there are some days when I wish I could be a kid again. We had it so easy and just had no clue, didn't we??

  90. For the last two weeks my stepson has faked sick to avoid school. I finally said enough is enough and took him to the doctor. His mom just doesn't care about education. So over the weekend he had two weeks worth of makeup work we had to cram in our 72 hours with him. And we had to go shopping and buy him a warm winter coat and pants that fit because the 6 pairs we had at our house went to hers and never came back. I am tired of being the mean step-mom. I am tired of being the parent that is responsible and cares about the kid only to be hated because I make him try harder. I want to be the irresponsible parent for a change. I wish we could do child support in kind, because the money we pay to help raise him certainly doesn't go to clothe him or cover basic needs. Grrr!!!! So I would give up my stepmom role for the day. Oh and eat ice cream for every meal. Because eating healthy is overrated.

  91. SO much love to you, friend.

    You're not alone here ( at all).

    And as for parenting and mothering- you're rocking it with so much love- it's breathe akin, really.

    xo

  92. I an finally being a chance to visit and comment my favorite blogs. So I am wondering what I would actually keep if I got to outsource my jobs. Playing and snuggles. Definitely keepers. The rest can get done by someone else.

  93. Umm. Yes. The cooking dinner and cleaning up afterward is one of those things that just makes me wish I was a kid again and someone put food in front of me. Like you said, on any given day it's not the little things that make being an adult a pain: it's the compilation of those little things. Over and over and over again. Hugs girl. I so get it.

  94. We have a "sock bucket." The orphaned socks end up in there (and, I swear, they multiply) and that's where they stay until we have issues finding any matched pairs, when we'll take a few hours and put them together.

    Me, I'd love someone to bring dinner (doesn't matter what . . . the whole figuring out what it should be is where the stress starts), bathe my kids, and put them to bed, fill my beer fridge, and take care of my hangover in the morning.

    That's all I need – just once. Please.

  95. Looks like in my migraine stupor yesterday that I tried to post a comment but it didn't work. I wanted to double check today because I wanted to make sure that you knew that you are in my prayers. I have had to fill out that form too and as much as it hurt to answer some of them honestly, it has been the best thing. I hope you will find the answers you deserve and need.
    Lots of love!

  97. (hugs) i feel you. are we living the same life? we have an appt with my son's dr in about an hr and a half and im getting anxious

  98. I so get this. All of it. But those forms are the worst. Detailing my son's deficiencies, talking about how far he veers of the norm of development, just breaks my heart every time. And the cumulative stress of it all? Is just getting to me too. I want a day off. I want a week. But I'll take a day. Hell, I'll take an hour.

  100. Oh darling, I know. We're leaving for vacation on Friday and I wish I didn't have so much to do! Someone should start a packing biz. I would totally hire someone to come do that for me!

  102. Sending you great big *HUGS*, Shell. It's hard to be an adult sometimes. Well, most of the time, actually.

  103. I hate those damn questionares! I always get frustrated because I feel like even after I go through the horrendous task of answering all those questions, the person reading it still isn't going to know my son.

    And yes, I would love to pass on all of my duties this week! I'm having trouble keeping up. If I had to choose one? Someone, please come and scrub my bathrooms to a sparkling shine!!

  104. Oh, and then…take me on a date and buy me an expensive dinner and bring me fresh flowers too!

  105. The truth?

    I don't like being the one responsible for my boys safety with the epipen.

    My husband is afraid of it.

    This burns me to no end.

    It all falls on me.

    whew.

    that felt good.

    xo

  107. Thinking of you! I hope that everything is working out ok! I'll wash your dishes if fir once, just once, someone else besides myself makes supper tonight!! Pretty please! 🙂

    Lynn

  109. I don't blame you for not wanting to be the adult filling out that form. Lucky for your kiddo that you ARE the adult and do it because you love 'em!
    As for me, I would LOVE to have some kind of assistant to did all of the planning so that (much like my husband and child) I just do what I am told from day to day and don't have to think it all up or schedule it!

  110. I hate talking to the insurance company. Ugh. We had to feel out the same type of form, it was hard. We wanted to be honest but we didn't want Peanut to be labeled and boxed in. Scary.