Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Sibling Love

things they can't sayNJ is a truth seeker, coffee worshiper, and a classic rock lover. She, her husband Mike, and son Malone welcomed baby Lola into their lives this August. She writes at www.acookiebeforedinner.com where she hopes everyone walks away either laughing or encouraged. 

I am only child. As a kid, it was fine. I had a lot of cousins to play with and amused myself with lots of extracurricular activities that I KNOW wouldn’t have happened if I had a brother or sister. But as an adult, I find myself longing for a sibling- someone who shares my DNA and family story. I’m lonely for the sibling I’ll never have.  Someone who I have inside jokes with and someone I could go shopping with or out to dinner. I could go on and on, but you get it. I realize that not all adult siblings get along with each other, but in my world, my imaginary sibling and I are best friends.

I think most parents end up wanting to give their kids everything they didn’t have as a kid growing up- material, financial, emotional, or otherwise. I know for me, that is true.  Somehow I feel like by doing so we deem ourselves a “good” parent. Whether or not that is true or not in your world, you can decide. But for me, it is.

Before we even had our first born, Malone, I was already planning and thinking about a sibling – hoping and dreaming of giving him the one thing I missed out on growing up.  This summer, my dream came true when we welcomed Lola into our lives.

Malone is absolutely smitten with her.

Mama-Malone-Lola

“This is MY baby sister,” he says. “And I named her Lola because I love the Kinks… you know that band from the ’70’s.” (For the record, he’s totally right. He is the one who named her).

He is learning what it means to share parents. He has to wait is turn now for us sometimes. He’s perfected the art of putting a pacifier in her mouth.

And when he sings to her, my heart melts into a giant mushy puddle.

“Lollie Lollie, Lollie Lou. Lola, Lola, I love you.”

I can see their relationship growing day by day.

Lola’s eyes light up when she hears his voice. She’s just started to track him around the room. And she does that weird hiccup laugh when he tickles her toes.

I know that life will not always be so idyllic and grand. They will fight. They will make up. They will annoy the heck out of each other and then some.

But when it is all said and done, they will always have each other.

And I would be lying if I didn’t say I was a little jealous.

Do you have a sibling? Do you get along?

And if you’re an only child, how do you feel about it?

 

Comments

  1. Love the sweetness of this post. I’m the eldest, so I’ve always shared (from 4 years old to 30 years later). As a mommy of many (5, including our blend ins!), it’s so interesting to watch the way siblings interact. Our youngest ADORES her older siblings, especially the eldest boy. I’ve seen fights, arguments, you name it… but the kids are fiercely protective of one another. And, we try to give solo time to each.

  2. I have too many siblings! Ha ha. Just kidding. I have four sisters and a brother (different mothers, same father). I do feel truly blessed to have them all, and I’m especially lucky to have my older sister living only 4 miles from me. Our children go to school together and are near-constant companions. My sister and I did not/do not always get along but we are each other’s support system. I wish the same for Malone and Lola! 

  3. I grew up with a little sister and we are pretty close – nowadays we have a “long distance” relationship because she decided to move back to Germany with her family. I miss her terribly sometimes and I’m so so glad for Skype! My husband is an only and I told him from the get-go that I want more than one… we have three now!!! 🙂

  4. Are you in my brain right now? I feel the EXACT same way. As an only child (who didn’t have any cousins around) all I wanted was a sibling. Especially a sister. So many of my friends had sisters who were their best friends, who still are. Yes they fight. Of course they fight but they have a bond I can never understand. My kids love each other LIKE CRAZY and I love watching them. I know it won’t always be that way either, but I’m so happy they have each other. And I want another and I hope its a girl so my daughter can have the sister I never had.

    • It is so hard sometimes! And so lonely. I feel like a sibling is just about the only thing missing from my life sometimes. I know a lot of adults who are super close to their siblings and it makes me so jealous sometimes to see their relationship. I hope you’re able to give your daughter a sister too! 

  5. I have 7 siblings and sometimes we get along and sometimes the rest of them fight and I don’t participate. It’s been a struggle to teach my own children that they must love and support each other, but it was very important to me. Friends come and go, but your family is forever!
    Sandy

  6. I’ve always said the best thing you can give your child is a sibling. It may be chaotic and hectic for the parents, especially at first, but overall, it is SUCH a blessing!

  7. I have one brother close to my age. We live 15 minutes apart but we are not close and never have been. It is kind of a strange relationship. I am sort of close to his wife but we don’t have much in common except that we are moms. That has helped but it’s not what I would envision either. I also have a much younger half-brother, and three step-siblings. I COULD be and have been very close with one of my step-sisters except that she is unfortunately a mess in her adult life so for all of my siblings or sort of siblings, I do not have that relationship that I too so greatly envy. I have 4 daughters (two sets of twins) and I tell them all the time how lucky they are. The older girls especially argue a lot, and I really hope they all outgrow this and are close when they are adults. I would give anything for that. Congrats on your growing family!

  9. I have 2 siblings I lived with as a kid and many half siblings I rarely see. I do not speak or communicate in any way with my oldest sibling. I’m am very good friends with my younger sibling.

    My oldest child started asking for a sister when she turned 2. What she didn’t know is her father and I had been trying. It took us years to have our first. In August 2013, we finally welcomed our second live birth into this world. We had been through many fertility treatments and two losses.

    Our oldest nearly worships her sister. The baby lights up for our oldest. They play constantly when baby is awake and oldest is home. We have not had any jealousy, resentment, or regression with the introduction of baby. It won’t always be go peaceful, but it will always be wonderful.

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