I have a hard time saying no.
I want to be able to help someone out, I really do. I like to help.
But there comes a point when I should be saying no.
When I really don’t have time to do what is being asked.
When I’m being taken advantage of.
When the person asking would tell me “oh, HELL NO” should I ask the same thing of them.
When that yes would make my stomach eat itself because whatever it is I’m agreeing to goes against who I am.
I need to be able to say NO, loud and clear and not feel bad about it.
If it’s something that would jeopardize my family or my work, that no comes much easier. The same with if it goes against who I am.
But if I just don’t have time, I start to wonder what I could give up(sleep?) to do what’s being asked.
And if I’m being taken advantage of, I have a hard time saying that no because I don’t want to have to explain myself. And it seems that the people who take advantage are the same ones who come back with a “why?” if I do say no.
Really, though, I’m learning that I don’t have to justify my no. I don’t have to explain. Sometimes it’s just a no. Even if the reason is I don’t feel like it.
And by saying that no, I take a lot of stress off of myself.
And I leave more time in my life for the things that I want to say YES to. And oh, there are so many wonderful possibilities and opportunities out there.
Do you have a hard time saying “no?”
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I am horrible at No. Actually in my yearly review my boss told me how nice it is that I always am willing to do whatever is asked of me. Mmmmmhmmmmmm……
I try so hard to say yes to work-related things. Because I want to be easy to work with, to be recommended for more work. But sometimes, I know I’m being taken advantage of.
I have a very hard time saying “no.” Very hard. I feel like I need to give a thousand explanations with it. I feel guilt. I feel like I should always be doing things for other people. But people say “no” to me all the time. I guess I should know the word pretty well!
And it’s not like others give me an explanation! So I shouldn’t feel like I need to give one.
When it comes to doing things I enjoy (work-wise), I have a hard time saying no too. Mostly because I actually love what I do, so I do try and make time. But if it’s at the expense of time with my family, then it will be a firm no.
Oh yes, totally love what I do. And I strive to be very easy to work with and accommodating. But there does come a point when people are pushing and taking advantage and need to be told no.
I have a hard time saying no, too. I’ve learned that the people who ask, “why” really are the people who I either don’t want to spend time with or who are asking too much of me. I have friends who I can say “no” to and they don’t question and I do the same when they say “no”. It’s really about respect for people and their time and space.
Absolutely. No should be enough. I don’t ask someone why if they tell me no(at least, not usually).
I am still working on this. It does feel good when I say it though.
Such a relief to say no to something you know you shouldn’t take on.
Ahh I have such a terrible time with No. Just yesterday I got caught in a conversation with a solicitor at my door that woke up my son just because I didn’t say no. I love that – no is a complete sentence. So so true.
We get SO many salespeople here. It’s pushed me to the limit where I don’t even let them get a full sentence out before I’m saying “No, sorry” and closing the door. It’s rude, but the truth is that I’m not buying whatever it is that they’re selling and they always come at a bad time!
Sweet, caring, socially conscious people like you have a hard time saying no even when they know they are being taken advantage of because they care so much and want to help others. My advice is to stick to your decision of “no” as hard as it may be!
Yes! I feel guilty sometimes. But I know it’s for the best.
Oh I have trouble with this too. I want to help and be helpful and don’t want to be rude. But that quote – that No is a complete sentence? So helpful! I do have a tendency to try to justify and explain away when I have to say no!
Exactly. If someone tells me no, I generally just accept it and not push. So why shouldn’t I get to do the same!
Yes, we definitely have to all say no at times as we just can’t or shouldn’t do it all. I heard someone once say that rather than saying no, they say- “I cannot do that but I could do this instead” and offer how they could still help but in a smaller less involved way. Though at times just a straight up no is the only thing needed.
That’s a good idea, then I wouldn’t feel quite as bad!
I’m the same way. I have so many things going on right now. Sometimes the struggle to say no is because I feel like I’m missing out if I do. Other times, I’m just incapable of saying so, like I’ll feel guilty for it. Knowing how full my life is I shouldn’t ever have to feel guilty for it, but I have just a guilt complex.
It’s so hard to let go of that guilt!
I’ve always looked for acceptance from others so I would hardly ever say no. But then I got so exhausted and several big life events happened and I realized what I was really doing: running myself into the ground for some people who would never care. So I try really hard now to decide if it’s something I need to do, want to do, or a person I want to help no matter if the gesture is returned. Boundaries are so important!!
Yes! I’ve run myself into the ground, too. It’s not worth it.
Oh god, me too. I have such a hard time with no!
I really wish I could have learned how to say it about twenty years ago. I still haven’t really gotten the hang of it.
I’m getting better. But sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay to say no.
I think I’m getting much better at saying no as I age…and I hope you do say it more often when you know it’s something you don’t have time to do or want to 🙂
I am getting better at it. Sometimes I drive myself crazy with worry over it but I manage to say no.