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July 8, 2014 by: Shell

Saying No: Pour Your Heart Out

I have a hard time saying no.

I want to be able to help someone out, I really do. I like to help.

But there comes a point when I should be saying no.

When I really don’t have time to do what is being asked.

When I’m being taken advantage of.

When the person asking would tell me “oh, HELL NO” should I ask the same thing of them.

When that yes would make my stomach eat itself because whatever it is I’m agreeing to goes against who I am.

I need to be able to say NO, loud and clear and not feel bad about it.

If it’s something that would jeopardize my family or my work, that no comes much easier. The same with if it goes against who I am.

But if I just don’t have time, I start to wonder what I could give up(sleep?) to do what’s being asked.

And if I’m being taken advantage of, I have a hard time saying that no because I don’t want to have to explain myself. And it seems that the people who take advantage are the same ones who come back with a “why?” if I do say no.

Really, though, I’m learning that I don’t have to justify my no. I don’t have to explain. Sometimes it’s just a no. Even if the reason is I don’t feel like it.

say no quote

And by saying that no, I take a lot of stress off of myself.

And I leave more time in my life for the things that I want to say YES to. And oh, there are so many wonderful possibilities and opportunities out there.

Do you have a hard time saying “no?”

Join in Pour Your Heart Out

pour your heart outClick if you want to find out more about Pour Your Heart Out. Remember, it’s about what you want to pour out: it’s personal, so there isn’t an assigned topic. It’s also about being supportive of others who are sharing: so visit other linkers and be kind with your comments. Linking up? Please visit at least two of the linkers and show them some support in the form of a comment or a share!



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Comments

  1. Angie says

    July 8, 2014 at 9:42 pm

    I am horrible at No. Actually in my yearly review my boss told me how nice it is that I always am willing to do whatever is asked of me. Mmmmmhmmmmmm……

    • Shell says

      July 9, 2014 at 8:52 am

      I try so hard to say yes to work-related things. Because I want to be easy to work with, to be recommended for more work. But sometimes, I know I’m being taken advantage of. 

  2. Teresa says

    July 8, 2014 at 10:59 pm

    I have a very hard time saying “no.” Very hard. I feel like I need to give a thousand explanations with it. I feel guilt. I feel like I should always be doing things for other people. But people say “no” to me all the time. I guess I should know the word pretty well!

    • Shell says

      July 9, 2014 at 8:52 am

      And it’s not like others give me an explanation! So I shouldn’t feel like I need to give one. 

  3. Alison says

    July 9, 2014 at 2:44 am

    When it comes to doing things I enjoy (work-wise), I have a hard time saying no too. Mostly because I actually love what I do, so I do try and make time. But if it’s at the expense of time with my family, then it will be a firm no. 

    • Shell says

      July 9, 2014 at 8:53 am

      Oh yes, totally love what I do. And I strive to be very easy to work with and accommodating. But there does come a point when people are pushing and taking advantage and need to be told no. 

  4. Julia says

    July 9, 2014 at 7:33 am

    I have a hard time saying no, too. I’ve learned that the people who ask, “why” really are the people who I either don’t want to spend time with or who are asking too much of me. I have friends who I can say “no” to and they don’t question and I do the same when they say “no”. It’s really about respect for people and their time and space. 

    • Shell says

      July 9, 2014 at 8:54 am

      Absolutely. No should be enough. I don’t ask someone why if they tell me no(at least, not usually). 

  5. JDaniel4's Mom says

    July 9, 2014 at 8:36 am

    I am still working on this. It does feel good when I say it though.

    • Shell says

      July 9, 2014 at 8:55 am

      Such a relief to say no to something you know you shouldn’t take on. 

  6. Tricia says

    July 9, 2014 at 8:59 am

    Ahh I have such a terrible time with No. Just yesterday I got caught in a conversation with a solicitor at my door that woke up my son just because I didn’t say no. I love that – no is a complete sentence. So so true.

    • Shell says

      July 9, 2014 at 10:10 am

      We get SO many salespeople here. It’s pushed me to the limit where I don’t even let them get a full sentence out before I’m saying “No, sorry” and closing the door. It’s rude, but the truth is that I’m not buying whatever it is that they’re selling and they always come at a bad time! 

  7. Sylvia says

    July 9, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Sweet, caring, socially conscious people like you have a hard time saying no even when they know they are being taken advantage of because they care so much and want to help others. My advice is to stick to your decision of “no” as hard as it may be!

    • Shell says

      July 15, 2014 at 6:36 pm

      Yes! I feel guilty sometimes. But I know it’s for the best. 

  8. Christine @ Love, Life, Surf says

    July 9, 2014 at 2:16 pm

    Oh I have trouble with this too. I want to help and be helpful and don’t want to be rude. But that quote – that No is a complete sentence? So helpful! I do have a tendency to try to justify and explain away when I have to say no!

    • Shell says

      July 15, 2014 at 6:37 pm

      Exactly. If someone tells me no, I generally just accept it and not push. So why shouldn’t I get to do the same! 

  9. Emmy says

    July 9, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    Yes, we definitely have to all say no at times as we just can’t or shouldn’t do it all.  I heard someone once say that rather than saying no, they say- “I cannot do that but I could do this instead” and offer how they could still help but in a smaller less involved way.  Though at times just a straight up no is the only thing needed. 

    • Shell says

      July 15, 2014 at 6:37 pm

      That’s a good idea, then I wouldn’t feel quite as bad! 

  10. Sarah Cass says

    July 9, 2014 at 7:48 pm

    I’m the same way. I have so many things going on right now. Sometimes the struggle to say no is because I feel like I’m missing out if I do. Other times, I’m just incapable of saying so, like I’ll feel guilty for it. Knowing how full my life is I shouldn’t ever have to feel guilty for it, but I have just a guilt complex.

    • Shell says

      July 15, 2014 at 6:38 pm

      It’s so hard to let go of that guilt! 

  11. Sarah Knepper says

    July 9, 2014 at 8:45 pm

    I’ve always looked for acceptance from others so I would hardly ever say no. But then I got so exhausted and several big life events happened and I realized what I was really doing: running myself into the ground for some people who would never care. So I try really hard now to decide if it’s something I need to do, want to do, or a person I want to help no matter if the gesture is returned. Boundaries are so important!! 

    • Shell says

      July 15, 2014 at 6:38 pm

      Yes! I’ve run myself into the ground, too. It’s not worth it. 

  12. Becoming SuperMommy says

    July 10, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    Oh god, me too. I have such a hard time with no!

    I really wish I could have learned how to say it about twenty years ago. I still haven’t really gotten the hang of it.

    • Shell says

      July 15, 2014 at 6:38 pm

      I’m getting better. But sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s okay to say no.

  13. Natalie says

    July 11, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    I think I’m getting much better at saying no as I age…and I hope you do say it more often when you know it’s something you don’t have time to do or want to 🙂 

    • Shell says

      July 15, 2014 at 6:39 pm

      I am getting better at it. Sometimes I drive myself crazy with worry over it but I manage to say no.

Trackbacks

  1. Introducing: What’s the Word Wednesday? | says:
    July 9, 2014 at 11:38 am

    […] I’m sharing with: Pour Your Heart Out […]

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

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