For questioning why it’s okay to smoke at Little League games. Other fields we’ve been at do not allow smoking. There are tons of kids around, both playing and watching. It’d been so long since I was at any kids’ sporting event that allowed smoking that I was shocked into asking why it was okay. Yet, they’re grown adults, it’s outside and they can smoke if they want to, so side eye for me. Throwing the side eye right back at the pregnant mom who was smoking.
For saying I’m okay with my child defending himself. He asked the other child to stop, he moved away, he told an adult. It didn’t stop. So yeah, I was okay with him defending himself. You could have heard a pin drop when I said this.
For cheering on the other team. Look, at the ages my kids are, sports are not life and death, we’re not playing in some high stakes games, the kids are just learning. So when a child on the other team makes a fantastic play, I do call out “Great catch, that was awesome! Way to go!” Because dang, that was impressive for a seven year old. Side eye throwers, I know that means one of the kids on our team is out, but did you see the other team’s coach go high five our third baseman when he made a fantastic play? That’s what it should be about.
For saying I don’t care about grades right now. Y’all, one of my boys had had quite the difficult year with teachers who are still learning to teach. And at this point in the school year, I’m just over it. O-V-E-R. Bring on the next year.
For letting my kids play outside without constant adult supervision. I can see them from the windows, they stay in sight of the house, have to tell me if they are going in someone else’s yard, and I do go out and check every few minutes. They aren’t out there terrorizing the neighborhood, they’re just playing. Though this side eye doesn’t even compare to when I admitted that I let one of my kids stay home alone… when I was less than 10 minutes away, he has a phone, he knows which neighbors to go to, and according to the state standards, I could have been leaving him home alone for 2.5 years now.
I’m just doing the best I can. My kids are happy, safe, and healthy. So, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing, side eye or not.
Good for you! I agree with your stance on every one of your points. Why is parenting and childhood so damn competitive now??
I wouldn’t give you the side eye for any of those things. All make perfect sense to me. I totally don’t get why a child shouldn’t defend him or herself when it comes done to it when they have went through all the steps that should have before it reaches that level. My older son’s 4th grade teacher worries over him a lot which is nice. This son (even with ADHD) I could probably leave for three days and he would be fine. He knows how to take care of himself and do laundry, etc. I would leave him for three days but I know he has those coping skills. The other son not so much. I do all sorts of things that get me the side eye as well. However, last week I was giving it while at the school book fair when a couple of the women (girls) were talking about their different baby daddies being worthless and the one soon having the paternity test. I tried to hide it so they couldn’t see and I don’t think they did, but I couldn’t stop it from happening.
Are we twins? We must be since I agree with every darned thing you’ve said here. I have never been a helicopter mom and try not to sweat the small stuff (like a missed practice). My kids are teens now and aren’t (too) damaged so I must have done okay 😉
On cheering the other team: my ex was my daughter’s soccer coach for several years and always exclaimed “good play!” or “great kick” when he saw them regardless of which colour shirt the girl was wearing and we’re talking about preteens here. EVERYBODY like to have their victories celebrated.
Glad to hear they aren’t damaged. 😉
Your ex sounds like he was great coach. I love seeing that kind of good sportsmanship.
No side eye from this girl. More like high five…amen…word 🙂
I am right there with you on all of these. Defend yourself, miss a practice, grades aren’t everything; all yes! I can’t believe some people have so much time on their hands they can even question you on these, right?
I’m with you on all these things!
My daughter is 8 and plays outside on her own. I check on her every now and again, but for the most part, she’s fine!
Show me who they are so I can poke them in that stupid side eye. I have no doubt they’re imperfect lives would get the side eye from any number of people. I can say I’m on board with every single point except…I’ve probably never cheered (except accidentally) for the other team. tee hee hee I can totally understand why you did though. =)
Well, they’re still little. I didn’t cheer for the other team last night when it was a game that determined with high school team would be going to the state finals. 😉
I like the way you parent.
We miss sports practices/other commitments all the time, and I don’t feel guilty about it, at all, any more. In short, there are only two parents – both of whom have commitments . . . if something happens (e.g. last week, where tickets to attend a baseball game were available), we’ll skip. Life is a constant series of shifting priorities.
The only thing I’ll say is the “defending yourself” can be a double-edged sword. Me? I was a polite, near-pacifist. child. I’d sit alone, crying, if someone picked on me/hurt me. But, I was six-feet tall by the time I was in the fifth grade. If someone was picking on me, and I followed the rules, and was still left unheard, and then chose to stand up for myself? I’d have been a bully. I know that’s not the situation you’re dealing with – but it’s complicated. Also? Tremendous parallels to the police/inner city issues in Cleveland, Ferguson, Baltimore, etc…though that may be a blog post on my side at some point.
I have friends who visit from Canada every now & then, and they are SHOCKED at how parents-who-smoke can just smoke with their kids in the car or about in public places . . . smoking ruins so much for everyone around them.
I figure my kids aren’t going to look back and think “gee, I wish I’d gone to that baseball practice” instead of something like Disney. And I can only be in so many places at once, too.
The bully thing can be a gray area for sure. Ours was a little more clear cut in that it was a child 2 years older and more than a head taller than my kid. And he does it to kids all the time. Why on earth the coach didn’t stop it, I don’t know (they had moved to the other side of the field to practice, so I would have had to scream my head off to get it to stop… silly me trusted the coach would stop it… next time, I’ll be running on the field yelling). But I know a lot of the time it is more of a gray area. I’d be interested to read what you have to say about it.
The smoking completely confused me. Apparently it’s b/c of the league we chose to sign up with, being out in the country as opposed to “in town.” I think this will probably be our last season with that particular league.
The cheering on the kid on the opposing team thing cracks me up. I used to do that too, when my oldest played soccer. They had some really good kids on this one team. You bet I got the side eye! But they were also good competition for our kids and a challenge.
Keep getting the side eye, Shell, you rock! 😀
Seide eye = judgy! Period.