I let World Autism Awareness Day slide by me.
And I’ve been quiet about it during this month, Autism Awareness Month.
Because, you see, I’m still trying to figure this all out.
I’m still a newbie in this world.
And I’ve seen wars practically break out over the correct terminology to use, what treatments are the “right” ones, and on and on. I think it might actually be worse than the breast vs bottle or working vs stay-at-home mom debates ever were.
And when I read the different views, I’m completely swayed until I read the next rationale. And then my head starts to spin.
My son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS back in January. And that just opens another can of worms, since I’ve also seen arguments where PDD-NOS shouldn’t even be considered on the Autism spectrum. And then another that the term is going to be phased out eventually and simply called ASD(Autism Spectrum Disorder).
And then there’s the truth that I hate what my son is going through. I hate that things are harder for him than they would be if he weren’t dealing with PDD-NOS. And yet, I read that I can’t really love my child if I hate something about him. Bullshit. I love my child.
But then you add in that I haven’t truly accepted his diagnosis. Some might say that I’m in denial.
All the characteristics that were used to arrive at a PDD-NOS diagnosis are also things that can be a result of lead poisoning, which my child did have for years: his numbers still aren’t completely down. He’s made tremendous strides as his numbers have dropped… so who’s to say that he won’t continue making improvements and some day not have any sort of label on him?
Or maybe he will always live with these struggles. Maybe he would have had them even without the lead.
The truth is that we’ll never really know what was a result of the lead and what still would have happened.
I haven’t fought the label because it’s getting him the help he needs in school.
But, I still haven’t made peace with it. It still makes me angry that he struggles.
And there are those who would tell me I’m not a good mom because I haven’t made peace with it.
It’s disheartening- all the drama.
Whatever your child has to struggle with(whether it’s with Autism or even if it’s just getting teased for being the worst player on their baseball team), I hate that there isn’t more acceptance. That it can’t be understood that we all deal with things in our own way and that we all wish we could make things easier for our kids. There shouldn’t be nitpicking about what we decide to do in our own families: none of us is going through the exact same thing with our kids.
When it comes down to it, we’re all just parents, loving our kids.
Click if you want to find out more about Pour Your Heart Out. Remember, it’s about what you want to pour out: it’s personal, so there isn’t an assigned topic. It’s also about being supportive of others who are sharing: so visit other linkers and be kind with your comments. Please add the button from the sidebar or add a text link to your post if you are joining in. If you have any problems linking, please email me your link.