Last week was a hard week. Kick my ass. Was thankful for big, dark sunglasses to hide my pathetic, crying eyes.
Things have been really rough for my 5 year-old and then rough on me because I have done everything within my power to help him and nothing has worked.
Whether all his behavior issues are a direct effect of the lead poisoning or if he would have been dealing with some of this anyway, we’ll probably never know. We’re going through an in-depth evalution process in the hopes of getting him some help.
But, in the meantime: he’s home with me for the month of December. We were going to need to find a new school for him in January anyway and when I looked at all the special activities that would be going on at school this month, along with knowing the school was basically over trying to help him, I figured it wasn’t worth it to even try to send him for the two weeks of school in December.
I don’t know exactly what we’ll do with him come January, either.
It’s left me frustrated, heartbroken, and pissed off.
Because shouldn’t someone be able to help him? Shouldn’t I be able to help him?
Our hope at this point is to get a label for him, aside from the lead-poisoning. Slap a whole alphabet soup of labels on him- if it will get him the help that he needs so that he can successfully attend school.
One-on-one, he is a total sweetheart: a smile that can melt your heart, the way he is so loving.
But, he gets way too overwhelmed in group situations.
He wants to be there. He wants to have friends.
But, it’s just so damn hard for him.
I want to help him. And yet- I feel like there isn’t anything else left for me to do at this point: it’s just a waiting game right now.
If I felt like any progress was being made to help him, even if there was a long way to go, I’d feel better. But, it feels like nothing helps, like no one is helping. No matter what I do, it’s not helping.
Well, you’re doing all you can, a friend tried to reassure me.
But, what happens when doing all I can doesn’t do anything to help my son?
Click to find out how to join us each week for Pour Your Heart Out. Remember that it is about what is important to you. We do ask that all commenters be sensitive to this and be respectful in their comments as they visit the linkers. Please grab the Pour Your Heart Out button from my sidebar and then link up your #PYHO below.
Oh Shell. Hugs to you. Thinking about you guys. :((
Thanks, girl. I’ve been a total mess with this lately.
Shell, my heart breaks for you. I know this is so difficult, and hard on a parent. I wish you much success in the new year, and some help. Such a wonderfully, written post. Leigh
Thanks, Leigh.
Shell,
You know that I am right there with you. UGH. I should have gotten on twitter last night and we could have had a “party” together. I’ve been crying ever since we got back from vacation – so much that I almost didn’t post about it because – well… it seems so far removed. But this morning has strengthened my resolve to fight. So I will help strengthen your. FIGHT. Fight for the eval. If the eval isn’t good enough… Fight for another. Secret from a teacher? The knowledgeable – fighting parents – are the ones who get things done. Keep on fighting. Once he is “identified” all sorts of doors will open up for him – so … if that is the route you need to take – then take it. Good luck. You know you can always privately e-mail me or twitter me if you want specific questions answered. Or…. if you want some new key words to throw around. I think you used to teach? … but – I can’t remember how long ago that was. Anyway – her for you. Kristen
Yes, I taught for 6 years before I had my boys. One year, 50 of my 90 students had IEPs. So, at least I’m well-equipped for the fight.
But, it still doesn’t make it any easier. All I want is help for my son.
If you need to vent more- email me. We can have a mutual bitch-fest.
But it does… it does help, even when you can’t see it… even when it doesn’t look like it. You are loving him and he knows it… he feels it, even if he can’t communicate it or it doesn’t look like it. It may feel like you are doing nothing, but what you are doing is taking him out of a situation that wasn’t working…one where the people either didn’t care enough or weren’t training and equipped to help him, or both… and trying to find a new one… that’s doing something!
The problem right now is not having another solution, another environment. This one didn’t work, but I truly believe it was the best of the available choices.
It’s just so frustrating.
Oh Shell,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s so rough for both of you. Your son has the right to a good education, and I hope that the next school you find is a great fit for him!
Thank you- I really hope so, too.
Big hugs Shell! You are an amazing mother to him and he needs that more than anything in the world! You will always be his rock and his loving arms – and that helps him more than you can imagine!
Thank you. He’s thrilled to be home with his mama right now.
Even though it feels like nothing is working out you have set lots of wheels in motion for something to work out eventually.
And no we are never doing everything we can for our children. There is always something else that can be done, the joy of being a parent.
It is all about being an advocate. No matter what you are advocating for you have to be your child’s voice. Your little boy is lucky to have someone with such a big (ahem) voice advocating for him.
I just wish it wasn’t such a long process. It’s so frustrating.
Ooh, this boils my blood. The school should be working with you for a solution. Your son is entitled to an education. Not that you can’t give him one or that you have not made the best decision for your son. You should not need a label to get him the services and perhaps an aide that he need. Email me if you want to chat more about this. I have lots of ‘friends’ in ‘special’ education places.
This school doesn’t have to help him. Private schools have that right, to simply say they can’t do anything else for a child. Public would be a different story.
I am so sorry you are all going through this. I wish I had some words of wisdom but maybe it’s enough just to know you are being thought of and prayed for. Hugs…
Yes, prayers always help. Thank you.
Bless your heart, Shell. You are so filled with love and kindness and deserve nothing but the same. Your baby deserves nothing but the same. And he deserves help. I pray for a label that will help you help him find his niche in the school system. I hope in the meantime you all can enjoy your time off together in December.
We are trying to enjoy our time together. He is thrilled to be home.
I am so sorry Shell. I know it’s hard and your heart aches. Big hugs to you! XOXO
Thank you. xo
Watching our kids struggle and hurt is so damn hard. It’s the worst part of being a mother. We WANT to help; we NEED to help and can’t. I always feel so powerless.
Hugs sweet friend.. And if I could send you virtual wine, I would.
That powerless feeling- it makes me want to throw up.
I’m sure you are doing more than you realize. You are obviously a wonderful mother who loves her kids and everything will turn out just fine…he’ll turn out just fine. I know it’s hard not to worry though…It’s just something we, as mothers, are going to always do. ((Hugs))
So very hard not to worry. I don’t know how to stop.
Shell, my heart aches for you. We have things going on in our home too. Things I won’t write about not because I am ashamed but because if I put them down on my computer I know I would fall apart. I just keep trying, researching and loving…knowing that we are going to have both good and bad days and being thankful that what we have going on is mild in comparison to most. Reach out for help and support anywhere you can. You can’t do it alone and it is not your responsibility to have all of the answers just because you are a mom. I know it feels that way but that was the best advice our doctor ever told me. Much love! Kristen
If you need to vent but don’t want to on your blog, you can always email me. xo
Oh Shell. I’m so sorry it’s been so hard for you and Bear. I pray you find the answers you need real soon. In the meantime, hang on in there. {{hugs}}
Thanks for the prayers.
Shell, my heart goes out to you as well! I can only imagine your frustration. Please know that I will be praying for you and your family.
Here is my link:
http://www.peacefuldivas.com/2011/12/maintain-dont-gain-pour-your-heart-out.html
I got the linky to work again and added yours!
Thank you for your prayers. xo
Um, I was logged in as admin before. LOL Got it all set.
Holy crap. I had no idea. I’m so sorry. So very, very sorry.
I hope you are able to get a diagnosis that can help you get him the help he needs. Hang in there mama! I can only imagine how hard this is.
It’s been going on for a while, but all came to a head last Wednesday. After that, I was pretty much useless online. But, needed time to think about it a little more before I could write… and too long for a fb/twitter update.
So, I’ve just seemed crabby for no reason to lots of people. Instead of having my heart breaking for my son.
I was almost in tears just reading about your pain. The feeling of helplessness when it comes to your children is almost too much to bear. I am so sorry that you are going through all this. Big hugs. I hope you get answers for that totally adorable little boy.
The helplessness is killing me.
Doing all you can does help! Just imagine if you weren’t. If you didn’t care and you didn’t push for answers. I’m so sorry that things have been so challenging for both him and you. I hope that the assessment leads to answers and options for him and you. Huge hugs!
P.S. – I tried to use your button on my PYHO post, but it didn’t take for some reason. Blogger glitch? Who knows. I’m going to go back and do a direct link instead.
If you grab the one in my sidebar, that one should work. The ones on the posts are being weird over here on wp.
Shell, I don’t know what you are going through first hand and I don’t know what to tell you that will help but just know that you are his MOM and anything you do IS helpful to him. Good luck & enjoy your one-on-one time in this magical month of December. :)Thanks for hosting the link up-I finally linked up for the first time!
He is loving being home with me.
Glad you joined in!
Oh, heaps of hugs to you… I can’t imagine your frustration. There is no reason it should be so difficult to maneuver through the school system and get an IEP plan in place for your little guy (at least, that’s what they call it here). You all don’t need this kind of crud on your plate during the holidays (or at all, but…). Good luck to you – hang in there!
That’s what they are here, too. I’ve dealt with lots of them when I was teaching, so at least I have the background to know what I can fight for… I just wish it could be easy.
I’m not even going to leave you some “Oh, I understand…” comment, because I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. Just know that I am thinking of you and sending prayers and hugs and I’m always here if you need to vent. xoxo
Thank you, my bloggy sis. xo
Just love him right now. That is what he needs. You will figure out what needs to be done.
He’s definitely getting lots of love!
I am so sorry you are having to find another school for your son. I hope that you will find one that will be more supportive for him.
I hope so, too.
Hang in there. Your love and support of him will carry him through, even if you don’t have the answers just yet. We could all give you a million suggestions, but I’m sure you’ve thought of just about every option. My step-dad is a school psychologist, though, so please let me know if you’re not getting the help you need in your school disctrict when it comes to a diagnosis. I’ll connect you two, and maybe he could help. (((BIG HUGS))) to you … try to enjoy this holiday season together and just push thinking about it to the new year.
Thanks so much. We are working with a psychologist now, it’s just a really long process.
I’m so sorry!
I know it’s cliche, but you are doing all you can. Waiting is so hard, but keep pushing for evaluations. If one doesn’t come up with anything, push and fight for another. Your boy knows, and will always know, how much you love him and how hard you will fight for him. I hope you get the answers you need.
Hugs! I will keep you in my thoughts.
Lots of fighting planned.
I wish I had answers . . . or even suggestions that could help. Sending all my love to you and your little dudes. *hugs*
I’ll take the love. xo
Oh, damn Shell. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. We all know somewhere that we’re doing the best we can, but when it doesn’t feel like enough it just doesn’t matter. Many hugs for you and your little guy! You guys will figure this out.
That’s it, exactly. It doesn’t matter when I feel like I’m not helping.
keep fighting for him!!! i will be praying that y’all!
Don’t see how I’d ever stop. Thanks for the prayers.
Oh Shell, I’m sending you big hugs. When T was in kindergarten, we were so happy to get the label of “ADHD” so that we could get some help through the school. They wouldn’t put any plans in place before that and it was frustrating. So I totally get wanting some kind of label that you can use to get more help. I hope that you get there as quickly as possible. You ARE doing all that you can and sometimes it may not seem like enough but it is. It is a process, a journey, a SUCKY one but one that you are doing one heck of a job navigating through. More hugs to you and that sweet little boy.
The labels give the schools legal responsibility to actually help and do something. So, I’ll take a label.
I’m so sorry, mama! My heart breaks for you. Lots of hugs and, for what it’s worth, I’ll be praying for you.
I always appreciatee prayers. Thank you.
Shell:
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s so hard!
I’m a big believer in assessments and the alphabets of diagnosis. They can really help pinpoint the problem areas, Then you can begin the process of getting help.
It does sound like your cutie has sensory issues, and hopefully OT will help them out!
My daughter is a diagnosed Aspie. Therapy has done wonders on her! It’s like having a different kid. Sure, she still can be challenging at times. She’ll always be quirky! But she goes to a school in a regular class. She has tons of friends who she socializes with beautifully. She has amazing empathy. She’s learning to manage her tears when things don’t go her way!
She’s an absolute joy which the diagnosis and subsequent therapies totally contributed to! I had her assessed at 4.5 years of age. Now she’s almost 8! Whew! What a ride it’s been!
I hope you have similar success with your son!
Sensory is definitely part of it. His OT girls are like a godsend.
Your story gives me hope. xo
Oh shell, my heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry. I wish I had some advice or something to say. I hope you find some help and I hope that there is someon who won’t just be “over” helping your little guy.
Me, too. Knowing they were done- I pulled him right then. No sense in keep sending him.
Shell: As I read, it brings back memories and my heart breaks for you! It took over 3 years and many fights, I mean meetings with the school to finally get a diagnosis and help for one of my boys. Got a couple ideas for you. Will send message later. 🙂
It’s so hard to have to fight for our kids. I wish it could just be easy.
Huge, huge hugs.
I’ve done a LOT of work for the Pennsylvania Department of Education, and since I’m listed as a webmaster on several sites, I really can’t believe the number of people who never, ever want any label attributed to their child. I just forward requests like them onto the appropriate party – but, every time one comes in, I just want to scream “it’s about the kid – it’s not about you.”
It’s refreshing to see a mother who “gets it,” even if I know she’s struggling with the side effects of those labels that, ultimately, will help the kid.
So, hugs.
And, that sparkle in his eyes . . . wow.
The right labels really can help- it forces the system to help him, not just brush off his problems and let him slip through the cracks. Labels really can be a blessing. Right now, it’s just “lead poisoning” which no one knows that to do with. I’m pushing for more.
Oh Shell!!! Oh my heart…I am so sorry. I am sorry I can’t help or make this better. Your strength and perseverence with helping him is what counts..the “trying” helps…my friend. I just hope that Jan sees a clearer path to getting him in a place where he thrives and where you can exhale. Xoxo
Thank you for being there and listening to me, my friend.
I am so sorry Shell. This brings me back to when Jacob moved in with us. I just felt lost and didn’t know what else to do. I was the same way with him. I just wanted a label. Unfortunately labels are needed in situations like this just to get help. It won’t make it any easier but it may give some direction. I can’t believe that the school had pretty much given up. They should know where to direct you for help.
I just wish I knew what to tell you to make it all better. It took us until just this past year to find someone who could understand Jake’s needs and what an amazing difference it is. We still struggle daily with behaviors and emotions but we were finally able to find some help.
I just wish I knew how to help you. HUGS!!
Labels really can help. They force the system to help and not just brush off the issues.
OH this seems so familiar to me, and it is. Knowing that Doug had issues and no one wanting to help him. Fighting is loving him, you are the only person he can depend on to fight for him. Don’t shut up, be loud and strong for him. He is smart and adorable and has a right to go to school. He should not have to bend the school should and by law is required to.
It’s a private school- so they don’t actually have to do anything. SIGH.
I have no words.
odd, I know. well maybe a few…
When I was little and going through something very traumatic, there was no help back then. at least no effective help. my mom fought, and fought, and fought for me: and nothing changed. nothing seemed to help. we soldiered on: her and me; against the world.
And I grew up knowing I had a mom who didn’t give up on me. who never stopped trying. and that in of itself made a world of difference. maybe not in the present situation — but in the long haul, it meant more than anything. love covers over Shell — it really, really does. *hugs*
Your mom sounds like such a strong woman.
So sorry you have to go through this! Keeping you in my prayers!
Thank you for the prayers!
Doing all you can may not fix the problem but it does help your son. Not all kids get a mom who will do that for them. Trust me – my husband has a slew of behavioral problems growing up that were exacerbated by the fact that his mother didn’t want to deal with him let alone try to help or do everything she could. Knowing you’re on his side is a greater gift than you know.
Not that it makes this easier. It’s still so hard. I just want you to recognize that you ARE doing something for him, even if it doesn’t make everything better.
Big hug. Hang in there.
Thank you for that perspective. It really does help.
Sending hugs! Being a parent is hard regularly but when you have a child that struggles & needs more than you can do it is simply heartbreaking. I pray for you to find some peace and answers to your many questions and for guidance! Sometimes life is JUST hard! Hopefully you can take December to just be together… healing your heart and giving you peace!
So very hard.
The month is flying by already- so we are just relaxing.
{{HUGS}}
I wish I had some advice or an answer for you, but I do not. Just wanted to say that you’re an awesome mommy and your little guy knows that. Thinking about you and sending lots of hugs.
Thanks so much. xo
Your little man sounds so much like my son. It’s so hard to see them stubble within you know how wonderful and bright they are. I hope you find a happy and healthy learning environment for him.
It really is so hard. I just want to shake people sometimes.
Wow – I wish there was some advice I could offer you that could help, but know that you have a legion of folks out there that are keeping you & your family in our thoughts and wishing for the best outcome for you all. It will take time, but YOU WILL find a positive and nurturing environment for him and he will thrive!
It does help to know there are people listening and supporting. Thanks.
As a mother, you want to do everything you can to “fix” what’s ailing your children..I know it’s SO hard when you can’t. Hugs to you…I know there is the perfect place out there for your little guy…the bright side might be that you get to spend precious extra time with him.
I wish I could fix it. Fix it all.
First things first…your son is adorable.
It is such a helpless feeling when you can’t help your children and there is not much anyone can say to make you feel otherwise. Just know that you are a wonderful mother and that you are not alone!! Hope it all works itself out and that you find some peace and resolution.
Isn’t he a cutie? I may be a little biased.
Oh Shell, I can’t even begin to imagine all you go thru & the emotions you have to deal with. I wish there was some way I could help! LOL! I hope you’ll find some kind of resolution on this issue & things start looking up for you & the family. He’s too sweet & adorable for things not to work out! xOxOx!
Thank you. We’re trying all we can to work for a solution for him.
I am so sorry. I wish I cuold offer some keen insight or words of advice, but I don’t really have anything. I can’t imagine how hard and frustrating it must be on you and your family. Hopefully, you will find an answer and things will improve. Good luck!
That’s how I feel too- no answers right now.
Looks like you’re getting a ton of support here on your blog. A “label” is key in finding the right help. Each state/county/city has their own set of rules about testing and then “labeling” a child. You’re right, it’s hard as a parent, but you’re making great choices, you’re doing all the right things. He’s so fortunate to have you as his mom 🙂
Labels can really help- they force schools to offer additional help. Which is why we’re hoping for one, when I know others don’t want that label.
Lots of prayer heading up for you guys. 🙁
It’s the only thing I can offer.
You guys ARE doing what you can do…you just need someone to come along side and provide you with what you need to get over this hill.
I know you know about the uphill battles. Motherhood is just so hard.
It’s so unfair for a child to have a burden to carry. Their too little, they’re not strong enough to carry it on their own.
I hope you can find the help he needs.
PS he is absolutely gorgeous! xoxo
So unfair.
I’d rather it be me who had to deal with something hard. Take it off of him.
There is nothing in the world harder than wanting to help your child and not being able to fix the problem. How very frustrating for you. I’m so sorry. I’m pissed at the school for not trying to help him – it’s too bad he has to miss out the month of December because they are unwilling. I have faith that January will be good though, and that things will start to look up. xoxo
Exactly- he’s my baby. I just want to fix this for him.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Shell.
I hope the new year will bring the answers that you want and need!
Here for you if you need me, Mama!
<3 <3
Thank you, sweet friend.
Shell, I had no idea…I’m sorry for not reaching out sooner. Even though you think you’re doing enough, you’re loving him…you’re fighting for him…you’re supporting him. You will get answers, and maybe it’s taking a while so that you come to the right answer, not just a band-aid to move forward. Love you girl.
Oh hush. I was a crabby bitch last week b/c of all of this. Growling and snapping. Not exactly approachable. LOL
I know you must feel helpless in this situation even though you are doing all you can…I hope you find an answer and some peace.
Thank you. A little peace would be an amazing thing.
Oh wow, we have somewhat similar posts this week. The helpless you can feel as a parent is one of the worse feelings.
And, not knowing “what the problem is” is just as frustrating. If they could diagnosis him, or give him a label as you say, then okay, you’d have a starting point, something to work with.
I feel for you, and wish you the best.
The new year, and a new start is around the corner.
The helplessness is an awful feeling. Completely awful.
That is what we are hoping for with this latest round of testing- an answer to tell us a direction to head into.
I wish I had some brilliant words of advice, but I don’t. Try not to beat yourself up. It is not like you aren’t doing anything. All you can do is all you can do, and sometimes these solutions take time. I am positive that you will find the right thing for him though.
It’s hard though. As his mom, I want to be able to make it all better.
Shell, I wish there was something useful I could offer you. Just know that I think the world of you and am rooting for a great plan for him and continued strength and bravery for you!
Thank you! xo
I am so so sorry. Times like this in life just suck. I hope a good fit for school can be found for him. Wish there was something I could do.
They do just flat out suck. SIGH.
Your Bear, my Mylie the pink princess minion, so similar in so many ways. How many times have been where you are? I couldn’t count. I know you will find a way to help him; I know I will be enough for Mylie. I have to know it, the alternative is unthinkable. I have experience on both sides of this battle, taught special Ed for 9 years. If I can help, please let me know how. Until then, I will pray–for all of us.
I taught before kids and had many special needs kids with IEPs. And I feel like I helped those kids.
My own? I feel like I’m at a loss. And it’s killing me.
So sorry to hear what you are going through. Keep fighting for him, you are his biggest champion and I’m sure he knows it. Hugs.
Thank you. He is a mama’s boy and is thrilled to be home, which makes it a little easier.
Sorry, girl! I wish there was something I could do as well. You are still helping him by looking out for what is best through these situations. You are helping him by never giving up. I hope that the answers become clear soon and you all can feel like you are making some progress. This makes me sick about the schools though! They should have references and counselors that know what they are doing and how to help ANY child, shouldn’t they?!
Well, we chose to go the private route with him- which I’m still convinced was the best of the available options for him. But private schools don’t have to help.
I’m so sorry to hear this, Shell. Especially because I remember well the post you wrote about your decision to send him to this private school; I recall how hopeful you were.
It must be beyond difficult to know that he’s struggling; to not know your next move and the one after that.
I know you will keep searching for answers and working with the people whose job it is to help. His private school didn’t have to make accommodations for him (or even try, really). Which is not to say the school is bad; you’d seen it as his best option.
But now that it isn’t, you can and will move forward. Remember that there ARE teachers out there who won’t be fighting against you; they will be fighting WITH you and FOR him.
Not everyone, for sure. There are still those who are not open to shifting their minds and hearts; to finding what works (even though in public school it’s the law).
But there are those who do, who will. I was one of them. In a public school. Who bent over backwards to make each of my students successful.
In the meantime, I’m sorry this is so hard. For all of you. I really am. And I so wish I could do something to help.
Besides care.
I still think that this was the best place to send him, given the situation.
His teacher truly did love him and try hard with him… but private schools can give up earlier. B/c no one is forcing them to keep trying.
That part is heartbreaking, but I still feel content in knowing he did better there than he would have had we gone the public route.
I can only somewhat imagine how you are feeling. I wish I could come give you a big hug. I hope his evaluation provides some answers.
Thanks, us too. Might have a real meltdown if it doesn’t!
Here’s the thing Shell, you ARE doing everything you can and yes sometimes that feels like nothing. And that sucks. But your son does know how hard you are working for him and that counts for everything. My son acts like he doesn’t know what’s going on but I know he doesn’t miss a thing. Not a thing. Rest assured you son knows you are doing what you can and for him, having you on his side, that’s worth more than anything you can imagine. You are doing what he needs right now, taking a breather and reassessing.
My son is right at this same place and it’s so hard to watch and see him struggle and oftentimes fail. But know our kids can read us like an empath and know we are their safe place. They may not be able to tell us but you’re doing a great job Shell, a great job.
Isn’t it just so hard? I admit, I wish that my son didn’t have to deal with any of this.
You have such amazing friend! I loved getting to read their messages of love and support. I don’t have any answers, but I do have prayers for guidance, wisdom, and peace.
It does help to hear support from friends. Thank you for your prayers.
Oh Shell, my heart aches for everything you’re feeling right now. I can understand the helplessness and powerlessness you must feel. You are your son’s best advocate, doing all you can to help him.
That’s it- the helplessness and powerlessness… leave me feeling defeated. And then alternately, pissed off.
Oh Shell, I’m sorry this has been so difficult for him and for you. There is nothing worse than feeling like you can’t help your child make progress toward functioning and enjoying life, especially with friends. My nephew had a similar situation and has found a lot of success with occupational therapy….helping him know how to deal when he gets overwhelmed with the other kids, etc.
I clearly don’t have the answers, but fighting to find them for your kid is all you can do. You are doing it. Unfortunately, sometimes we have to keep pushing through despite a lack of a clear path. Lots of prayer, lots of faith, and lots of tears are a definite mix for any and all parenting challenges it seems.
Hope you find some answers soon!
He goes to OT once a week and he loves it. I just wish I could have those girls with him all the time in school!
I’m sure everything will work out. It all takes time and patience and you are just the mom to know the right things to do for your son. And don’t forget that your love can make a world of difference! Don’t worry so much about him catching up or being like everyone else…trust me, my autistic son taught me that lesson a long time ago…he will have his own special gifts to compensate. Eventually it will work out just the way it is supposed to. I promise!
Sandy
That patience part is wearing thin, I’m going to have to admit.
So sorry you’re going through all of this…I wish I could do something to help! Praying for you guys, definitely!
P.S. I linked up for the first time today! Woohoo!
Thanks for the prayers- and glad you linked up!
When you’re doing all you can but it doesn’t seem to help him, it still is helping him. It still is. You love him and he feels that love. You are in his court, his advocate, his champion. That IS helping him even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. Hug.
Deep down, I know that… but I want progress for him. It’s so hard.
Shell, I am sorry your in this space. I seem to me in much the same head space too. I started writing my post HEY YOU and wasn’t sure where it was going until it went. So for now all I can offer is a hug from way over here and a prayer that it gets better
Annemarie @YLMBreadless
I could relate so much to your post today.
Oh my sweet friend, my heart is with you and your little guy.
So very much love to you.
xo
Thank you, my friend. xo
Hugs to you, because my words are failing.
xo
I’ll gladly take the hugs. xo
Ugh, I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s so hard, I know. I have a daughter with a brain injury (car accident was the cause, at the age of 4) and she is 18 years old now. We did the IEP thing and did get help for her, but it was always a struggle. She is in her last year of high school and should be graduating this year. She needs to pass the High School Exit Exam in order to earn her diploma. If she doesn’t not earn her diploma, she will cross the stage with her class and look like every other graduating senior up there, but she will not have earned her high school diploma. She wants to EARN that diploma, just like all the other non-brain injured graduating seniors in her class. She has taken this test about 5 times and so far has only passed the math section (am very proud of her for that!) but if she doesn’t pass the English section, she will not earn her diploma. I will still be extremely proud of her, but it’s HER who will not be satisfied with that. I want her to feel good about herself, and I want her to be proud of herself…and I know passing this High School Exit Exam would do that for her. So what am I going to do if June rolls around and she has not passed it? If she has to walk across that stage, knowing that she is just going through the motions of graduation, but has not earned her diploma? I don’t want her graduation day to be anything less than a HUGE feeling of accomplishment for her. So I worry. I worry that she might not pass that damn test and might not earn her diploma. If that happens, it’s just so darn unfair! She was born with a healthy brain. She was born without learning disabilities. And then one day some stupid lady who didn’t know how to drive her car safely in the rain skidding into our car and permanently damaged my child’s brain. I can get angry and bitter about it when I let myself. (Sorry for the vent!)
I hope your daughter is able to pass!
I understand that- the anger towards someone whose actions caused such hard problems for our babies. I still haven’t forgive the person I blame for my Bear’s lead poisoning.
Oh, Shell, I’m so sorry. I can only imagine how frustrating and heart-breaking this must feel, and I’m sorry I can’t offer any better words or advice. Just know I’m thinking of you and your family, wishing the best outcome for you all.
Thank you. It does help to know I have people who listen!
Shell, so sorry to hear about your struggles. I can’t imagine how tough that must be, but hold on and I’m sure you will find a situation that will work.
Trying to be as patient as I can with what seems like a never-ending process.
Don’t loose hope, Shell. You love him and you will find people out there that can and will help him.
I’m trying my damnedest.
Oh girl, you’re breaking my heart. I so know this feeling. You know I do. I’m so sorry.
Sometimes when we’ve done all we can and nothing works, we just need to do NOTHING for a little while. Spinning our wheels doesn’t get us anywhere. Good for you for taking him out this month! Smart move with all the extra/out of routine type stuff. Try to embrace a little “bear” time. He needs it, and it sounds like you do too. You’re his soft place to land, mama. Stay soft. Isn’t it crazy that in order to stay soft we have to stay strong??!! (I think I smell I blog post title there)
I love ya girl and I am praying for answers, wisdom, rest, peace, and ANSWERS!!! (I know I said answers twice b/c I’m gonna ask twice! Why is it so hard to get them!?)
Definitely a good blog post title, girl.
We are just trying to keep it low-key here for the month. He loves being home with his mama.
my heart hurts for you, i understand, i cant know what its like to be in that situation.
{{HUGS}} to you and your precious son
Thanks, girl.
Oh Shell. ((HUGS)) my friend. I am sure there is some way that someone can help and make your little guy feel special and welcomed in a classroom so that he can learn, make friends and be as close to a “normal” (cause really? who is) little boy as possible. 🙂
I used to hate that term. Normal. But now, oh, how I dearly wish for it.
Shell, I wish I had something better to say. I wish I had some magic wand to make these troubles disappear. I have to agree with everything Missy just wrote. Your love and your determination are helping. It may not be tangible results right now, but it truly is something.
Yes, please- let me know if you find that magic wand!
Big Hugs coming your way…I can’t imagine what you are going through, I only hope that you find answers that you guys are looking for! Prayers for your family and your little guy!!!
Thanks- we appreciate the prayers.
Oh, Shell. I’m so sorry that you’re all going through this. I wish there was something I could say that would help you.
Thanks for listening. It feels good to vent.
My sentiments will echo everyone else’s…am sorry to hear about all this. Parenthood is struggle enough without having this added on top…sending positive vibes your way…your son is lucky to have a mom like you, I think. Take it easy on yourself and have a wonderful Christmas.
Parenthood is hard. Extra challenges or not. This does just add a little extra to it.
All I can say is that I’m so sorry you find yourself in this situation, and I hope and pray you find a solution soon, sooner… soonest!
And if you’re frustrated, be frustrated, you have every right to be. Positive vibes your way.
Soonest would be ideal. 😉
I don’t have answers for you, but I am sending positive thoughts and hugs to you and Bear. You are a fierce advocate for him, and you will figure it out; I know you will. For this month, hold him close and try to enjoy some of the time with him as a little extra blessing.
Thank you. The month is flying by anyway, so maybe this is for the best.
It’s so hard figuring everything out when you are a parent!! Sometimes it would just be nice to open up a book titled The Path to Your Life, and get the answers there. Have you thought of homeschooling him Shelly? If he is thriving with you at home could that be feasable to you and your family? I am just letting you know that I was homeschooled from K-12 and have been very successful with all the career choices that I have made. Just a thought. If you are able to do it then it’s an option. 🙂 Good luck.
Lynn
I’ve thought about homeschooling, but it’s a last resort for him. I’d be more comfortable homeschooling my other kids. I feel like my Bear needs more than what I can give him.
Oh, you’re singing to the choir about helping other kids with special needs and struggling with your own!!! How my poor tired mommy heart knows exactly what you mean. However, if my teacher eyes can ever help your mommy ones, let me know. 🙂 Yes, I have two sets of eyes, the mommy ones are in the back of my head.
Thank you! It’s hard to separate the mommy and teacher, isn’t it?
A few years ago my husband suffered from a neurological ilness that has been left without a diagnosis. Thankfully after two years he has returned to (almost) full health, but I understand how difficuilt it is to know there is not really much you can do except be there! I wish you well for the coming year and hope you get the answers you desperately seek. I will keep you in my prayers.
Such great news that he is doing better!
Goodness…this rang so true to me. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I fear my boy’s first year in Kindergarten will be trouble and I have no idea what else to do for him, either…
We need to get to know each other. For realz.
We really do. Meet in the middle somewhere or something.
🙁
How overwhelming and defeating. My heart is broken for you.
I totally know how you feel right now. Sometimes things are good, and then it feels like everything falls apart. We’re at the falling apart stage with Ahna again.
Lots of love coming your way. I miss you.
I’m sorry to hear that about Ahna.
Love you.
Awww, Shell… I’m so sorry, momma. But I do know that your friend is right. You are a wonderful momma. I just wish you wouldn’t be so hard on yourself.
XOXO
You are doing ALL that you can. And that is pretty spectacular.
It’s hard not to question, though- b/c I want something to actually help.
I know this is hard on you. I wish I could say more to help. Know that I’m thinking of you and sending you hugs. xo
Thanks, girl. xo
Big sympathetic sigh from over here. I think it must be even harder because you’re a teacher, so the irrational part of your brain feels like you should be able to fix this. But you are doing everything you can, and it just completely sucks that it doesn’t feel like enough. I hope that you guys can find a school that is willing to keep working until they find a solution. In the meanwhile, big hugs to you as you get through this month.
yes- that’s it, exactly. I feel like I should know better how to help him, like I should be able to fix this… and I can’t.
This is so tough. There is only so much you can do when it comes to schools. I hope you can find a new school for him in January that is better able to work with him.
We’ll see. May be going the homeschool route until the fall.
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this, I can’t even imagine how you are feeling! Praying for your sweet boy and you and your family!
~~ Come visit my blog! http://www.mommiecouture.com ~~
Thanks-
btw, if you enter your blog when you are commenting, there’s no need to leave a link. Your name will link to you.
Heart-breaking post, Shell! There are so many things I could say to comfort you, but it always boiled down to “easier said than done” sort of things. So I will offer a little prayer for your son, and you.
Definitely easier said than done!
Oh honey. I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. I know it feels like nothing you’re doing is helping, but it sounds like you are doing everything right, and I have faith that what you’re doing will get him the help he needs and everything will start to get better. And I know when you bust your butt for too long, it’s hard to keep having that faith, so you can borrow some of mine.
Thanks- I could use a little borrowed faith right about now!
I’m so sorry, Shell. I can imagine just how awful that must feel.
Have faith – there is a solution, and if anyone can find it, it’s you.
I’m trying as hard as I can.
I know what you mean, to an extent. I haven’t blogged about it and it’s one of the reasons I have been MIA. Miss K has struggled for so long and I finally got the ped’s to listen to me about testing her for ADHD. I held off awhile too, but when it starts to interfere with school performance, I had to stop ignoring it. She tested and has ADHD with hyperactivity, and limited focus. Having a diagnosis still doesn’t do much. The public school system leaves much to be desired. (trying to not bash everyone in that category) It really stinks to find out that you can’t get tutoring unless you qualify, you can’t get an IEP without more testing through the school and the school won’t set up a special team (not sure of the specific name for that) unless your child is repeatedly failing tests and close to failing each grade. It is frustrating!
My advice, hang in there. You have to keep plugging along and fighting for your children. I am not giving up, even when I feel defeated and like each door keeps closing in my face. Bless you for not giving up. (hugs)
The private system can, too- like with Bear’s school. They aren’t legally obligated to help him, like public schools are.
We’re trying to get an IEP in place before he’d enter school again in the fall.
Hello–
I just randomly came across your blog while looking at the amazon deal of the day (Melissa and Doug toys :). Then I read your entry for today. Im sorry to hear about your frustration in dealing with the school.
I wanted to suggest to you to look into homeschooling. I don’t know if that is an option for you given your situation (whether you work full time or not). But many issues with children with IEPs are significantly reduced with homeschooling. The fact of the matter is that not all children can go to school and be successful there but that does not mean that they cannot be successful learners. I know many mothers that have opted to homeschool their children because they have been labeled with a condition like ADHD or even bladder incontenince (because the teacher would not allow the child to go to the bathroom when he needed, he would end up wetting his pants).
You are not alone. I hope you are able to find a solution for your sweet little guy. 🙂
I’ve thought about it. I’m a former teacher, so I have the background. But, for us, homeschooling has always been a last resort option and I want to make sure we’re actually at last resort before we try it.
Oh Shell!
🙁
I hate that he’s not getting what he needs at school.
Me, too, girl. Me, too.
My heart is breaking for you…what about some sort of advocate? This is so damn frustrating…I’m sure.
We’re going through a psychologist right now. Going to see where that leads first.
Oh, Shell, this is so heartbreaking. I so wish Jacob’s special ed school were in your town because it is such a wonderful place where they really respect the kids and teach to their individual needs. I hope you can find the “just right” place for your son. I am so sorry you are feeling stuck in that helpless place, it’s just torture, sheer torture.
Oh, how I wish that, too. No such resource here.
Gosh that sounds hard Shell. Every child is so different… but I know how hard it can be when your child is hurting, or frustrated, or making bad decisions, and there seems like there is nothing you can do as a mom. Hang in there (which sounds really ridiculous to say, now that I’ve typed it…)
Have you ever considered home schooling? We just had a guest speaker come and talk about it today at my mothers group meeting – and being the wife of a elementary principal, the daughter of two teachers and the daughter-in-law of another teacher I thought home schooling sounded crazy – but after hearing the mothers speak on it today, it really opened my eyes that it can be a valid answer for many families…
Homeschooling is a last resort option for us. I’ve never been a fan of it for my own family. I know others make it work, but I’m trying to find anything else that could possibly work first.
So sorry to hear this, Shell. He is just such a cutie! I hope there’s someone who can help!! There has to be, right?
I’ll pray for help to come SOON!! Hugs to you in the meantime. XO
Thanks for the prayers. I’m really hoping for the “soon” part!
Hugs to you, girl. I can’t imagine how hard what you’re dealing with is. I understand what you are saying…what if your best isn’t good enough? Just remember that we aren’t given anything we can’t handle (even though it damn sure doesn’t seem that way all the time) and keep your head up. We’re ALL here to support you!
Ahh, I feel for you during this though time. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time and researching to determine what should be done. You will know when the time comes.
This is so hard, I can’t imagine a school that would just give up on a kid. At least he has you and your family in his corner, I hope it gets better for you.
I’m sorry I’m reading and commenting on this so late. Please know that there ARE teachers and schools out there who want to help your little man. It sometimes takes awhile to find exactly what he needs, so don’t give up on the schools, either, if they don’t seem to be helping him right away. I am just now getting to know some of the “tricks” that work with my special needs students, but I don’t give up on them. I hope it helps to know teachers are out there who really do care. Enjoy your time together with your son this month.
I understand those emotions all too well. My 4 year old daughter is on the autism spectrum and I so badly just want to clear all the obstacles from her path. She is beautiful and capable, but she is different than her sisters. Everyday is a learning experience together. She also had lead poisoning, so I wonder what the correlation is? The doctors don’t have any definitive answers. It’s all one day at a time right now.
Best wishes to you and your sweet son. Keep fighting for him, Mama!