Take a look over at my bio. Right after I mention that I have three boys, I immediately say that I’m not trying for a girl.
It’s not because I wouldn’t want a girl.
It’s because I’m done having babies. Three kids in a span of less than 3.5 years was enough for us. And I’m so tired of people immediately asking us if we are trying for a girl the second they hear we have “just” boys, like my family couldn’t possibly be complete if I’m the only girl around.
These three keep me busy!
When Hubs and I were talking about our family, we never talked about the gender of our babies. We never said we wanted x # of boys and x # of girls. We only talked about how many kids we thought would be right for us. I’ll admit that number used to be four, but after three, we decided that was enough.
There was never any talk while I was pregnant with #2 or #3 that we’d stop if this one was a girl or we’d keep going if it was another boy. Somehow, that just felt so wrong to me: to look down at a tiny little newborn face and say “Ugh, another boy. Well, I guess we’ll try again.”
My youngest as a newborn- he's just as cute as any baby girl
Now, I’m not saying that I never had a moment of disappointment that I’d never have a little girl. I always assumed I would have one. But, I was never disappointed with any of my boys. If I’d had a girl in addition to my boys, yes, I would love her, of course. But I never looked at any of my boys and wished he was a girl instead.
And three kids is enough for us. When it’s suggested to me that we should try for a girl, it honestly pisses me off.
Like somehow, my family isn’t complete without at least one of each.
Could you imagine if we were trying for another baby? Pregnancy hormones would probably make me punch anyone who looks at my boys and then my pregnant belly and says “I hope it’s a girl.”
I heard comments like that when I was pregnant with my third and I sometimes wanted to respond with “If not, do you want him? Because I’m only having a third to try for a girl” just to see if my sarcasm would make them realize how ridiculous their comments were.
I don’t feel like I’m missing out by “only” having boys. I don’t feel like I need to have a little girl to have a complete family.
My boys are amazing. And sort of crazy sometimes, too. But, I love them. And love being a boy mama.
My family is complete.
This post was inspired by a conversation on my facebook page: many weighed in- those with all boys, those with all girls, those with both, and those with onlies.
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People are morons. They always have something to say. And you’re family? Is just perfect. xo
They really are. I liked telling the one lady at the shower about Hubs’ vasectomy. That was fun. 🙂
Hey, when you get down to it…it’s a 50/50 chance right? It’s always a gamble but yet we win no matter what hand we are dealt. I always wanted a boy but I love my two girls and couldn’t or want to imagine our family without them. They make our family complete and just like you, I’m VERY happy with that!
Great photos of those handsome boys!!
I think that’s what others don’t see- how our families work. They only look at what they think of as “missing.”
People should mind their own beeswax. When we found out #2 is a boy, I had comments like, well, good reason to try again! Or I’ll hear people comment on couples with one boy one girl, ooh, a complete set, like they were salt and pepper shakers. They’re children. Boy or girl, we love them all the same. Children are blessings. I so feel you, Shell!
My sil and my stepsister each had a girl and then a boy and both made comments about well, they have one of each, they don’ t need more. I was so appalled. We didn’t keep going, trying to have one of each- we just wanted more kids!
Exactly my point of my post today! Well said! I love the salt and pepper shaker metaphor! 🙂
people are never satisfied with other people’s families…because let me tell you, if you had another people would say to you “you know how those babies are made, right?” or “you need a new hobby” I get all sorts of comments…but when I had 2 boys and a girl, every one questioned when I’d “give” Hope a sister..luckily it worked out that way, but now people assume I’m done because heaven forbid i try for another baby and end up with more special needs…
People are obnoxious
I heard that all the time about knowing how babies are made. People were shocked to find out that our kids were planned- especially our second, since our first two are so close in age.
Oh lawd, yes!
I wanted two boys and got two boys but if one or both had been girls, I would have been JUST as elated as I am with the boys I have.
I am SO tired of the pity and judgement when I say we’re not having any more kids. It’s like I am some kind of FREAK because I don’t want to keep popping out babies until one of them is a girl. And what kind of woman I must be to not want to have a girl. Truly terrible. And pitiful. I have no one to dress up or play dolls with. No one to go shopping with or play with make up and such.
Oh, woe is me….
PHOOEY!
Personally I prefer Tonka trucks to Polly Pockets and just last week I painted my 4 year old BOY’S nails. Each one a different colour.
He asked me to.
That’s my question, too- am I supposed to keep going til I have a girl? I’d probably have 20 boys. And then what do I do? Have another boy and say ew, guess we’ll try again? People are totally clueless.
Every single pregnancy, I was asked if I hoped it was a boy. Never even questioned or thought about it…ticked me off that people would ask in front of my girls (I’ve done more posts about it than I can count)!
I totally get it..and your family is perfect.
Love this!
So frustrating that people would ask in front of your girls!
On the flip side – people ask if my husband is disappointed he doesn’t have a son…
He’s not, we’re not.
People need filters.
Yes, they do!
We struggled so long to even get and then stay pregnant that I honestly did not care the gender of our babies. It truly did not matter. We got the comments with our first about how we must be praying for a girl. It drove me crazy. People just do not think before they speak.
People don’t realize just how hard it is for some people to have a baby, period.
People really just need to stop commenting on other people’s children, number of children, lack of children, gender of children, cats, dogs, hamsters, work choices, marriages, and the general grey-ness of their hair. The world would be a better place.
Amen.
That is soooo frustrating. I have one of each. And yes I want another girl, but I also want three. And if I just wanted one or just wanted two and didn’t have the exact ratio of genders I wanted it wouldn’t make me love the ones i have an iota less. Who are these people who truly care this deeply about that?
It’s so weird to me just how many people talk about it!
I think it’s ridiculous that people assume a parent who does not have a child the same sex could possibly be ‘wanting’ that child. I’ve met plenty of women who preferred sons over daughters, etc.
I make jokes all the time about how boys are better- but really, I would have been happy with whatever I got. But, I just wish people would see that it’s possible to be happy with just one gender!
Oh your family is perfect. And your facebook post made me think about my own situation and how honestly there are some days I am jealous of those families that have only boys or only girls. I am totally grateful for my mixed bunch, but still it is hard – no parenting focus. Sometimes I feel so scattered because I am trying to be a boy’s mom and a girl’s mom if that makes any sense. i have a blog post in my head about it, but just haven’t had time to fully think it through. And yes even though we have 2 girls and 1 boy and with my youngest turning 6 in a month it would appear that we are incredibly DONE we still get asked when we are having another. I think I will have to be menopausal before people will stop.
I do see advantages to having all one gender- especially in hand-me-downs. 😉 But, we all make the best of what we’re given.
It’s amazing how many people tell me we can still have more- even after I mention Hubs’ vasectomy!
People sometimes shouldn’t speak. 🙂 Every family is perfect. I don’t understand sometimes why people say what they say, many times I wonder after some of the comments “did I say something that would make them say that?” And honestly, probably not, people just don’t think. I know I’ve asked one friend about her SIL because they have 5 girls and she kept saying they are just trying for a boy, I thought really I so hope that isn’t true because they should stop. But honestly I think it was a joke more than anything. I love the dynamics of family and it’s perfect just the way it turns out. Thanks for sharing!
I swear we’d end up with 20 boys if we kept going. LOL
When I was pregnant the second time, I honestly wanted another boy. Boys are wonderful. Fun. Full of life. Perfect in their way.
I got a girl. And I couldn’t love her any more if she were a boy.
Because what matters is she–and my son–are both my children. And that’s all that’s important. Girls, boys. It just doesn’t matter.
Absolutely. And if I’d had a girl, I know I would have loved her. It’s just amazing to me that people don’t understand that I am genuinely happy with my boys.
I would personally be thrilled with a houseful of boys. Not that if I had a girl I’d try to put her back or anything. 🙂
People are thoughtless sometimes. I’m sure they don’t mean to be insulting. Most of the time. 😉
Oh Lord- no putting babies back! LMAO
I agree with Ashley. People are stupid. Who cares if it’s boy/girl..
Although, I do admit to wanting all boys simply so I could avoid the drama of living with a teenage girl. But you know what? God laughed at that & gave me a diva acting, shoe obsessed, purse loving girly girl. And I wouldn’t trade her for the world. Just like her brothers.
I joke about being glad that I’ll never have to deal with teenage girl drama. But, of course, if I had a girl, I’d love her. 🙂
I can relate to your post, although I have the opposite “problem”—all 4 of our children are girls, and we’re constantly asked if we’re going to try for a boy. We usually point to our twin daughters and say, “we already tried and God gave us 2 more girls.”
Love that answer!
I have to admit to wanting to know the sex of my second baby because I thought I’d be disappointed if it was another boy and wanted to get that over with before the child was actually here. I cared. I wanted one of each. But other people should butt the eff out. Of the WHOLE pregnancy. I think I’ve narrowed the questions I’ll allow myself to ask a pregnant friend to two. 1) Do you know the sex and are you telling? and 2) How do you feel today?
I understand that. And wanted to know with mine, too- b/c I did think I’d feel disappointed if I didn’t have a girl. And I did have a moment of sadness at the thought of not having a girl. I wanted that all over and done with before they were born, which is why we found out during the ultrasounds.
You know what I’ve been wondering lately? Why there aren’t “girl mamas”. Like, why aren’t moms of all girls somehow different or singled out, like boy moms are. I just don’t understand. I feel blessed to have two of each, but I would feel blessed to have four boys or four girls, as well. I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything.
From the comments, it happens some, but it really doesn’t seem to be quite as often.
I so understand! I only have one child right now, a boy, but when people would ask me what I was having and I’d tell them it was a boy, some would say, “Oh, well that’s still good” or, “Great! Well maybe the next one will be a girl!” I thought these comments were so strange. What is wrong with boys?! I guess people just assume that as a woman, you’d want a girl. I honestly click better with boys, so I wouldn’t mind having 2 more, but after having a hard time getting pregnant with my first, I’ll take whatever comes! – PS, your boys are ADORABLE! I cannot get over how beautiful your newborn son was. What handsome boys.
I hear a lot how my boys will someday leave me, so I need a girl. But I don’t even think that’s true. I’m not close to my mom but Hubs is close to his.
And thank you- I think they’re pretty darn cute. 😉
Ok. Truth here, right? I was pissed when we had the twins and people would say, “oh – the perfect family. now you can stop.” because… we weren’t ready to …stop. Then, when we had our third, I prayed for healthy – and now I realize that I can be in love and happy with even a non-healthy baby. So it really gets to me when people are openly discussing what child they “want” or don’t “want” … I really try not to be judgmental, but – you know some things get to me.
I’ve heard that from other moms who had b/g twins- that they wouldn’t need to have more. Um, what if someone wants more than 2 kids?
Oh my goodness how people annoy me. Unfortunately, it does not surprise me that people say the stupid things they do about your three boys and lack of girl… We have two girls and I’d love to have a third baby. I told my husband that if/when we are pregnant if people ask me if we’re trying for a boy I’m going to find some snide comment to reply with. “Actually, we’re hoping for a baby.” Or something. (Maybe I’m not so good at coming up with snide comments.) You have beautiful boys and a perfect family!
When people would ask me if we were hoping for a girl with our third, I would make a terrible face and say Oh God, I hope not.
Of course, I didn’t really feel that way, but it was annoying that people thought the only reason we’d go for a third was to try for a girl.
Having 3 boys already and pregnant again I’m sure you can imagine the ignorance that I run into from other people. It’s like they have no filter. Or common sense. I constantly hear “Oh I so hope this baby is a girl for you” and “Please tell me that you’re finally pregnant with a girl.” People? I”m pregnant with a BABY. I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, all I know is that I already love them with all of my heart. THAT’S what matters.
What do they want you to do if it’s another boy? Put it back? People are clueless.
I have one girl. . .
And she completes our little family.
I have wanted to have another, but I just don’t think it’s in the cards for us (especially considering Kaylee turns 10 on the 10th!! O_o)
I remember being pregnant and being asked “Do you want a boy or a girl??”
It never mattered to me, as long as my baby was healthy. People would look at me like I was nuts. Like I was supposed to have a preference.
And after we found out the sex of the baby and I would tell people it was a girl? I would get comments like, “Oh, well maybe the next one will be a boy.” or “You’re gonna have your hands full! Girls are hard to raise.” or “Be thankful it’s a girl. Boys are a handful.”
What’s up with that?
This parenting/mom gig is hard, no matter what the sex of your baby is. . .
So true!
And 10 ? So grown up!
I wrote about this a few weeks ago. I have one of each so no one asks if we are going to have a 3rd. And I’m just not sure though I’m leaning toward NOPE!.
I also feel the same way when people talk about baby’s sex before birth. We didn’t find out boy/girl and people would say, “as long as baby is healthy” and I’d say, “even if baby isn’t.” Of course a healthy baby is convenient but my babies are my babies in health, in sickness, in “normal,” in “abnormal.”
People just don’t think!
I’m totally there with you! My best friend’s husband was desperate for a boy, and actually had meltdowns at each ultrasound because they have–3 girls! They’re divorced now…
I have a singleton (a boy!) I feel most equipped to be the mom of a boy. I’m kind of scared of the whole mom/teen daughter dynamic. It didn’t go so well during my own adolescence! 😀
I do understand that feeling of being let down at not having one of the gender you want. I really do. I felt that a little. But am happy with my boys.
I love that I have 2 boys. Sure I’d love a little girl but if it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen. I have had someone have the nerve to say to me “oh it’s too bad you have cancer who knows if you’ll ever get to try for a girl.” Are you serious?!? They were so lucky they did not get knocked out!! I love everything that comes with my crazy boys. The only thing that I wish was different? I wish they could aim in the toilet 100% of the time!!!! lol
xoxo
I probably would have kicked them for saying that!
I do wish for bathroom accuracy, though! LOL
Don’t mind those people. They just don’t know how lucky you are to have four boys (including your hubby) who love you that much. Can’t they see how happy you are with your boys? 🙂
These are the ones who don’t take the time to look beneath the surface!
Your boys are so cute! On our street we have what we call the “four-boys club.” It’s amazing how many people here have boys. (We actually belong to that club as well…)
Sandy
3 boys club is good enough for me!
Bravo! Your boys are handsome, happy, and healthy!
Thank you!
Your boys are gorgeous. My youngest is only four months old and people are already asking if we are going to try for a girl as if there were something wrong with us having had a second boy. People just need to stay out of it.
I head that when my middle was a baby. I’d point to my 18 month old and my 2 month old and ask if they were crazy!
Sometimes people are so clueless! While I truly didn’t care, I remember hoping that The Girl was another boy, just because I wanted one more and I knew my chances of convincing my ex to have another would be better if we didn’t have one of each. God knew what was best and I wouldn’t change my kids for the world!
I think that’s what others miss out on- realizing that none of us would trade our kids for anything!
Oh I hear you! I can’t tell you how often I’ve had to tell folks I’m perfectly content with my two boys.
Besides, I love being queen of my castle 🙂
I do love being the queen!
My mother–in-law still says every damn time I see her “gosh sure would be nice if you could’ve given Jed a son” I respond with “well with comments like that, I’m sure his next wife will be happy to”
Seriously.
I like to remind people that Hubs has been snipped. So, am I supposed to look for a donor?
Something tells me most people don’t truly believe your family is incomplete. They are more curious than anything.
I have 4 and often am asked when I will have more. I don’t think of it as them thinking my family as incomplete, just curious people who can’t wrap their heads around a large family (or the lack of a larger family~yes there are a few).
When they go so far as to tell me my husband could have his vasectomy reversed or that we could adopt, that seems a lot more than just curiosity to me!
Sorry, I was wrong.
Boy or girl, all babies are perfect. And so is your family. 🙂
Yes, they are! Thank you!
I think all babies are gifts! I can’t imagine someone saying that didn’t want a baby because it wasn’t the sex they wanted it to be. I can, but I don’t want to.
I’ve definitely heard stories. And I can understand some disappointment- but only in theory- not when someone is holding their baby!
Your children are all so beautiful! Thank you for sharing these gorgeous photos of them and your affirming words with us. It is truly is frustrating whenever someone tells me I need to try for a girl next. It’s hard for me to respond without being nasty so I often end up saying nothing at all.
I don’t think they are thinking at all.
3 boys in less than 3 years here, and we’re also done. Our family feels complete. Of course I’d welcome a surprise with open arms, but I’m not looking for that and we’ve taken steps to prevent it, AND I really don’t ever want to be pregnant again 😉
What IS it w/ people asking “when are you going to try for a girl?”
I would be shocked if we had another since *snip, snip* but of course would be happy. But, I’m sure people would assume we’d only want a girl.
I HATE when people give their opinion of what a family “should” be. If you and your husband and, most importantly, your boys, are happy then that is all that matters.
It’s truly ridiculous to me.
*clap clap clap* AMEN, SISTA!! I’m currently (very) pregnant with my fourth boy. No, we didn’t try for a fourth in the hopes that it would be a girl. No, I’m not disappointed. No, we’re not trying for another one. We’re very happy – thrilled, even! – with our little tribe of boys. It always amazes me how people think that if you only have one gender, you’ve somehow “failed” or you’re going to be disappointed. You would be surprised at the number of people whose faces have visibly fallen when I told them the gender of this baby … like they’re hurting for my lack of precious girls. Ugh.
I like to point out to people that I won’t have to pay for prom dresses. Or wedding dresses. Or have arguments over how much cleavage/butt cheek is showing … 🙂
And no teenage girl hormones to deal with- at least none that you can’t send home to their own mamas!
I heard comments all the time after I had two boys like, “Guess you are trying for number three now.” It made me crazy! How dare people make me feel like my two precious, beautiful boys weren’t enough. I just chalked it up to people not knowing what to say sometimes, but I do feel badly for the person that said it just when I couldn’t take it anymore. I sort of freaked out on them!!
I love it. She’ll think harder before saying something like that again!
As a mom of two boys, I can totally relate. I have found that many times when people try to push a certain family size, family structure, lifestyle, etc., it is usually because they are looking for validation of their own choices. Unfortunately, I am guilty of this at times as well. Other times it might be as simple as a means of making small talk and they don’t realize the impact of what they are saying.
The small talk doesn’t bother me, but some people really push it- like telling us vasectomies can be reversed or we could adopt.
Holy smokes! That is unbelievable.
Back when I was married I always knew my husband wanted a son. And I gave him 2 girls. He wanted to try again but I politely told him he would have to go find someone else to do that for him. He has come full circle now and says he can’t imagine having anything but 2 daughters; but the questions from everyone were certainly annoying! You have a beautiful family!
It’s so crazy how many people feel the need to weigh in in other people’s families!
We get the opposite all the time since we have two girls. People have actually asked if my husband was upset he didn’t get a boy. Seriously? When and if we have kid 3, he was the one who said he hopes for another girl. His rationale, he “gets” girls now, being the dad to two!
Everyone’s got an opinion, right Shell? Three sounds like the perfect number of kids to me too!
So crazy that people would ask him that. It’s like they don’t think before they speak!
Ugh! I was teasing a friend who is pregnant with her second boy about this last week. I honestly was surprised when we found out D was a boy because I thought we would have a girl, but I love being a boy momma and if we are fortunate enough to have a second child, I kind of want another boy but I’ll be thrilled with whatever gender: boy, girl or neutral.
Exactly- I would have been thrilled with a girl- but I don’t feel let down that I have boys.
Shell…first, I’m not able to link up. It’s saying I don’t have a back link, but I do. I’ll also send you a tweet just in case.
Second, while I totally get where you are coming from, my heart aches for a girl. I would never, ever trade one of my boys for a girl, but I would absolutely love to have a little girl. More than likely, though, we are done, so I won’t realize that dream. That’s okay though, my boys are amazing little guys who make me happy and proud.
I do understand that. And it did take me a while to get that we wouldn’t have a girl. I always thought we would. But at this point, I know that we’re done with three and I don’t want to keep trying. It doesn’t mean that I never had any moments of sadness over not having a girl.
People’s stupidity never ceases to amaze me. I get comments about fostering/adoption and possible fertility issues. As if you can’t be compassionate and have a heart for orphans unless you have fertility problems??!!
People are idiots sometimes. I’ve been told that we could adopt a girl. But, adoption isn’t something we considered doing and I certainly wouldn’t do it just to finally get a girl. That seems like the wrong reason to me.
We have all girls here, 4 of them, and have been asked that question more times than I could count. I grew up in a family of 3 girls though, so I’m totally comfortable with things just as they are – from time to time I have looked at them and thought if a boy WERE here, how in the world would he fit into this mix? I’m sure it would have worked its way out naturally but everything just seems so perfect as it is, I wouldn’t change a thing.
That’s what others can’t see- that we wouldn’t want to change our families!
Try only having one and being pretty happy with a singleton! I’ve been getting “Soooo….when are you having #2?” questions since before he was one! We have heard it all…he’ll be lonely…he’ll be sad…he’ll want a brother…he’ll want a sister….People won’t be satisfied until you’re what they think you should be: unhappy, struggling, house full of kids, broke down, tired & quite a mess!. I’m OK with one…just a boy…not a girl, because I know that after my chill, mellow fella, #2 would probably knock us off our feet! (Here’s to me not getting WhoopsPregnant after making this grand statement of finality! LOL)
By the way – OMG, your boys are adorable! Can’t wait to see you this month!
I hear that from people with one child a lot- that they get asked more than anyone else when they will have another. Instead of people realizing that’s what’s right for some people.
I cannot wait for our session! 🙂
I am of the old school where you get what God gives you. Just praise him for a happy, healthy baby. With that said, thank God I had one girl and, thank God I only had one girl. (3 boys.) LOL
Exactly. He knows best!
People are dumb. Quite often they assume we are done because we have one of each. Sometimes, those who have 3+ kids ask if we’re having more kids. Like a friend of mine pointed out, that’s like asking when/if I’m having sex with my husband. My family size and my sex life are none of their business!
My sil and stepsister each said that at one point- that they had one of each so why would they try for more. I was so offended. Like I wouldn’t have had my third if my second had been a girl. And that’s not true at all.
Ya know, I wanted a girl sooo badly and I cried when I found out that one of my twins was a girl. Now, I think I would rather have all boys!! .. I love my daughter of course but uggghhhhhhh.. girls are sooo much drama!! The whining and crying gets on my nerves sooo bad. My boys don’t whine and cry like that.. but she cries at the drop of a hat! If one of the boys just bumps her she screams and acts like she’s dying! I’ve even witnessed her throw herself to the ground and then scream and cry and say that the boys did it! Boys are much easier than girls, at least in my opinion! Don’t worry what other people say.. if they ask you if you are going to try for a girl tell them that you are perfectly happy with the angels you already have!!
Some people keep going though- even when I say that hubs had a vasectomy! It’s totally bizarre.
So glad to have “just boys” !!!! I can’t imagine it any other way!
I can’t, either!
Seems like it never ends. I had one child, a son, and right after he was born, all I heard was an endless stream of “When are you having another one?”, “He needs a brother or sister”, and “Don’t you want to have a girl?” If I said not now or no, the reply was “You’re still young. You’ll change your mind.”
Um, no I won’t.
Gradually, this stopped, but there were a few people who still persisted. When my son was a teen-ager, I still heard the “but he needs a sibling” line.
When I remarried, I briefly gave thought to having another baby, but because of other circumstances in play, I decided that it was best to not bring another child into the world.
I’m 42 years old now. I know I’m done having kids. My son turns 21 this fall. I don’t have the energy to deal with little kids. There are a lot of risk factors with having a baby at my age and I don’t want to go through that. And this may sound selfish, but I already raised a child. Now it’s my turn to live my life while I’m still young enough to enjoy it.
When you know in your heart and your gut that your family is complete, you just know and nobody can change your mind.
I don’t blame you! My youngest is almost 4 and already I think about how I’m done with the baby stage and don’t want to go back. Not even for a girl. 😉
It goes for those of us who have both too. After I had Alex and then had my boy and girl all of the time people would say- so you are done now that you have your boy and girl right? No I was not done and no it wasn’t the stranger in Walmarts business either. I think most people genuinely are just curious and trying to make conversation but it doesn’t make it any less annoying at times.
Some is just conversation, but some people really push it!
It is so odd how people feel it’s proper to comment on things so private. People all the time ask/assume we’re “done because you have both”. That’s hurtful, too, in its own way, because I wasn’t certain I was done and DH definitely was (not because of boy/girl, just because he was a 1-2 kid person, while I was a 2-3 kid person!) Your family is perfect!
My sil and my stepsister each had a girl and then a boy- and we heard all sorts of comments about one of each so done… and that never made sense to me. It was always about family size, not about gender.
This brings up a lot of feelings for me. People need to keep their opinions and “you shoulds” to themselves unless I ask! :D. Some mean well but it does get old. And those that comment repeatedly cause me to pray for lack of strength. If I praise for strength I might beat them lol. I have heard a lot recently that I should have another child. I am MORE than filled and blessed with the one born of my womb. People have NO IDEA what I went through just for Lil Duck. I am complete. My family is whole… Back on up outta my life 🙂
Xoxo
They really don’t know what they are saying or what someone’s situation is when they make such clueless suggestions!
It is funny! People ask me all the time when I am gonna try for a boy! NEVER! I really wanted a boy and I even cried when the doctor told me that I was having a girl the second time around. God knows best! I couldn’t imagine my life without ALL girls! From time to time, I will see a cute little boy and have a weak moment but we are done! Our family is complete as well! Isin’t it funny how society tries to push things off on us. Who says 2 kids 1 boy and 1 girl is perfect? Perfect is what God puts together!
So true!
This is a lovely nice way of saying something hard that needs to be said. I know a woman who wouldn’t hold her third newborn for the first two weeks of his life– because she wanted a girl.
Bringing a life into the world is a serious business between a couple and no one else. I think people think they’re making friendly conversation, when they are really butting into your private affairs.
I cannot imagine feeling that way. I did want to find out the sex at the ultrasounds so I could work out any negative feelings ahead of time, to be honest. But somehow I think that even if I hadn’t know, I still would have felt that love at first sight anyway.
I’m not gonna lie, I wanted to have just boy kids. Obviously I would have loved any child God gave me, but raising a girl – who would have been 100x worse than I was as a lil girl, well, that scared the shit out of me.
I get the same comments though – “don’t you want to try for a girl?”
Um, no, and the next time I want family planning advice, I’ll be sure to look you up under “douche bag.”
LMAO!!! I need to use that line.
I’ve had people say, “but don’t you want a girl?” or “but don’t you want to give him a sibling?” when I tell them that we are one and done. No one has come out and said my family is not complete unless I have at least one other child, but I know they think it. I find it so insulting. I am an only child as well, and not once growing up did I feel my family was incomplete and I find it horrifying that people insinuate it. There are millions of different things that make up a family, and how many kids someone has just isn’t one of them. It is sad.
All kinds of different families out there- none of them better than the others!
Shell I haven’t been over as often as I would have liked. Hi! (waving)
I didn’t know how much I would love having boys until I had one. And you were probably meant to have 3 boys since you feel so complete. I know people who cried when they had another of the same sex and it took them awhile to get used to the idea.
Busy times for us all, girl! No worries!
I do understand needing time to adjust to never having a girl(or boy)- I think that’s totally normal!
It didn’t bother me if someone was asking from a place of truly wanting to know where my own heart lay — as opposed to just be a nosy-busy-body gettin all up in my business. but honestly, some people just don’t think before they speak. like it’s any of their concern at all.
our 3rd is over 2 years now….I will be 41 this month (yikes – got wine here?) and I still get asked if I am going for #4. I so want to say, “yes…I’d love a 4th baby. except this one will be branded with a BMW logo and be all shiny and new and NOT covered in goldfish crumbs, boosting vanity plates “fixdmama”!
From a friend or someone who has a reason to ask- no, that doesn’t bother me. But random people who are shoving their opinions on me, that’s what bothers me.
Hi, I just discovered your blog and am now an email follower. I’ve been looking a place to be able to post personal stories, so thanks! I had a son first, then a daughter. When I was pregnant with my third, I honestly didn’t want one sex over the other (how could I?). I just wanted a healthy baby. I think that we all end up loving whatever children we’re lucky enough to have. I can only feel sorry for anyone who regrets the sex of their baby, they’re just missing the point that they’ve been given this wonderful child to love!
That’s it, exactly. We love the kids we have!
I was asked many times after we found out Layla was a girl if we were going to have a 3rd kid in hopes of having a boy. Absolutely not was always my answer and I continue to support that answer. My family is complete just the way it is.
I don’t think we need one of each for a complete family. It’s all in what is right for each family.
It’s no one’s business. So annoying. I wanted a healthy baby.. Regardless of how many I already have or what their genders are..
Same here!
You have a perfect, beautiful family. It looks complete, and one day, you’ll be adding three daughter-in-laws. Really, people would be much better off if they just kept their mouths closed.
Hopefully, fabulous daughters-in-law!
On a totally random note- we have our photo session in a week and a half and I’m so excited!
Oh boy, do I hear you. Those “trying for a girl/boy” people are assholes. I think anyone that is “trying for” a certain gender is a bit of an asshole anyway. Because what if the baby is the “wrong” gender? WHAT THEN? They go through life as the daughter/son their parents weren’t hoping for. That sucks.
I had someone ask me what we did when trying so that she could do it differently to end up with a girl. And yes, apparently, she meant DO IT differently. I was so tempted to make up all sorts of crazy stories. We never attempted anything different to try for a girl/boy.
I could’ve written this post myself, exactly word for word… except we have 3 girls instead of 3 boys. I actually just got asked last week if we were going to try for a boy. And even when I was pregnant with baby #3 people would say, ‘hopefully it’s a boy’ (some people have no filters). But like you guys, my husband and I feel like 3 kids is enough- our family is complete. We were happy with whatever God decided to give us, and after our last daughter was born things just felt right, exactly as they should be! You’re blessed to have the family you have- enjoy your beautiful boys.
I feel like 3 is the right number for us, too!
Our son is almost 2.5 now, and it seems that “everyone” has decided for us that this the “perfect” time for us to have another child. Even complete strangers chime it to ask if we’re “working on the next one.” The reaction that I get from people when I say that he is our one and only is astounding to me. I have had plenty of people tell me that I’m going to raise a spoiled and self-centered person because I’m not giving him siblings. Um…seriously?! It makes me incredibly uncomfortable. So, I usually try to repay the favor by telling them all about how hard it was to get even get this one, spoiled little boy.
People never cease to amaze me with the things they think it’s okay to say!
My sister in law was so obsessed with the timing of when she “tried” so she could make sure she had a boy after already having a daughter. Of course, she got her wish, but I don’t think it had anything to do with her “timing”.
I can’t wait to hear her opinion on my upcoming new baby. :-/
Hard to know what would have just happened anyway! I hope she’s kind about it. xo
I have a boy and a girl and people always look at me and say “Oh one of each — the perfect family” and my response is always along the lines of “oh yeah, because we had so much to do with the fact that we have one each!” I’ve never understood how having a boy and a girl classifies as the perfect family. Having two wonderful and awesome children is what makes it the perfect family — not their gender.
I’ve never understood it, either!
I think that this truly is one of those, ‘you will just know’ moments.
No one can tell you otherwise.
So true. I’m done having babies- so boys or girls, three was enough for us!
I must be really lucky because no one has ever commented to me about having “just” girls or if we’ll try for a boy. I’ve had people ask if we’re “done” (which we are). Now my SIL, with 5 girls, has heard it quite a bit 🙂
I bet she does!
When people ask me if I am going to try for a girl I say, “no why? So she can tell me she hates me and run away?”
That usually shuts them up
I need to remember that one!
First of all, you have gorgeous kids! What bugs me about questions like these is that it says a lot about the people asking it. Usually it is there baggage and I wish they’d keep it to themselves. I don’t need to hear in their voices how much they would have regretted being an all boy mom or an all girl mom if they have one of each or hearing the sadness because they are one of those. Don’t put that on me. I am just fine. I get it more because of the age gap. My oldest is 14 and my youngest is 2 with 10 year old twins in the middle. I hate the question, “Why’d you wait so long to have another?” I want to answer, “Why is it any concern of yours?” I also hate, “Why did you have another one when you already had a girl?” Then I want to answer, “Because I wasn’t done, (Idiot)!” You just know when your family is what it is supposed to be. You are at peace with it and it’s really no one’s business.
*should be “their” Toddler on lap while typing.
It’s amazing the nosy questions people will ask!
I always wanted a big family…probably an offshoot of being a very neglected only child. I thought I was done after my second…it was so hard! But then I knew there were more waiting in the wings. We have 4 together and 10 between us. We are complete 🙂 I love your story. Love it.
You got your big family! xo
Ok so I admit when I was pregnant with baby # 3, in the span of a 3 year period , I was really happy when we discovered he was a boy. We already had 2 girls, and I liked the idea of having a son as well. But if he had been a girl, I wouldn’t have been upset, and I would have loved her just as much. People said all sorts of stupid things when we had ours so close together (we planned it that way) and when they discover that they have special needs. Don’t people know that nobody can control gender or health? Our job is to love them with all our hearts and raise them well, regardless.
I can understand that feeling- I felt that way when I was pregnant. But at this point, when my youngest is about to turn 4, I’m used to all boys!
I honestly cannot see myself with a girl. My baby maker is all closed up, and for while, I was sad about it. Not necessarily because we didn’t have a girl, but just that it was done. WE were done having kids. Two is our magic number and boy moms rock!!
And as far as morons in public, (there seems to be so many of them-I hope they are not going to start taking over the planet). they’re idiots!
That was the hardest for me- not the idea of not having a girl, but the idea of not having another baby. I’m at peace with it now, though.
People are ridiculous. I mean… really. Just ridiculous.
Especially the ones telling me that vasectomies can be undone and we can always adopt.
We were over having lunch with some friends of the family Easter weekend…and they were just DUMBFOUNDED that we’re not having any more kids. They’ve known this, because I’ve said he’d be an only all along, but they’re convinced I’ll change my mind. Why some people considering having an only child to be such a crime…I’ll never know.
And I agree…I don’t miss not having a girl one bit!
Or why they act like it personally affects them. I just don’t get it!
Before I had my son and just had the three girls people would ask me if I was going to try for a boy. Ummm.. hello…. we did that and got another girl. Try as you may you may never that elusive boy or girl.
And that newborn pic is beautiful!!
I tell people we’d probably just end up with 20 boys, so no thank you!
Why should it matter to ANYONE if you have all boys or all girls or both. People tell me all the time I’m lucky because I have one of each. I think that is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard. I always tell them, yes, we’re lucky that we have two happy, healthy and well-loved kidlets!
It is crazy- but I hear it all the time!
It never ceases to amaze me that people think just b/c I have one boy then I wanted a girl for baby #2…but I actually wanted a boy…and we are having a boy. What’s funny is I get the same reaction about trying for a third to get a girl. People are just funny about it.
It’s so odd to see their reactions when it really doesn’t even affect their lives, just ours. I love being a boy mama.
I love your blog and the posts! All your three boys are hilarious and beautiful!
Thanks for writing this and your post didn’t offend me at all… It actually gave me the courage to share my post about my all boy family 🙂 I get the same kinda comments all the time and even though I do want a daughter, it doesn’t mean I don’t absolutely adore my boys or that my family won’t ever be complete without a girl. It is amazing the crazy things people say (especially to preggo women- why does a bulging belly make everyone feel so comfortable to say anything and everything that crosses their minds?? bizarre!)
Anyway, thanks so much for PYHO! and your sweet comment on my post today 🙂
I’m so glad that you joined in! And that you got where I was coming from, too. 🙂
I love love LOVE being a boy Mama. I am queen bee in my household, and I love it. Im not going to lie–when I found out C was a boy there was a moment where I felt a pang. It may have even lasted a day or two. But then I got over it. And when I brought him home, and saw B with him, my heart was over flowing. I love that they have eachother because I think brothers have such a special bond. Id love to have one more baby, and regardless of boy or girl, Id love that baby just as much as my boys.
I love being a boy mama as well. I’m sure I’d love a little girl just as much, but since we aren’t having any more kids, I wish people would realize that one of each isn’t required to be happy with your family!
Your family is complete when you say so, not when you get a certain number of each! People really piss me off too! This, “If not, do you want him? Because I’m only having a third to try for a girl”, is why I love you haha
😉 I got more and more sarcastic as my 3rd pregnancy went along.
It always amazes me what people say to parents and pregnant women. A friend from college has four boys now and she hears the same kinds of comments each time she is pregnant. Your family is beautiful just as-is!
Maybe all pregnant women need t-shirts that say “I don’t want your opinion!” LOL
I totally could have written this post. Now I really wanted a girl eventually so by #3 I think I talked myself into thinking he was a girl but he was a boy too. I had to go through a little bit of a mourning period but not because I was having another boy…I loved that! It was because I knew we were done and I wouldn’t be able to be the mom of a girl. Now, 17 months later I am fine with it although sometimes I might get a tiny bit sad about missing out on some girl things. At the same time though I will often see things moms of girls have to deal with and thank God I don’t have to deal with it.
I totally understand that. I had a bit of a mourning period as well, just knowing I was done. But it doesn’t mean we don’t love our families as is! 🙂
I love this, Shell!
I think sometimes (often?) people just talk without thinking how it might sound/feel to the other person.
Annoying.
(This is an important one, mama!)
I think so, too. But then there are the ones who really push it- like telling me vasectomies can be reversed and that we can always adopt. Shocks me how often I’ve heard those things.
I can’t really identify because I had a boy then 2 girls. But I honestly think I would have been happy with whatever I got. I am always so surprised to hear someone say they cried (in disappointment) when they found out the gender of their child. Seriously? That’s just sad to me.
And your boys are SO stinkin cute!!!
I’ve heard that a lot- and I get having some disappointment, I truly do. Especially at an ultrasound- but I honestly dont’ get it when you’re actually holding the baby!
I always assumed I’d have all girls because my mother had all girls and her mother had all girls and her mother’s mother had all girls. And thinking I’d have all girls actually thrilled me. The thought of having a son thrilled me, too. It honestly never mattered much to me at all. And with nine children, my chances of having ALL one gender was a bit slim (although it could happen!) but for me, I have a mixture of 5 girls and 4 boys. All children are precious, no matter their gender.
Hubs and I always joke that even if we’d had 9 or 20… they all would have been boys!
we have heard that a ton too. after 4 boys people would look at me and say things like “sorry hunny, thats a boy in there” like it was a bad thing. I loved being a mom to boys , in fact I wanted 4 boys by 30. I got what I ordered. I was a mom of boys for 16 years before I had a girl and I would have been just as happy having a boy. Even my Mother law would say ” i had four boys, do you you know why i stopped, because I didn’t want to be the woman with 5″
I find it disrespectful when people see that the baby is a girl and say “oh you finally got your girl your done now then right?” WHAT? like my life isn’t complete without a girl. I love having her and she is total awesomesauce but I LOVE having boys too
when people say that I think you should look at them and say ” its ok we just put them in dresses when no one is looking so it’s almost the same” I bet they stop talking really fast 🙂
I need to remember that line. I usually say that my oldest is such a drama queen that I don’t need to have a girl to know what it’s like!
Your boys are really cute and so adorable. I love the picture. makes me wanna cuddle them tight.
It’s so nice to feel complete, isn’t it? Be thankful for what you get is what I always say. 🙂
It really is! So thankful.
I had three boys first and loved each one of them. I was never disappointed that they weren’t boys because I loved who each of them was.
In our case, we have gone on to be blessed with several more children, boys and girls!(We always wanted a big family!) It hasn’t been a piece of cake for sure…we had a daughter born with a genetic disorder that only lived 16 days an we have a son with Autism. I share about our crazy adventures with babies, toddlers, tweens and teens at http://www.normalchaosforamultitaskmom.blogspot.com.
Looking forward to reading more about your family!
Your boys are adorable!! 🙂
Thanks- I think they are pretty cute. 🙂
I like that after 4 boys we had a girl but I don’t expect that every family has to have both genders. I don’t know why people force there views on others. A family is a family no matter how many boys or girls are in it. I know some feel like they have to have both while others prefer one gender or the other. But the key is that it is personal, individual.
I make jokes that I wouldn’t want a girl- but of course, I would have been happy with whatever we got. We’re done having babies so I’m happy being a boy mama!
I always wanted a girl, and more than one, but in the end I’m so blessed to have my one boy child and I wouldn’t change anything!
Not a thing changed here, either!
I can imagine your frustration with Insensitive comments. I have 1 child of each gender, but I remember people asking me, when I was pregnant with my daughter if I was hoping for a boy or a girl. My answer was always I am hoping for a healthy child. Children, regardless of their gender are a precious gift, not novelty drinking glasses that you should feel compelled to collect a full set of.
I use to really hate it when I would tell someone we were adopting, and their first response was, watch now you’ll get pregnant, like I was using my adopted child as infertility treatment, or a biological child would be better. Then I kind of had to eat crow because that is exactly what happened. And I have to admit, I did want a girl, one of each. We only wanted two, so I was sure it was another boy. Then it wasn’t. But if she had been a he, it would have been just as big a blessing.
No one knows what makes a family except those who are in the family. My son is 17 months old and I get so sick of hearing people ask when I’m having another one. It’s my families decision when and if we decide to have another.
Yup. I’ve never understood the thinking that parents who just have children of one sex or another have somehow missed out on something. I’ve always felt that whatever sex our children are, we’ll love them and want to raise them as best as we can. And how could you feel anything but complete with all of those little smiling guys?
I always thought I’d have two kids. Maybe four. Definitely an even number.
Ha!
Well said. The decision to have more kids (or any kids for that matter!) is SO personal and I don’t understand why people don’t get that. I mean, if a close friend were talking to me about it, that’s fine, but when acquaintances or people I don’t even know, I get irritated. I know they mean well, but it’s really a heart decision and not one I take lightly and I don’t feel like discussing it.
The first baby I ever delivered was a little girl, and when I told the mom, she said, “I wanted a boy.” I felt so sad for the beautiful girl. The mom bonded quickly though, thankfully.
I’ve always thought I want my firstborn to be a girl. But you make such a valid point. I guess if you’re not going to be happy with whatever sex your baby is, then you’re not ready for parenthood.
I like this Pour Your Heart Out thing. I’m going to try to join in.
I love this. We have two girls and while we know we aren’t done adding munchkins to our family, neither my husband or I care what gender our future children are. Would it be fun to have a boy? Sure! Bring on the craziness. But it makes me cranky when random strangers ask if we’re going to try for a boy. I always want to respond “YES!! I’m so miserable with my two girls and my life won’t be complete until we have a boy,” just for the sake of being snarky and seeing how they react. 🙂