Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Pour Your Heart Out: The End of Day Crankies

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By the end of the day, I just want to be left alone.

Maybe not every day, but a lot of them.

Running here, running there.  Working, taking care of the kids, taking care of the house.

I’m tired and cranky.

Bedtime is not a sweet event. It’s rushed and routine, to get the kids in bed quickly so that this mama can get a break.

Let out a big sigh of relief that another day is done and I can sit down.

But, then, I get precious reminders of exactly what is going on around me. Exactly what I might be missing by rushing through my days too much.

My oldest puts off going to bed by insisting on giving me just one more kiss goodnight and asking for me to sit beside him and read him a story.

My youngest wakes up from a nighmare, crying.  He gives me what he calls a “squeeeeeze,” which is an extra cuddly hug.

My middle son makes his way down to our room in the middle of the night and wants to sleep in our bed, while making sure that he is holding my hand.

At the end of a long day, I could look at these things as annoyances. Can’t a mama get a break?

But, then I take a good look at my boys. 

My oldest is getting so big.  How much longer will he want to kiss his mama and cuddle up with me on the couch to read a book?

My “baby” will soon be three.  He’s so independent.  He wants to do all the things his big brothers do.

And how much longer can I have a sweet little boy holding my hand, all snuggled up in bed? How long until that is just not cool any more?

My boys are all growing up so fast. These moments aren’t going to last forever.  By the time they are all teenagers, they’ll still love their mama of course they will but they won’t need me in the same little boy ways that they do now.

So, I’ll put aside my end-of-the-day crankiness and smile at those little faces and welcome those small arms reaching for me.

Comments

  2. Sometimes it is so hard to leave those daily annoyances behind and concentrate on the fact that they will only be so little for so long.
    My 4 year old wakes up frequently in the middle of the night. When my husband goes to get her (as I pretend to be sleeping) he asks her why she woke up and she always gives the same answer: "I missed Mommy while I was sleeping".
    As much as I don't really like having my sleep interrupted or sharing my bed with a squirmy 4 year old I know that the days of her missing me are numbered.

  3. Aw…. There is nothing sweeter than sleepy little kids. That doesn't mean though, that you can't still look forward to bedtime!

  4. So poignant and so right, but like Making It Work Mom said, sometimes really hard.

    My 7 year old still comes down and gets into my bed each night. This week, with my parents here, I get a full night's sleep and my bed to myself, but on Saturday, they will go to their dad's for a few days and I find myself missing having them all to myself before they go. *SIGH* The Mom Curse version 4,562.

  5. It's scary how much we're on the same page sometimes. This brought a tear to my eye. I'm going through the exact same emotions. I don't want to miss any of those "annoyances". There's so much I do miss because I'm tired or cranky. Bedtime is crazy and rushed here too. I'm like the evil mom after 8:30pm. I hate that!

    Lord, help me be present for all of it!

  6. Awww I love bedtime snuggles. Does it make you feel any better to know that there are still days my 18 yr old just wants to cuddle in bed with hubby and I. Days he pules up between us just to talk. If he is really sick during the day he will sleep in our bed, he says it is more comfortable. So while I am doing my daily thing he snuggles down in our blankets and pillows and sleeps till he is better. Sometimes they don't completely outgrow it and that is ok too.

  7. I know…I only have one, I can't imagine how tired and ready for bed I would be after 3! But you are right…they grow so fast and before you know it they are teenagers wanting to drive the car. Good post! 🙂

  8. I think most all of us moms can relate to this one. My oldest is almost 12 and he is long past the days of cuddling with mama so I know the importance of cherishing every single moment of it!

  9. What a lovely post… and I can relate to so much of it. In fact, the post I linked is also about little boys about to turn big in the blink of an eye and cherishing that they still want to hold my hand. Sigh.

  10. Isn't that the truth. I just wish I could remember this when I am "in it" because I always realize it after they are sleeping peaceful and then I get the mommy guilt. Happy Wednesday!

  11. I have been thinking a lot of these same things lately. I love that Zach will still take my hand when we are walking in a store or cuddle up on me. And whenever Ben is crawling into bed with us I try to remember this isn't going to last forever and instead feel lucky to have my boys.

  12. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day happenings that you forget to cherish the little moments that might seem like annoyances at the time, but that we will someday (soon!) miss. I know I do. Thanks for the reminder.

  13. Time is flying! I am try to enjoy these moments too even when JDaniel is the cranky one.

  14. I can so relate. Days are long and evenings can be much longer and tiring! The other day I thought to myself, "one day they won't want kisses, hugs and to cuddle." That makes me sad 🙁

  16. As the mother of a a very active 16mo, I cannot wait til my baby has the presence of mind to cuddle. Right now she is way too BUSY!

  17. They grow up so fast. I know it's cliche but it's so true… you have given a good reminder to stop and enjoy our children while they are children. Before I know it my daughter will be walking down the aisle…

    Ok, I am going to cry and eat ice cream now. 🙂

  18. It odes go by too fast. My almost 14 year old wants no more than a "Goodnight" from me. Thankfully, my 10 and 7 year olds still love to be tucked in. In fact, GW (10) gets absolutely upset if he doesn't get his good night hug.

  19. There are days when I feel the same way. I wait for Harlan's bedtime so that I can get a much needed break. There are some days though when I want her to stay up past her bedtime because all I want to do is cuddle with her!

  20. I have those same feelings…Hurrying to get to bedtime to get a moment for myself. But then my kids do something sweet as well and it reminds me just how precious my time is with them.

    Very sweet post!

  21. I've told my kids many times that after 8:30 is my time and they need to go to sleep. My son still comes down a few times for 1 more hug. It's annoying sweet.

    Don't lose hope. My brother is 21 and will still hug my mom. In public. In front of his friends! Just don't tell him I mentioned this!

  22. I always feel guilty looking forward to bedtime, especially because I don't get much time with my son during the week. But we all need a break!

    I don't ever want to lose the cuddles. Now I know why people keep having babies!

  23. I feel so guilty when I'm trying to get Jellybean down for the night because I'm tired. I know he's been in daycare all day and I didn't get to spend much time with him and he's fighting sleep because he just wants some more time with me. Then I snuggle up to him as he's getting sleepy and he does that sweet little sigh and I think I could do this all night!

  24. I think we all need this little reminder now and then.. that someday, when they're grown up and the house is empty again, we'll miss the things we may think of as "irritating" now.

  25. The "getting too old for snuggles" thing is what gets me. Especially since Kate was never a snuggler, but Maddie totally is.

  26. What a great reminder. Sometimes I just need a break from the "neediness" but how long will he want to be that way for! Such a sweet post!

  27. It really does happen quickly. I have a 16 yrs old and I wish i could have back some of those days when he would pull on my shirt and ask for my time. It helps me focus in on the 7 yrs old now bec I know how quickly and how short this time really is!

  28. You're exactly right Shell…it's easy to get annoyed…but they grow up so quickly and how I wish I could rewind back time myself!

    XO

  29. "So, I'll put aside my end-of-the-day crankiness and smile at those little faces and welcome those small arms reaching for me".

    Amen! Soon enough it goes from planning bedtime stories to planning weddings so enjoy these small moments. 🙂

  30. I'm glad my 3 year old is not the only kid who puts off bedtime by wanting "one more kiss" or "one more hug". I wait for the day when bedtime goes more smoothly, but you're right…they do grow so fast. Sometimes you do have to appreciate those extra hugs and kisses because one day, it'll be like pulling teeth just to get one!

  31. Awwwwww, Shell. Your boys sound so sweet. I can only imagine how tiring the life of a momma must be, especially one who balances as many things as you do, but it also sounds as though you're making the most of all of these precious moments. I'm glad you stop every now and then to remember these things 🙂

  32. I could have written this very same post. Have you been spying on me? Just kidding.
    I feel the same way every evening. After bedtime, it's my time to relax and when it just gets messed up or interrupted I get annoyed. I feel guilty for feeling that way and was reminded last night that I just need to "stop and smell the roses".
    The kids were in bed and I breathed a sigh of relief. I waled into my kitchen and I hear "mommy!". It was my daughter. What now!! I'm thinking
    I go into her room and she says" I just wanted to say I love you mommy."
    It broke my heart.
    Thanks for writing this girl, it's a reminder to us all to enjoy the little things now.

  33. Ah yes, I know that feeling very well. I crave moments alone just so I have time to think. It seems my days are just a barrage of requests. This includes my husband as well. 🙂

    But I do enjoy those hugs and cuddles. I can't say no to that.

    Very good post!

  34. You are so right. I try my best to not get cranky and take my time. I find that if I am relaxed bedtimes actually goes much smoother.

  35. It depends on how Sam was, if I'm in a lot of pain or just how my day was in general as to if I have the end of the day crankies.

  36. I have this problem. Some days I just want to be left alone. I just need some peace and some space to be me and to not be needed. Then the guilt sets in because I know I won't be needed forever.

  37. I love those small moments that remind you to slow down. I also love cheese. But that's unrelated.

  38. Thank you for this. I needed the reminder to slow down and really enjoy these moments. I came across this post at the perfect time! 🙂

  39. Time does fly–but I totally get the moment of relief that little boys are tucked in bed and no one wants to hang on you, sit on you, ask a million questions. A moment to just wilt and relax. I like the 45 minute to an hour when they don't need me.
    I go check that covers are pulled up, that little boys are sleeping well and safe before I go to bed. Little moment to look and appreciate them.

  41. It's like you plucked this one right out of my heart.
    BTW, last night I kept thinking about you when your boys had to have haircuts…because my hubs took the boys to the barber and the guy misunderstood my husband and gave my baby a buzz. 🙁

  42. I think we might be twins. Once 10pm rolls around all I want to do is wiggle my nose and all three of my boys will be in bed with minimal effort on my post. It never goes like that. But I do love the snuggles and cuddles which won't last too much longer. Hug 'em close momma.

  43. Shell, we have to realize once in a while that our kids and their antics are in fact gifts. If not, we'd go crazy, I'm sure of it. My 5 year old has promised me he will always kiss me and he wants to marry me. I want to bottle him up because I know it's not true. So we take what we can get right?

  44. My babies are now 22 and 18, these end of the day crankies don't happen for me so much any longer. I miss the attempts to stay up late, the snuggles and hand holding.

  45. Thank you for the reminder, it's so true, I feel the same way at the end of the day. And the busier I get the more I need the reminder to enjoy them while they are small. It's when we can regain that persepective that life is better.

  46. Hi Shell–Have you heard of the book One Thousand Gifts yet? It is really great at "teaching" you to live a life of gratitude. This has helped ease some of my crankies by helping me "see" the gifts of the infinitesimal things everywhere.

    If you need a heap load of inspiration (with a dash of conviction), I'd highly recommend it. Ann Voskamp wrote it.

    They grow up so fast, don't they!?

  47. I know this feeling. Sometimes it's hard to stop and enjoy the times with the kids but they do grow so fast.

  48. By 8pm, I'm exhausted and can't wait for the kids to be asleep so I can relax. What a great post to remind me that it's the little things…and to appreciate the extra hugs and kisses!

    Thank you!

  49. I struggle with those moments too and having an 11 year old AND a baby, I try to make sure I still do some of those same things with Andrew he may not (say) he wants me to do anymore, but I've been doing all his life.

    But those days when I just want to throw them in bed and be alone, yeah…I can relate!

    Sometimes I stay up too late JUST so I can be by myself. dumb. Then I'm exhausted the next day. 🙂

    xoxox

  50. This sounds exactly like the end of the day at my house. Sometimes it's hard to remember how sweet my kids really are and just how much they love me at the end of the day. I'm a work in progress 🙂

  51. Oh, I SO know. At night I just want her to go to sleep already!! It's so late, I'm so tired and cranky, and yet I hold her hand, or snuggle, or as she said to me last night, Mommy, you're my hero (heart melting and shattering at once) I want to stay there and hold her forever. and ever. And a day.

  53. Wow do I know where you are coming from Shell. As an only child my revival comes from "quiet" time and there is not a lot of that around here.

    My son is 12 and thankfully still loves to hug and cuddle. I am going to take it for as long as I can!

  55. It's exactly how I feel at the end of the day too but then by the wee morning all four of us are squeezed into one bed and I wouldn't have it any other way. I know too that someday I'll yearn for these days.

  56. That really made me stop and think.

    Last night our oldest (10) got up saying he had a nightmare (as he says 5 out of 7 days in the week). He probably just needs some more mom and dad time.

    Thank you for sharing this.

  57. I love this. Maybe it's because I have a boy and the time is speeding by, but I feel like there's something extra special about little boys and their cuddly moments. Enjoy this time! And relax when you can.

  58. THIS. This is exactly how I have been feeling lately, like time is passing so quickly and how long will it be before loving on your mama won't be cool for my little boys.

    You said it all…even the part about just wanting some time off/alone/without drama and then I realize that without the drama, then I don't have them, they are the drama I prayed and wished for .

    This was a wonderful pouring of your heart, thank you for saying all I've wanted to lately.

    xo

  59. I try to relish the sweetness, but at the end of the day, I am just spent. That is why in our house bed and bath are daddy domain. He lavishes them with hugs and cuddles and I just come in for a good night kiss and tuck in.

    I used to feel bad that I was the mom that doesn't like bedtime, but it's such a special time for them and I enjoy listening to them over the monitor. It's what works best for us and keeps everyone happy.

  60. Thanks so much for the reminder, Shell. I go through the same thing pretty often – just want the kids to get to bed so I can have some Mommy time. Or hurry up and get to PDO so I can get some thing done. But you're right… they grow so quickly. And it's good to remember that sometimes.

  61. It's hard at the end of the day. My husband always wants to let my oldest stay up later, and I always want him to go straight to bed so I can have down time.

  62. I know exactly what you mean! When I think Im about to lose my ever lovin' mind someone climbs next to me and says I love you Mommy and every care goes away. I love that my girls love to cuddle and love to just be with me…I try to cherish every moment

  64. Sometimes I get so frustrated and just want them to go to bed but often I remind myself that these times are short. I know I'll miss it when it's gone.

  65. I know all about those end of the day crankies. They especially come out when my husband is away. Luckily they go away by the time I wake up in the morning. I miss those extra hugs and kisses when the kids are extra tired and just want to crawl into bed. I know I'll miss those moments when they want to put themselves to bed.

  66. What a sweet post! Your boys obvisouly love their momma a lot! That is such a special relationship! 🙂

  69. I'm addicted to little boy snuggles. Even when they're inconvenient.

    I'm not addicted to food being thrown on the floor. Know anyway to get one without the other?

  70. Aww I get cranky at night too. It's hard not to sometimes, like you said. You run around all day and by the time bedtime rolls around you are ready to pass out too (at least I am). I'm guilty of rushing through the routine too. My boys are getting older and it's all I can do to make them hug me. My 13 year old gave me a hug for my birthday today. LOL! So I like to cuddle extra with my younger ones. Enjoy it, because as I'm sure you know it doesn't last forever!

  72. Beautifully written. I tend to be exhausted, worn out and irritable at the end the day as well. But like you mentioned, it's when I stop and thank God for these little blessings [the kisses, the hugs, the laughter] that I realize that all of these tiny things aren't really THAT big of a deal.

  73. Oh, mama … this was me tonight. I'm ashamed to admit that I may have raised my voice at N. She just would NOT stop whining. Mama guilt abounds over here. *sigh*

  74. This is why I LOVE your blog!! You are so painfully honest. Sometimes I can't wait for bedtime, and then someone just wants an extra hug or kiss and I feel so guilty for rushing them to bed.

  76. Seven…that's how old you can have your boy cuddled up in bed with you…unless you find that weird, in which case, it's five! Definitely five!
    Very sweet post Shell! These "pouring your heart out" posts always tug at my heart strings. I just came from Boobies blog and was blinking back frickin tears! Aaaargh!

  77. I am right there with you. So many nights (I'll estimate 4-5 out of 7) I rush through it because, like you I am so DONE. And tired. And I just want some of MY time.

    But I also try to remember how soon these days will go away and how much I'll long for them to come back. "The days are long, but the years are short." I try to remind myself of that daily. It makes me tear up too.

  78. I so know where you're coming from! I had the crankies tonight at bedtime and the kids were stalling and I felt like my blood was going to boil over. One last kiss, one last drink of water…anything they can do to avoid bedtime.

    I need to be better about reminding myself that these days will go by quickly and there will be a time they'll be locking their doors so I can't kiss them goodnight.

    I really need to be more appreciative and joyful about where they are now.

  79. Your post gave me goose bumps – I could relate to just about everything you just wrote. Craptastic Daddy travels for business a lot. And by the end of the day – all I want to do is curl up and be me. But 2 year molars are calling for extra cuddles, or whatever it is. Thank you so much for the reminder that it does really go to quickly.

  80. i know what you mean! I get so frustrated with bailey sometimes when he just doesnt want to go to bed he gives excuse after excuse.. like one more hug.. how can you tell him no with a request like that but then I get to thinking I sure will miss that when hes too cool to hug his mommy!!

  82. Oh, you made me cry. My oldest is about to be 8 and he still curls up in my lap and holds my hand. I never want that to end but I know it will one day and maybe very soon.

  83. This is such a good reminder – and I need to get better at it, too. Because by the end of the day I'm DONE and have a hard time remembering how blessed I (we) really are.

  84. Wow! It's not so bad to want time on your own without the demands that goes with being a mother. Thanks for putting this post together! I can totally relate
    -r