Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Pour Your Heart Out: Stopping Bullying of a Different Kind

Next week is the ONE YEAR anniversary of Pour Your Heart Out! I have some special things planned and hope you will take part! It’s not too late to donate a prize if you are interested!

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it’s anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.
Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.
Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. 😉

 

We worry about bullying with our kids. None of us wants to have a child who is bullied or who bullies.
But, here’s the thing: it doesn’t actually stop with kids.
We continue this as adults. I tend to call these women “motherbitches.” And then I cringe because it’s a vicious cycle and by me using that term, I’m being judgemental, too. Like I said, we ALL do this in some way.
We’re all different. We all parent differently and oh, it starts early! Breast or bottle, cloth or disposable diapers, working mom or stay at home or work at home.  Tiger moms vs lenient moms.  Homeschool or public school or private school.  Soccer moms or baseball moms or cub scout moms or against-all-extra-curricular moms.
It goes on and on and on and….
And then there are the mom bloggers.  We take these issues and talk about them. and most of the time, or so I like to believe, we don’t mean any harm- we are just talking about our own experience.  But, we can seem like we are judging- whether we are or not.
And these disagreements take on a new life of their own.  Plus, you add blogging issues on to the parenting ones: if someone gets more opportunities than we do or has more readers or has more comments or a better page rank or higher klout score, or whatever it is that we wish we had.
We can get MAD because we just. don’t. get. it.
And we can attack without really knowing someone or trying to understand where they are coming from.
We become the bullies that we hope our children never have to deal with. And it’s not okay.
I think ALL of us need to take The Mom Pledge.  It’s about pledging to be respectful of other moms’ choices.  About respecting different opinions, but not tolerating or feeding into those who are rude or disrespectful.  It’s about understanding that we are a community.
BWS tips button
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that we ALL are going to be best friends.  It’s actually okay if we’re not- because we click with some people and not with others. But, we CAN respect each other and stop the bullying, stop the hate, stop the mean girl act. We’re mothers, not junior high girls.
Click the button and sign the Mom Pledge. 
For more on bullying, check out Momma Made It Look Easy’s #itsnotokay movement.
It makes me SO HAPPY to see women banding together and working toward acceptance, instead of tearing each other down.  Because I’m fully convinced that mom bloggers can rule the world- if only we can stop fighting each other.

Comments

  1. LOVE THIS!!! Bullying is my "hot" topic. It always has been, and probably always will be. But you're right, it doesn't stop with children. It SHOULD. But it doesn't. And that's NOT OKAY. I'll sign the pledge. Can't wait to check out the movement. Sounds like something near and dear to my heart. Thanks for sharing. You never disappoint.

  2. I wholeheartedly agree: kindness is the key. There is but one map we should be following, namely, The Golden Rule. Wouldn't it be good if it was posted on the back of cereal boxes that we read at breakfast? What a perfect way to daily remind us!

  3. I just wanted to peek my head in and say hello, I miss all my blog girls so much. But writing is getting done, quite exciting.

    Shell, as always, I love your insight on this. I attended a small, private school until high school and I was intensely bullied. These were the days when bullying wasn't something anyone even talked about and so I suffered for far too many years at the hands of some very cruel children.

    Because of that, I have learned how beautiful tolerance is. It is actually a wondrous thing to know people all over the spectrum. As long as your viewpoint is not one of hate, then you're okay in my book. Well…except for bad fashion. I'm sorry, but I just can't get beyond bad fashion.

    So, that's it, baby doll, I just wanted to come by and say hi and I miss you and I'm off to sign the pledge.

    Oh and one more thing: Fabio will not follow me. I try at least once a day to say something clever and nada. It makes me hopelessly sad. I'll just have to live vicariously through your follow.

  4. This is great. I have always had a live and let live philosophy and as long as your way of parenting doesn't adversely affect me or mine, I'm usually ok with it.

    However, don't mess with Kids. On the other hand, I usually tried to teach my kids to stand up for themselves. I've had incidents when other parents got in MY KIDS face and believe me, that's not allowed.

  5. AMEN~ It ticks me to see the ones calling others bullying and promising to get the bullies if they don't stop bullying (huh?….isn't that bullying a bully?)

    We all make mistakes. If someone humbles themselves to admit a mistake….we need to show grace and mercy.

    Comparing ourselves to others….will lead to heart ache. I know that all too well. The grass always seems greener…and sometimes when we get to that greener pasture, we want to go back! Thanks for this great post!

  6. Your time is perfect. This has been on my heart this week- especially after the gang of mommies who hate me reared their heads again and are potentially ruining a friendship with 2 members of their group because these 2 women dared to defend their friendship with me. It's so sad. The worst part is- they spend time and energy directing themselves in negativity and hatred towards me and they don't know me so all of the negativity they put out in their group doesn't even impact me.

    I just don't understand why anyone would choose to be mean or negative or hateful… it just feels better to be nice and loving!!

  7. AMEN! I love the Mom Pledge and added my button for sure. The jealousy and backstabbing in the blogosphere is seriously out of control. It just reminds me why my friends in high school and college were always guys…because there was no drama! As adults, you'd think we could just be happy for other people instead of tearing them down. It's sad, really. There are some AMAZING bloggers who I definitely see as role models for success, but I'm NOT mad or jealous of them! They have worked hard to get where they are and I'm happy for them. If anything, it just proves to me what hard work and dedication can lead to.

    I'll shut up now.

  8. A good reminder for us all. It's easy to fall into jealousy and judgement. But we're adults now and it's time we all started acting like it.

  9. Yes, yes, yes! All of this. We are all moms regardless of how we do things. We all love our kids and want the best for them. I've never understood why we can't seem to build each other up instead of tearing each other down. I love all of this.

    And thanks so much for sharing. I really appreciate it.

  10. I LOVE THIS!

    I am very laid back and don't really get riled up about the parenting choices of others. But I've had MANY many hate comments from people who don't agree with my parenting choices. It's upsetting, and hurtful.

  11. I love the Mom Pledge! I added my button already.

    Moms, online and off, can be a force to be reckoned with. We just need to get along and be respectful first.

  12. Preach it, sister! 🙂

    P.S. I still love PYHO but I've had too MUCH to pour lately … so, I haven't poured anything. I'll be back next week, I promise.

  14. Shell, you are truly wonderful! I just thought you should know. I know you may not be perfect, but I think you are a great example of what every REAL woman should be like.

  15. It's really, really important to be good role models. Kids learn at home. I try to remember that every day. Sometimes I fail but I try.

  16. What a wise post! Parenting choices are such a touchy topic, because obviously we all think we are doing what is right for our kids. I try to remember that what's right for my family isn't right for every family and vice versa. There's no way that kids will every really stop this behavior as long as they continue to see it perpetuated by the adults in their lives, as inadvertant as it may be 🙁

  19. Wonderfuly said! Being a mom is a tough job and, knowing this first hand, us moms need to build each other up instead of tearing each other down.

  20. I love love love this!!!! SOOO true…

    I have motherbitches at hockey … it made me smile because i never knew exactly what to call them .. now i know.. i m taking the pledge my friend

  21. It's always so sad when that type of behavior is "discovered" in a new place. For so long, blogging was nothing but happy. But like with everything else, you see the ugliness over time.

    I have seen the Mom Pledge tweets, but haven't clicked through yet. Going to check it out now!

  22. It makes me sad that, even as adults, we fall into this behavior. "DO as I say, not as I do"…it's a tragedy. Why do we feel the need to exert our "power" over ANYbody else. And adults actually should know better.

  23. Great writing, Shell.

    I haven't taken the pledge yet, but now you've got me thinking that I should.

  24. Great post Shell, since I know you have on more than one occasion spoken about the "motherbitches". Some women and men never grow out of that "high school" mentality. So it's to be expected that it's going to show up in blogging and it shouldn't. We need to stand together and support each other. If you don't agree something then walk away if you can't say something nice.
    I signed up and added the button. I can't wait to write my post!

  25. I love this… it's so important to just be respectful. Other people's choices are just that- other people's. I'm not a mom yet, and I already dread the questioning of how I'll do things- from even people close to me (SIL- aaghhhh)!!

  26. You have been so respectful of those who have done you wrong.

    You have not sunk down to those who have tried to tear you down, because of jealousy.

    Everything you have here with blog, is because you worked it. I've known you over a year, and respect how you are, and have seen all the hours you put in.

    I have seen how you uphold your husband and family.

    You are fair to everyone. And giving and encouraging.

    I have respect for you, Shell, and I respect that you're doing this.

  27. You're right, mom bloggers could get together and rule the world. Sadly, the internet is where people get to be the bullies they didn't get to be as kids – or worse, to continue the bullying they perpetrated as kids. Best part? It's virtually anonymous. It brings out the worst in so many people.

  28. Great post! I see it everyday in blogging. I'm going to sign the pledge now. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  29. Great post! I see it everyday in blogging. I'm going to sign the pledge now. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  30. AMEN! Just proudly posted this on my blog. I get so stinkin sick of watching grown women act like middle schoolers online. I have removed otherwise good blogs from my reader because of the drama – I have enough of it in my every day life, thankyouverymuch.

  31. Amen.

    Teach tolerance by being tolerant. (That's becoming one of my favorite things to say lol)

  32. Just caught up on a bunch of your posts and have a huge smile on my face from

    A. Ass hit me

    B. Your adorable wedding picture

    C. Snot stories.

    And then there's this post, which is so important. Good for you.

    Count me in.

    No bullying. Aren't we all trying to do, be, accomplish the same things?

    We just want to share a piece of ourselves.

    Thanks for this ~ really.

  33. Excellent. Love it, it is so so true. I have been meaning to write something on this topic. It's been in my head and heart, just hasn't hit the "paper" yet .. .:)

  34. Well said, Shell! We all need to just come from a place of love, empathy and acceptance our differences, it's what makes this adventure called life worthwhile!

  35. This is a wonderful post! Thank you so much for your support of The Mom Pledge! One of the things about parenting I find so daunting is that my child learns by watching Everything.I.Do! It is my actions, not my words, that teach her the most important life lessons. So I decided to take a stand against the bullying I was seeing on Mommy Blogs. Fortunately, I have yet to be a target, but that isn't what matters. I can't sit back and allow the behavior to take place. Period.

    Proud to have you as a member of The Mom Pledge community!

  36. You know where I stand on bullying. Having had my daughter be a victim and all. There is no reason to be mean. Sometimes the best thing you can do is turn the other cheek and rise above your detractors.

  39. I agree and that's why I took the pledge early on…to make myself accountable for what I say.
    It's a good idea, the right idea for all of us. Thanks for blogging it..as always Shell you are awesome.

  40. Love this. Bullying is a SERIOUS issue in the blog world right now…I've seen more of it in the past few weeks than I care for. But, like you said, most people don't intentionally mean it. It just happens. Here's to putting an end to the motherbitches and being examples for our kids. 🙂

  41. The first time I realized that people actually bully in the blogworld I was SHOCKED!

  43. I love that and so agree! I will check out Jen's movement. Thanks for remind us all about how bullying continues onward into adulthood. 🙁

  45. I belong to a club for parents of multiples and it shocks me the amount of drama involved. I don't understand – it seems like we should all support each other since we're all in the same boat. Being a mother is HARD and we need friends by our sides. Beautifully written, Shell!

  46. Love this, and I have often felt the same way. I do my best not to judge or badmouth others, but I know I often fall short. Thanks for the lovely reminder!

  47. Bullying in the blogosphere has always baffled me- why not just click away? Why leave nasty comments to people? I just.don't.get.it.

    The second I opened this email I signed the pledge. Love it!

  48. So far knock on wood I have managed to steer clear of any blogging bullying and I hope it stays that way as yes we really are too old for that.

  49. I agree with this so wholeheartedly. Bullying in the blogosphere is so unnecessary. That's why I was so excited to see Elizabeth starting the mom pledge.

  50. I hate the bullying among adults- it's so ugh. I never understood getting all up in someone's business about their parenting choices, I mean if we all did stuff the same, how boring would the world be?

    What ever happened to respecting others opinions, agreeing to disagree, and accepting differences? How are we supposed to teach our kids if we're setting that kind of example?

  51. Im still surprised when I see people bashing others on their blogs…we are all adults! Like someones choices or not it doesnt give anyone the right to bully or be mean!

  52. Oh girl that is so a big pet peeve! Love the post and sadly it happens so much :(. Way to go girl!

  53. I think this is a great idea.

    As a mom of an 11 year old and a new mom of a baby, it's been interesting to compare how different "mom blogging" and social media has perpetuated this bullying that was non-existent in 1999 with my first baby.

    In my wise old years, I've just come to realize that I'm ok with what I do and it's ok that others may not be. Every experience is different and quite honestly, even between my own babies, it's different. I do what works for me and if others ask what we do, what I say is, "this is what works/worked for me".

    Contrary to what my my own online issues say, I'm not interested in telling people how to be mothers. Well, maybe those Teen Mom girls. 🙂

    Great post!

  56. Fabulous post. Great idea, too. I can't believe the behavior of adults sometimes.

  57. Wonderful post Shell! It makes me sad to hear of bullying no matter if it's adults or children, it needs to stop!

  58. I just found your meme and I like it! Gonna participate. Although I pretty much say what I think any day. I will save the biggies for Wednesdays here. HA Adding your button to my blogroll and your meme to my Wednesday list.

    Swing by my blog any time.

    Pam @ The Journey Leads Home

  60. GREAT post!!! A topic that is close, and getting a little bit closer as the school year is moving on. I even chose The novel "The Chocolate War" for my next paper because of the bully topic…..

    Thanks Shell!

  61. Sometimes I think it's so natural to judge that we don't even realize we're doing it. I'm guilty of it too. We're all differnt, and I think we should embrace that more! Great post. Sorry I missed the link up today. It's crazy at the shoebox! 🙂

  62. An important and unfortunately, needed reminder. Great post, Shell!

  63. Shell, what a great post in honor of a great pledge! Love. It!

    Kindness is a bottom line in every arena. A friendly reminder, a nudge in the right direction is always welcome. Thanks for that!

    Great post!

  64. Really good points Shell! Sometimes these topics just become a feeding frenzy for hatred. It can escalate quickly, too.
    Thanks for helping raise awareness about these programs and campaigns. 🙂

  65. Love this post Shell.
    I think we are quite cheltered down here in little old New Zealand – our little blog community is so miniscule that we are all best freinds, or so it seems.
    There's certainly never been any agro or nastiness between Kiwi Mummy Bloggers as we are called, and we have only heard rumours of blog-bullying that goes on in our big blog-sisters' naighbourhoods. Maybe because we are such a tiny fishpond that the companies have only just begun to cotton on to our clout with our readers and so there's not much to be jealous of… yet.
    I'm hoping that as companies discover us we will keep the feeling of support and freindship that we currently have.
    I'm all for the Pledge, respecting differences and being polite. I mean really. If we don' like someone's blog, we can always click away, right?
    xx

  67. I took the pledge last night! Thanks for spreading the word – this is a great initiative and I think more the more moms involved the more powerful and strong and positive the mom-blogger community can become!

  68. I absolutely agree with this and you spelled out the reasons why perfectly. We all should be able to escape bullying or at least empowered to take a stand against it.

  69. I'm not a mom yet, but I feel like I know what you mean!

    Also… I'd like to donate a prize from my etsy shop, if you think it would be a good fit (I'm thinking of the "write your own story" notecards). Let me know if you're interested!

  70. I think the longer I have parented, the more humble and less judgemental I have become. Teens do that to you! Kind-of-LOL.

    I think people are judgemental when they are ignorant (meaning un-educated – don't have experience with). Until I homeschooled and immersed myself in that community, I had no clue about how awesome it was. I don't homeschool right now, but am such an advocate of it.

    That ought to be one of my unconditional love rules – you might disagree with another person but that doesn't mean you treat them with less respect or more condenscension.

    I love your courageous stand on encouraging moms to unconditionally respect!!!! I'll go sign the pledge:)

  71. I agree soooo much. We are all different and we need to accept each and every one of us for the decisions we make.

  72. Amen! You're so right…see this is why I love you soooo much.

    And thanks for your sweet words of support about my little 2 year old jailbird Cooper. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you for commenting on that post…It's been a bit of wild ride around here. Your words were so helpful to me in that disaster that is my life, but you're a great friend and I wanted to thank you…

    Lots of yummy love,
    Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner
    http://www.mawhats4dinner.com

  73. I hate bullying I was bullied from grade school all the way through high school. It's a horrible and terrible thing. I hate it. I'll take the pledge!

  75. Shell, I love this! It is sad when a bunch of grown women act like junior/high school girls. We are all mothers, there is no need to be a bully! We all have our own opinions but there is a classy or should I say an etiquette about how to share your opinion! Adults who are bullies show their kids that's okay. It's not okay, life is all about respecting one another. Thanks for sharing girl! Going to the link now!

  76. You know where I stand on this issue for sure! You are such an inspiration Shell. I wish everyone would accept that people are different, that's ok, and not everyone will like you. That doesn't make them mean or a bully, we are all just different. There is something, and someone for everyone.

    Oy!

    Great Shellerific post as always!

  77. Fabulous post. You are so right! I read this while at a seminar yesterday (on my phone) and forgot to come back and comment.

  78. Two things come to mind here:

    Do unto others as you would have them do unto you….

    and

    If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.

    I love this idea by the way.

  80. I love this idea – and you're right, so seldom does the recent focus on bullying talk about how it doesn't stop with kids, that sometimes adults are even worse!