Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Pour Your Heart Out: Pick Up the Phone

I adore social media. Blogging, facebook, twitter, instagram, pinterest and google plus. It’s an easy way to stay connected to people and to meet new friends.

I sometimes look at my phone when it rings and think WHY can’t whoever is calling just email or text me. I don’t have time for the phone. I’ve been known to bemoan “I hate the phone” more times than I can count.

I’m staying in touch with people if I “like” their facebook status, right? I mean that should totally count as keeping up with each other, right?

Giving up social media is not something you’ll see me doing. And in the world of blogging and then the work I do as a social media strategist… it’s 100% necessary.

But…

My dear friend Kir of The Kir Corner said it beautifully in a Pour Your Heart Out post a few weeks back: I miss talking to people. <— Read it. Seriously.

Her lovely words expressed feelings I’d had but pushed away because I’d think who has time to pick up the phone or to *gasp* meet in person? Ain’t nobody got time for that.

phone

Shockingly, not just for text messages, facebook, and twitter.

But there really is something to be said for actually talking to someone. Whether it’s on the phone or in person.

When you can hear the other person’s tone and they can hear yours.

When your conversation veers off on a wild tangent because something one of you said made you think of something that’s only related in a seven degrees of separation sort of way.

When you can hear each other laughing instead of typing LOL or a smiley face emoticon.

Recently, I had long phone conversations with two of my oldest friends(not age-wise, just been around the longest. We’re all still young. Or so I’m going to claim for a long time to come). Granted, both took place while I was on long car rides with no children with me, so I couldn’t be doing anything else other than badly singing along with the radio and I was actually able to hear them. I couldn’t be texting or tweeting or facebooking or emailing or anything else. So I took that downtime to actually talk.

I loved being able to catch up with my friends. There was a different feel than the short electronic messages we send each other otherwise. And because it was just us, we could share things that ohmygosh no one else ever needs to hear that and let’s hope we’re the only ones who remember that.

Both times, I hung up the phone smiling and thinking that I need to make more time to actually talk to friends. Even better if I can have one of those chats in person. But for now, I’m making a promise that I will pick up the phone more often.

Is there someone you haven’t talked to outside of offline in a while that you’d love to chat with? Pick up the phone. And then come back and tell us about it.

pour your heart outClick if you want to find out more about Pour Your Heart Out. Remember, it’s about what you want to pour out: it’s personal, so there isn’t an assigned topic. It’s also about being supportive of others who are sharing: so visit other linkers and be kind with your comments. Please add the button from the sidebar or add a text link to your post if you are joining in.



Comments

  1. I wrote just about this same issue several days ago. I think it is very sad when people don’t even have time to interact with those around them. We are losing something very important.

  2. Sometimes I do pick up the phone and just call because it’s easier to get out in actual words (spoken) what I want to say than it is to type it out on the phone or I don’t want to put it on Facebook or instant message it. Or sometimes I just need to hear an actual human voice that isn’t my husband’s or my children’s and that I don’t have to keep my guard up with as much (coworkers). So maybe I’m just one of those weird people who still uses the phone to talk every once in a while? I mean…it’s still not often (because I really don’t have time for full-blown conversations but once every couple of months)…but it happens, especially if I really need a friend.

  3. I know exactly what you mean. I find myself “hating the phone” as well. Such a vast difference than when I was a teenager. I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the phone. Of course, back then texting, cell phones, blogging, social media sites were things of the future. But now, I do sometimes feel like talking on the phone is such a drag. However, it does make you take the time to sit down and enjoy a good conversation every now and then. Or you can multitask, do a simple mindless task as sorting out clothes or washing the dishes, while chatting the time away. 

    • I lived on the phone as a teen. I have no idea what we even found to talk about since we were in school together all day plus wrote notes. Yet we could talk for hours at night! 

  4. Kir’s post was so spot on and the timing of yours is pretty amazing. Monday, I was supposed to meet up with a friend of 15 years for breakfast that I don’t get to see very often. Sunday sucked royally for me. She texted to confirm and I was so in the thick of things that I didn’t respond. Several hours later I confirmed and apologized for the delay and explained in text a brief portion of my day. Monday AM she called and said, “Instead of making the hour drive for an hour of time together, let’s just talk on the phone that long.” And so we did and it was AWESOME! 2 hours of talking about anything and everything with a dear friend when we usually just get by with a quick text.

  5. I loved Kir’s post.
    And I’m guilty of hating the phone. I used to enjoy talking on the phone. Not so much these days. But you’re right. There’s just something about it that’s not quite the same using other means to communicate. It’s the human factor. Sometimes, we just need that real life connection.

    • I always claim I don’t have time for the phone. Social media/email can be done whenever I have a free moment. But I’m learning that it’s a good thing to make the time for those calls. 

  6. I’m a phone  hater too…until recently.  I’ve taken  a break from being on social media so much and in turn I started wanting to talk on the phone more.  I’m definitely enjoying more phone talk time, although it is hard to fit it in sometimes.  

    • I’ve been in a partial forced time-out over the past week with the craziness of our move and our internet not being installed until Saturday. And I have to say that it actually feels a little good! 

  7. Hi Shell,

    It’s my first time visiting your blog.  I’m coming by from SITS.  Sadly, I am guilty of being addicted to my phone so much that I can neglect my present company.  I’d really like to work on that.   But I do miss talking.  Not just on the phone, but at coffee shops and over lunch.

    • I think it’s the norm these days- we’re so used to being able to stay connected wherever we are that we forget we can set our smartphones down! 

  8. I must admit that I text way too much. It’s just so easy and the kids can do it at school or work much easier than they can talk.
    Sandy

    • The convenience makes it addicting. And in cases of being at work or school, it’s not possible to have a call. 

  9. I miss talking to people over coffee/meals without us checking our phones 🙂 Seems like we all get so connected that sometimes we lost touch with the real life and I am guilty to do that too sometimes.

    • I’m so guilty of checking my phone while out with friends or with my husband. And sometimes I have to for work. But other times, it’s just a habit and I have to realize that no one from work is frantically trying to get a hold of me at 9pm on a Saturday night. 

  10. I”m not, and have never been, a big phone person. I’ve just never like talking on the phone, but I found myself in a little bit of a tough spot last week and I realized I had no one to call… well, there were plenty of people I could have called, but given my own feelings about the phone, I didn’t want to bother anyone… and I just needed to hear a comforting voice, KWIM?

    • I really am awful about the phone. Though since I don’t have too many people to have an irl chat with around here, I’m learning the phone is better than email. 

  11. Terrific thoughts, Shell. I love your honesty here. I do think the world is falling into an online communication pit, and I’m as guilty as anybody. I often prefer email because I like to edit and write and formulate my thoughts in ways you can’t do when speaking. And yet nothing can beat a genuine voice-to-voice conversation for connecting with close friends. I think of my friends who live far away, and what I wouldn’t give to be able to sit across the table from them instead of being confined to e-mail. When you look at it that way, social media pales in comparison.

    • And email is just so convenient- you can do it whenever you have time, save as a draft and get back to it later. Whether you are sending or receiving, there isn’t an immediacy to it, like there is with the phone. 

      I really wish I were able to do more face-to-face with friends. It’s so hard to find the time for that. Especially those who live far away. 

  12. I couldn’t agree more! Just two nights ago my phone lit up with a ‘missed Skype call’ message right as I was going to bed. I ended up staying up an hour longer just to have a talk with my oldest friend and get to see her adorable baby. I went to bed feeling happy – rather than just sending a couple of texts and forgetting about it. I rarely have time for calls and such, so it is nice to squeeze them in there every now and then. 

  13. I actually go through withdrawal when I don’t get enough face to face time with my close friends. There is definitely something electric about sharing chemistry with another – our facial expressions, the inflections of our voices, the uncontrollable laughter or sometimes sobs just can’t be replaced. It reminds us how human and vulnerable we are, and how much stronger we can be together. Great Post!

    • And just being able to be together and not say anything at all for a few minutes, just enjoy each other’s company. That’s something that doesn’t happen online! 

  14. I used to be such a phone talker, but now it seems as if I’m always too busy to make that call. One thing that has worked for me is video chats – I have a couple of friends who I regularly catch up with in a Google hangout. It is great to be able to see them while we are talking, even though we are many miles apart. 

  15. I know exactly what you mean-great post! I added my post to your PYHO linky, but for some reason no picture showed up. This has so been my week for everything that can break, or go wrong, to happen(that is what my exploding crockpot post is about!) Please feel free to add any picture to the link if you want. Thanks!

    • Oh, me, too! 

      When I look at the end of the month at how many minutes I used to talk, it’s not much! 

  17. I loved Kir’s post!  I miss  talking to people too.  I still get in the occasional phone call with a friend, but I need to do it more, even at the cost of not sleeping or not getting something else done. 

    • I always have an excuse as to why I don’t have the time, but I’m trying to change that thinking. 

  18. I hardly ever talk on the phone anymore – but when I do have the chance to connect and chat with a friend, I always feel better for having done so. Such a great reminder that that interaction is worth making an effort to maintain! 

  19. I read Kir’s post a while back and loved it. I talked on the phone with my sister last night for 45 minutes! Something completely unheard of for me, b/c I’m a phone hater too. But, you’re right. There’s something about sharing a laugh, a cry, a memory that we don’t get online. Great post! 

  20. Oh how this hits HOME for me!!!! I am the EXACT same way!!!! Ain’t nobody got time for long calls or chats… and yet, oh how I know there is so much missing from that mode of communication. The fulfillment is limited and the depth is modified and shortchanged because of it. I need to take more TIME to engage with people the ol’ fashion way…

    • It really is hard to find the time, but I really want to work on it. Because that personal communication really does help so much. 

  21. I miss my friends so much after moving. The problem is that we were never talk on the phone friends, we always texted or FB each other and made plans to get together. So now that I’m across the country I’ve lost that contact and it’s weird talking on the phone. When did I get to this point where it’s weird for me to talk on the phone? Sigh. Thanks for the reminder that I need to get over myself and talk on the phone with my friends again.

    • I totally get this. 

      We moved about 3.5 years ago and I was so used to just emailing/fb’ing those friends and then we’d all meet up in person to really have our chats. So the phone is a weird idea for us 

  22. My goodness I LOATHE talking on the phone. But when I do? I’m usually glad I did. I’m terrible about picking up the phone but thankful I have friends who are the same way. We just pick up where we left off!

    • I’m awful with the phone. Even just a basic call somewhere to find something out- I try to shove it off on my husband. 

      But I need to get better at talking to friends and staying in touch. 

  23. I am not a phone person, I can much easier put my foot in my exceedingly large mouth when I speak.  That being said, there is nothing like catching up with an old friend or nonsensical gab that lasts for 30 minutes and you both lose track of time. I always feel better when I’ve talked to someone on the phone. Just don’t know why it’s so hard for me to do.  I’ve been stalking you on Facebook but this is my first time linking up.  

    • Oh yes- online, I have more time to think about what I want to say! But a good friend doesn’t mind my occasional slip ups! 

      Glad you joined in! 

  24. Been a long time…felt compelled to stop by today, and I’m glad I did.  Believe it or not, my problem is just the opposite.  Due to the size and structure of our neighborhood, I see EVERYone ALL the time and get more than my fill of interaction…especially during the summer, when everyone’s at the pool.  Call me a total dork, but I’m craving a little less talk and a nice chunk of silence right about now.  Grass is always greener, I suppose.  🙂

    • Oh my. If I were in that situation, I’d need the quiet, too! I have to have my downtime or I lose it. 

  25. I don’t really miss talking on the phone, but I miss actual time spent WITH my friends, in their presence, where we can laugh and talk and TOUCH.  We don’t do that nearly enough any more.

  27. I love this post Shell and it’s so so true. I’m not sure that I fully realized how much I missed talking to people until recently. Probably a combination of work/life stress. Then I just spent a weekend with my best friend and it was so lovely to talk face-to-face and see our laughter and talk. 

    • That’s what happens to me, too. I don’t realize how much I’m missing until I have an opportunity to really connect with someone. 

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