Things I Can't Say

Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom

Pour Your Heart Out: My Husband is an Asshole

Yes, yes, he is.

Sometimes. 

And with the little things, I think oooh, I want to vent about this. And I consider posting a little blurb with his latest asshole move on my facebook page and letting you all have a laugh at his expense. Or make myself feel better when you agree with me that yes, he is being an asshole.

But usually, a few hours (or okay, days) later, I’ve forgotten entirely about what it was that he did that made me feel that way.

Other times, it’s a more involved story. Something that isn’t just a minor irritation but something that really hurt my feelings or left me thinking WTF???? And of course, writing things out has been a form of therapy for me ever since I had my first sparkly pink diary in the third grade. So maybe I could write it all out. Get my feelings straight and gain some perspective. Deliver it to you as a neatly wrapped blog post, tied up with a big “isn’t he an asshole?” bow at the end.

bow

And it might make me feel better temporarily.

But, do you know why I haven’t written those facebook updates or long ranty blog posts?

It’s not because I want to pretend that my marriage is perfect. I’ve been honest about how I think marriage is something you have to work at. And that Hubs and I have gone through some rough times in the past. So, I’m not worried that my venting would out me as someone who doesn’t have a perfect life. Um, yeah, definitely never claimed that. 

I haven’t written about any of it because I really do love my husband. And while he has his asshole moments, he isn’t actually an asshole.

And if all you ever heard about my husband was when he did stupid shit like not getting me a Christmas present and then turning around and spending $300 on a gym initiation fee that is just for him or his being so exhausted from a guys’ weekend that he comes home to nap yet needs to rest for the rest of the day after he has to spend 3 hours alone with the kids(just as examples *cough, cough*)… if that was all you ever heard…

You know. Those stupid things that make a wife think asshole. And make anyone she’d tell about these sorts of things think the same thing and do that head bobbing thing as they said girl, I wouldn’t put up with that. If people still do that head bobbing thing. In my head, that’s what I see when I hear that phrase.

But, it’s never that simple. Those asshole moves aren’t the full story.

There are sweet moments and funny moments and just normal boring old married couple moments.

But I don’t tend to write about those other kinds of moments all that often. So, I’d have to start making sure my asshole-to-nice-guy blog post ratio was in proper proportion.

Otherwise, I’d be painting the wrong picture of Hubs for you.

The only thing you’d know about him would be what I told you. So my vents would lead you to believe that he’s always an asshole and that I never do anything that he considers annoying(I can’t even type that with a straight face).

That’s the thing about blogging(or facebook or even gossiping with your girlfriends on a moms’ night out)- when others don’t really see our lives but just see it based on what we put out there.

So even though I have moments where I think asshole when it comes to something Hubs did, that’s as far as it goes. Because despite his moments, he really is a great guy and I do love him.

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Comments

  1. If I called my husband out for everything “I” felt he did wrong, I would have to balance it out with all the things that I know I did wrong. It comes down to the fact that we respect our husbands and love our husbands too much to put that stuff out there. It’s just not nice and you know we would be furious if they wrote those kinds of posts about us. 😉

    • I would end up writing about nothing else but marriage if I was trying to keep it all balanced. And you’re right- I wouldn’t be thrilled to see things written about me. 

    • Sometimes I feel like this post, totally.
      Sometimes I just don’t get him.
      Sometimes I don’t understand him.
      Sometimes I can’t figure out how he thinks.
      BUT
      I always love him. He just can irritate me. Sometimes. Okay, a lot of times.
      AND
      Like you said, he is a great guy.
      I just need to Learn how he thinks 🙂
      Great post Shell. Great post.

  2. You know how much I agree with this. So few people know the whole story behind a person’s marriage- except what is put out there. I have hidden more than a few people on Facebook because really, why air all that in public?? Such a good, good point.

  3. I came here thinking “there is no way that Shell is actually calling her husband an asshole” for reals — this is, honestly, a really sweet post.  I hate to think of the number of times, every day, that Duffy must think “asshole” about something I did.  But, in the end, I’m always trying — even if I, sometimes, might not actually be successful.

    • I’m not saying I’ll never write that kind of post, but something truly awful would have to happen first. I think in marriage all we can do is try our best- we’re all going to mess up at some point. 

  4. I would have the biggest book ever if I wrote down all the times my hubs was acting like a turd. Perhaps I would have to dedicate an entire blog where I blog about his DAS on the daily (daily asshole syndrome), imagine the followers??!! But you’re right, we don’t do those things cause we love them and respect their privacy to be complete turds… though forgive me if I slip up from time to time on twitter lol!!

    • An anonymous DAS blog would be genius. Can see all the venting now! 😉 

      And of course on twitter- I’m not saying I *never* say anything negative, just why I try hard not to! 

  5. Despite social media and blogging and girl’s night out, a little discretion doesn’t hurt either, in the right places.  There are certain things that are too personal for the internet and I applaud your for knowing which ones are for you  – and respecting those limits! 

    • Online, there’s no real context for it, so when we complain, I think it looks worse than it actually is. Same could go for things I’ve said about my kids. 

  6. There have been many times where I’ve wanted to vent about something stupid and jerky that my husband did or said, but I held back for exactly the same reason. But I love him, faults and all, and he really is a good guy, so it wouldn’t be right to only show his bad side.

    • Those little comments here and there that people throw out- we might totally forget, but others won’t. 

  9. I don’t like to vent about my marriage online or offline for the same reasons and because I feel like it forever changes how my friends and family see him. I love him more than anyone else so that means I can forgive him easier and faster than anyone else. But my friends and family won’t forgive him as easily and they will see him in a new light. I don’t want that for them or my husband. Plus there is the other side of the whole my husband is an asshole thing and it’s my wife is a bitch. And I surely don’t want my husband ranting about me either. Can you imagine reading a blog post/FB status about what a bitch you are? I can and it doesn’t end well.

    • I think it does change others’ perspectives- they’ll remember the bad things we said long after we have forgotten all about those small annoyances. 

  10. I learned long ago that unless you are in the situation, you just can’t judge anyon by what someone else says. You are smart to control how often you vent about him, not because of what we might think, but I think that becomes a habit and it can be so toxic. Well done on knowing the right balance and being honest that it isn’t always rosey, but it isn’t always dark either.

    • It would be so easy to focus on the negative. But it doesn’t give a full picture(thank goodness). 

  11. “tied up with a big ‘isn’t he an asshole?’ bow at the end” <– Best.Line.Ever.
    There are so many things that I have thought about writing or posting on FB to vent about some stupid thing but it's really not worth it to get a few chuckles and likes at someone else's expense, and surely not my husbands. No one knows the full story unless you're living the full story.

  12. I don’t talk about my marriage online much, the good or the bad. It’s not that we’re perfect, or so far from perfect I can’t write about it. It’s just one of those things I don’t feel I can add perspective to, or value to my reader. 

    But you, Shell, you can and with this post you just did. 🙂 I have thought “asshole” more than once, too, but he’s not really one. He just has assholic moments. Like a normal guy!

  13. Oooh I hear you so loud and clear! Our men can really do some dumb things, but then I realize they may think the same about us. While I don’t share many a$$hole stories, sometimes for empathys sake….. 😉
    Thanks for hosting!

    • Not sure if it makes it stronger, but it definitely would weaken it if I were to vent about every little thing to everyone who would listen.

  15. Loved, loved, loved this post! I wish more women felt this way and worked as hard to protect their relationships. Marriage takes work and some days it feels like the work out weighs the benefit, but those moments are fleeting. It’ all the stuff in between that really matters.

    • Marriage is hard enough when you are just dealing with your spouse. Bring in everyone else and their two cents and it would get really ugly. 

    • It’s a lot easier for us to forgive and forget when it is our own husbands rather than a story we hear about someone else’s. 

  17. Anyone who doesn’t think her husband is an asshole from time to time is either lying, or trapped in a delusional fairy tale!! 

    But I totally get what you are saying. You hit the nail right on the head.

    • Yup, total liars. While the facebook rants about husbands feel awkward, I also roll my eyes at the “I have the best husband in the world” statuses, too- at least the ones who say it ALL THE TIME. 

  18. It’s funny that you wrote this post. Had I read it almost two years ago, it would have saved Leo from a few, shall we say, “asshole posts”. I couldn’t help myself in the beginning. Like you, writing (first in journals and then on here) has been a form of therapy and seeing stuff in writing definitely helped Leo to see things being unfair (and LOTS of stuff got fixed) but I 100% agree with you that it didn’t show the whole picture and I wanted people to see the whole picture. The husband rants are far and few between and usually intermixed in a post about something else because my whole blog is about being honest but there is a way to do that without cutting Leo down to nothing. I mean, he could do a whole blog on my shortcomings and I’d never want that to happen. 🙂 I have such a love/hate relationship with FB and this is just one of the reasons why.

    • I’m sure there are some not-so-glowing stories about Hubs on here if you dig back and look. 😉 And I totally get mentioning some of them- but there’s just a way to do it that is still respectful. Like adding humor, the way that you do in your posts! 

  19. This post is very honest, and, if most people were more honest, they would admit that their marriages are similar — mine included.

    • No one has a perfect marriage- but it’s easier to work on it if we don’t involve others! 

  20. Hello, my friend! Not only do I rarely share a bad story about my hubs, I also implement that sort of thinking in my real life. I learned a long time ago, in order to have a strong, healthy marriage, one of the key ingredients was to always look for the best in my partner. Don’t get me wrong, there are times, after all these years, that I wake up and look over at him and even in innocent sleep, he’s just bugging me for the very fact that he exists. But thankfully, those times are few. And I don’t talk smack about him, (well, only to my sister when I really need to vent) because I know how much that would hurt, if the shoe was on the other foot. 

    Also, too? I just shared this tidbit with my college girl the other day. She was annoyed by some minor thing her boyfriend did and she was sustaining their argument by making the age-old mistake of thinking he should automatically know what he did wrong. I told her that men’s emotional and sensitivity wiring is nowhere near the complexity of ours. In other words, and I’m not being offensive just truthful, men are much more basic and they need to be told exactly what it is we need from them. In other words, “This is why I’m mad and this is what you can do to make me happy again.” Simple and effective. It’s worked out pretty well for me.  

    • Such good advice, my smart friend! 

      Any time anyone starts focusing on the negative- they’ll find it. And that’s not a good thing for marriage! 

  21. No doubt. I get so tempted to bust him out, in order to get sympathy, and generally, I tend to do a LOT of bitching on the blog. But it’s not healthy. Like the IRL therapist, without the whole story, there’s only so much good that can happen.

    • I sometimes feel the need to vent or even think oooh, I could turn this into a funny story. But most of the time, I stop myself, realizing it’s not going to help anything. And it might hurt. 

  22. Totally agree with you!!  This is why I also heard that it is best never to complain to your mom about your husband either– if you are just complaining and telling the things that bother you and then you makeup and don’t tell her that part than she might still be mad at your husband even though you no longer are.
       Plus while we do all need someone to talk to and it is good to vent at times– a public forum is rarely the place to do it.  

    • I’ve heard that same advice- it’s like moms never forget and they’ll hold it against them forever. Not a good thing! 

  23. Yuo, yup..write it like it is…Raw and bold…Good and bad..I actually feel better reading your post! At least, you’re letting us see what real life really is…and it’s not always a beautiful painted picture..Have a great day!

  24. Every time I have the urge to vent about my husband I always stop for a minute and think…what does this say about me? I chose him! and I choose to continue to love him even when he makes a mistake.  I completely understand your statement about it not being about trying to protect an image of perfection. I honestly don’t think a perfect marriage exists!! If I had someone noting all the annoying, dumb things I’d done on the internet for posterity I think it would do a lot of damage to my psyche AND if the person posting it was my spouse…you could bet that our marriage would slowly be torn down.  Facebook, the blog, even in front of friends—NOT the place to tear down your spouse. Write to my husband–write privately in a journal…definitely healthier options!

    • No such thing as a perfect marriage- though I know a few people who make that claim. I’m pretty positive they are lying. 

  25. What a great post…and it is all what you put out there…and sometimes it’s hard to do it justice and give a good perspective. We all have those moments we what to scream what the heck? And then the sweet loving moments. Oh the power of the blog!

  26. I don’t post about my husband much either because like you said it’s not the full story and while I think that he was the one being an asshole… it could have been me at the same time.

  27. Here, here! I have a friend who I’m pretty sure is just in the habit of complaining about her husband. He has his faults like everyone else, but she’s just so used to picking up on every stupid boneheaded move he pulls, that’s all she ever talks about. I mean, she could go on for hours, and has. But I don’t hear about a single good thing he does.

    I think we all have to be careful to not let ourselves fall into that habit.

    • It seems like it’s easy to get into the habit of venting- and then not mentioning any of the good. But you have to figure there’s got to be some good or why are they still together, right? 

  28. First, I love how many times you said “asshole.”
    Second, there are some women who only post negative stuff when they post about their husbands. So you automatically think they are an asshole. And that’s not fair to the husband because she might just be highlighting a small side of him.
    Everyone’s an asshole sometimes. I’m probably more of an asshole than my husband because my husband truly doesn’t MEAN to be an asshole.
    I love saying asshole today.
    I think it will be my word of the day.

    • I loved this comment. Full of assholes. I did consider taking some of them out since I rarely even cuss at all on here- and then do this post where I make up for a year’s worth of cussing. 😉 But I got going and couldn’t stop myself. 

  29. This is exactly how I feel! I’m always wondering if the personal things I write tell the whole story. My kids are like this, my husband is like that — and of course my online persona doesn’t tell the whole story of who I am either. I don’t like to listen to people who only talk negatively about their spouse, but I also get irritated by those friends who constantly post how amazing and perfect they are either!

    • Everything is just a glimpse into someone else’s life- online or even IRL, we never know the full story. 

      Those people who constantly post how awesome their spouses are make me gag. And think they are trying to cover something up. LOL

  30. YES! I especially love this – “That’s the thing about blogging(or facebook or even gossiping with your girlfriends on a moms’ night out)- when others don’t really see our lives but just see it based on what we put out there.” – I also try to have a balance of what I put out there. It’s interesting, I rarely post about my husband and sometimes I wonder if that’s a reflection. He’s a great dad and a good husband and he certainly has his a-hole moments. Then again, I do too 😉 

  32. Yes to all of this. My marriage is far from perfect, but I seriously doubt that posting rants on Facebook or my blog would make it stronger.
    Fortunately like your husband my husband evens out his unfortunate mistakes with some really good stuff.

  33. Such a FANTASTIC and honest look at the wife/blogger dilemma! I too, keep and set boundaries around my marriage and all I want to actually share with with blog world. I love your honest take on it all!!!

    • Everyone has to figure out where those boundaries are for themselves. It’s tempting to spill every last thing, but probably not wise! 

  34. There are times I think about it posting something about Husband. Then I realize he puts up with my shit as well – and it pretty much evens out in the end. 😉

  35. You’re right!  I have a friend whom I’ve known and loved for many, many years.  When hubby and I went through a spell she was the one I vented to (she was going through something similar).  Because of that, she STILL thinks my hubby is a jerk, despite the million and one great things he’s done before during and since.  That was a long time ago now, but it was when I adopted the same theory you’re talking about here.  If I think hubby’s being a poot these days, I just tell him.  He knows I love him anyway.  🙂

    • Those we choose to vent to- they have no reason to forgive and forget like we do, so they tend to remember every bad detail we confess. 

  36. Girl! This is such a good post! It’s a topic that I think can get us all really talking! I don’t like to over share those asshole moments either. They happen! They happen all the time! But, I don’t share them for the same reason. 

    • That will eventually make its way into wedding vows: to have and to hold my tongue about you on facebook. 

  38. Well, at least you know that your husband isn’t truly an asshole! Me.. on the other hand….. *sigh* .. Mine didn’t use to be one but has turned into one. 

  39. I also keep our arguments and less than stellar moments private.

    There is a girl I am friends with. She has two kids and is pregnant with a third. They are having marital problems. She is blasting all of it on Facebook. Down to the details. It kills me but I can’t say anything. If they with things out we will all remember what was said.

    Plus I’m probably a bitch way more often then Joey is an asshole and no one needs to hear about that! 🙂

    • It’s so awkward to see it all on facebook, isn’t it? And then a day later, the same person saying something wonderful about their spouse. 

      I’m with you- I have lots of bitch moments! 

  40. So basically… nobody’s perfect. That’s what I figured. 😉

    But I’m definitely getting your meaning here. Sometimes it is so easy to complain or paint a pretty picture, but it is much harder to give a fair and balanced accounting of how things really are.

    Plus, we all know husbands are assholes. At least some of the time. 

  41. I’ve been having a lot of those moments lately, where I’d love to vent, but then, yeah…everyone would think my husband was an asshole and not know the reason behind it. It’s bad enough that I text my vents. At least my BFF knows to take those with a grain of salt. 🙂

    • I think we all need that friend that we can vent whatever to, who will listen but still realize that it’s not the full story and who won’t take what we say as the full picture. 

  42. There’s lots of give and take in every marriage.  Loved reading this because it makes me know that I’m not alone in my experiences.  Thanks for sharing!  Stacie xo

  43. Sometimes I think it would be nice to vent and get some validation for my anger but like you I remember that it’s not the best idea. I tend to only vent with mutual friends who know me and know my husband and who love us both and understand our good, bad and ugly.

  44. I saw a Pintrest pin once that said Don’t talk bad about your husband to anyone. Ever.

    Now, I am not saying that I *never* say anything bad or complain about something he did or didn’t do – but to put it in writing for who knows how many people to read (whether it be in a blog post or on facebook or twitter… nope. Not doing that!) I can’t imagine how hurt I would feel if he did that about me.

    We are all human – we are all assholes sometimes 😉

    • I saw that pin, too! I was trying to find who to credit for it so I could use it here or make my own version of it- but I ran out of time! 

      It’s always so awkward to see those people who have fights over facebook. 

  45. This is a really great reminder! You’re so right, when we get together or write we tend to focus on the funny stories, or the irritating things that our spouses do and forget the sweet things or the n0rmal every day things that they do and we take for granted. Love this post it helps me to remember that I’m pretty lucky.

    • Especially if you look at the bad with humor- we start thinking that it would make good blog fodder. 

  46. I rarely blog about marriage issues. I will occasionally tweet, but they are almost always of the “My husband and I are having an argument about which kind of Ketchup is better; please prove me right” kind of tweets. That said, I have shared about the difficulties of firefighting life on a marriage, but not in GREAT detail and NEVER details about his job as a whole.

    Plus, he’s really not an asshole. Mostly. (Which could definitely be said of me as well.)

    • I love those kinds of tweets. 😉 

      And I would understand talking about the difficulties that come with firefighting life. But that’s more general and not being negative about your husband. I’ve talked about having a husband who travels and other aspects of marriage as well. 

      And yes- that could be said of almost all of us. 😉 

  47. I rarely write about Ryan, so I feel the same way! I can’t only say the annoying things, or people would think he was terrible, when he is really such a wonderful guy 🙂

  48. Love this, Shell. So so true.  And I tend to write when things are going nuts or not right (my form of therapy) so mostly what you get from me would be those annoying moments about my husband who is really an amazingingly patient and supportive guy.

    Lucky you to have that amazing guy. :-))

    • I think it’s much easier to blog about the problems and the bad things- whether it’s our spouses or our kids. But I’m trying to really think before I put something out there about the impression I’m giving as a whole. 

  49. Oh, I’ve ALWAYS felt this way, too. The Internet is forever. And while I may forgive him in a few days…he’ll forever be That Guy Who Failed To Acknowledge My Birthday- ahem- to the rest of the world, without ever getting to have his own, humorous (published) version of things available to the public. And that’s just kinda mean. After all, no one ASKS to be married to a blogger. 

    • I bet these days, that’s a question people ask each other on the first date “Are you a blogger?… Yes?… see ya!” 

  50. 🙂 I love this post – and completely agree.
    I actually am always telling my girl-friends that — we may be mad and get over it – but the person we vented to may never forget that – and now you’ve negatively impacted their impression of your mate. Yes, we say things in the moment (“my husband is being an ass today”) but that’s not all we should say – nor do we need to go into details about our personal lives to everyone. I have one person I will vent to and she’ll vent back – but at the end of the day we know that it’s just words and that each other’s husbands are wonderful. :):)

    • It’s nice to have that person who can let you vent but still understands that isn’t how it is all of the time! 

  51. Shell, I completely agree with this post! I definitely did the head bobbing thing when you gave specific examples of asshole moments, but I also nodded when you wrote that those aren’t the moments you want to publicly focus on. Sometimes our significant others do things that frustrate us, but those things are representative of who they are as a complete person. Thank you for sharing this post!

  52. Oh, I sooooo totally get where you’re coming from!  I have friends who constantly complain about their husbands on FB (and will even tag him in the update) and I feel so bad for the guys.  I mean, yeah, what he did was crappy but…really….constantly posting about his faults on FB without ever saying one nice thing about him??  I just don’t feel that’s right.

    As always, I love your honesty, Shell!

    • I see those tags with the complaints and I think sheesh- just go in the other room and TALK to your spouse instead of have a fb fight. Or go throw something at his head. But do it privately. 😉 

  53. When I was a younger blogger, I admit, I probably shared more than I should when I was pissed at my husband. Now I understand that I need to take a deep breath. I still rant at times, but I don’t go into details like I did before.  I used to mainly rant about how messy he was and I thought it was funny–but then my husband said it made him feel bad so I don’t try to do it as much. And plus, as he’s aged, he’s gotten slightly neater so that’s a plus!

    • I’m pretty sure if you go way back on this blog, you can find some rants about mine, too. Definitely has changed the more I’ve blogged. 

  54. Oh yeah, I’ve said that word and worse in my head about my husband at times too.  But definitely only half as much as I’ve said “Man, I love that man!” 😉   This is a great and honest post, love it!

  55. Hey shell! I’ve been away from blogging FOREVER, but I know you used to do this on wednesdays/thursdays, so I had a post written up to link, but AH! it only just posted today and the linky is closed 🙁 boo!

    So, if you don’t mind: http://www.snapshotmom.com/post/40835253628
    Here’s my post I slaved over but can’t add, called Mustache Girl.

    As for your post… omg. I’m pretty sure we’re friends on FB and you’ve seen how guilty I can be of bad-mouthing the hubby when he’s bad. And, I’m pretty sure everyone thinks he’s an asshole and wonders why I stay with him. Ugh. I don’t really think it through when I post about it… just need to VENT! lol

    • I totally understand the need to vent. I’ve just figured out that for Hubs and I- it’s best if we deal with it ourselves rather than bringing others in who don’t know the full story. Doesn’t mean I never vent to anyone, though.

      You can link this post next week! 🙂 

  57. I can definitely relate to that. Those “asshole” moments usually stay just between the two of us. It’s true in that what you project out into the world is how others perceive your other. we love ours so we want to showcase the best him possible.

    But man, can they drive us nuts??? (granted, it’s hard to admit that we do the same to them ;))

  58. For me, there’s just a fine line of disrespecting my husband, even if it’s in jest. I’ve crossed this line before, albeit unknowingly, and won’t ever do it again. Facebook and Twitter and whatever else all seem to beguile us into thinking we can mock or make little digs but in the long run there is a still another person at the end of it, a person we promised to honor. I get the whole “your marriage is so perfect” nonsense and have to call bullshit so many times. Um, just b/c I’m not telling y’all about the things he says/does/messes up doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Just because we aren’t fighting in front of you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen and it has nothing to do with trying to present ourselves as flawless. We are not. Hell, I’m not. There are probably plenty of times he wants to go to FB with “can y’all believe this dumb ass just did…” because believe me, there are some times (few! There are few!) when I can be an asshole too. Shocking, I know!

  59. My name is kate, i leave in the uk, my husband and i have been together for over 6 years now, in the last few weeks i have been having problems with him, I do love this man a lot and get married to him but at times i did feel a little confused about this and has wondered if he has been true to the relationship…until i found that he was not being true with me..I did later find out that he has been seeing his ex girlfriend I was devastated and did not know what to do, although I still loved him and could not see myself with anyone else, I did not want to lose her and my friends told me that they could help me with this problem, they told me about a spell caster Dr sambo i decided to give it a trier so I contacted oduduwaspelltemple@gmail.com once again to let him know that I did want to get help with this. With the powers that they do have my husband and I did work a lot of things out and he has came back to me and we are now back together again I did get over the fact that he has cheated on me but sometimes we do need to forget the past and move on to a better future and without king son’ help I don’t think it would have ever worked out.he is truly an Angel sent from up above.

  60. Oh my gosh, if this isn’t true or what?!?!?! I totally agree. And I can’t post those “asshole” posts about my husband because he is one of my loyal readers and I don’t think that would go over well at all!! LOL!

  61. Hello All, this is my first time doing something like this, but i am really at my wits end with my husband. We have been married for almost 17 years and these last 5 have been very difficult. We seperated twice, but for no more than 5 months each time. We always end up gravitating back to eachother.
    Either i look for him or her looks for me. This last time he came looking for me. i even filed for a divorce this last time. he said he wanted to work things out and didnt want out mariage to be over. So i got it dismissed. Its been almost a year since we have been back together and it has been so hard. Before he moved back in he couldnt get enought of me, he always called and texted me, he always told me how much he loved and missed me. Once he moved in he turned into someone i have never met. he talks to me in ways that he never has before, he yells, cusses and always threatens to leave. He goes off without warming and just treats me like he hates me. He always hangs up on me and ignores my calls. I love my husband and i would be remiss if i didnt say that every now and then i see the man i love and that makes me want to keep trying. But at other times i cant stand it. He is always makeing me cry. I dont understand his attitude anymore. He isnt even interested in having sex with me. Everytime i try to initiate something it turns into an argument about how i never let him initiate it. The last time i tried to let him initiate it, it was a MONTH and he still hadnt touched me.He is always tired, always has a headache, or an upset stomach. We use to have sex 5-6 times a week. Now he is not affectionate with me AT ALL, no kisses, no hugs, nothing. When i kiss him he is always stopping them right away like he doesnt want to kiss me. I always tell him what an asshole he is being and i call him out every time he yells or cusses at me or does somthing that makes me feel bad. It always turns into an argument. He acts so secretlive with his bolongings and his phone. It drives me crazy. How can i make the point that things really need to change after i am constantly telling him. I know if i tell him to move out, he would, no problem. But i dont want him to. I still love him and want to make this work. I always tell him i love him and even that becomes an argument he says “i will always love you”. what does that mean? He never calls me back or texts me back, but he is always on his phone. He doesnt help me with anything anymore or around the house. He always acts like a guest and ignores my requests to help out around the house. He is a totally different person now and i dont know what to do…he also does alot of side jobs and is never home. He always has an excuse not to be home an when he comes home he is tired and has an attitude. He can never go anywhere with me and our kids cause he is working, but i cant ask him what he is doing cause he just goes off about how he doesnt have to give me any explanations, its none of my business. I consider myself to be a very strong woman and very agressive, but honestly, he is breaking me down and i am dying inside, he is killing me and any love i still have fgor him. I cant seem to get to him anymore. When i start talking, he turns off, like he doesnt even hear me, he just continues to watch TV or goes to sleep. Am i wasting my time? I dont want o give up. I made a promise when i got marriesd and i dont want to give up.

    Maria

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  63. Great article… I can relate because my husband can be such an asshole. Maria- (from a few posts up) it sounds like your husband is doing something he shouldn’t be?

    xoxo

  64. This is exactly the same reason I never post anything or say anything negative about my husband….even though he can be a huge asshole at times! I really do love and respect him, so even though I might think he’s an asshole, I don’t have to let anyone else know it! lol I tell young people all the time “never talk negatively about your spouse, because first off it’s not anyone else’s business, secondly, RESPECT. That’s what it all comes down to!

  65. I’ve never been to this blog before, but I just got into a fight with my husband. I don’t post our stuff on FB because it’s no one’s business. Plus, I can’t stand seeing everyone’s negative drama anyway, but I feel so alone right now. We just got into one of our normal fights. He really is an asshole. And, like always, I’m working in front of my computer and typed, “my husband is an asshole.” This blog appeared! I’ve been thinking about divorce lately because I don’t know what else to do. I honestly think we should have never gotten married. He is the opposite of me, but we both have very strong personalities. His personality is stronger than mine and shuts me down quite often. But…last night, I had a dream that I didn’t want him to go. I just wish he wasn’t such an asshole all the time and actually understood what I was saying instead of taking everything I say the wrong way or being so rigid with his thoughts or judging every little stupid thing I do. UGH! Thanks for this blog! I needed an anonymous rant!

    • Thanks to PROPHET ABAYATOR, after reading the post of Emilly, Dickson,Dave and Anderson,about how PROPHET ABAYATOR help them get back their job ,Lover,wife and winning of court case, I quickly wrote him and explained how Scott abandoned me on May 14th for another lady, PROPHET ABAYATOR said I should not worry anymore and he assured me he’s gonna be back to me in 48hrs if he could get some items in the voodoo market to cast the spell and I also further testified from other people he had help whom advised me he was real, I waited patiently and he got back to me after he got the items .The Next day at 7pm Scott came to my door step and knelt down, I open the door and I was shocked so I let him in and he said he will never ignore me again, we had sex that night, I was so happy and tried telling PROPHET ABAYATOR about this success but he said all he wanted was for me to share the testimony and let people know how real this is, People all over the world PROPHET ABAYATOR is someone I can recommend and testify, am a living witness of this. You can contact him via email for any kind of spell.ajamugashrine@gmail.com.

  66. Thanks to PROPHET ABAYATOR, after reading the post of Emilly, Dickson,Dave and Anderson,about how PROPHET ABAYATOR help them get back their job ,Lover,wife and winning of court case, I quickly wrote him and explained how Scott abandoned me on May 14th for another lady, PROPHET ABAYATOR said I should not worry anymore and he assured me he’s gonna be back to me in 48hrs if he could get some items in the voodoo market to cast the spell and I also further testified from other people he had help whom advised me he was real, I waited patiently and he got back to me after he got the items .The Next day at 7pm Scott came to my door step and knelt down, I open the door and I was shocked so I let him in and he said he will never ignore me again, we had sex that night, I was so happy and tried telling PROPHET ABAYATOR about this success but he said all he wanted was for me to share the testimony and let people know how real this is, People all over the world PROPHET ABAYATOR is someone I can recommend and testify, am a living witness of this. You can contact him via email for any kind of spell.ajamugashrine@gmail.com.

  67. I truly love my husband, BUT, what a jerk he can be!! I mean get this… he thinks he is the only one who has the, tools to mow the lawn so that it look good. Really?? I mean come on, it’s grass!! I try and do him a favor by mowing so that he can focus on things other than the grass when he gets home. And does he thank me??? NO!!!! WTF?? I mean I do it just as he has taught me. I bag, I edge, I clean, I mow in his stupid pattern. Yet, he seems to think that he doesn’t have to say a thank you to me.  Why are men like this??? They are such,…”Stupid heads”!!  LOL   Yes, I love him very much I just want to kick his butt at times!   Thanks all for listening.

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