After I got over that initial new mom panic of thinking that *I* was the one who had to be with my baby at all times, I stopped having guilt over leaving my kids.
I could go for a girls’ night out or to go get my hair done or on a date night with Hubs and not feel bad.
The kids love whoever I would leave them with.
And I am a better mom when I get a break. I get to relax and come back as not the crazy screaming mama.
Last year at this time, I even wrote about how it was okay to not feel guilt when you leave your child. It’s normal to need a break every once in a while.
But now, I’m headed out of town without Hubs and the kids and I feel awful.
I’ll miss soccer practices, the first soccer games of the new season, a birthday party for a friend of my 3 year-old, and the homework project from hell.
Okay, I really won’t miss any of that stuff: Hubs can take his turn at those parenting responsibilities. And I suck as a soccer mom anyway.
But, my 5 year-old is going through extreme separation anxiety. He never went through this before. My 7 year-old is mortified if I walk him into school and my 3 year-old practically leaps out of the van at preschool drop-off time. I prefer to think that they feel secure and happy over that they are ready to get away from me. So, this is something new.
But, this has been a really rough school year for my kindergartener.
Though his new school is better for him, we went through several days like this:
I’d walk him into the school and say goodbye in the lobby and watch him walk down the hallway to his teacher, who waits outside of the classroom for the students.
Or, that’s how it was supposed to go.
Instead, I’d walk him in and he’d cling to me and sob.
One of the TAs told him that he could wave to me once he got to his class and he’d see that I was right here.
What he would do is to take two steps and then turn around and wave, tears streaming down his little face. Repeat all the way down the hall.
He’d get to his teacher and collapse against her and tell her “I’m never going to see my mommy again!”
It took every. single. ounce. of my willpower not to go snatch him up and tell him it was okay to stay home with me.
And now I’m leaving him for four sleeps.
I wonder if I should send a bottle of wine in to his teacher.
Really, I know he’ll be fine. And that I’ll have a blast on my trip. But, I still have mom guilt.
Added to the mom guilt: that I’m really not worried how the other two will do without me for a few days.
I just can’t win.
Do you feel guilty when you spend time away from your kids?
Click if you want to find out more about Pour Your Heart Out. Remember, it’s about what you want to pour out: it’s personal, so there isn’t an assigned topic. It’s also about being supportive of others who are sharing: so visit other linkers and be kind with your comments. Please add the button from the sidebar or add a text link to your post if you are joining in.