I always seem to fall into a bit of a funk after being out of town.
Whether it was a trip to visit family or a conference somewhere, I come back home and feel a little deflated.
I’m having a particularly hard time after this most recent visit to see my family.
Because if I were still there, I would be spending time with my newest niece. Cuddling her and bringing her big bows and pretty headbands for that full head of hair she was born with. Teaching her from a young age that Aunt Shell should be her favorite aunt. Letting my boys hold their cousin or at least having my oldest hold her while the other two keep my brother’s gigantic dog busy outside. Bringing them a meal and then letting them eat it in peace while I took care of the baby in a different room.
If I were still there, I would have been at my other brother’s house before the sun last week to stay with my niece and nephew while their mama was having surgery to remove her cancer. I would have taken them to my house overnight so my brother didn’t have to worry about getting home in time for their bedtimes. I would have been sure their freezer was stocked with meals for when she got back home. And now that she is home, I would take my niece and nephew on excursions with my boys so that my sil can get the rest she needs.
Both have other family and friends there to help, but I wish I could, too.
Even if they didn’t need me, to just be there, so that I’m not just one more person to keep updated on facebook or instagram or a text or phone call. I’d be there.
And even aside from family, to be somewhere where there are so many friends I want to catch up with that I wasn’t even able to fit them all in during that short trip.
It all makes me realize what I’m missing.
Because we’re a long drive away. Not one that we can make all that often.
I realize that I made a choice to move here initially and here is where I met Hubs, but that was way before marriage and kids.
And there are lots of things I like about living here.
The distance for when my family decides to show how dysfunctional they can be.
I love my boys’ school. And Hubs’s job is here. Mine, totally portable.
And to my husband, this is home. For the few short years we lived up north, he missed it here.
But, his being so happy here just magnifies the loneliness I feel here. Friends that he’s known forever. Friends he can do all sorts of things with. And while I do think he needs to have those fun times where he gets a break – when he’s able to do so with such ease and I only get that type of break when I’m off visiting somewhere… it just makes it seem even harder.
And while he has family here, we don’t see them often. I’ve spent more time with my new baby niece than I have with my nephew down here. Considering she wasn’t even a week old when we left to drive back down here, that tells you something.
I know I need to pull myself out of because it’s not like we are going to be moving.
But I need a little time to wallow.
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