I love the good parenting days.
When everything just seems so easy.
Sure, there are little bumps along the way, but they get smoothed over pretty quickly.
Of course the days aren’t perfect, but they are mostly filled with laughter or an enjoyable peace. The tone of those days is so easy-going that any problems that come up seem so very manageable.
Those are the days when I feel like damn, I’m getting this mom thing down.
And we’d been having a lot of those days lately. Days that developed their own rhythm. When the boys played nicely together while I worked and then we had fun family time after I was done. Or when they were off at camps and their joy carried over to when they got home(or maybe they were just too tired to argue).
No major issues happening.
I never got to that way of thinking of being a smug mom and sneering at the moms who complained about how hard the days were- I still did the “Amen, sister” *virtual cheers* thing to any mama who needed to vent about how hard it all was. But I was finding that I was less likely to be the mom to start the “this is so hard” conversation.
We’ve had our share of hard here. Maybe even more than our fair share of hard.
But recent events have lulled me into a state of peaceful mom-ing.
Which is why having a bad night… a night that brought back all the memories of just how freaking hard every. single. day. used to be… totally knocked me on my ass.
When the hard days were the norm, I felt so low all the time that almost anything that happened couldn’t throw me because well, it was already a tough time, what was one more thing? I accepted the bad with a kind of defeatism and rolled with it to the next thing, just trying to push through to the next day, when it would all start all over again anyway.
But I haven’t felt that low in a very long time. We’ve had hard moments along the way, but the started to feel more like the exception rather than the rule and were easier to deal with.
Tonight I got knocked down and had a reminder of what life was like from the depths of I suck as a mom and I can’t do anything to help my child despair.
And I’m trying to remind myself- it’s just a moment. A night that will pass. And that it’s entirely possible to go back to that hey I can do this thing school of thought. I don’t have to stay knocked down.
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