“You think this is hard?” she asked in a smug tone of voice.
I stared at the woman, wondering why some stranger felt the need to talk to me. I hadn’t been complaining. I guess it was just that I was pushing a two year old and a three year old in a double stroller and had a baby strapped to my chest in a sling.
She continued, “This is the easy part. Just wait, it gets harder.”
I don’t know if there is a crueler thing to say to a mom of three kids three and under.
That had to have been the most physically exhausting time of my life. Having a newborn(while I loved all my babies) was rough- the sleepless nights taking a toll. Add in two toddlers who I couldn’t let out of my sight who loved to run and couldn’t do all that much on their own, and I was in constant need of a nap. A nap I rarely ever got.
To hear when I was feeling like that, that these were the easy days, it was enough to make me want to quit. (If it’s possible to quit motherhood.)
But I’m past that stage now. My boys are 5, 7, and 8.
My three big boys
And I want to let you know, moms of babies and toddlers and preschoolers: it gets EASIER.
Go ahead, let out a huge sigh of relief.
Some day, it will NOT be as physically exhausting.
Sure, there are challenges with this age group. Especially since they are out of the house more so there are friend issues and school issues and all sorts of things that I never even thought of back in the baby days. We’ve had our share of challenges in these years.
But no one needs to be pushed in a stroller or carried(or at least, not often carried). There are no diapers or needing to plan everything around naptimes. The kids sleep through the night(usually, anyway).
There’s so much they can do on their own and I can let my guard down a bit since they don’t need me watching every single move they make.
It’s so different from being the mom of littles.
Truthfully, I’m enjoying this stage of motherhood more than I did those baby stages. Maybe it’s just because I’m not so exhausted all the time(just some of the time- and it’s usually my own fault rather than due to the kids).
If you are in that baby/toddler stage and you’ve had someone tell you to just wait, because it only gets harder, feel free to stick your tongue out at them. Because I think they are wrong.
Mamas to pre-teens and teenagers, please don’t burst my bubble by telling me to just wait until they are teenagers. I really don’t even want to think about the teen years yet.
Are you enjoying the stage of motherhood that you are in? What has been your favorite parenting stage?
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I so badly needed to hear this tonight. Thank you!
xo
Excellent (and timely) post! I have a two year old and one on the way, and people have been scaring the crap out of me lately about how this is the “easy” stage. I definitely look forward to trading a bit of the physically exhausting bits for more of the mentally taxing ones! Thanks much!
I don’t know why so many people feel the need to tell moms of little ones that that is the easy part. It’s all in how you look at it.
Amen, sister! I also found the baby stage to be physically exhausting, and now that my girls are gaining independence at ages 6 and 3, I agree it gets easier in many respects. Thank you for speaking up, Shell. And I’m with you – I don’t want anybody telling me how terrible the teen years are. I’m still holding out hope that they can be fabulous. 🙂
Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Let’s hope for that!
AMEN! Mine are 9 & 11 and it’s a walk in the park compared to chasing a 2-year-old with a newborn strapped to my chest. Yes, I know the tween/teen years are creeping up on me, but I’ll take it!
Those toddler/baby stages were so hard physically.
I just sent my baby to kindergarten and my biggest baby to middle school. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a harder kid related week in my life. Nothing prepared me for the emotional turmoil I’ve been going through with this. It’s SO HARD. They can pee alone and eat alone and pretty much do every single thing in life alone. And for me, that is hard. I am not going to do well with college.
🙁 It’s all a different kind of hard.
It really does get so much easier. I’m in your same boat Shell – I had three 3 and under and that is no joke. Every few months, it just seems to get easier. The kids become more independent, find interests outside of hanging all over you all the time, and when they get into school you make mom friends who “get it”.
So to all you moms out there with little, little ones who can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, it is there 🙂
It really is! Not that there aren’t hard days, but it’s not as exhausting.
Hearing this makes me happy! It seems like we trade one issue for another as they get older…but honestly, the sleepless nights (and I’m still dealing with sleep issues, with my 2 and 4 year olds) and the constant supervision and the not sharing and fighting over everything and buckling everyone into car seats and potty training…it’s been tough on me! I will miss it, yes…and I will miss it dearly. But all the butt wiping and nap issues…I won’t miss those!
Some days, I miss mine being so small. And each stage presents new challenges, but I don’t know if anything can compare to the physical exhaustion of the baby/toddler stages.
Thank you for this, Shell. My kids are 3.5 years and 15.5 months, and I can already see how it’s easier than it was a year ago. In a couple of months, my littlest will be heading to playschool 3 days a week. The idea of 3 free mornings? Is making me giddy. 🙂
Oh wow! I’d be counting down to the quiet. 😉
This is so encouraging to hear. To be 100% honest, I probably spend more time with my baby brother then our mom does, sadly, because of work and it is incredibly difficult for me. Remembering diapers and changes of clothes and toys… and then he’s at that age where he doesn’t want to be carried he wants to run and he doesn’t want to hold your hand. He gets into everything. It’s crazy… and sometimes I just want to tell my mom I don’t want to do it anymore. But I’m so, SO glad you say it gets easier. I really hope it does.
Thanks for a great link up, Shell!
I’d think it makes it even harder because he’s your brother and not your son. I have much more patience for my own kids than for anyone else’s.
I do miss when my kids were babies, but I enjoy the people they are becoming and I agree, it does get easier!
when I hold my baby niece or nephew, I do have a short longing for the baby days. But it usually goes away. 😉
I am loving the stage we are in right now. Both the kids are old enough to be independent and not need mom to keep an eye on them (literally) every second. But they are still little enough than they want mama to cuddle or play etc. I agree with you 100% it does get easier!!! 🙂
I do dread a little when mine get too big to want to cuddle.
Such a nice and refreshing thing to hear!
🙂 I heard way too much negative, so I wanted to try to balance it out.
We are at the stage where my son can dress himself and communicate what he needs. I am loving it.
It does get easier when they can really share what they need instead of us having to guess.
I’ve got two toddler right now, and while it’s hard, I also think this is one of the most fun stages some times. I can’t wait for it to get easier, but I’m in no rush. And yes, I choose to believe it gets easier, not harder. Some find the newborn lack of sleep stage hardest, while others find it harder dealing with school troubles. In reality, I think it’s never really easier or harder – it all just depends on how you look at it.
I didn’t want to rush through it when I was in it, either. Each stage has its own challenges. I just think the baby/toddler is the most physically exhausting.
You are so right. It gets easier. I’ve been immersed in the world of little kids for 12 years and now that my youngest is about to turn 3 I can see how much easier it is. The big kids are pretty self sufficient and nobody needs the high level of supervision that is required for toddlers. Soon we will be a diaper free house for the first time in 12 years. 12 YEARS. I might throw a party.
That deserves a party!
I have always made it a point to enjoy the stage that I’m in (although I’m guilty of complaining at times) because you never know what is in the future. I also have always thought it was easy to do that because I only have one and he was super easy as a baby. I count my blessings and would never burst anyone’s bubble (at least not on purpose). 😉
For sure- I didn’t hate any of the stages, I just find the one we are in to be less physically exhausting.
Thank you for this! B/c I think with two it’s hard…and we possibly want 3…but it’s nice to know it’s a little easier when they are more independent but always new challenges with each age. Can’t believe that lady told you that!
I heard comments like that a LOT when my boys were younger and it drove me crazy.
I remember the agony of when my firstborn was a screaming reflux no sleeping always sick baby- oh how terrified and exhausted I was…
and my sister came into the house and claimed “Oh this is the easy part- enjoy it while it lasts.”
I love this post. I LOVE this message. Sharing!
It’s so cruel to tell a mom of a baby/toddler that that is the easy part. We don’t know any different and so we think it is near impossible so none of us wants to hear that it gets harder! Plus, it’s a lot of perspective- different challenges with each stage. But I do think it gets less physically exhausting.
I am mostly loving the 10 year old stage. It is much easier than the baby/toddler years.
We aren’t quite there yet, but we’re definitely past those baby stages!
I love the statement you made that it is “All a different kind of hard.” I was thinking last night that I love the stage (my 6 & 8) are at right now (except for homework). Of course, thinking back I loved when they were babies and I could sit and rock them. They don’t allow me to do that too often anymore. And I remember somebody telling me when I had the two of them in a double stroller that it was the easy part.
I don’t know why people feel the need to tell moms that!
I do hate the homework part of this stage.
I totally agree, I have a 7 and 4 year old, and it’s been pretty darn good lately. I can read books again, it’s heaven. It’s just been in the last 6 months to a year I feel like I finally have “me” back. And, I love not having to have diapers/strollers/diaper bags/the neve-rending list. I know some people love the baby stage, but’s it’s not my favorite, to me, it’s been the most physically & mentally draining part of parenthood.
It’s definitely very draining. I do love babies(of course) but I think that stage is so hard.
Funny you should write about this. I’ve been thinking about doing a similar post, but then haven’t because now my daughter is a teenager and I feel very inexperienced in that regard! But yes, having bigger kids is the reason I think we had a better, easier, summer.
I am a little worried about the teen years, but I’m trying not to think about it for now!
I don’t want to think about the teen years yet either! I think there really are hard and wonderful parts about every stage, so the trick is to try and enjoy and not always be thinking “I will be happy when”– as then you will never be happy
So true. I don’t want to wish any of it away.
I hear that all the time. My favorite is from my sister in law who is a SAHM with four kids in school all day who claims it’s harder now. Yeah right! There is no way that is true. I have refused to believe her for years now. I think people forget how exhausting it was having little kids. And how you’re always on since they can’t do very much for themselves. And that they are always getting into something. From my own experience, it’s easier now that my kids are 5, 3, and 3 than it was before.
It’s different when they are in school and you have to worry about homework and getting them to all their activities and dealing with all the friend issues. But still- it’s nowhere near as draining as it was when they were babies.
I would NEVER say that to someone. It’s hard enough being a new(ish) mother whether you have one or several.
I have 4, 5, 6, and 24 year old kiddos and have been through all those stages. I have to admit that I did enjoy those early months MUCH more than the toddler, preschool, elementary ages. I loved having something to keep me occupied at night (I’m an insomniac). The cries were plenty but so much better sounding (to my ears) than an older child crying. Then there was the freedom of being able to lay them down in one spot and know that they will stay there while you go take a pee break or shower. changing diapers of a less than few months old baby was fine with me. It was the whole “bigger kid” diapers and potty-training that drove me crazy! 🙂
With all that said…they grow up too fast and then I miss all the early years 🙂
es.
I don’t do well with little sleep, so I don’t miss that part of the baby years- though the being able to put them in one place and know they weren’t going anywhere was nice. 😉
You’re right on part of it. At least one of my children has gotten easier, which has made some of what we’re dealing with easier. I think that for most parents, it does get easier as they get older.
I thought about adding a whole different section to this on our special needs kids, because I know that’s whole different issue, but stuck to the basics here. 😉
My kids are all older – and I do think it is easier! Physically for sure! Yes, mentally and emotionally it is demanding – but every stage has some emotional drain! Every stage has lots of fun in it too:)
I don’t think it ever really gets truly easy. But the physical part of the baby years is rough!
Oh Shell. Thank you so much for this. As a momma to a 4 year old, 2.5 year old & very-soon-to-arrive newborn, I sometimes need the reminder to look at the big picture. xo
You’ll do great! xo
I *am* enjoying the ages and stages where we are right now. And shame on that woman for imposing her experiences and viewpoints on your situation. Judge-y people stink.
It’s amazing how many people I heard tell me something similar. I don’t really get what they thought they were trying to accomplish!
Actually, yes. I am enjoying this stage and I agree. It does get easier!
🙂 Such a relief, isn’t it?
It definitely gets easier in ways. The thing is, it CHANGES. It may get harder in some ways, but it gets easier in other ways. And it’s always rewarding – not necessarily every day, but there are always those moments.
I really love being a parent to a teenager. You get a glimpse of the ‘real’ person they are becoming, and you get to have some amazing conversations.
Oh for sure- I’d totally expect there to be difficulties with each stage. This stage isn’t without them. But the physical exhaustion of parenting a baby/toddler- that has gone away!
I LOVE teens. Sure they go through the snarky attitude phase, but mine (so far, anyway) have been pretty quick to snap out of that and turn into really fun mini adults. So I don’t think you have to worry about it getting more difficult, if your guys are anything like my three big ones 😉