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December 21, 2011 by: Shell

Pour Your Heart Out: I’m Just a Mom

sleeping child

My youngest, who fell asleep holding my hand

And what do you do?Β 

It’s such a common question.

For a while, my answer was “Oh, I’m just a mom.”

Just a mom.

Like I was passing it off as not much, like I couldn’t possibly be busy. Like what I do isn’t important because I don’t have an official job title or paycheck.

At different times, I’ve had work-at-home jobs. And part of me really liked being able to mention those, as if it made me a more valuable or interesting person to talk to because I was more than just a mom.

But, as the years have passed, and I’ve been just a mom for so long, my perspective has changed.

It’s not something to be ashamed of or something that should be said with an apologetic tone in my voice.

Being just a mom is what I want to be.

Do you know the nightmare that this fall would have been if I hadn’t been home to pick up my 5 year-old every time he had a rough day at school? If I hadn’t been able to take him to his 2-3 occupational and speech therapy appointments every week?

But, I’m just a mom. I never dreamed during all those times I sheepishly admitted that was all I did that one day, I’d be so thankful for the “just.”

At some point, Hubs and I figured I’d go back to teaching-most likely when our youngest is in school full-time. But, that’s next fall. Β But, we need more time to be sure that our Bear will be okay. And I’m thankful for and love the time that I get to be here with all of my boys.

So, I’ll stay just a mom for a while longer.

And be here for every moment: whether it’s the tough stuff or the sweet, frustrating, fun, repetitive, special, or every day. In my life as just a mom, I get to see it all.

I know that to some, that seems really boring: I assure you, I’m never bored. And to others, being just a mom is something they wish they could do: trust me when I say that it has taken a lot of sacrifice to make it possible.

Though what someone else thinks of my choice to be just a momΒ is their own opinion and doesn’t have anything to do with the choice that my family has made.

The choice that I’m completely happy with.

Even in the midst of Winter Break craziness when my boys are trying to kill each other, Hubs is out of town, and I don’t get a break- I know that the right choice for me is to be just a mom.

 


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Comments

  1. Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 says

    December 21, 2011 at 7:05 am

    It’s so interesting that you wrote about this today given what I wrote about. You’re right…there is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a wonderful “job.” We are lucky in so many ways. Now my post seems a little whiny!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:07 pm

      Not whiny. I totally understood where you were coming from.

      Plus, I think that no matter what we choose- we all have a right to complain about it some. πŸ˜‰

  2. Sorta Southern Single Mom says

    December 21, 2011 at 7:13 am

    I would give almost anything to be “Just a Mom” again. Oh, I enjoy my job, but I feel spread thin and I hate that it takes away from my being there for my children. I hate those moments when I yell or am sharp with them and it’s not their fault… oh, they are riding my patience, but I’d have more patience if I wasn’t stressed about work…

    The Grass is always greener, no?

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:08 pm

      It is, definitely.

      I still have those moments when I snap at mine.

  3. colleen says

    December 21, 2011 at 7:22 am

    Thank you so much for this post. I know somewhere deep down that it doesn’t matter what others opinions of me may be but still, the looks I get when I say I am a stay at home mom…and the questions. It can be so frustrating. There are so many people who want me to defend this decision…I guess I need to remember I don’t have to.

    Thanks Shell. This is a great post.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:13 pm

      I’ve definitely stopped defending it. I realized that I don’t question what decisions others make as to what they do, so I don’t have to allow them to question me. πŸ™‚

  4. JDaniel4's Mom says

    December 21, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Shell- I have tried to link my post and it won’t link. http://www.jdaniel4smom.com/2011/12/is-it-santas-birthday-too.html

    Your boys are so blessed that you can be with them and be available when they need you.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:28 am

      I added yours- sorry about that. Sometimes, the linky is tempermental!

      I feel blessed, too.

  5. Lisa ~ AutismWonderland says

    December 21, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Beautiful post!! Even though I work outside the home, I always say that too “I’m just a mom” – apologetically, as if a mom can’t make a difference.

    So not true. I know moms making a difference every day. And being a mom is one of the best things any woman could ever do!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:13 pm

      I feel like it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.

  6. The Mommyologist says

    December 21, 2011 at 7:48 am

    I really think that “just a mom” is one of the most misleading descriptions out there! Moms do so much more than I ever did at any desk job…I’m just sayin’.

    You have to do what is right for you and your family at any given point in your life…period!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:14 pm

      So very true- there’s so much involved in being a mom.

  7. Tara R says

    December 21, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Why do we feel this way about telling people we’re ‘just’ stay at home moms. What we do, taking care of our children, especially children with special needs, can be very hard. I’ve done the office thing before, and what I do now is 100x more demanding. There’s nothing ‘Just’ about any stay-at-home-mom, or dad for that matter.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:14 pm

      It’s the “just” that gives the wrong impression, I think.

  8. Galit Breen says

    December 21, 2011 at 8:29 am

    Yes, this. I so get this, Shell.

    I’ve been on both sides- so very much wanting to be at home, and once I was there mumbling it away in conversation.

    Love this- so much!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:19 pm

      I am going to stop the mumbling. And just be proud. πŸ™‚

  9. Oka says

    December 21, 2011 at 8:31 am

    I guess because I have four kids people understand?!? when I say I’m just a mom. I guess they can’t imagine me doing anything else with so many kids. I use to think that I would go back to work when my youngest was in school full day. Now I am not so sure. I’m not sure I could go to work full-time, manage household chores, and my kids extra-curricular activities. If I do go back to work, it may be something part-time.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:21 pm

      I don’t know. Maybe I need one more and that would stop the looks. πŸ˜‰

      I think if I went back to work, I’d just be adding that ontop of what I already do- not like the rest of it would get split. And then when would I sleep?

  10. Lisa @ Two Bears Farm says

    December 21, 2011 at 8:34 am

    it’s a privilege to be just a mom πŸ™‚

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:22 pm

      It certainly is!

  11. Krista says

    December 21, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Oh Shell… finding what works for your family and knowing without a doubt that you’ve done that is truly one of the biggest accomplishments. So many people struggle with their decision to stay home or go to work and there’s no one size fits all answer. Knowing that you are exactly where you need and want to be has to give you so much peace.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm

      Every family definitely has to make the decision for themselves. For us, this is the right one. And a peace does come with that.

  12. Jessica says

    December 21, 2011 at 8:36 am

    I absolutely love this and wouldn’t want to be anything other than “just a mom.”

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm

      The thought of doing something else stresses me out.

  13. Evonne says

    December 21, 2011 at 8:38 am

    I’m “just a mom”, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

    Since I stopped working, I’ve had people, including my husband, ask when I was going back to work. We’ve had to make sacrifices along the way, but I think for the most part, they have realized that “just a mom” is where I want to be and is the best decision for our family. Even if they didn’t realize that, it wouldn’t change my mind about being home.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:25 pm

      My husband was a hard sell for a while, too. I think b/c his mom worked, so he didn’t understand why I wouldn’t. But, at this point, even he sees why I should be at home with our kids.

  14. angela says

    December 21, 2011 at 8:48 am

    I relate to a lot of this post. My husband and I sacrifice a lot for me to stay home; it was a decision we didn’t take lightly, and it was a very conscious, difficult decision in a way. I couldn’t be happier with how it’s turned out, but there are times when I find myself hedging the “just a mom”. I add, “but I write a little” or “I used to be a teacher” or change the subject. Then I get irritated with myself, because I’m not ashamed of what I do.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:26 pm

      Oh yes, I was horrible at throwing in that “I taught until my oldest was born.” I don’t feel the need to any more.

  15. Jackie says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:07 am

    Amen!
    I almost feel like with each year of being “just a mom” I am gaining more self confidence in my title. No longer do I casually mention my previous job (I too was teacher) as if that validates who I am.
    In this moment,
    I’m a full time mom,
    period.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:26 pm

      Exactly- there’s no need for me to talk about what I used to do. I’m happy with the job I have.

  16. Joshua says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:08 am

    That’s such a sweet picture, and I love when it happens.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:26 pm

      Thanks- my youngest is a cuddler.

  17. Denise says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:08 am

    Every situation and family is different. I hate that people are so quick to judge and that it makes others feel like they have to justify their choices.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:27 pm

      Every one of us has to figure out what works for them. There’s no right or wrong choice- it’s what that family chooses.

  18. Pamela says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:10 am

    I am glad to be just a mom for now, but it is hard to say sometimes because some people don’t get why I would choose that (last night, I had a family friend suggest several career options for me; hello, I’m raising my daughter!.) We only get that time once. Enjoy your mommy time and thanks for sharing what many of us tend to do sometimes. I wish American society would learn to really value the unpaid work of moms and dads who stay at home; then maybe we will feel less uncertain of the reaction when we respond, I’m a MOM!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm

      I just love the suggestions for what else I could do. I wonder how those people would feel if we suggested other jobs for them b/c the one they have isn’t good enough!

  19. Kristen says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:10 am

    So here is the thing… I’m thinking more and more about the MOM as a career thing. It is the hubs that is still hung up on the “just” part of it. Hopefully he will read this and see that “just” is a pretty big word. xoxo Kristen

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm

      It’s the “just” where people get hung up, I think.

  20. Kir says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:14 am

    You my friend are soooo much more than “just ” anything. I have so much respect and awe of all you do, your big heart, your wonderful friendship!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:30 pm

      Thank you, my sweet friend!

  21. Cindi says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Love the photo and post Shell!

    Mom’s are never ‘just’ anything as we are just everything!

    A friend, a nurse, a housekeeper, a cook, a companion, a partner, (a partner in crime, LoL) a taxi service, a story teller, a snuggly blanket (comfort), a referee, an alarm clock … this could go on a while. (LoL)

    We’re never ‘just’ anything! πŸ™‚

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:31 pm

      So true- we do so much. As do working moms- they do all of that AND have a job outside the home. I’m in awe.

  22. Kim says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:26 am

    I love being “just” a mom. I am so blessed to be able to start at home. I never take it for granted. Great post!!!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:31 pm

      No taking it for granted. I definitely feel lucky.

  23. Alison@Mama Wants This says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:28 am

    I always believe that being “just a mom” is a privilege, not a sacrifice. So glad we’re on the same page πŸ™‚

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:33 pm

      It’s definitely a privilege. One we’ve had to sacrifice for, but not a sacrifice in itself. πŸ˜‰

  24. Not a Perfect Mom says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:28 am

    I used to say Just a Mom…
    Now I say I’m So Blessed to be Able to Stay Home With My Kids…
    All about perspective…
    and honestly? I don’t know if I’ll ever go back to work, I couldn’t imagine someone telling me what to do all day…

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:34 pm

      I love the way you put it. πŸ™‚

  25. Amber says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Some days, I’d give anything to be just a mom. Don’t ever be ashamed. It’s a fantastic job you have!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:34 pm

      I’m definitely learning that it’s nothing I should have to apologize for.

  26. christina says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:32 am

    i truly truly love this post. so much. while i work full time (because there really is no other way around it at the time), i, too, am “just a mom.” it’s something i’ve wanted to be for so long so i wear that title for all to see at all times with a big smile on my face. even on the bad days. (well at some point during the bad days! heh)

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:35 pm

      Ha! The bad days do make it a bit harder. πŸ˜‰

  27. SassyModernMom says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:33 am

    After my 2nd was born I quit mu job to stay home with my 2 girls. The idea was to stay home with them until they were both settled into school. They are in grade 5 and 7 now. I’m still “at home with my girls”. You know what is crazy, I sometimes think they need me more now then they did when they were little. Being a pre-teen in this scary world is hard work. I like to be a safe place to fall. It took me a long time, and sometimes I still struggle, but I am proud, just a Mom πŸ™‚

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:37 pm

      I really think that I will always want to stay at home with mine. We’ll see how that actually works out, but that’s what I want.

  28. brittney says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:36 am

    well said Shell! So many people just don’t get it. Its not that im too lazy to work or whatever I just want to be here for my boys when they are little.. they wont be little forever and I cherish these moments even if being a stay at home mom makes me a little crazy sometimes.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:38 pm

      No, it’s definitely not a laziness issue at all!

  29. Kimberly says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:40 am

    I am currently unemployed. When i went to the ER the registrator person asked me what I did for a living. When I said unemployed I felt a bit embarrassed.
    When family and friends ask me what I’m going to do, I felt even more embarrassed to say that I plan on staying home and being a Mom for a while.
    Why should I be?
    It’s the single most hardest job in the world…that I’m blessed to be able to do.
    Some women can’t say that they are Moms.
    I should be proud of what I do.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:39 pm

      I’ve never even thought of it as unemployed. I write “sahm” or draw a line through it when I’m asked to state my occupation.

      Definitely be proud to be a mom!

  30. Jessie Powell says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:41 am

    It’s strange how our culture reveres motherhood but also demeans it. If a woman is NOT a mother, she’s a failure. (Absurd) But if she isn’t a mother who is also working outside the home, then she’s not really working. (Outrageous) It’s an inappropriate standard, one that simultaneously excludes those women who cannot or choose not to be mothers AND those who choose to dedicate themselves to their families. And Stay-at-home dads face even greater prejudice.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm

      It is weird- like hurry up and have a baby and then hurry back to work. I know that some do that- and that is what works for them, but I wish it wasn’t the only path considered to be normal.

  31. Natalie says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:53 am

    So well written! I have these same emotions when people ask what I do. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way! We’ve got the hardest job out there!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm

      Definitely a hard job! I love it, but it’s challenging!

  32. Emmy says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:57 am

    I always knew that ultimately I wanted to be “just a mom” as that is one of the most important works I can do.

    I am shaping the future, I am creating leaders, I am instilling values in society one person at a time, I am teaching Independence, I am teaching service and how to add to society rather than just take from it. I am teaching love and compassion. I am a mom. And dang proud of it.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm

      I love this. You sound so confident! I need to be more like that!

  33. John says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Shell? Saying you’re “just a mom” is like saying that the Mona Lisa is “just a painting.”

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:41 pm

      My favorite comment of the day. Thank you!

  34. Maggie S. says

    December 21, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Thanks for these thoughts today.

  35. Raw Thoughts and Feelings says

    December 21, 2011 at 10:10 am

    Dear Shell,
    I have been saying this same phrase for many years now, yes with an apologetic and in a pathetic way! My family members treat me as if my life is not important, and that I do nothing but sitting on my bottom. If there are errands to do for my mother, it is me that have to do it since everyone has a title and got paid for their job.

    For some reasons, I CAN’T link up and have tried for the last 15 minutes..

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 10:14 am

      It’s there- it was just taking a little while to show up, I guess!

      It’s unbelievable how people think we don’t do anything.

  36. Life As Wife says

    December 21, 2011 at 10:12 am

    I’m proud to be “just a mom!”

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:43 pm

      Me, too! πŸ™‚

  37. Diana @ A Little Bit of Life says

    December 21, 2011 at 10:14 am

    I love this post. I don’t think anyone is ever “just a mom” though. That job entails so much more that there really isn’t a way to capture it all. I hope your boys appreciate the sacrifices you have made to be able to be just a mom later in their lives!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:44 pm

      There really is so much that goes into it. Though, working moms do all of that and have a job outside the home. I guess that’s where the “just” comes in.

  38. Lady Jennie says

    December 21, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Hi Shell – I’m still here. Just coming out of morning sickness.

    I alternate between feeling apologetic about being a mom, or that it’s not enough for me, and then feeling so grateful that I have time to really be what they need. Although, guilt says I can always take it up a notch.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:44 pm

      Morning sickness? I have been under a rock and didn’t know your news! Congrats!

  39. RoryBore says

    December 21, 2011 at 10:21 am

    Whenever I sense these feelings of inadequacy, or lack of contribution to the outside world creeping up on me, I stop myself and ask: what would me children think – how would they feel — if they were aware that I am ashamed to be “just” their mom. I think the feelings are completely normal, afterall, we are whole human beings too, but it does stop me in my tracks.
    It’s a hard thing for sure, but I think you do just a beautiful job Shell!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm

      It’s definitely the opinions of others that get to me. B/c I’m proud and happy to be just a mom. I’m trying to focus on that.

  40. Melissa at Tall Blonde says

    December 21, 2011 at 10:24 am

    That picture is so sweet! Just a Mom is the hardest job in the world! Kudos to you!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm

      I love sleeping kiddo pics. They always look so peaceful. Thanks!

  41. Teresa says

    December 21, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Thanks for sharing this today. I really needed to hear it. I too, am a SAHM. I feel shame saying it, but you are right: it is a real career. I need to be more thankful.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:46 pm

      I hate that we can’t be proud of it. We really do a lot!

  42. Mrs. MidAtlantic says

    December 21, 2011 at 11:02 am

    No one is ever “just” a mom! I can’t imagine how you women do it… staying home with your children without completely losing it every single day. I am so very thankful for a loving day care center, so my kid(s) can have some time away from me!!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:47 pm

      Mine do need some time away from me and vice versa- definitely. πŸ˜‰

  43. julie gardner says

    December 21, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Let me tell you Shell, I didn’t get to be “just a mom” until my kids were in fourth/fifth grade, respectively; and up until then I’d been teaching at least part time since they were both two months old.

    Everyone expected I’d go back FULL TIME when they reached the age at which I, instead, took a leave of absence.

    Anyone who thinks it gets easier to work when they get older is crazy. Their extra-curriculars and homework and basic human interactions require MUCH more of your time as they get older. So I’m glad you’re holding your head up and proud of your status.

    Because it’s going to STAY just as necessary (if not more) than it is now.

    Of course many families can’t afford a single income and they make it work; and some women choose to maintain their career and they are happy this way. But. If you have been home all these years, you’ll see that the day you think: “Huh. I can easily go back to work now” won’t come for a long long time.

    Like when the boys are in college…

    πŸ™‚

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm

      If I am able- I will most likely stay home until they are off on their own. Who knows if that can happen, but it’s what I truly want.

  44. Tiffany says

    December 21, 2011 at 11:10 am

    AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! My heart ached when I had to work. All I wanted to do was be back home with my sweet princesses. Now that I am, I am overjoyed to be “just” a mom. Because this is the best job on the planet. The pay sucks, but the benefits are beyond compare!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:50 pm

      Oh yes, the pay SUCKS. But the rest of it is pretty sweet.

  45. Sara says

    December 21, 2011 at 11:27 am

    Such a great post! Remember, though you are just a mom, you aren’t just a mom. Us moms are so many more things, we’re teachers, chefs, housekeepers, we’re a little everything. But being just a mom like you said in your post is amazing, it takes a lot and it’s so rewarding.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm

      Yes, we do so much- but working moms do all of that, too. I guess that is where the “just” comes in. But, I’m trying to stop thinking “just.”

  46. KLZ says

    December 21, 2011 at 11:34 am

    It’s nice to see someone satisfied with their choice. It seems so rare lately.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:53 pm

      I think we all complain at some point. But, when it comes down to it, this is what I want to do.

  47. Lisa says

    December 21, 2011 at 11:42 am

    I’d give anything to be just a mom. πŸ™‚

    I am glad you are happy.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:54 pm

      I definitely feel lucky.

  48. Jamie says

    December 21, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Although I’m not a mom, I can still relate to this post in that I feel ashamed in the jobs I’ve had in my life. I didn’t think they were cool enough, so I’ve always been ashamed of sharing what it is I do for work. :/

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:55 pm

      Any kind of job is admirable. There always has to be someone who does each one!

  49. Just Jennifer says

    December 21, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Exactly, Shell! Exactly this! No on is “just” anything, which might sound funny coming from me since I titled my blog Just jennifer. But you know what I mean.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:55 pm

      LOL But your blog title is a bit of a different meaning. πŸ˜‰

  50. Janmary, N Ireland says

    December 21, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    Can I give you a standing ovation?

    Clap, clap, clap!

    So well said. For quite a while I had the privilege to be “just a mum” and identify with lots of your post. I used to be apologetic but my confidence grew and I was proud πŸ™‚

    Of course now I am an (international!!!!) jewelry designer (lol!!!) and through that I to meet you in Atlanta but my jewelry will always be a second to my family.

    Merry Christmas to you and yours from Ireland!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:55 pm

      Thank you so much!

      And yes- look at you!!!

  51. Amanda Austin says

    December 21, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    You should never think that you’re “just a mom”…it’s SUCH an important job and honestly, I think it’s much harder than my job that includes a paycheck and title! There are days when I’d do anything to be “just a mom”. Your babies will appreciate it so much someday.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:58 pm

      It is definitely harder than any paying job I’ve ever had.

  52. Tiffany says

    December 21, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    You hit the nail on the head, at least how I feel when telling others “I’m just a mom”. Some will never understand and we shouldn’t have to explain ourselves anyways. We are the forefront for our children, the one to guide them, protect them and love them. SAHM do more than JUST STAY HOME.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:58 pm

      No, some definitely don’t get it.

  53. Making It Work Mom says

    December 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    I think that saddest thing is that as woman we can’t embrace the choices we have made whether because we have to or bacause we wanted to. There are many times that I have gotten “the look” from people when I told them that yes with 3 small children I work outside the home full time. I think that depending on the group we have all mumbled our answer to “What do you do?” at one time or another.

    And I so agree with Julie Gardner that it gets harder and more complicated to work outside the home the older your children are. Just wait. I think you may be delaying your working outside the home for awhile.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

      Whether we work or stay home, we each make the choice that we need to for our families, what works for us. I hate that anyone would question either side.

  54. Tayarra says

    December 21, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    There is nothing quite like the feeling of becoming confident in the decisions you have made for your family (along with the hubs)! Whether others disagree or judge doesn’t seem to matter anymore. You are taking care of the most important thing the best you can. That’s what matters the most in life… not a job title or a paycheck! Great post, Shell! Merry Christmas to you and your adorable family. I love that picture by the way! My oldest is one that loves to fall asleep holding my hand or touching me in one way or another.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 2:00 pm

      It did take Hubs a little longer to get on board. πŸ˜‰ But knowing that this is the decision that is best for us has really helped me to stop trying to justify it to others.

  55. imperfectmomma says

    December 21, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    Love this. So true.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 2:00 pm

      Thanks!

  56. Jaime says

    December 21, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    I also say Just a mom, when I know that my job is important. I love that I have seen every single one of Annabelle’s milestones. Being home with her for the first 5 1/2 years of her life has been the best part of mine. But I still say just and then there are times when people’s eyes glaze over and I’m set aside as less important. I hate that.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 2:05 pm

      I think we need to stop saying “just.”

  57. Carolyn says

    December 21, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Yeah, I used to answer the question in low voice like being a Mom wasn’t enough.
    I hate the term “homemaker”, I usually now say I’m raising my children and running our HH πŸ™‚

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 2:05 pm

      That sounds like a throwback from the 50s, doesn’t it?

  58. aislin says

    December 21, 2011 at 1:21 pm

    i cannot explain the love i have for the words your wrote. i’ve grown up in the generation that is ‘all about me’ and ‘maybe kids, maybe marriage, but ME first’. to be honest, i am the odd one out in my group of friends, for wanting to be ‘just a mom’. but motherhood is so much more than a ‘just’. thank you for this.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm

      I do have quite a few friends- especially those I went to college with- who cannot understand why I have made the choice that I have. I shrug and tell them it’s what’s right for us.

  59. Meghan says

    December 21, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    My step-mom was “just a mom” for a year and a half. From December of my senior year to this September when she went back to work, in a different field. I am so grateful that I had that time to bond with her. I’m 19. She’s my best friend. One of them, at least. I tell her everything, and I am so glad that she was “just a mom” during that time period, she was there when I really needed her. Know that even though your kids might not cherish the time or acknowledge that they do now, they do & they will when they are older πŸ™‚

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 2:07 pm

      Sounds like that time together was so wonderful!

  60. MiMi says

    December 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    My friend has on her FB profile “Just a mom, wife and nurse.”
    I always think “JUST a mom?!” WE ARE MOMS HEAR US ROAR! I love it!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 2:07 pm

      Roar!!!!! πŸ˜‰

  61. Elizabeth Flora Ross says

    December 21, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    I choose to be “just a mom,” and I’m proud of it. But I have found that people sometimes dismiss me when they realize I don’t have a “job.” They assume they will find nothing to talk to me about (except my child) and end the conversation as quickly as possible. Or I get a very condescending, “Oh, that’s nice.” Which is a) wrong, b) insulting and c)their loss. Even better is the reaction I get when I tell people I’m a blogger. Oh, Lord! πŸ˜‰

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:23 pm

      Definitely their loss.

      Probably the funniest reaction I ever got was when I was blogging celeb gossip last year- and people were so condescending about it. I finally got sick of it and smiled and said, “yeah, well, it’s nice to make more than I did at my old job” said right to someone who worked my old job. Maybe a little evil, but well… I couldn’t help it.

  62. Adrienne says

    December 21, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    Beautiful post, Shell!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:23 pm

      Thanks, girl!

  63. KH99 says

    December 21, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Great post! I’m home w/ my toddler for the next two weeks, and I’m enjoying it so much.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:24 pm

      Enjoy your holiday!

  64. Kimberly says

    December 21, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    I see being able to stay home with my kids as a privilege, and one that I am proud of. Though when I’m asked what I do or have to fill out employment information I do feel a stab of embarrassment. Deep in my heart though I know that this is what I want to do.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:24 pm

      It’s definitely what I want to be doing.

  65. Jocelyn @ ScooterMarie says

    December 21, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    That is the sweetest picture ever. And I would love to be able to be “just a mom”. You are very fortunate. I would give anything to be able to stay home with D and hopefully her future sibling(s).

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:24 pm

      We make a lot of sacrifices for me to stay home. A lot. But we wouldn’t change it.

  66. angie says

    December 21, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    I love being, “just a mom”. Happy Holidays!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:25 pm

      Me, too!

      Merry Christmas!

  67. Courtney @ The Mommy Matters says

    December 21, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    I struggled for a long time being “just” a mom. I heard a lot of negativity from some of my family about needing more in my life and how I’d never be satisfied with just being a parent. Now that I work from home, I DO find a sense of fulfillment in doing something I love, but there are days where I just want to be with my son. I say take advantage if it. There will be a time down the road where the kids will be grown and gone. You can be more than “just” then. πŸ™‚

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:26 pm

      I felt the same way about some of my wahm jobs- but some ended up being way too much and taking too much time from my family. I happily gave them up to go back to being “just” a mom.

  68. Sela Toki says

    December 21, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Wonderful post Shell. Like you, I love, enjoy, grateful to be “just a mom”. Before being “just a mom”, I had a career planned. After having my first child, that career went out the window. Nothing was more important than being home for my children. What my husband made, would have to do. It was enough. Now, they’re all in school. I’m back to the workforce field but working at night from home. I still don’t want to miss a thing. I love being and pride myself in being “just a mom”. Thank you for your insight.

    • Sela Toki says

      December 21, 2011 at 3:50 pm

      Totally sucks not knowing how to use the linky tools. I messed up having two of my blogspot appear two times after “you are next” “Click here to enter”. I’ll try again another day. Hopefully I’ll figure it out.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:26 pm

      That sounds like an ideal working situation!

  69. Leigh Powell Hines (@Hinessightblog) says

    December 21, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    It’s a great job, and honestly, I don’t know if I could have handled it working full-time. I like things just the way they are…..just a mom.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:27 pm

      Me, too!

  70. Jen says

    December 21, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    I’ve had a post like this sitting in my drafts for months. Sitting on the opposite side of the fence, I sometimes have to defend my desire to be a sahm. Like that means I don’t have any goals. Because my current job is SO fulfilling. I’d rather be at home wiping my kids butt instead of sitting in a cubicle.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:27 pm

      Oooh, post it! I want to read! πŸ™‚

  71. Missy | The Literal Mom says

    December 21, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Gosh – I do the same thing. Answer “just a mom” when people ask me. Especially working women. Really something to work on because you are so right. God puts us exactly where we need to be and this is where you need to be right now. Me too.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:27 pm

      We need to stop using the “just.” Maybe that will help!

  72. Kristen says

    December 21, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Aww, I feel like you wrote this to snap me out of all of the doubts that have been running through my head lately. This Christmas is very different than lasts because I am a SAHM. It’s wonderful that I am home but I worry about there being a lot less under the tree this year. I know my girls won’t care but I can’t get it out of my head. They truly love & appreciate having me home & I let my own mind ruin it sometimes. It is okay to just be a mom! Thank you for reminding me so! And that is one of the many reasons I think you are an AMAZING mom!

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:28 pm

      There is definitely less under the tree than there would be if I were working… but my boys will be happy with what they get.

      And thank you! xo

  73. Julia Kurtz says

    December 21, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    I feel the same way. If it weren’t for my website it would be even worse. It is nice to know that I’m not the only one πŸ™‚
    Thank you!
    Julia Kurtz
    Baby Shoe Addict
    KyleighsCloset.com

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:29 pm

      So nice to know we’re not alone!

  74. Hutch says

    December 21, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    I’m all for people doing what works best for them! Nothing wrong with the “just.”

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:29 pm

      Definitely have to figure out what works for each person. And not worry about others’ judgment.

  75. Rhiannon says

    December 21, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    you are so very lucky to be able to be ‘just a mom’ i wish that i could do that

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:29 pm

      I do feel lucky. We’ve had to cut a lot of corners, a lot, but we’ve made it work.

  76. Deborah says

    December 21, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    I know where you’re coming from. I too have struggled with telling people I’m ‘just a mom’ and so often lead with I work from home. But in reality, I am a mom, and I’m proud of it. Thanks for speaking up for all of us SAHMs.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:30 pm

      Working from home is SO hard, isn’t it? So hard. But, a lot of people don’t take that seriously. Even when I do work from home, I still tend to say I’m just a mom b/c I don’t feel like explaining that!

  77. Yolanda (One Family Table) says

    December 21, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    What you do as “just a mom” has lifelong AND eternal impact. I’d say that is quite a job. Funny how we do say that phrase so lightly. Unfortunately, as a pediatrician, I also see the other side of things… when people do disregard that role completely. Makes me really appreciate all the “just a moms” out there who are pouring their hearts into the lives of their children.

    • Shell says

      December 21, 2011 at 8:31 pm

      I can’t imagine disregarding this role. Most important one I’ll ever have.

  78. Venassa says

    December 21, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    I wish I could be ‘just a mom’ for a long time, but I know I’ll have to go back to work when my year is up. I’m just so happy that here in Canada we get a paid year off.

    • Shell says

      December 22, 2011 at 11:17 am

      That year is awesome! So jealous. 6-12 weeks is usual here and it doesn’t necessarily have to be paid!

  79. Rach (DonutsMama) says

    December 21, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Sometimes I feel like I really have to justify that I’m working hard as a stay at home mom. I get the whole “what do you DO all day??” Umm…plenty. People have no idea.

    • Shell says

      December 22, 2011 at 11:18 am

      No idea. So much that we never get it all done.

  80. sister says

    December 21, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    If only people had any idea what stay at home parents do….I’ve had jobs where I worked 65 hours per week for weeks at a time …being a SAHM has been the hardest of all of them..

    • Shell says

      December 22, 2011 at 11:18 am

      It’s definitely SO much.

  81. Helene says

    December 21, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    I often catch myself saying, “Oh, I’m just a mom”. There is so much more to me but for some reason that’s the phrase that best sums it up for me, at least at this point in my life.

    What irks me is when people ask if I work or if I stay home….as if being home with my kids isn’t work?? It’s a full-time job, one with no sick days or vacations…but definitely lots of benefits, including endless hugs and kisses any time I want them.

    • Shell says

      December 22, 2011 at 11:19 am

      It’s definitely a lot of work. And yes, there are sweet benefits- but it’s so hard sometimes, too.

  82. Sarah says

    December 22, 2011 at 1:13 am

    I have to say that I’ve never met “just” a mom, you gals are awesome and you inspire me. I could never be “just a mom”, I don’t have that ability…lol!!!

  83. jeni says

    December 22, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Your blog is SO me – “just a mom” . I too will go back to teaching (when my now 3 year old and 9 mo. old are in school)… but until then I CHERISH being “just a mom”. Loved your post!

  84. Jessica@Team Rasler says

    December 22, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    It really is amazing to be able to take time to be “just” a mom, isn’t it? And I think these days most families have to sacrifice to make it possible, so it’s clear many people value it. Yet I tacked on the “just” for a while, too, and even watched some people’s eyes glaze over when I said it. Then I said I was a teacher, “just” on leave for the time being.

    It’s a relief to be valued by our husbands and friends and of course the munchkins, even if the wider world still wants to put us in a box and call us Just Moms.

  85. Charlotte says

    December 22, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    I feel as though a mother’s work is never done, so the word “just” never seems to fit for me. I can’t justify the “just” when I see all the things my friends do.

    But I can’t wait to do it all the same πŸ™‚

  86. Jessica says

    December 22, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    Being just a mom is a perfect job for so many moms and it’s sad that we often feel we have to be more than that. We don’t have to be defined by what we do outside of the home to feel good. Being just a mom is just fine.

  87. Anna says

    December 23, 2011 at 7:55 am

    I never thought of it as just a mom, i always say, “oh, i’m home with the kids.” my husband works really long hours so i figure he is working enough for the both of us, and i am doing enough kid-watching and house-cleaning for let’s face it, 3 or 4 of us!

    here’s to everyone who is just a mom!

  88. Tara says

    December 23, 2011 at 9:19 am

    I think that your mom resume should be “Best Mom I can be.” Say it proud and say it loud!!! πŸ™‚

  89. Barbara says

    December 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm

    I think being “just a mom” is one of the hardest and best things to be! You should be proud, you are raising 3 amazing little men!!

  90. Teresa (Embracing the Spectrum) says

    December 24, 2011 at 11:00 am

    I don’t envy SAHMs at all. I’m not cut out for it. It’s a lot of work! Sometimes I do wish I had more time to spend with my boys, but all day every day without a break is rough. I do it during school breaks. So I know…being “just a mom” is not a small thing.

  91. Lisa Taylor says

    December 29, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Hi I just tried to link up but seem unable to (this never happened before!)
    It says I need to backlink to your blog, which I thought I had done by including your link on my post. Help!

Trackbacks

  1. Odd Jobs says:
    January 9, 2012 at 8:09 am

    […] As for now, I take on smaller projects that I can do from home. But, mostly 10. I’m just a mom.Β  […]

Welcome to Things I Can't Say: Tips and Tales from an Introverted Mom. I'm Shell. Boy mom, beach girl, bookworm, ball games, baker, brand ambassador, Thinking yoga, food, and travel should start with "b," too. Finding the easiest way to do some things while overthinking so many others. Read More…

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